


Overlapping Spaces

by khilari, Persephone_Kore



Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: Bifrost, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Mental Health Issues, magic/science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-13
Updated: 2012-12-13
Packaged: 2017-11-21 01:09:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 106,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/khilari/pseuds/khilari, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persephone_Kore/pseuds/Persephone_Kore
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor returns to Earth a month after the Chitauri invasion to keep his promises -- to see Jane again, and take her to see Asgard, even if the rainbow bridge is still undergoing repairs. Not that Jane is complaining about watching the repairs. But she wasn't expecting Loki to be haunting the palace library, even in psychiatric care; and Loki wasn't expecting to make friends with Thor's mortal girlfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

Jane missed the alien invasion.

She was in Norway at the time, and instead of looking at the stars, she was in a basement laboratory getting caught up on someone else’s data. All night. When she came out in the early morning, everyone else was huddled around a television watching news footage from an assortment of weird angles.

She stared at it a while -- her heart nearly stopped when she saw a shot of Thor, hair and cape flying, almost whited out by the lightning strikes around him -- and finally croaked, ‘A wormhole opened up over New York City and _nobody told me_?’

She came to regret that about ten minutes into the round of apologies for forgetting she was there. Fortunately it petered out as all of them re-glued themselves to the TV. (The best apology was a few minutes later, from the equipment tech who tore herself loose during a segment they’d run earlier and brought Jane a cup of coffee and a banana. Jane almost hugged her.)

It was stupid to be disappointed that Thor hadn’t come to see her. He had been a _little_ busy. It was a bit ridiculous in a different way to be disappointed that she didn’t have any data on the wormhole, even if her voicemail did keep filling up with calls from people who remembered she was interested in them. She very nearly missed the one from Erik Selvig, and very nearly had a heart attack when they finally managed to meet (with a disturbing level of SHIELD-related security) and he told her what had happened to him.

A month later, Jane was still being pestered, but she knew slightly more because Erik had persuaded SHIELD that she was the perfect person to make sense of what wormhole data they actually had. She was staring at a SHIELD computer screen and thinking it was really ungrateful to miss the starlight when she had a wormhole to analyse, when a deep voice from the doorway said, ‘Hello, Jane.’

She spun around so fast the swivel chair nearly went over. ‘Thor!’ It was him, in the flesh -- and armor, and cape, and bright blue eyes. ‘ _Thor_. It’s -- it’s good to see you.’ She looked around. ‘What are you doing here? --Keeping in touch with SHIELD?’

He laughed. ‘Aye, but also with you, I hope.’

Jane grinned at him helplessly. ‘Sounds good to me.’

It had been a long day already and she felt no guilt whatsoever about taking off for a fantastic evening. They bought takeaway for dinner and Thor flew them off into the winter night, away from city lights to where they could really see the sky while they ate it. (Jane wound up wrapped in her coat and his arm and sitting on his cape for protection against the chill of the ground. It took her half an hour to feel really warm again once they went back indoors, and it would have been longer if Thor hadn’t spent the time rubbing her arms and sharing a very large hot coffee with her. She wouldn’t have traded for anything.)

The conversation turned serious, after that. Thor listened to her talk about her work and worries, and he told her more than SHIELD had, perhaps more than SHIELD had known: discovering signs of Loki’s power on Earth, but not his person; Heimdall combing universes and straining his vision for the prince they suddenly knew to be missing rather than dead; locating him at last and hearing the bargain he made with his rescuers/captors. Gathering the dark energy (Jane desperately wanted more detail on that and bit her tongue not to ask yet) to retrieve him, and changing destination, with barely enough for a one-way trip, when he went ahead to Earth.

As they watched the sun come up, Jane with bleary eyes and resting her head on his shoulder more because it was too much effort to move than because it was a nice shoulder (though it _was_ a very nice shoulder), Thor asked, ‘Will you visit Asgard with me?’

Would she travel to another planet with an alien after they’d spent a grand total of less than a week together? ‘How could I possibly say no?’

Actually arranging the trip took a few days. Clearing things with SHIELD, clearing things with Culver University (which she was technically on sabbatical from anyway), alerting Erik (‘You be careful up there. If they offer you a golden apple you should probably say yes.’), explaining to her family, listening to Darcy bemoan her exams (Thor promised to try to get her a chance later), packing. Thor explained that the Einstein-Rosen... rainbow bridge was still broken, and perhaps she’d enjoy watching the repairs, so they went by twisting a tube-shaped device with the tesseract in it. Jane stared at it and thought about sufficiently advanced technology, and her pulse pounded in her throat. Part of her despaired of ever understanding it and part of her rejoiced that there was _so much to find out_.

Then the twist, the bright raging blue-white light with a sense of endless dark just beyond, rather like giving a talk to a darkened room, and when she blinked away the orange afterimages they were standing far too close to the end of a multicoloured crystalline bridge that just jutted out into space and _stopped_. She clutched at Thor’s arm, staring hungrily out at completely unfamiliar constellations and trying not to think about falling off of things. (Loki fell off of this. He let go. How the _hell_ could you look at this and let go?)

Thor beamed at her. ‘Here, I asked Heimdall to send for a horse for you.’

Jane stared at him, abruptly brought back down to -- not Earth. ‘I can’t ride a horse.’ She especially couldn’t ride a horse on this narrow strip of whatever-it-was.

Thor looked bewildered. ‘Of course you can. You sit on top and direct it where to go. They’re much more intelligent than your wheeled engines of Midgard--’

...And that was when she blew up at him. Afterward she didn’t remember clearly what she’d said, but she was pretty sure she’d been adamant and nearly in tears about the insult to her driving, the insult to Midgardian transportation in general, and Thor’s lack of consideration in expecting her to ride a horse of all things.

Thor started out looking bewildered and rapidly progressed to roaring back at her. At some point it struck Jane, very belatedly, that this was intimidating. She took a nervous step backward, and Heimdall’s hands closed on her shoulders. Thor stopped talking. She looked up at Heimdall in the sudden silence, then back at the abyss beyond her heels, and her knees buckled.

‘I am sorry,’ Thor said quietly, stepping forward to take her shaking hands. ‘We can fly back. It would be a long ride for someone not accustomed to horses. I forgot that you would not be.’

Jane shook her head, wishing she could dissolve in mortification. ‘I -- no, I’m so sorry, I -- I don’t know what came over me, I --’

‘Travel between realms without the Bifrost wears on the mind,’ Thor said. ‘Everyone is irritable for a while afterward.’

Jane gaped at him. ‘You -- could have _told_ me --’ She cut herself off before she could start shouting again and buried her face in her hands. ‘Okay. Okay. Flying’s good. And then maybe I can just not talk to anybody until it wears off.’

‘Well, you will need to greet my parents....’

‘Oh, God.’

Thor smiled at her. She was torn between thinking he looked adorable and wanting to smack him. ‘Don’t worry. I am one of the very few people who actually manage to yell at my father.’

‘I’m not sure that’s reassuring!’

The visit did improve from there. Thor held her close on the flight back and it didn’t seem to occur to him to hold a grudge. Asgard was dazzling from a distance. She got through meeting his parents without saying anything that made her cringe to look back on. Asgard was dazzling from up close, too.

Thor waited until she had eaten and slept to tell her about Loki. She really wanted to be mad at him about that, but she didn’t want to speculate on her own reaction if he’d done it earlier. As it was, she choked on her eggs. ‘Did you just say I _might run into Loki_?’

‘Around certain parts of the palace, yes.’ Thor reached over and folded a warm hand over the one currently attached to her fork. ‘Not alone. He is attended constantly. But Jane, please understand, I know what he did on your world, but he is not normally like that. He is my brother and he is... not well. He was not thinking clearly _before_ he fell through the void, or met the Chitauri, or communed with the tesseract.’

Jane released the fork and rubbed her forehead with her free hand. ‘Is the tesseract actually conscious?’

Thor shrugged a bit helplessly. ‘It is... strange. _I_ don’t talk to it. You might ask Odin.’

She thought about that for a few seconds. ‘Maybe later. So -- Loki is...?’

‘Recuperating under guard. He has the freedom of limited parts of the palace, but his sorcery has been bound from his use, and he is watched for others’ safety and his own.’

Jane sat back, took a deep breath, and nodded. ‘Okay.’

‘Okay?’

‘It’s still a little unnerving, but it... makes sense, I guess. And you’re obviously taking precautions.’ She extricated her hand from Thor’s and took another bite of eggs and ham. They still tasted great, nerves or not. Another deep breath and she even managed a smile.

After all, it was a big palace. She probably wasn’t going to spend that much time wandering around it on her own, and she’d probably spot Loki’s entourage in time to turn aside. Really, how likely was it she’d run into him?

* * *


	2. Chapter 1: Meeting

A few days later, Jane found her way to the palace library all by herself (or rather, by dint of asking guards -- navigation by asking complete strangers still counted as on her own, whereas getting a friend to guide her did not). She checked with the librarians -- or library guards, or whatever they were called here -- and then spent a few minutes wandering among the shelves and simply breathing in the atmosphere of old books before pulling one down from the shelf.

Disappointment squashed her library-glee, and she checked she was out of sight of the front desks before letting her head fall forward against a shelf. She looked again. The book was in a different language. It wasn’t even in an _alphabet_ she recognised. How stupid could she be? Sure, it sounded like everybody was speaking English, but Thor had _told_ her it was really something called the Alltongue. Which didn’t make a great deal of sense to her, but neither did aliens who hadn’t been to Earth for several centuries and spoke approximately modern English.

Great. She had free run of a gorgeous library full of books she’d never seen before, and absolutely nothing to read.

‘Greetings, Jane Foster. I see Thor has lost no time in bringing you here.’ The voice was closer than Jane expected and soft with something that might be regret or loss. Loki was leaning on a nearby bookshelf, watching her with eyes that were sunken and faintly glazed — he looked unhealthy, the bones of his face standing out too sharply. He wore dark green and black, but no armor or even stiff fabric, giving him a weirdly casual appearance except for two heavy, intricately engraved silver bracelets.

Jane didn’t quite jump; she froze. Her thoughts tangled between _where was he, how did he get this close?!_ and _what happened, is he sick?_ Thor had mentioned Loki wasn’t well, but she’d sort of assumed he meant mentally. Had he looked that gaunt in the handful of images in the news? Were the soft clothes the equivalent of a hospital gown? She swallowed. Breathed. ‘Loki.’ Prince Loki? She never called Thor by his title and he never suggested it. She was not exactly on the same kind of terms with Loki. Too late now. ‘...Hi.’

‘How is Dr Selvig?’ he asked, as if asking after a mutual acquaintance. There was nothing malicious in his voice, if anything he sounded concerned.

Jane gaped at him. How could he -- how _dare_ he sound like -- was this some kind of joke? ‘ _What?_ ‘

‘You knew him, did you not? I thought you might know how he was. He was only mortal but he saw into the secrets of the universe.’ Loki’s expression was almost ecstatic but with a haunted look behind it, as if remembering something both wonderful and terrible. ‘I wondered how he felt, after being cut off from that.’

‘I know him,’ Jane said. Loki sounded... completely sincere. Erik had mentioned the fascination of the tesseract. He’d sounded... wistful and repulsed at the same time. At one point he’d admitted that he missed ‘her’ -- the tesseract -- and sometimes wished he could work with it again, but after the whole mind-control thing, he wasn’t sure if he was glad or sorry there wouldn’t be a chance. ‘He’s, um... recovering. He didn’t mind the secrets of the universe part.’ Where were Loki’s promised minders? What was he likely to do if she said something tactless about objecting to the mind control, and could they stop him in time?

Loki nodded, looking down and away so that she couldn’t see his expression. ‘You’ll be able to read your book now,’ he said.

Jane blinked. ‘What?’ she asked again, looking down automatically. The book... was in English. It had definitely not been. ‘Okay, thank you, but _what did you do_?’

Loki smiled, amused but not unfriendly. It was rather disconcerting given...just about everything. ‘The books here translate to all known languages. But they need the one holding them to speak so they have something to respond to.’

‘Oh.’ Jane blinked a few times. That was... almost logical. ‘That’s amazing.’

‘It’s quite simple,’ said Loki. ‘That your signs and books do not do this causes a huge amount of needless confusion.’

It was just as well she was a few days post-trip, because she found laughter rising in her chest instead of irritation. Well, mostly instead of irritation. It did come out with a little bit of a huff. ‘Well, I think people are working on it with some of the electronic displays.’

‘Mortal technology is cruder than I realised, but at least you are attempting to apply it reasonably,’ Loki offered after a moment’s thought. Possibly it was meant as a peace offering.

‘Well, most of us don’t do magic,’ Jane said, and watched in surprise as Loki’s faint smile and thoughtful expression transmuted into something closed and rather hard. She added warily, ‘What?’

‘If you think your pitiful race can manage without magic you are sadly mistaken,’ he hissed. ‘Your world is a broken place. All your technology is mired in a struggle against your own inadequacies which it only highlights as you run in a thousand directions with nothing to give purpose to your achievements.’

A dark-skinned woman who had been browsing a nearby bookshelf looked up, suddenly alert, left hand moving to touch a bracelet on her right wrist.

Jane caught the other woman’s motion only out of the corner of her eye, but something about its purposefulness reassured her. She still backed up a few steps. The bracelet, she noticed as she glanced reflexively that way, looked a lot like Loki’s and not, now that she thought about it, much like anybody else’s jewelry. ‘We’re _managing_ just fine,’ she said defensively, then let out an exasperated sigh as various world problems instantly crowded into her mind. ‘Or anyway, I don’t think our real problems include a, a lack of magical purpose.’ Loki still looked -- he probably wouldn’t appreciate thunderous. ‘I’m not saying magic couldn’t be useful, I’m saying we haven’t _got_ it.’

Loki nodded, stiffly, and took a deep breath. His own eyes flicked to the woman, who smiled reassuringly at him and moved her hand away from the bracelet.

‘I would have used it for you,’ he said, hopelessly. ‘I would have taken care of my subjects.’

He sounded so disappointed. Like he’d actually convinced himself he was trying to conquer them for their own good. Which was chilling, but not as much now that he’d been stopped and...taken home for treatment, apparently. Jane almost felt sorry for him herself; she guessed she could see why family members, who’d loved him literally for ages and were powerful enough to keep him from being a threat, would want to go easy on him. ‘We don’t want to be your subjects,’ she said. ‘But thanks for the thought. I think.’

‘You should be grateful I’d even consider helping your wretched species from the hole it has dug for itself!’ he shouted, lips drawn back from his teeth. Jane jolted back and her shoulderblades hit the bookshelf. ‘You tell yourselves you want freedom, but if you would only let go of that lie you would see how little you need it!’ He grabbed at her, eyes wild, and she had no way out-- ‘You have no _right_ —’

He slumped sideways, folding to the floor with his eyes closed, breathing evening out as if in sleep.

Jane’s terror gave way with surprising speed to a different kind of alarm, and she dropped nervously down to her knees, still clutching the book reflexively and not quite close enough to touch him without leaning awkwardly over. She looked up at the woman with the bracelet, relieved to see she was coming over if not by the grave expression. ‘What happened to him? Did he... have a stroke or something?’ Did that even translate?

The woman bent down, touching the bracelet around Loki’s left wrist, and then gently moved him into a more comfortable position. ‘I sent him to sleep,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t act sooner. Are you hurt?’

Jane sat back on her heels and took a deep breath, feeling shaky. ‘I’m fine. I’m... fine.’ She managed to release the book and rub her arm and shoulder. She could still feel where his long cold fingers had been, but it didn’t actually hurt. She didn’t think he’d gripped hard enough to bruise. ‘Yeah. Fine.’ A shaky smile. ‘I guess it would make your job easier if I didn’t provoke him, huh?’

Other attendants were arriving from where they had been unobtrusively scattered around the library. The woman smiled ruefully. ‘It’s impractical to prevent him ever hearing opinions that contradict his own,’ she said.

Jane was beginning to feel a little embarrassed by the crowd, although she thought she probably shouldn’t be. ‘You have a point there. Um... thank you. What’s your name? I’m Jane Foster,’ she added. She’d been announced as Thor’s guest at a _very_ crowded feast, although it probably had not _really_ included the entire population of Asgard. Anyway, even the guests of honor at conferences wore name tags.

‘Birla Ketilsdottir,’ said the woman. ‘I’m pleased to meet you.’ She didn’t sound insincere, but now that she was sure Jane was unhurt she did have a slight air of waiting to get back to her patient.

‘Likewise.’ Jane got back to her feet, carefully swallowing a nervous but completely inappropriate giggle as she remembered hearing Loki had kept demanding people kneel to him and thought this couldn’t be what he had in mind. She edged carefully out of the crowd and only glanced back over her shoulder twice.

* * *


	3. Chapter 2: Askreisa

The library was one of the parts of the palace which remained open to Loki practically always, unless he was believed to be a danger to others. Other parts might be opened and closed depending on how his handlers believed he was doing. Those handlers were always present, of course, and he resented them almost as much for the reassurance he took from that as for imprisoning their rightful king.

Books had always been something of a refuge, focus on mastering some new object of study could be a distraction from just about anything. After the incident with Jane he had been afraid that they would refuse to let him go back there, and at first unsure he wanted to go back there. It was embarrassing, to have lost control so thoroughly. But with a little time he had returned to studying there again, rather than in his new rooms, enjoying the age old familiarity of the bookshelves and the quiet noises of other people studying in other alcoves.

It was as he was entering it one day, with three books to return under his arm, that the sight of Jane looking at star maps made him duck his head, the movement sharp and jittery enough that it probably stood more chance of drawing her attention than deflecting it. The idea that she would see him was horribly embarrassing — he wasn’t sure whether it would be worse if she fled from him or pitied him.

And sure enough, she looked over at him. A bit wide-eyed. Loki stared fixedly ahead of himself as he surrendered the books, sought out the new ones, and went to his favoured table. Currently favoured. Less private than he used to choose, because it only put them all on edge if his handlers had to crowd him to keep him in sight. Spacious, though, which had its own advantages. Perhaps he should leave instead, but he did _live_ here. He would not be run out of the library by Thor’s mortal lover. Let her go, if she would.

Jane... went back to her star maps? She neither stared nor rose to her feet, anyway. He glanced over after a few minutes of poor concentration, to make certain she wasn’t staring, only to find her head coming up at the same moment. Loki dropped his eyes back to his book, feeling his cheeks heat faintly. He had no need to worry about a mortal’s opinion or reactions.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw her look up and off to the side where one of his handlers stood, then carefully reduce the map to its storage size -- so she’d started learning the other tricks of the library -- and pick it up, along with a large book he recognized about the process of cataloguing the stars. So it was to be a controlled retreat, not a disorderly flight --

\-- She came _toward him_. Halted on the far side of the table, but propped her side against it. It would have been her hip if she weren’t so improbably short. ‘Hi.’ A pause. ‘How’ve you been?’

Loki looked down at his book, the words making no more sense to him now than the runescript that was their default had made to Jane. What could he really say to that? Did she mean it as a thoughtless formality, or was she asking how his treatment was progressing? Whether he’d recovered from being knocked unconscious after trying to attack her, or whether he was likely to attack her again?

‘Better,’ he settled on, unsure whether it was a lie, but attempting to reassure her he wasn’t going to jump at her. ‘And yourself?’

He wanted to ask if he’d hurt her, but that would mean bringing up precisely what he was trying to avoid. She didn’t look hurt. When she’d been looking at star maps she’d looked more comfortable than anyone in a world of people bigger, stronger and more advanced than them had any right to, as if she could belong here. Now she looked less comfortable, but only because of him.

‘Pretty well. It’s fascinating here.’ She did look a bit more relaxed. Animated. ‘I’ve been watching some of the Bif--’ She broke off suddenly, looking wary, and then apparently decided it would be more awkward to stop and finished, ‘Bifrost repair. My God, I just keep sticking my foot in my mouth around you, don’t I?’

Loki swallowed, remembering the stars around him as he fell, the shimmering, shattered, Bifrost above. Thor standing there, watching as Loki fell. Odin — Odin had been there too, but Loki could not remember his expression. Whether he had been sad at seeing Loki cast into the abyss, or angry with Thor — no, Loki did not remember anger — for his attempt on Loki’s life. Perhaps he had been too far away to make out.

‘All Asgard is full of memories,’ he said. ‘I cannot avoid them.’

‘A lot of memories, I guess. Still.’ She was watching him, but the wariness, surprisingly, had eased. _Was_ that pity? She looked at his books and then at the table, but not directly in front of her, and added, ‘Mind if I join you?’

That was unexpected. Most people avoided him, more out of embarrassment, he thought, at seeing one of their princes reduced to this state than fear. His family were the exception and he didn’t want to see them, couldn’t understand Thor’s attitude towards him or bear the shame he must have caused his parents. Loneliness was something he hadn’t even been aware of until someone showed signs of wanting to spend time with him.

‘If you wish,’ he said. Then, uncertainly wishing to counter the coldness of that response by making conversation, ‘Did you find anything interesting in those maps?’

‘All of it,’ Jane replied promptly, sitting down where she could expand the map again without running it into his books. ‘Although I admit I’m still working up to the more technical stuff. The translation thing is brilliant, but just because it shows up basically in English doesn’t mean the terminology is all familiar.’

Loki nodded. ‘Some of the stars that can be seen from the Bifrost are not visible from elsewhere in Asgard,’ he said. A scrap of knowledge that might interest her enough to keep her here. It had once interested him enough that he’d learned to navigate by those stars. ‘If you were wondering what the term askreisa meant.’

Jane did look interested. Jane looked _fascinated_. ‘I haven’t been able to get very far into the mathematics of it,’ she said, ‘but that... isn’t just the angle, is it? The solid part of the bridge is already not fully in the same space as the rest of Asgard?’

‘Yes. Askreisa are the stars that can be seen when the two spaces start to overlap. The mathematics are extremely complex.’ She was mortal, he wondered whether she even had the capacity to understand the mathematics. Or the time to learn. ‘They will be used in the Bifrost repairs, most likely, to line it up.’

He wished for a moment that he could see those repairs, even as he wondered whether he’d dare to even tread near the Bifrost again. No one would let him out among crowds of spectators or people doing delicate work, though, so the point was moot.

Jane was staring at the map as if she could will the askreisa to explain themselves to her. She took a pad of thin paper out from under the book and started writing... something... on it. Not words. Loki rubbed his fingers together, trying to banish the memory of how odd Midgardian paper felt and wondering what had possessed Jane to bring it _with_ her. ‘Transition region of an Einstein-Rosen bridge,’ she muttered under her breath, then looked up a bit sheepishly. ‘Ah, sorry.’

‘You _do_ understand the mathematics,’ said Loki, realising too late that he’d sounded exactly as surprised by that as he felt. He leant over to look at her pad. The notation was not Asgardian standard, but it was clear the maths was correct. What Jane lacked was knowledge and, with access to the same information any Asgardian would have, she wouldn’t lack it for long.

Jane grinned, apparently unoffended, and turned the pad to face him. ‘I’ve been working with wormhole theory for a few years now. Although not with actual navigation in mind. Not with any confirmed _observations_ for most of that time, actually. The transition region resolves some questions.’

‘You spent years studying something you weren’t sure anyone had ever seen?’ Loki asked. That, he felt, took a special kind of dedication.

‘Yes. Well--’ She took her pad back and started writing again. ‘I had some data that matched... a portion of the theories. There were some other predictions that didn’t quite work out. But there wasn’t another good explanation for the observations, either, so I was looking for more of them.’

At which point Thor had fallen out of the sky. ‘I see.’ Loki stood up. ‘One moment,’ he told her. It took a little longer than that, but not much, before he returned with a book about the mathematics of different types of space interacting. It wasn’t specific to the Bifrost, although it was mostly based on observations made there. He slid it across the table to her as he sat back down. ‘This is a good place to start, if you want to focus on space transitions. It also has a glossary.’

‘Ooh.’ She opened it, added, ‘English, please,’ and grinned as she watched the text transform, then looked back up at Loki. The smile faded, and his stomach dropped with it, until she said, ‘Thank you.’

‘It’s fine,’ he said. ‘I hope it’s helpful to you.’ He looked back down at his own books, assuming Jane would want time to study the one he’d brought her.

She did. She was still there three hours later, in fact, and still taking notes on that ridiculous paper. His handlers had found various things to do without taking their attention fully off him -- Loki occasionally wondered if they’d been selected for being able to put up with long periods in the library.

None of them spoke until Loki’s stomach growled violently. Jane looked up, a bit startled. ‘Getting late, I guess?’

‘I suppose it is.’ It probably wasn’t actually past dinner time. Loki’s handlers tended to be insistent about regular meals, and Thor would probably have come to find Jane if she was about to miss a meal. He glanced across at Birla, feeling a rush of pride that she was actually reading a book instead of watching him and then embarrassment at being proud that he was trusted in semi-public as if that was an accomplishment.

Birla looked up at him. ‘It’s nearly dinner time. Another ten minutes and I would have said so,’ she told him, voice professional as always.

‘I guess I should go,’ said Jane.

‘We both should.’ Loki gathered his books together and stood up. ‘It’s been a pleasure.’ He didn’t ask whether she’d be in the library again soon -- and not just because the answer was rather obviously yes.

* * *


	4. Chapter 3: Garden

That had gone... surprisingly well. Jane wasn’t sure she remembered ever being more nervous than when she’d gone over to Loki’s table, even if she’d gotten a nod from one of his minders first. Thor was startled and delighted when she mentioned it and insisted on telling Frigga about it. Frigga’s smile was encouraging and hopeful and the faintest bit shadowed.

After that, Jane felt uncertain in a different way about the whole thing, but the next time she happened across Loki, she went to sit at his table anyway. And if they passed the next few hours in total silence, well, they _were_ in a library.

The time after that, she was absorbed in her own studies until she heard a throat cleared, almost inaudibly, and looked up to find Loki standing there. She smiled and gestured to the table. His tiny answering smile and the tension that released between his eyebrows felt like victory.

There had been several days between each meeting. Thor was busily introducing Jane to wonders of Asgard other than the library, with periodic input from his various friends -- which led to a remarkable variety of activities ranging from stargazing (at the best locations other than the Bifrost) to the Asgardian equivalent of a rodeo, which proved to involve pigs, goats, and the occasional giant cat for extra challenge. She politely but flatly declined a second day at the latter.

‘I don’t mind if _you_ want to go,’ she added, as all five of them looked disappointed. ‘I have plenty to do. Study the Bifrost, go to the library....’

‘You might want to be careful there,’ Fandral said with unwonted seriousness. ‘I assume Thor told you about Loki -- that’s always been one of his haunts.’

‘I know,’ said Jane. ‘We’ve talked a few times.’

There was a general pause. Then Sif said, ‘You’ve been talking to Loki?’

‘Well, briefly....’ Jane trailed off. ‘Haven’t you?’

‘Not much, after everything,’ Volstagg said with a sigh. ‘He sees us as traitors, and there... seems to be little to say that won’t make things worse.’

‘Oh.’ Jane looked down. ‘He found me a book on the mathematics of spatial overlaps.’

There was a slightly different pause, which Sif broke again. ‘I take it that’s a good thing?’

Jane burst out laughing. ‘Yes. Yes it was.’

‘I for one am glad to see them getting on well,’ Thor said firmly. Jane shot him a grateful look.

‘It’s probably good for him,’ Hogun said unexpectedly. ‘Just be careful.’

On that mildly ominous note, Thor and his adventuring party set off for the rodeo again. Jane chuckled and went out to the Bifrost instead -- by this time, she’d been back and forth enough times to ride a calm and surefooted horse there, although it was just as well for her that the stable hands did not believe in letting anyone but an expert saddle the horses. She spent a nice morning with Heimdall and eventually went back, arriving windblown and hungry.

The palace’s customs for mealtimes other than feasts were, she had been assured, flexible. Certainly it was impossible for everyone to eat at once. Odin tended to preside intermittently and eat in his study or privately with Frigga otherwise. There was an extended period where staff ate in shifts and courtiers in stages, or something like that. At any rate, Jane had known she would arrive a little too late for the meal at table when she met Heimdall’s lunch delivery on her way back.

She asked instead if it would be a problem to take something out to the gardens and was, rather to her surprise, presented with a package already prepared for just that purpose. She was wandering out through the paths, looking for a good spot, when she saw a familiar person inspecting a green lily while he ate.

Jane turned and went through the open gate into _that_ garden, and Loki looked up at her in surprise.

‘You’re eating alone?’ he asked, noting the package in her hand.

‘Possibly not anymore?’ she said with a shrug. ‘If you don’t mind the company, anyway.’

‘You’re welcome to join me,’ he said.

‘Thank you.’ She settled cross-legged on the ground and started to open the package, which promptly took over the process and unfolded itself into a small table with a golden tablecloth and considerably more food than ought to have fit into it, including two roast chickens. ‘That... is more food than I was expecting.’

‘Weren’t you hungry?’ Loki asked, attention seeming to be back on the lily.

Jane blinked. ‘Yes, very, but I... can’t actually eat this much. I’m pretty sure Asgardian digestion is operating by a different set of spatial physics than I’m used to,’ she added, only half joking, ‘but that’s further than I want to go in interdisciplinary research.’ Loki, she noticed, had what appeared to be a similar table, but with about half as many plates, folded back down on itself.

She looked around at his minders -- one or two of them caught her eye and nodded or waved a small greeting, but most didn’t react, even though she had no doubt they were aware of every move she made. She was never quite sure how to act toward them. Ignoring them seemed rude, but acknowledging and talking to them seemed strange when they were assiduously fading into the background. Like clapping for the stagehands at a play. They had lunches of their own, mostly eaten and folded neatly flat again, and most of them larger than hers. ‘Weren’t you?’

‘No.’ The word was clipped and very flat. One of Loki’s hands came to rest palm down on the ground, as if he might need reassurance that it was there.

Jane paused, blinking at him. ‘Okay.’

Loki relaxed slightly, hand curling into a more natural position. ‘Have you been enjoying Asgard?’

‘Very much.’ Daunting as her lunch might be, she _was_ hungry and it looked delicious. She wasn’t going to finish it, but she might as well start. ‘But I have to admit -- one day of the hog rodeo was enough for me.’

Loki let out a rather startled laugh. ‘I salute you for your patience in enduring it at all.’

‘It was interesting. You know... once.’ She grinned at him, even though the reasons not to hovered at the edges of her mind. ‘So what is it you’ve been doing? --Studying,’ she clarified hastily. She didn’t want him or anyone else to think she was prying into... anything else.

‘Poisons. The library has a surprising number of books on the subject.’

Jane looked at him for a long moment and wondered if he was pulling her leg. She didn’t quite think so. Of course, he’d said it in front of his minders and none of them seemed the least bit alarmed. ‘Well, no wonder you don’t have much appetite.’

Loki looked almost put out by the answer, as if he’d been hoping for more of a reaction. ‘Not all poisons are administered internally.’

At this point unwilling to give him one, Jane just nodded amiably. ‘I know. Even my required chemistry classes were pretty toxic.’

Loki subsided. ‘I’m sure your life has been more interesting than mine, lately,’ he said after a pause. ‘Or has it all been rodeos and sparring rings as Thor mistakes his interests for everyone’s?’

‘The rodeo was yesterday,’ she said. ‘In the past week alone I’ve been taken to three wildly different restaurants, two plays, an extremely loud concert, a mock battle that I’m pretty sure was quieter than the concert, a fox hunt with a talking fox who was apparently raised by one of the hounds and came to fall asleep on her afterward, four museums,’ two of them devoted strictly to events that took place before recorded human history, ‘and about a dozen mountaintops because Thor had to pick _exactly_ the best one for stargazing in each compass direction. That’s aside from the Bifrost stuff and my own studies.’ And then she could have bitten her tongue, because she’d thought only about defending Thor and she hadn’t meant to be unkind by listing that whirlwind for someone who was, however gently, imprisoned.

A bleak look swept across Loki’s face. For a moment he looked as if he was going to answer her but couldn’t find the words.

Jane couldn’t quite bring herself to look at any of his minders, and... maybe it was better not to, really. She let out a quiet sigh through her teeth and then said, almost as quietly, ‘Foot in mouth again. Sorry. Maybe I should stick to reading in your general vicinity.’ She thought about offering to go, except that he wouldn’t have any trouble making it clear, if he wanted her to leave -- but he probably wouldn’t want to ask her not to, either.

‘He said you’d changed him. At least your pretty face has beguiled him into some civilized pursuits.’ It was said with an air of dismissal, condescension aimed at her as much as Thor.

Jane shot him an annoyed look. Back to insults, fine. ‘I don’t know what he’s talking about, then. He seems pretty much the same as when I met him, it’s just now I know he isn’t delusional.’

‘What did you do with him when you thought he was delusional?’ Loki asked, looking amused at the thought.

‘Took him to the hospital. Um, at the time we also thought he was probably concussed.’ Or drunk. But probably concussed anyway. She was not interested enough in cheering up Loki to explain about hitting Thor with her car. Twice.

‘And,’ Loki added with a glance at his minders. ‘What did _they_ do with him?’

Maybe she shouldn’t have brought that one up. ‘Routine treatment I guess. I wasn’t there. He, uh... he left.’

Loki sighed. ‘Either they decided he wasn’t delusional remarkably quickly or Midgardian security is terrible.’

They hadn’t told the hospital he was delusional, or for that matter drunk. They’d said he’d been hit by a car and tasered. Which was true. ‘You know, I’d say I was telling the story badly, but I’m not sure it makes any more sense the other way,’ Jane muttered.

‘It would be interesting to know what happened to Thor on Midgard, to turn him so _violently_ to your cause.’ Loki was starting to look a little twitchy in a way that his minders apparently recognised as a reason to look more alert.

Jane frowned, not sure what to say to that and starting to feel skittish herself. ‘So -- what, you don’t think he’d have objected to you trying to conquer us before?’

Birla stepped forward, not between Jane and Loki but to a point equidistant from both of them. ‘Perhaps you should finish your lunch elsewhere, Jane Foster,’ she said.

Loki looked at her with a distinct air of annoyance. ‘We’re having a conversation here.’

‘One which is agitating you, my prince, and it is my duty to prevent that. You will see Jane again.’

‘I am _perfectly_ calm,’ Loki snapped. ‘ And I wish to talk to Jane.’

Jane wondered if somebody would have time to tell her how to fold her lunch back up before she went. She’d probably eaten enough and could pick up a plate without much trouble anyway, but she hated to leave it for somebody else to clean up. She shifted to get her feet under her a bit, lifting the plate she’d had balanced on her knee, and looked at Birla and then at Loki again. ‘We should probably at minimum change the subject.’

She’d leave if Birla asked her to again, but she wasn’t sure if they had a policy for Loki calming down.

Loki looked at Birla again. ‘I suppose the alternative to that is unconsciousness.’

‘The alternative to that is us asking Jane to leave, because her presence is upsetting you,’ said Birla calmly. ‘I don’t anticipate having to do any more than that.’

‘Fine,’ Loki bit out. He looked back at Jane. ‘My circumstances at present don’t lend themselves to interesting topics of conversation.’

Okay. Jane wouldn’t exactly call this calm, but it struck her more as grouchy than menacing. She settled back on her heels again. ‘Well, I’m afraid the poisons are out. I refuse to ask you about anything gruesome while I’m eating; that’s one of the reasons I’m not dating a doctor anymore.’

‘Tell me about the Bifrost repairs, since you’ve found time to watch them.’

Jane sighed a bit at that, though not unhappily. ‘It is _really hard_ not to pester people with questions when they’re trying to work,’ she said ruefully. ‘I think it’s going well. They’ve finished building the crystallised light onto the end, and are working on the control chamber, which is a little more comprehensible for me. And, yes, aligning it by the askreisa, like you said.’

‘It would be an interesting thing to witness,’ said Loki. He looked at Jane with a slight smile, apparently letting go of his bad mood. ‘If you tell me what you saw I’ll tell you why it was happening. Probably.’

‘How long would it take for you to explain about crystallised light?’ Jane asked, perking up even though it was entirely possible that the answer would be measured in years. ‘Or maybe we could start with the-- ack.’ The wind picked up and blew a leaf into her mouth, and she coughed and broke off to pull it out.

‘You do realise that used magic and that you neither know even the basics nor have any way of using anything you learn?’ Loki told her.

‘I assume all of it used magic,’ Jane said, making a face at the leaf and discarding it on the ground, where it promptly skittered away on the wind again. She pushed her hair back absently; loose strands drifted into her face again. ‘That’s no reason not to ask.’

‘If you’re willing to study something you won’t be able to use...’ Loki said with a shrug. He held his hand out into a beam of sunlight and then let it fall, trying to make the gesture look natural.

Jane watched, puzzled, and then realised he’d probably intended a demonstration that he couldn’t currently perform. She opened her mouth to suggest a different question, but before she could get the words out, the wind gusted straight downward, followed by Thor descending from the sky.

‘Jane!’ he said, then looked around at Loki, who was leaning back farther under his tree and probably hadn’t been visible from the air. ‘Brother,’ he said, sounding just as pleased but slightly less exuberant. A hint of appeal, rather than confidence, that Loki would be happy to see him.

Loki shrank back beneath the trees, eyes flickering to his attendants, to Thor, to Jane. ‘I am _not your brother_ ,’ he said, voice low and vehement. He stood up, looking off balance in a way that went beyond the metaphorical, as if the ground was not quite steady under him.

‘Loki...’ Thor said, sounding pained and floundering, so that Jane’s heart went out to him. He’d hung the hammer back on his belt, and his hands were spread, almost pleading. There was nothing in his body language to account for Loki looking like he expected to be hit. ‘I am still yours.’

‘And if I had either my knife or my magic I would show you how _little_ that matters to me.’

Birla stepped forward, between Thor and Loki, and for all Loki had been the one making threats he looked relieved. ‘Please, Prince Thor,’ she said. ‘I know you mean well, but I must ask you to leave.’

Thor looked wounded and a little mutinous, like he was going to be stubborn about it. Jane sucked a breath in between her teeth, then stood up abruptly and handed him the second, untouched chicken. He still looked miserable, but at least distracted. ‘Help me out with this?’ He stooped down and did something that caused the remains of her lunch to pack itself, and she tugged a little at his arm, toward the exit. This just hurt to watch. ‘So. What did you want to ask me?’

* * *


	5. Chapter 4: Revelation

Loki wondered sometimes whether his handlers knew Thor had tried to kill him. They were sympathetic about his desire not to see Thor and denied any of Thor’s requests to see him, but that didn’t mean they thought he was being reasonable about it. He hadn’t asked them, though, because if Thor and Odin had both lied to them then what chance did he have of being believed? Either they knew, and did nothing about it beyond politely asking Thor to stay away from him, or they were deceived and would remain so.

Thor’s sudden appearance left him jumpy, something his handlers accepted as a matter of course. Holda asked him about it later, when he was meant to be talking to her. Loki responded with a stream of invective against Thor which was very satisfying to deliver and gave them nothing to use against him. They did notice, of course, that he didn’t ask to go into the gardens again after that.

He did continue going to the library though — it was somewhere there was no chance of running into Thor by accident and he didn’t think Thor would seek him out. Poisons had been set aside for now. At first his mentions of which common flowers had poisonous parts or could be poisonous in combination had got him restricted from certain parts of the gardens and kept his handlers on their toes in others. Then someone had actually _read_ the books, or possibly asked an expert, and realised how much of his information had been invented.

So he was browsing for another topic of study. Sleight-of-hand? They already knew quite well how good at that he was — which was why they now gave him injections instead of pills.

He went around the end of a shelf and nearly ran into Jane turning away from it. She jumped back a bit with a muttered apology, then looked up, and he realised with some surprise that she hadn’t recognised him until then. ‘Oh, hi.’ She tilted her head. ‘So, am I in completely the wrong section for an introductory magic text?’

Loki couldn’t help laughing. ‘That may be an Alltongue issue. This is the section for false magic, sleight-of-hand.’

Jane smacked her forehead and put the book back on the shelf. ‘And when you put it like that, even I can tell that is not the same thing as magical illusions.’ She looked up at him again and added, with a hint of self-mockery but surprising cheer despite it, ‘Help?’

‘It’s this way.’ Loki put a hand on her shoulder to steer her in the right direction, and it didn’t occur to him until he’d already tugged her lightly around that this might be alarming coming from someone who had attacked her once.

She didn’t seem very alarmed, though. She caught her breath minutely and glanced up at him in surprise, but she moved under his hand without tensing, most of her attention seeming to go back to the shelves. ‘Somehow, I hadn’t guessed people who can do actual magic would bother with stage magic....’

‘What does it have to do with stages?’

She blinked and tipped her head back to look at him again. ‘On Earth, sleight-of-hand and other kinds of fake magic tricks are a... kind of performance art. Done on stage, often, so -- stage magic.’

‘Ah. Asgard does not usually make even real magic the centre of a show. Although it is used in shows, as you doubtless know if you’ve been to a concert.’ Curious, that Midgard would make more of magic without even having it. Or maybe that was the point, for people to see something they knew to be impossible, in which case it was tricks, not magic, they had more respect for. ‘Sleight-of-hand has its uses. For one, another practitioner can usually sense magic being used, so tricks that don’t require the real thing can be used more easily without alerting someone. Or it can be used to bluff -- to fake a spell that you don’t have the skill for, to convince your captor you are more than you seem.’

Jane rubbed at her ear at the mention of the concert, reminding him she had considered it unusually loud, and listened to the rest thoughtfully. ‘You have a lot of experience with the practical applications, don’t you?’

‘Yes. And I haven’t even mentioned escapology, although I’m sure you could work out the uses of that.’ That came with a memory -- he and Thor spending several afternoons tying one another to chairs until they could both get free. At the time he didn’t remember it even feeling like an act of trust.

‘Yes, I can.’ She looked as if she might be about to say something else, then stopped, looking pensive, and picked a book off the shelf. Loki reached up thoughtfully to one that must have been two feet above her head and pulled down one of his favored primers. She laid the first aside to take it. ‘Is this your recommendation, then?’

‘Yes.’ It didn’t, as he recalled, contain too many exercises to complete, instead sticking mostly to the theory.

‘Thanks. I’d never have found it without a ladder. And possibly not with one.’ She looked so pleased that he actually found himself smiling about it. ‘I’ll go over and, well, stop interrupting your book hunt now....’

‘I don’t really know what I was looking for,’ Loki admitted. ‘Studying magic seems pointless at present.’ Assuming he’d ever have magic again seemed unwarrantedly optimistic, and he didn’t want to study spells he might never put into practise.

‘Ah.’ Jane actually looked a bit crestfallen. She didn’t have magic at all and was presumably used to it, and she could hardly want him to get his own back, all things considered, so he wasn’t entirely sure why.

He sighed, scanning the library shelves with considerably less enthusiasm than he usually had for books. There was very little in his life aside from studying at present and he missed...something. Just going somewhere he hadn’t been in a while, possibly, instead of an endless round of the library, his rooms, the palace gardens and a few bits of the palace. ‘I suppose I’ll find something,’ he muttered.

Jane started off a few hesitant steps toward their table -- Loki checked himself on that possessive; he probably shouldn’t be thinking of it as his table, let alone theirs -- and then stopped. ‘What do you normally do besides magic?’

‘Not much,’ he answered, wondering why he was telling her this. ‘Magic is a very broad field, there was always so much to learn within its bounds. I know the etiquette required of a prince, the politics Odin insisted we both learn. I know how to fight, for practical reasons. But I never studied them for fun.’

She looked dismayed now. ‘Oh. ...I see.’

It was embarrassing. ‘I’ll find something,’ he repeated, more firmly. He was not worthless without his magic.

‘Of course you will,’ said Jane, and she sounded like she actually believed it, even if she was a little subdued. She did go over to their -- the table then, where she opened both the magical theory primer and a book of mathematics.

Loki turned back to the library shelves with a renewed determination, as well as less focus on which subject of study would worry his handlers most. In the end it was a mathematics book that he wound up with — just because he usually studied mathematics for its use in magic didn’t mean it didn’t have other applications. And it was a subject he wouldn’t have to start at the beginning with. He carried the book over to the table and sat down across from Jane.

She glanced up at him with a small, distracted smile, then went back to her notes. He gave them a quick look, upside-down, and noticed she’d switched over to an odd hybrid of Midgardian symbols and Asgardian structure in her equations. ‘I can recognise just enough of the title now to say that looks interesting.’

Loki smiled at her. ‘I hope so. It’s not one I’ve read before.’

‘Nothing like a new math book,’ Jane said with a grin.

They started out studying silently together, but fell into sporadic conversation as one or other of them shared interesting things from their books. Their level of understanding was actually quite similar, at least where the maths rather than the magic was concerned, but they had both spent most of their time applying it in different ways — Loki to magic and Jane to physics. Once they realised this the conversation became less sporadic, as they offered more comparisons of their different approaches to problems.

They eventually fell into quiet again for a little while, as the afternoon was waning. It crossed Loki’s mind that it might be best to make sure he left for dinner early, in case Thor came to look for Jane. That thought distracted him unduly from his studies, so he looked up a little too quickly when Jane said, in a pensive tone, ‘Would it be a bad idea to ask you a personal question right now?’

It was a fairly tactful way to ask whether he’d get agitated, as his handlers would put it, if she did. He felt fine, better than he had in a while in all honesty, and perhaps it was because he owed her for that that he answered, ‘It would be fine.’

‘What is--’ She stopped and started over. ‘Why are you so determined not to talk to Thor?’

Loki dropped his gaze, everything seeming to crystallise around him, as if the world might shatter if he said the wrong thing. ‘Why should I speak to him?’

‘Well, from my side of things,’ she said slowly, ‘He loves you, he misses you, he’s worried about you, and it really hurts him that you won’t. I... assume you’ve got reasons not to. I wondered what they were.’

‘You have no idea what he did to me.’ Loki’s voice was rising, a slightly hysterical edge to it, and he clasped his hands together under the table, trying to keep himself under control. ‘He should have been pleased to have Jotunheim destroyed! They all should! Instead — to protect it — to be rid of me —’

Jane was sitting very straight, as if she wanted to lean back away from him and wasn’t quite allowing herself. Her hands were clenched one around the other on the tabletop, the visible knuckles white. ‘He doesn’t want to get rid of you,’ she blurted, too fast. ‘Nobody does.’

‘He threw me from the Bifrost!’ Loki bellowed. He was on his feet, books and papers scattered on the floor around him, but he didn’t remember standing up. ‘He wanted me dead rather than on the throne! It’s his fault -- his fault they found me, that they’re still looking for me.’ The Chitauri had forged him into something new, given him a purpose when no one else wanted him, but now he had failed them and they would find him. For a moment he could see the Other, standing in the shadow of a bookcase, watching him impassively. ‘And now he speaks of returning to how things were!’

Jane hadn’t moved. Surprisingly. She sat still and stiff and said, ‘He told me you’d accused him of that. Only he didn’t think you _believed_ it. He said you tricked him once into trying to help an illusion that you’d fallen, and then at the end he caught you by Gungnir and you -- you let go.’

‘That’s not true.’ Loki was breathing fast now, fast enough that he was starting to feel light headed. He put a hand up to his mouth, as if filtering air through it might somehow help. ‘I remember him throwing me. I remember him watching me fall. Of course you wouldn’t believe me, you’re his lover. No one would believe this of their golden prince.’

She was almost as pale as if she did believe it, staring at him with wide brown eyes. ‘At least you don’t think I believe he tried to murder you and just don’t care. I... you’re right, I don’t believe he did it. But I, I don’t think you’re lying, either.’

Loki closed his eyes, forced his breathing to something more even. ‘You think I am mad. No, I _am_ mad, I know. But I also know what I remember.’

Jane swallowed audibly. ‘If he didn’t insist you’d never have done... a lot of things... in your right mind, I wouldn’t be talking to you. But I wasn’t really expecting you to say it.’

Thor might be wrong about that. If Loki had been himself he’d like to think he would have spent less time on emotional outbursts and demands for people to kneel, as if getting them on their knees would somehow ensure their devotion. But Midgard had needed him. If he had been himself he’d like to think he’d be ruling it now. Saying any of that would probably make Jane hate him.

‘I am aware that this is not normal,’ he said, gesturing unsteadily at the scattered books. ‘At least for me. Thor always tended to throw tables over, but I think he did that on purpose.’

Jane looked down at the table. At which she was still sitting. ‘I am... glad you didn’t do that. And I thought the coffee mug was bad.’

‘There was a coffee mug?’ asked Loki, wondering if he’d missed something here.

She shook her head and got up -- glanced at his handlers -- and then came around the table, stooping for the sheet of paper that had gone farthest afield on the way. ‘After his first coffee, he threw the mug on the floor. Not like he was angry, like that was just what you do after a drink.’

‘Oh,’ said Loki. ‘That is...one way of asking for more. It’s supposedly a compliment to the drink, but it’s rather hard on the cups. Usually it’s reserved for special brews, ones that the person giving might expect such a compliment for. Thor is both...inclined to be enthusiastic and to smash things, and overuses it.’

Jane’s mouth twitched. Just the tiniest bit, but he saw it before she crouched down to pick up some more of his notes. ‘It was a pretty ordinary cup of coffee, but I guess the first time is always special.’

Loki laughed, feeling something in his chest release as he did. The world seemed to come back into focus around him, the library as reassuringly mundane as ever, and he bent down to gather up some of the books himself.

It was once he had them in a pile on the desk that one of his handlers said, ‘Prince Loki.’

He looked up, feeling somewhat betrayed that they would interfere after he’d regained his equilibrium. ‘What is it?’

‘It’s dinner time,’ said the handler who had spoken to him. She sounded almost apologetic about it, but Loki knew there would be no getting around it. After his time with the chitauri he had a hard time remembering that hunger was meant to be dealt with by eating, not ignoring it until it went away, and his body couldn’t handle normal meals in any case. This was being dealt with by feeding him on a strict schedule and insisting he stick to it.

‘I see,’ he said.

‘Since even applied math is sadly non-edible,’ Jane said, ‘maybe we can get back to it later?’

It was both a surprise and a relief that she’d want to see him again. ‘I’ll be here tomorrow afternoon,’ he offered, trying not to look as hopeful as he felt.

‘I’ll see you then.’

Loki walked out of the library feeling the normal wave of shame that followed those times he lost control and was left aware of his weakness. Usually it would be followed by avoiding the scene of the breakdown for a few days. This time, he realised, he’d made a promise to return to it the very next day to meet the person he’d been shouting at. And he was looking forward to it.

* * *


	6. Chapter 5: Thor and Holda

Jane very carefully packed up her books and notes, after that. She went to her room, and spent a few minutes shaking. She’d hoped to be calmed down and dressed for dinner by the time Thor showed up. Instead, he came in, took one look at her, and asked if she’d rather stay in.

‘You know, that might be good.’

‘What happened?’

‘Loki. No, not like that,’ she said hastily. Thor uncoiled from the sudden tension, and his fingers uncurled from Mjolnir. Jane let out a nervous breath. ‘...You were happy I was talking to him before.’

‘I am glad to see him make a new friend. I am glad if the two of you can get along, and that you found someone who understands your questions....’ Jane couldn’t help grinning at that, but the smile faded when Thor didn’t return it. ‘I am also far too aware that he might choose to nurse a grudge against you for things I did.’

‘He thinks you tried to kill him,’ Jane blurted.

Thor paled, and said, ‘I was afraid he really might.’

Jane leaned her head in her hands, pressing the heels of her palms up into her eyebrows. ‘I asked him why he didn’t want to talk with you. Maybe I shouldn’t have. I was expecting something like... siding with Midgard against him, or something.’ Except that she hadn’t been, not quite.

‘That would have been enough for spite,’ Thor said unhappily. ‘But not, I think, for fear.’

Jane sighed and straightened up in her seat again. ‘It was... vivid.’ She couldn’t altogether shake the mental image of Thor flinging Loki down off the bridge, even though she didn’t believe it had happened. _At least you don’t think I believe he tried to murder you and just don’t care._ What did that say about her talking to _Loki_? ‘He also blamed you for somebody looking for him.’

‘That may be the Chitauri,’ said Thor. ‘It seems likely they will be angry with him, but they _will_ not have him.’

Jane raised her eyebrows a little. ‘Didn’t you say they were a really long way off and depending on him for transport?’

‘On the tesseract, yes. My father’s precautions should be proof against any further attempts to use it remotely, especially without Loki’s assistance. It will be a long time before they find their way here, and if they ever do, they will be defeated. I am more concerned that enemies nearer to hand will stir themselves.’

‘Jotunheim?’ Jane ventured.

‘Ah,’ Thor said, looking faintly embarrassed, ‘perhaps. But it is not very likely. I meant other worlds, or factions in them whose interests would be served if Asgard were to take a lower place. The Norn Queen, perhaps, or some of the elves.’

‘Elves,’ said Jane. Real elves. She did not quite have the nerve to ask if their political factions included Seelie and Unseelie. He might say yes. ‘I can see I’m going to need to catch up on politics here, but I’m not sure I’m up for it tonight.’

Thor looked concerned. ‘If it was “not like that” and yet troubled you so, what _was_ it like?’

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair, then leaned her elbows on the vanity table and a moment later felt Thor’s larger fingers work their way in against her scalp. ‘Mmh.’ (That was half _thinking_ and half _keep doing that_.) ‘Well, I tried to be careful about asking, but he ended up ranting in the middle of the library and I’m kind of embarrassed to see his, ah, attendants again....’

Thor snorted. ‘You need not be.’

Jane gave him a look, in the mirror. ‘I know they run you off, but I’m pretty sure they’re just trying to do their job. I’m not actually out to make it harder.’

Thor sighed. ‘I know they mean well by it. They may even be right, though being turned away from my brother is a harder lesson in humility than the ones Odin arranged --’

‘Harder than being kicked out of your home and dropped on Earth without your hammer?’

A pause. ‘It feels harder _now_.’

That she could believe. ‘Yeah, fair enough. Go on.’

Thor leaned over to kiss the back of her neck. ‘You may take their “running off” Loki’s kin and the crown prince of Asgard as a sign that they would not balk at doing so to you. Their duty is to prevent him doing harm and to safeguard him while he heals, not to demand that he speak only to those without the spirit to question him. When he wakes....’

‘They didn’t put him to sleep.’ He’d been assuming it ended that way all along?

Thor blinked. ‘No?’

Apparently he had. Jane shook her head. ‘He calmed down. He seems to think everybody believes you instead of him just because you’re you and we want to, but he... stopped yelling and seemed to be all right by the time they called him for dinner. Well, sort of all right. You know what I mean.’

‘So they never intervened? I think,’ said Thor, sounding hopeful, ‘that may be a good sign. And I think you may be worrying too much, Jane.’

She leaned back in the chair with a faint laugh. ‘Thanks, I think.’

‘How did it end, then?’ He hesitated, frowning into the mirror. ‘Is it that you would rather not go back?’

‘We said we’d meet tomorrow afternoon to talk about math again,’ Jane said. Thor gave her precisely the sort of doubtful look that Darcy might have over this sort of vacation activity. Darcy might have made a joke about her sanity, too, but it wasn’t _her_ brother in Asgard’s version of psychiatric care. She added, ‘Ah -- if you had something planned already, I’m sorry --’

Thor put his other arm around her, hugging her to him. ‘I should not weary you by trying to show you all of Asgard in a month.’

Jane put her head back against his shoulder. ‘You do know I’m enjoying it, even if it’s a lot to take in.’

Thor smiled. ‘Of course you are. It’s Asgard.’

She elbowed him lightly in the ribs. ‘And the company is nice.’

The smile grew into a grin. ‘How much of my company would you like tonight?’

Jane thought about that. Tired, but not _that_ tired. Thor’s smile and the heat of him against her back went straight to her jangled nerves and aimed them in a new and more cheerful direction. Confidence really was a turn-on. Thor’s definitely made the irritating transition into arrogance sometimes -- and his approach to her schedule sometimes seemed like a bizarre mix of tour guide, high-handed prince, and eager puppy -- but it also kept him from taking it at all personally if she wanted to change something. Anyway, sex sounded really good, falling asleep on him afterward possibly even better. She twisted around in his arms to look at him directly, instead of his reflection. ‘All of it?’

Thor kissed her, swiftly and with enthusiasm, which was exactly what she’d wanted. ‘I’ll have dinner brought here, then.’

* * *

Jane felt a lot better in the morning. Everything seemed easier to deal with, and by the end of breakfast she could tell herself, reasonably enough, that things hadn’t really gone so badly after all. She had actually put it out of her mind and was pacing carefully up and down the center of the Bifrost well back from the end, watching the transition of the starscape where the first of the askreisa appeared, when someone called, ‘Jane Foster. I wish to speak with you, if you have the time?’

She turned, rather surprised, to see an unfamiliar woman in deep blue dismounting from a horse, next to where Jane had left hers. ‘Of course. What about?’

The other woman dropped her reins and came forward. She was several inches taller than Jane -- not a surprise -- and had long light hair pulled back into a braid. It was touched with grey, and on Earth Jane would have put her in her late forties or early fifties, advanced and successful in whatever she’d done with her life. In Asgard the latter probably held but the age was presumably _way_ off.

‘About Prince Loki. I am Holda Birchtudottir,’ she added, making the introduction politely. ‘I’ve been put in charge of his treatment and I’m told you’ve befriended him.’

‘Oh.’ Oh, great, butterflies. Jane consoled herself that at least she’d had _successful professional type_ right. ‘Yes.’ She managed not to make it sound like a question. It was not exactly a close friendship and seemed to involve overlooking a few things on both sides -- obviously on her side, and apparently more than she’d realised on Loki’s -- but by this point it did seem to qualify. Feeling she ought to say something else about it, she added, ‘He told me how to adjust the language settings in the books.’

Holda looked puzzled for a moment and then nodded. Possibly that hadn’t occurred to her as something that needed to be learnt. ‘He’s been enjoying your company, I think. I was told you were going to meet him this afternoon.’

‘We were planning on it.’ She definitely wasn’t late; it was still the middle of the morning, and anyway it wouldn’t make sense for the person in charge of Loki’s treatment to come looking for her if she were. Jane hesitated. ‘Is there a problem?’

‘No,’ said Holda, quickly. ‘I just wanted to meet you, to be honest. I can’t tell you any details where Loki is concerned, but you seem to have had a good effect on him.’

‘I wouldn’t expect you to,’ Jane hurried to tell her. ‘We have patient confidentiality on, ah, Midgard too.’ At least she assumed that was the basic idea here. ‘But thanks.’ She tried not to fidget, but did rub the back of her neck. ‘I figured he wasn’t likely to keep talking to me if he didn’t want to, but... I’m no expert and I’ve been a little afraid I’d screw something up.’

Holda sighed. ‘You might be doing more than we are, at present. None of us knew that he believed Prince Thor had made an attempt on his life until yesterday.’

‘Thor said he’d made the accusation before on Earth, but he really thought Loki was just trying to provoke him.’ She winced. ‘He doesn’t want to tell you things he assumes you won’t believe, does he.’

Holda didn’t answer that directly, instead she said, ‘He did tell you, though, even knowing you’re in love with Prince Thor and that you wouldn’t believe him.’ She looked Jane in the eyes. ‘I’m not here to pressure you, and you have no obligation to spend time with Prince Loki. But I am here to assure you that we’d be happy if you did.’

Jane nodded a little. ‘Thank you for telling me.’ She let out a breath, then said, not completely sure why, ‘When he was on Earth, he mind-controlled a friend of mine. Erik Selvig. Kind of a mentor, really, he was a friend of my dad’s. Almost the first thing Loki said to me here was asking about him -- how he’d coped with losing the tesseract -- as if they were friends and he’d been worried.’ She stopped, _still_ not quite sure where she was going with that. ‘It was weird. But I’m not sure--’ Oh. It clicked, there. ‘I’m not sure anything else would have gotten across so well that he had a really different idea of what had been going on.’

Holda looked sympathetic. ‘I can see that. How is your friend doing?’

 _A lot better than Loki, actually._ ‘He’s... getting better. Mixed feelings about the tesseract, actually, so the question made more sense after I thought about it. Sort of. Apparently he built some kind of shutoff into the staff... sceptre... when he was still under the influence, that ended up being used to close the portal to Earth. Makes him feel a little better about it.’

‘I’m glad he’s recovering,’ said Holda. ‘And it sounds like he did well.’

‘Yeah.’ And that was probably about all Holda could say, considering she didn’t know Erik. Jane thought he’d appreciate the transdimensional insights, but she might not tell him who helped her track them down, when she got back. ‘Anyway... I’ll be there after lunch today.’

Holda smiled at her. ‘Thank you.’ Then she hesitated and added, ‘You might find him in a strange mood. Not angry, but...withdrawn.’

Jane paused, not quite sure what to do with that information (warning?), and then offered, ‘I wasn’t planning to bring up any emotional topics this time.’

‘Just don’t take it personally if he tries to pull rank on you,’ said Holda. ‘You won’t be the only one today.’

‘Ohh. Okay.’ Jane managed not to snort, but her smile was a little wry. ‘There’s been less “thou lowly mortal” so far than I’d have expected, honestly.’ She wasn’t sure quite how she would take that, actually, if it wasn’t part of a rant.

Holda smiled back and shook her head. ‘I thought you might appreciate some advance knowledge. It’s been pleasant to meet you, but I’d best be getting back.’

‘I do appreciate it. Have a good morning.’ Jane watched her go, feeling slightly better about the whole thing in spite of the warning, and then turned back to studying the stars.

* * *


	7. Chapter 6: Pride

Spending a morning with people asking for details of a memory they didn’t believe was real was one of the most frustrating experiences of Loki’s life. He refused to pretend they believed him and insisted on arguing against their logic. They only had Thor and Odin’s word and Odin would clearly lie to protect Thor. Why were they so sure he must be the one lying? They had told him that they didn’t think he was lying, just mistaken, and he’d argued that it was more likely someone was lying than that his memory was wrong.

It was frightening. They might convince him, if he let them. Erase his memory because it was inconvenient or because they thought he was wrong. He reminded them, reminded himself, that he was their prince, had been their king, and was not powerless even now. That although they held him prisoner that was all they could do to him.

He swept to the library that afternoon holding that around him, as if he had been able to summon his armour, and holding his head up high. _I am still your prince. I am not helpless._ People looked at him, uncertain, perhaps worried by his confidence, and he refused to let their gazes concern him. Jane was there, waiting at their table with her books spread out in front of her. It was a relief to see her, more of a relief than it should be to see a mortal. He carried his own books over to join her (even more people were looking at him in here, after yesterday, and he _didn’t care_ ).

She looked up and smiled, which was usual, and then watched his approach. On other days, sometimes, she would have an abstracted look in her eyes even as she smiled, and go back to her book almost before she’d greeted him. He wasn’t sure if he was commanding more respect now or if she was wary. But he would not lose control of himself today.

‘I decided to get an early start this afternoon,’ she said, quietly. That was certainly true. She had more than a page of notes he didn’t recognise already. She must have had an early lunch.

‘So I see,’ he sat down across from her without really meeting her eyes.

They passed nearly two hours that way before Jane had the temerity to ask him about the mathematical framework of crystallising light.

‘I’d be wasting my time trying to explain it to someone who couldn’t possibly understand it,’ he said, without looking up from his own book.

‘I think we established it’s not necessary to be able to _do_ magic to understand some of the theory!’

‘There’s more to magic than mathematics. Some things you can only understand by doing.’

Jane sighed. ‘I wasn’t disputing that.’

Loki narrowed his eyes. ‘And as a mortal, who cannot ever truly understand magic, you are wasting your time and sullying the field by studying it at all.’

Jane put her pen down and folded her arms on the table. ‘You know, if you don’t feel like talking, you could just say that. Are you trying to get rid of me?’

He didn’t know. It was humiliating, having relied on a mortal for companionship, having offered her bits and pieces of knowledge as an incentive to stay with him, as if he should have to coax her into tolerating him. Yet the thought of her leaving made him want to do it again. ‘I want you to stay,’ he said, phrasing it as a command.

Jane’s lips tightened, and she sighed through her nose. ‘I’m not really used to kings and princes,’ she said quietly, ‘and I have a feeling I should just not argue the point, and try again sometime when you’re in a better mood. But I think you know that I don’t have to obey you and I think you _should_ know all you had to do was ask.’

It occurred to Loki, perhaps rather belatedly, that she almost certainly didn’t obey Thor unquestioningly either. She’d known him when she thought he was a delusional mortal, was not, as she said, used to princes, and would be unlikely to hold his interest if she did bow too easily to his wishes. ‘You should have to obey me,’ Loki said, although with rather less conviction. ‘You are in my kingdom.’

‘Trust me,’ Jane said wryly, and he had just enough time to think that was rather a lot to ask before she finished, ‘if that had been a requirement, I wouldn’t have come.’

Loki wanted to shout at her that she _should_ want to be ruled by him, that she was mortal and all they were good for was being ruled. He wanted to demand…felt himself slipping, no, he _would not_ lose control, not again, here, with everyone still remembering yesterday. He looked at Jane before he could stop himself, mutely appealing to her in a way that undermined the fragile confidence he’d been trying to project.

Something in her face and eyes softened. It certainly wasn’t submission, and it wasn’t exactly pity, but the irritation faded. ‘I don’t appreciate being pushed around generally, you know, it’s not just you. I wouldn’t have come if I thought Thor was going to be obnoxious about it, either.’

Not intending to ignore Jane, but needing a moment to gather himself back together, he looked down at his books. He was painfully aware of his handlers on the edges of his vision, that they had seen that moment of vulnerability. In Loki’s experience Thor usually was obnoxious about taking the lead, but the truth was that he usually backed down when called on it by Sif or one of the others. It was only Loki who had never worked out how to challenge him effectively.

‘I’ll answer your question, if you still want me to,’ he said. It felt like a capitulation, but he neither wanted to argue with Jane nor think about Thor. Giving in was better than any of the alternatives.

He heard her inhale, and then she smiled at him when he looked up. ‘I’d appreciate that. I was thinking, it seems like it might connect to something you said yesterday....’ She turned her notes around to face him, and then while he was talking, she got up and came around the table. So they could both read the same thing right-side-up, of course, but in her place, he wasn’t sure he’d have chosen to come within reach.

It was surprisingly easy to fall back into the routine of studying with Jane, now that he wasn’t reminding himself that she was mortal and he shouldn’t treat her as an equal. Explaining magic to her made him miss his own keenly, but at the same time it was good to revisit the familiar knowledge. Jane might have been annoyed with him earlier, but she wasn’t holding a grudge, and by the time they went their separate ways for dinner he felt sure they’d meet up like this again.

* * *


	8. Chapter 7: Elves!

Jane had only a few hours’ warning -- Asgard evidently didn’t get much more -- before the evening when the palace was suddenly full of elves. Thor asked her to dress up and accompany him to dinner; she said she wasn’t sure she had anything formal enough, and he said they could fix that. A very brisk dressmaker gowned her in a muted greyish beige that glinted gold and silver in the light, with a startling sweep of red from one shoulder that made Thor smile when he saw it. It clung and flowed and was surprisingly comfortable. Sif wore what appeared to be an armored dress and moved as naturally as if it were a second skin.

The banquet hall that evening seemed extraordinarily mysterious, full of leaping, glinting lights and shadows deeper than the dusk and torchlight could account for. There did seem to be a great many of the elven guests -- some gleaming bright, some hard to see; some with glimmery wings; some like elongated humans, some like more or less anthropomorphic animals, and some almost like saplings that walked.

‘They don’t need the Bifrost to get here, I take it,’ Jane murmured when they got a moment alone during a dance.

Thor shook his head. ‘We would need it to reach their world, but they can pass between by means I know not.’

That was their last chance at private conversation. The music was loud and the dances lively, though thankfully easy to follow, and Thor was much in demand. He introduced her to a number of elves, but she never danced with any of them; if Thor was occupied, Fandral or Hogun or Volstagg was near at hand to whisk her off, and on one occasion when they weren’t available, Sif intercepted the approaching dignitary herself. Jane asked her afterward what that had been about.

‘Dancing with elves,’ Sif murmured, ‘isn’t always good for the health. And while most aren’t really hostile, some of them have an odd sense of humour about mortals. It’s easier to just avoid the chance of an incident.’

The feast had begun early, evidently as a form of courtesy to the elven delegation, and it ended late. The guests scattered. Thor was called away. Volstagg left with his wife; Fandral left with evident plans to entertain an elf-woman; and Jane walked with Hogun and Sif through corridors where the light played more strangely than usual. Jane felt pleasantly weary but altogether too keyed up to sleep, with a definite urge for somewhere quiet to sit down. ‘I think I’m going to drop by the library for a while,’ she said. ‘If it’s not shut up at this hour.’

‘I’m sure it would open for you even if it were,’ Sif said, amused. ‘But ask a guard to return you to your room.’

Jane gave her a puzzled look.

‘The elves are officially allies of Asgard,’ said Hogun, ‘but they consider it only fair to bring representatives who disagree.’

‘And many are sorcerers, who change glamours as we change clothing. Even Thor is better off being watched. I wish--’ Sif broke off.

Hogun looked at her and sighed. Jane had a feeling she knew what they weren’t saying.

After that conversation, it was something of a shock to see one of the elves in the library. Drawn up to his full height, which might have overtopped Thor a little, and talking to Loki. Loki looked better than when she’d first seen him, but very plain and stark just now, the over-prominence of bones in his too-lean face contrasted against the elf’s delicate, perfectly balanced solidity and his simple clothing against finery. But he also looked -- this time -- as if none of that mattered any more than putting Thor in jeans and a sweatshirt. Self-possessed, slightly fierce without being out of control. Jane had to admire how he was carrying it off. Especially considering what Sif and Hogun had told her, and considering that Loki did _not_ currently have the ability to do magic.

And considering some of that, too... she could return to the door and try to call them back. Or ask one of the guards outside. Instead she went around to the alcove and took a seat there, just out of sight of the elf though not of a couple of Loki’s minders. Or of a particularly well-built man wearing a sword, and standing guard rather more openly. She didn’t think she could exactly be inconspicuous in this outfit in a library anyway, even among the rich woods and golds of this one, but she wasn’t trying to get attention either.

Although, she realised with some irritation, now she didn’t have a book.

After some more unheard conversation the elf left, walking past Jane’s alcove without paying her any apparent attention. Loki came around the edges of the bookcase a few moments later. Something had gone out of him with the departure of the elf, his eyes were a little wide and he looked both shaken and relieved, but he still held himself with confidence that hadn’t been there before. The sight of Jane at the table gave him pause and he shot a glance after the departing elf before turning back to her.

‘I suppose Thor thought they would be unlikely to come to the library,’ he said, settling into the chair across from her. ‘Are you here alone?’

She nodded a little. ‘Sif warned me not to wander around on my own, but we assumed the library was okay.’

‘I don’t think he’ll be back,’ said Loki. ‘He wasn’t looking for a book, in any case.’

She paused at that, pushing her hair behind one ear. ‘For you?’

‘I think so. I have no idea how much they know about me, but he seemed unsurprised at finding me here. And he didn’t do anything besides talk to me.’ Loki looked rueful for a moment. ‘I wish I’d had my armour. I feel like I greeted an ambassador in my nightclothes.’

Jane pressed a knuckle to her mouth, trying not to giggle. ‘You didn’t look it,’ she said, quite sincerely. ‘Not that I can’t see what you mean, but you didn’t look wrong-footed.’

He smiled at her, pleased with himself. ‘Looking wrong-footed while talking to an ambassador wouldn’t be a breach of etiquette so much as common sense.’

She supposed that applied particularly to potentially hostile ambassadors. ‘Especially these ones? Or is it always like this?’

‘It’s never a good idea to show weakness to someone representing a nation. But, yes, especially these ones.’

Jane looked at him thoughtfully. ‘Would you mind telling me about them?’

‘What you might find most interesting to know,’ said Loki, consideringly. ‘Is that they’re not from this dimension. Their space does not overlap with ours, but both overlap with the void. Politically they are...volatile. Their internal politics are extremely complex, and not put on hold while interacting with other nations.’

She nodded, wondering if that made more sense to her than it did to someone from an absolute monarchy that probably did a pretty good job of presenting a united front. Well... usually. Loki trying to conquer Earth might actually count as an exception. She wasn’t sure if that would have had anything to do with somebody seeking out Loki. ‘How does that work? In general terms. One of the _very_ few things anybody got a chance to tell me was... that they could get to Asgard and back in some unknown way.’

‘Unknown to most people. We always have the Bifrost, few seek other paths. And the ones the elves use aren’t easy to stumble upon,’ said Loki, smile turning from pleased to slightly smug and perhaps a little dangerous.

A small chill ran down Jane’s neck at the expression and the gleam in his eye -- and yet, it wasn’t in itself a bad thing and from everything she’d learned about the spatial interactions, it was _impressive_. ‘But you found them.’

‘I found them,’ he confirmed, voice dropping confidentially. ‘The askreisa aren’t just the closest stars in the void. They’re the brightest, perhaps, or something different altogether. If you learn how to navigate by them, properly, not just lining things up in one place, they can take you all the way through.’

Jane opened her mouth to say that closest or brightest or something else altogether struck her as a _very important difference_ , but then she drew back and considered that this was true from an astrophysicist’s perspective but might not be for navigation. ‘I’ve been trying to map how the starscape changes right around where they become visible,’ she said instead. ‘For myself, I mean. I’m sure it’s all documented somewhere, but it’s not the same as seeing it.’

‘It’s always best to see things for yourself. Be careful on the Bifrost, though. It’s…a long way to fall.’ He blinked away a haunted look and added, more matter of factly. ‘Be careful around the elves too.’

It was a broad bridge, thankfully, and Jane felt no particular urge to go anywhere near the edge. But she appreciated the warning. ‘I’ve been getting that idea,’ she said. Then, ‘Are their routes safer than--’ She stopped, wishing she’d figured out a good way to finish that question before she started. Than travel by tesseract? Than the general principle Thor had warned her about?

‘If you consider the Bifrost a bridge the elf paths are fords. You don’t go as deeply into the void, but it’s like picking your way through a swamp.’

Jane wasn’t sure whether Loki had overlooked the implication or was ignoring it, but was somewhat relieved either way. ‘Does it have bugs?’ she asked, mostly joking.

‘No. It doesn’t have anything except varying degrees of emptiness.’ Loki shrugged, gracefully. ‘I usually went right through, once I’d worked out how. Midgard and Asgard are closer in Alfheim, so I traveled there and made two short journeys through the void. Alfheim has its own dangers, but it was easier.’

‘Midgard and Asgard are closer in Alfheim?’ Jane repeated, trying to form an idea of the structures involved without anything to write on.

‘Alfheim is...it is sometimes called the shadow realm. If you take the shortest route from Asgard you will find yourself in a place with the same geography, Jotunheim, Vanaheim and Midgard have these doubles too with short ways between them. The elves used to make a habit of bringing mortals back through the paths from Midgard, to use as nursemaids or lovers.’ Loki snorted. ‘The usual analogy is two sides of a coin, with the void being the inside of the coin. It’s not a very good analogy though.’

‘If nothing else, because the void is a lot bigger than that,’ Jane said, half to herself. Considering the stories Asgard had apparently inspired, she supposed it shouldn’t be a surprise if the ones about elves had a basis in fact as well. And she could see where humans might have been easier to kidnap.

‘Yes,’ said Loki quietly. ‘Jane, we call it the shadow realm. But to the elves we are the shadows, living in distorted, cut off, parts of their empire. And shadows merit little consideration.’

She felt cold all over, suddenly. As an experiment of sorts, she tried reminding herself that she was talking to Loki, and Loki’s evaluation of threats and motives was at present more than a little compromised. But he was clear-eyed and serious now, and there were the stories, and he was not the only one who’d warned her. ‘That,’ she said slowly, ‘somehow makes sense of a lot.’

‘Just be careful,’ he repeated. ‘And never assume that kindness from an elf means they see you as a person. Most of them are weaker than Asgardians, so as long as you’re wary and stay close to someone who can protect you, you should be fine.’

That, Jane thought, would be slightly more reassuring if people weren’t worrying about _Thor_. Less ironic if she didn’t know people who might give her a similar warning about Loki seeing her as a person. ‘I’ll remember.’ She dropped her eyes, then looked up at him again. ‘Sif and Hogun miss having you there to keep an eye on things.’

Loki looked oddly touched by the information. ‘I didn’t think they noticed,’ he muttered, more or less to himself.

Jane hadn’t been entirely sure how that would go over, but she’d still kind of felt he ought to know and she’d _hoped_ he would appreciate it. ‘I got the impression they thought you were the best at it.’

‘ _I_ got the impression they didn’t think they _needed_ it,’ snapped Loki. He looked more put out than actually angry, though, and still somewhat touched.

‘I wasn’t here. If that was the case then I guess they learned better.’

Loki sighed. ‘Were any of them being _remotely_ careful?’

Jane gave that a moment’s thought before saying, ‘I think they were all very alert, but I doubt being too openly wary is good either.’ She got a very slight nod, either confirmation or _go on_. ‘They tended to stick together, mostly, or come back to the group. They did a lot of dancing, but warned me off it. At the end of the evening... Well, Thor’s with your parents at what I assume is an official meeting of some description.’ She hurried over that part a bit. ‘Volstagg went with his family.... Sif and Hogun were together last I saw them. Fandral did leave with an elf but... uh, I get the idea he has some excuse for confidence there.’

‘Of course he did,’ said Loki, putting his hand over his eyes. ‘Well, it’s nothing he hasn’t done before so there’s a reasonable chance he’ll come back in one piece.’

‘I certainly hope so.’ She could see Fandral not minding whether he was considered a person, for a one-night-stand, as long as they were both having fun. ‘Is it more or less worrying that they were seeking him out?’

‘Probably less. If more than one of them wants him then any that did anything permanent to him would be in trouble with the rest,’ said Loki. ‘At least it wasn’t the Queen this time.’

Jane blinked. ‘I... gather it has been before?’ Which might mean anyone else could be in trouble with the Queen, but could be problematic if _her_ whims were hazardous.

Loki lowered his voice ominously. ‘He’s going to get cursed to speak only the truth for seven years any day now.’

It sounded so ridiculous she almost laughed, but held it back, because she didn’t quite think he was actually joking and... there were ways for that to be very bad. ‘I think Thomas the Rhymer got the rest of his life.’

Loki grinned. ‘I don’t think Fandral made quite _that_ much of an impression.’

‘And I suspect you’d have gone to get him before he managed to _vanish_ for seven years.’ Granted, that wasn’t as long a period of time from their perspective, but it was surely long enough to notice.

‘Thor wouldn’t know whether to be worried or delighted at the chance of a quest.’

Jane snorted quietly at that. She was pretty sure he was joking, and it was less barbed than some of the things the group said to each other, so she was still smiling when she said, ‘And you’d know your way around.’

‘Quite well. All the same I’d rather not have to retrieve anyone.’ He seemed to have almost forgotten, for the moment, that his power was gone and he couldn’t use the elf paths if he did want to.

‘I don’t blame you.’ Jane considered for a moment, then asked lightly, ‘Any chance of stories from your trips there?’

Loki considered that for a moment, looking as if he was thinking of which story to tell not whether to refuse her, then looked at her and smiled. ‘The first time I got there on my own...’ he began.

They were good stories. Jane stayed in the library rather later than she’d intended, and she rather thought Loki’s various attendants were enjoying them too. She only vaguely registered it when one of the guards from outside the library came in briefly -- although Loki glanced up at him rather sharply -- but when she finally returned to her room, safely escorted, Thor was waiting and hugged her with a long sigh.

‘Long evening?’ she ventured.

‘I was expecting to find you here,’ he said.

Jane leaned back in his arms to look at him. ‘Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you....’

He smiled a bit. ‘I asked after you and sent someone in to be sure you still remained safely within the library. But it is good to see you.’

‘Good to see you too.’ She leaned her head against his chest. ‘How did things go?’

‘Not poorly... but I’m glad it’s not yet entirely my responsibility,’ Thor said wryly. ‘The dark elves are offering assistance with the Bifrost, and Father is very courteously declining. The trolls have presented formal objections to destroying Jotunheim and the dwarfs to the conquest of Midgard, and I am starting to think the light elves just came along for fun.’ He released her with another sigh. ‘Fandral is likely pleasing his guest for the night, and Volstagg stands watch over his children -- but you and I will be expected to meet with them for breakfast, and they like the dawn.’

‘Oops. Thanks for the warning.’ One of Loki’s attendants -- Jane hadn’t caught the name -- had also eventually mentioned the elves’ fondness for the dawn, although it had sounded more like _please don’t keep us up until then_ at the time. She might have left sooner if she’d realised how early she was supposed to be up, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret staying as long as she had.

‘How was Loki?’

Jane finished extricating herself from the gown. ‘In a pretty good mood, actually. One of them apparently came looking for him and he grumbled afterward about being underdressed, but it looked like he handled it well. He spent a while telling me about the elves. I told him Sif and Hogun missed having him to keep an eye on them.’ She glanced up. ‘He asked if any of you were being careful.’

Thor blinked, then interrupted her progress toward the bath by sweeping her high off her feet and into another hug. ‘He does care.’

Jane smiled into his hair. ‘Yeah, I think he does.’

* * *


	9. Chapter 8: Bifrost

The few days the elf delegation stayed were simultaneously exhausting and exhilarating for Loki. It was easier to feel part of Asgard with an outside force, not technically a hostile one but certainly an untrustworthy one, around. The conversations they sought him out for were trivial, a testing of his feelings through apparently casual conversation that he responded to with verbal sparring, impeccable manners and the steely determination not to let Asgard down by breaking. Sometimes the one coming to talk to him was the same elf in a different glamour, testing whether he’d be able to tell without magic. He could, they changed their bodies but not their body language, and the giant cat moved just like the slender nymph.

Even without his magic he still had words, and pride in the fact that he did, consistently, come out of conversations with elves without feeling he’d come off worse lent him strength. The exhausting part was standing up under the skilled probing of his emotions by beings that thought poking at them was a game. In the end he was relieved when they left, only to feel awkward and restless in the absence of something to hold himself together against.

Holda, he felt, had been going easy on him while the elves were there, not wanting to push him at a time when she agreed he needed his defences up. But with them gone the subject of his memories came up again, the ones they insisted were false. It brought to mind telling Jane about solid light, and her talking about walking on the Bifrost to map the askreisa. The old desire to see the repairs, even against his fear of the place, mixed with the restlessness he was feeling.

‘I want to go to the Bifrost,’ he told Holda, ignoring the question she’d asked.

Holda looked at him seriously. ‘Why?’

‘I missed the repairs and I want to see them. I’ve been talking with Jane about all the mathematics behind it, I want to see what they’re doing before it’s all over. Anyway,’ he added. ‘Maybe being there will help me remember. That’s what you want, isn’t it?’

‘You don’t believe there’s anything you need to remember,’ said Holda. ‘You wouldn’t let us pretend to believe you, so you might as well return the favour.’

‘But _you_ believe it. And you’re the one who will be making the decision.’ It was almost an echo of the sort of thing she had said to him, and Holda raised her eyebrows at him in recognition of it.

‘As long as you stay close to us, and away from the edge, I think we can manage that,’ she said after a long pause. ‘Are you really sure you want to do this?’

‘Yes,’ Loki told her, not quite sure why the idea of seeing the Bifrost suddenly mattered so much to him. But sure he wanted to do it.

‘I’ll arrange it, then,’ said Holda. ‘It might be a few days.’

Loki nodded. ‘I can wait.’

It was almost a surprise when the arrangements happened, although Holda had never gone back on her word to him yet. The day of the trip he spent the morning in a state of anxiety that left him almost sick, and trying to hide it in case they decided that was a reason not to go through with it after all. Holda herself accompanied him, although she normally left escorting him places to his handlers. They rode to the Bifrost, the first time Loki had ridden in over a year. The horse moved easily under him, sleek and powerful, and Loki stopped to stroke its nose when he dismounted.

The control chamber at the other end of the rebuilt Bifrost was a hollow shell, in place but still being rebuilt. Loki wondered what they were doing there, how they were aligning the Bifrost mechanisms. In front of him was a gleaming strip of light over nothingness. It had always made him nervous, looking so fragile, and the oddly ephemeral feel of solid light did nothing to reassure. Now he couldn’t sense it at all, only see it. It looked like glass.

For a long time, although maybe not as long as it felt, he just stared at the bridge. Why was he doing this? To watch some repairs no one was likely to explain to him? No. Because it scared him. He was sick of being scared; of Thanos, of the Chitauri, of Thor, of Holda’s probing. The elves had been a genuine and present danger and he hadn’t been scared. He was a prince of Asgard. Loki stepped out onto the Bifrost, and it felt like falling.

He had to close his eyes for a moment, fighting vertigo. When he opened them again he looked back and saw solid ground only a step away. It was fine. He turned resolutely away from it and walked onward, his handlers falling into step on either side of him, always between him and the edges. The edges weren’t what scared him, though maybe they should be. He had been thrown…he’d also seen it smashed. It was newly repaired, what if something had gone wrong? What if it really wasn’t as solid as the old Bifrost? He stopped, suddenly terrified that his next step might shatter it.

Holda’s hand came to rest on his arm. ‘Loki. Do you want to go back?’

He wasn’t sure he _could_ go back, even though it was closer than going on. It felt like there was nothing under his feet, like he was going to fall. ‘Yes,’ he whispered.

It had to be there, had to be real. Any number of people had gone out to work on it and returned safely, and the control chamber was still there, though it looked impossibly distant. Some might well be there _now_ , beyond the wall of the control chamber. Heimdall must be. Heimdall could look back and see him, if he chose.

Now he felt exposed as well.

A flicker of motion, and a tiny figure emerged from the too-dull walls, too small to be Heimdall and without the glitter of armour. It waved a hand overhead, holding some rectangular object, and he recognised the way Jane moved as she started back up the centre of the bridge. He looked down, then realised his mistake and closed his eyes instead, wishing he could avoid Jane seeing him panicking over a bridge she crossed so easily. Holda’s hand was still on his arm, a solid link to the world.

It was a long bridge, and it took several minutes for Jane to reach hailing distance. 'Loki! Hi.' She sounded very slightly breathless, and he realised from sound and barely-felt vibrations that she had broken into a jog. 'I wasn't expecting to see you here.'

Loki looked up at her, wondering how soon she'd get near enough to see his expression, and swallowed. 'Jane.'

She had to see, certainly, and she had to have seen Holda's gentle grip on his arm sooner yet. She didn't comment on either, though, only slowed as she approached him and walked the rest of the way. 'So what's going on?'

Loki sighed. Attempting to spare his feelings by ignoring the situation wasn't going to get very far when _any_ answer to that question was going to be horribly embarrassing. 'I was hoping to see the repairs. But it's not going to happen.'

Jane glanced back over her shoulder briefly. And then apparently gave up on her initial tactic and asked instead, 'Can I do anything?'

Loki turned and put one foot gingerly in front of him, the way he had come. 'Talk to me,' he suggested.

'Okay.' She was silent for a few seconds longer than he would have liked, then said, 'Frigga asked me to relay that she and Odin are both very proud of you.'

' _What?_ ' Nothing else could have distracted him quite so thoroughly from his predicament. 'But -- why?'

'About the elves. They knew some of them were making a point of picking at you, but it would have been a problem to try to cut them off... and you handled them very deftly.'

'Oh. I --' Of course they'd noticed. Did he think they'd just forgotten he might run into the elves? He'd half expected to be confined to his room until they left, and had been determined to live up to the confidence shown in him when he hadn't. So why had he never expected anyone to notice him handling them?

'They didn't like watching people try to give you a hard time,' Jane added a bit wryly, 'but it was nice seeing you not let them.'

Loki smiled. After taking a deep breath he started walking again, managing not to stop even when he thought he heard something creak. He _knew_ it was his imagination. Vehemently, and not following on from the conversation, he said, 'I really hate this bridge. Half the reason I found the elf paths was because even if you're halfway into the void at least you don't feel like you're about to be dropped in it.'

Jane blinked -- at least, he thought she did. Looking at her required looking down, and he was reluctant to make that error again, even with something to focus on besides the thin ribbon with space and sea beneath. 'It _feels_ pretty solid to me, but I have to admit it really doesn't look it.'

'It doesn't feel solid to me. At least it didn't, crystallised light never does, and now I can't feel it at all.' Loki wiped his hand across his face. The end of the bridge was just ahead.

'Are we... talking about different definitions of solid, here?' Then something apparently clicked, and she was close enough he could almost feel her shudder. '...You can't feel the magic so it's coming across as a really good optical illusion?'

'It shouldn't matter as much as it does. I can't sense _you_ now either, and you're not an illusion.' He reached the edge of the bridge and stepped onto solid ground, sighing with relief.

'Yeah, but you're not depending on me for anything.' Jane followed him off and a horse -- presumably the one she'd ridden here -- ambled over from the grass and headbutted her affectionately. She grabbed the mane. 'Quit that. -- I didn't realise you could normally sense people that way.'

Loki walked over to his own horse and draped an arm over its neck casually, as if that might hide from anyone that he was leaning on it. Jane's tact might have verged on ridiculous earlier but he was thankful for it now. 'Mortals are very faint. But every race carries a spark of something I can sense.'

'That just seems like a much stranger thought than being able to sense spells.'

'It seems normal to me.' It could make some experiences stranger though. Thor's banishment, seeing the spark in Thor dwindle to a mortal level, had been horrifying to watch. The Chitauri whose spark was shared among them as their mind was, making it more of a smeared glow, and Thanos...Loki flinched, startling his horse which had to be soothed with a pat on its neck.

'I suppose it would.' Jane gave him a slightly worried look, and _now_ she asked, 'What's the matter?'

'Do you really need to ask?'

'Technically, no. But I don't know what's wrong now, if that's what you meant.' She managed to duck her horse's affections and came over to pat his, not really as if she were used to it. It didn't seem to mind. 'It's not like you have to answer.'

She was a little too observant, he'd hoped she'd think he was still just shaken from the Bifrost. As if that wasn't embarrassing enough. 'Some beings are more alien than others. The elves are quite strange, but not so much as some.' He laughed, strange and choked. 'Your world is going to _wish_ I'd won when he arrives.'

'Who?' she asked, sounding a bit rattled herself. As she should be. And she hadn't even met him.

Loki shivered. 'Thanos.'

Jane looked at Holda, worried and baffled. 'I don't know who that is.'

Holda said quietly, 'The leader of the Chitauri.'

Loki nodded. 'He's not one of them. He's something else, I don't know what. He found them and gave them a purpose, his purpose, it's what he does to things he finds in the void.'

'Well, that sounds... unutterably creepy.' Jane folded her arms, as if chilled, but didn't step away. 'Any idea when it's likely to be?'

Loki laughed again. 'Sooner than you think.'

'I honestly don't have any idea, except that according to Heimdall he's a fairly long way off.' It couldn't have been that far. He'd fallen all the way there. Suddenly even the ground didn't seem solid enough.

'He's the depth of a portal away. Any portal. And he cannot be stopped. The tesseract will be his. The universe will cower before him.' Loki's voice was fervent, caught between terror and belief.

'Loki,' said Holda. She stepped in front of him and put her a hand on his arm again. 'Just because you were at his mercy then doesn't mean he is all powerful now. You are safe here.'

'He doesn't have the tesseract now,' Jane said quietly. 'He doesn't, apparently, have any means of making a portal. How fast can he move without one?' Her tone was odd. Still meant to be soothing, maybe, but troubled enough that the question was not rhetorical, not dismissive. Not _cease worrying about it_ but _please stay calm and answer me_.

'He's in the void. Distance doesn't work the same way there. I - I don't think he can arrive without a portal, not with the Chitauri. They're linked to their ships and the paths are too small.' Part of him was convinced Thanos could do anything, but another part was insistently pointing out that mathematically impossible was mathematically impossible, even in the void. Even for Thanos.

Jane's eyebrows knit, just slightly. She was no stranger to alternatively defined distances -- they were a common mathematical construct -- but he hadn't offered to share much of the _experience_ of the void, and she hadn't asked him to. 'And if he came alone?'

Loki shivered again. 'A long way, as I know it. But I don't know all the paths.' He lifted his head, looking sightlessly towards the treasure vault. If he could get the tesseract, if he could open a portal, maybe he'd still have a chance of being forgiven before being found.

'That's enough,' said Holda, and he wasn't sure whether she was talking to him or to Jane.

'Sorry.' Jane shook her head. 'Are you coming back out here later?'

Loki looked at the control chamber, across a glittering mirage of a bridge. 'I don't think there's really any point.'

'Okay,' she said, looking like she wanted to say something else. 'I was just going to say, if you wanted to let me know....'

'I don't know what you think _you_ could do about it,' Loki snapped. Did she think her presence was going to make that much difference?

Her shoulders stiffened a little at that, but all she said was, 'Depends on how much good chattering at you about what's going on at the end would actually do.'

Jane's chatter had got him back _off_ the bridge but he hadn't actually been that far onto it. The idea of crossing the whole thing -- and then having to get _back_ \-- made him feel dizzy. This wasn't just nervousness, this was pure terror, and he hated it, hated Jane for a moment for not understanding the depth of it at the same time as he never wanted her to realise. 'Your babble would help less than you think,' he said coldly.

'All right.' She apparently knew she'd been in the wrong. She sounded faintly embarrassed and she didn't snap back at him.

He relaxed slightly, tension going out from between his shoulders. 'I will see you later, I hope. Just not here.'

Jane's mouth quirked. ‘I'll be around for a few more weeks.’

‘You’re not staying?’ She was Thor’s lover, he’d assumed she’d come to live here. Never before had he thought of her leaving for Midgard.

'...Huh?' Jane gave him a bewildered look, as if it had never occurred to her _not_ to. 'This is a visit, I didn't _move_ here! It's kind of a long visit, I'll grant you, but it's a whole other world, there's a lot to take in.'

So, she was going. There wasn’t much point in asking her to stay, either. If she wasn’t staying for Thor she certainly wouldn’t stay for him. ‘I’ll see you later then. While you’re still here.’

She smiled, although there was something faintly worried deep in her eyes. 'I'll look forward to that.'

* * *


	10. Chapter 9: Nerves

Jane kept halfway wishing she'd said something _else_ out at the Bifrost, but she wasn't sure what. Or when. So it wasn't much good as a wish. She did go to the library at the next chance, though. Loki was brooding, but still offered a faint smile of greeting. She tried to avoid the topic of the Bifrost....

...Which turned out to be _really difficult_. It wasn't quite an elephant in the living room (Jane was not, on reflection, entirely sure that would shock anyone very much in Asgard), but they'd been talking about it rather a lot. A surprising amount, really -- it was natural for Jane, who had after all been chasing it and related phenomena for years, but she occasionally wondered why Loki was willing to keep going back to the theory. There were perhaps four or five obvious conversational threads she couldn't pick back up.

Perhaps she shouldn't have been quite so surprised when Loki finally brought it up instead.

'Crystalised light is meant to be indestructible except by certain counterspells,' he told her, which sort of followed on from a thread Jane had dropped. 'I never quite believed it, and there is now very definite proof it isn't true.'

She blinked and looked up at him. 'I gather Mjolnir wasn't supposed to include them.'

'Mjolnir does not count as a counterspell, no. Admittedly we don't know much about the composition of uru, and the people with weapons made of it aren't inclined to turn them over for study.' Loki paused for a moment and then added, 'He apologised to you before smashing the Bifrost.'

Jane had been going to say that as it was an enchanted hammer, she was thinking more of what spells might be _on_ it, but then she got distracted by its apparently mysterious composition -- and then both points went completely out of her head. Along with almost anything else useful to say. She swallowed. 'Oh.' It was, sort of, nice of him. But that sounded inane even inside her head, and unutterably awkward considering _why_ he'd smashed it. And what Loki remembered happening afterward. 'You know, I... really wouldn't have expected to be on his mind at that point.'

'He _was_ destroying his only way back to you to save a planet of people he hated.'

Okay, that was a point, and Thor had essentially promised he'd be right back -- after he _had words with his brother._ His eventual description of just how involved that had become, though... well, there was really no tactful way to say that she'd sort of assumed finding out just how violently crazy Loki had gone at the time would have been uppermost in his mind. 'He... only went into so much detail.'

'The reason he destroyed the Bifrost is not exactly a detail.'

Jane pinched the bridge of her nose, trying not to feel sheepish. 'Okay, no, and he _did_ explain that part. Which makes sense, one of the reasons nobody would believe there was an Einstein-Rosen bridge near Earth was the destructive... you know, I'm just going to drop it there.'

'It wasn't the Bifrost by itself. I overloaded it.' Loki drew in on himself, hunching slightly. 'I was surprised they'd let me near the control chamber again, even with it half finished and me being watched. Maybe they just knew I wouldn't reach it.'

'Right. You used the casket.' Jane studied him for a moment. 'Holda was hoping you'd make it, though.' She’d been able to see that.

'You know about the casket?' Loki looked shocked, suddenly pale.

Jane straightened, blinking at him. 'I said Thor didn't go into a _lot_ of detail, not that there wasn't _any_....' She hesitated. She didn't normally press about how he was feeling, and it hadn't gone that well last time, but the blood didn't usually drain from his face quite that abruptly either. 'Um, Loki, are you okay?'

'The...' He shook his head sharply. 'Do you know what the casket was? Why I had it?'

'Ah... the Bifrost is actually easier to wrap my head around, but I know it was a means of transport and a weapon Jotunheim used against Earth centuries ago, and Asgard captured it.' None of that seemed likely to explain his reaction. Unless he thought Thor hadn't told her -- or, given how long it had gone unsaid in the first place, maybe that Thor didn't yet know -- 'I know that's where Odin found you, too,' she said carefully.

'Don't you care? You haven't -- I couldn't tell you knew. The Jotuns tried to exterminate your race!' His voice was rising but he sounded more confused than angry.

Jane rubbed her forehead. 'So? You were an infant when that _ended_ , you didn't have anything to do with it. You've known all along I wasn't happy with what you did to Earth _personally_.'

'I wasn't going to destroy it!' Loki protested.

'Okay, no, but the point is, I like you in spite of things you _actually did_ or tried to do yourself.' And sometimes she really wondered about that. Trying to destroy Jotunheim was huge and horrifying and difficult to comprehend. Controlling Erik, killing Coulson (not that she had exactly liked Coulson, but still, it was someone she knew) -- those were personal and rather chilling. And yet she still met Loki in the library and worried when he was upset. 'What your biological relatives were up to a thousand years ago? Not really on the radar.'

'You don't understand. Frost giants are monsters, debased!' He looked unhinged, but not in quite the way he had been before. Less about to attack and more, possibly, about to cry. Jane rather hoped he didn't. 'And no matter _how hard I try_ there is still nothing I can do.'

'Loki....' Patting his hand probably wouldn't help. 'You're right, I really don't get it, and frankly the only analogies I've got make you sound kind of creepy for thinking that way, not for being one. But Thor told me about that part before I got here.'

'I can't do anything,' he repeated, left hand fiddling with the bracelet around his right wrist. 'Even less now than I ever could. I can't even walk across the Bifrost. And you -- a _mortal_ \--'

That again. Although this time it felt less like an insult and more like mortification that someone so much more fragile, and without the abilities he was missing, could do something that scared him. 'I don't suppose it'll make you feel _much_ better, but I was terrified when we first landed there and that was without nearly as much reason for it.' She paused. 'Then I threw a screaming fit at Thor for expecting me to ride a horse, and Heimdall had to grab me because I stepped back without looking.'

He looked at her, eyes wide and alarmed. 'You came that close to falling?'

She might have blushed. 'I'm not completely sure, but it looked awfully close when I looked down.'

He shivered and took a moment before saying with some confusion, 'I don't understand the problem with the horse?'

Jane buried her face in her hands with a muffled laugh. 'Neither did he. And it wasn't actually... I was overreacting. I mean, okay, the last time I'd been on a horse at that point, I was eight and it was a very calm, very bored pony that went in circles on a lead. I probably wasn't up for riding a horse all the way into the city regardless, but the idea of riding one on that bridge.... I was already kind of on edge and Thor told me _afterward_ that the way we'd traveled had psychological side effects, but anyway, yelling about it was probably a bit much. But at the time it seemed like the most inconsiderate thing ever.'

'Most ways of travel have side effects. It doesn't seem to bother the elves. I don't know about -- about other beings that have been in the void for a long time. I have no idea what their minds were like to start with.' Loki blinked and shook his head slightly. 'Is that why you left your horse on the near end even though you'd gone to the control chamber?'

Jane was less interested in Chitauri psychology than in what it might have done to Loki's mind, but she wasn't the one to ask those questions. She smiled a bit instead. 'I've gotten a little more used to it, but... yeah. Being on the bridge or on a horse is unnerving enough one at a time.'

'At least horses are reliably solid.'

'That is true, yes. And rationally I know these horses are probably less likely than _I_ am to get distracted and do something stupid out there.' Jane paused. Well, as long as they were on the subject. 'Would you have felt better with one?'

Loki looked at first surprised and then hopeful. 'Maybe. Horses are solid, and definitely only walk on things that exist. I'm not sure I could control one, though,' he admitted, cheeks flushing slightly. 'They tend not to go forward when their rider is thinking "stop".'

'They don't?' Jane asked in reflexive surprise, then immediately tried to wave it off. 'Ah, sorry.' She had not really considered being _too_ responsive as a potential problem with horses, but perhaps this happened when you were a good enough rider that communicating became automatic. 'What if somebody led one? Or would that miss the point?'

Loki looked down and sighed. 'I think maybe just getting there will have to be good enough. It will certainly be hard enough.'

Jane did reach out then, not quite to take his hand but to brush the back of it lightly before drawing back. 'You'll make it.' Even if it wasn't this time, she was pretty sure he'd get there eventually.

He looked up at her, eyes suddenly determined. 'Will you come?'

She actually jumped a little at the shift in body language. 'Of course.'

Loki's mouth quirked into a smile, whether because she would come or amusement at her surprise or both was hard to tell. 'Thank you.'

* * *


	11. Chapter 10: Bridge

Holda was surprisingly supportive of the plan. Maybe not that surprisingly, since she’d been supportive the first time too, but it hadn’t exactly gone well. The result was that a few days later Loki was at the foot of the Bifrost again, mounted on a very steady horse with Holda leading it. Loki was trying not to suspect that he’d got a horse used to carrying young children, but it was clearly used to being led and not terribly bothered by its rider’s nerves. He was rather less bothered by suspecting _Jane's_ horse was used to carrying young children. Even so, she dismounted with a certain air of relief and sent the small roan off to the grass, then came back over to Loki's stirrup.

He smiled down at her, then realised he'd probably have to spend the whole trip remembering not to look at her. It was good to have her there, though. 'Good morning, Jane,' he said, managing to actually sound calm although he strongly suspected that didn't extend to his expression.

'Good morning.' She gave him a decidedly brighter smile than he'd managed. Loki decided it was probably meant to be encouraging. After a slight pause, perhaps for thought, she added, 'I'm not sure if there's really anything helpful I can say at this point, but I'd try if I thought of something. Ready to go?'

'I'm ready,' he said, giving a nod to Holda, who was watching him with a look that asked the same question as Jane. She smiled at him too, a slight glimmer of amusement in her smile that he realised was aimed at Jane's comment and not at him, and then turned and led the horse out onto the Bifrost.

The horse stepped onto it without concern, following Holda with the easy movements of a horse that found there wasn’t usually much point in rushing. As soon as its hooves were on the bridge their fall became silent, the effect rather eerie and not terribly reassuring. Loki swallowed. There was a bridge, the horse would not be walking on a bridge that wasn’t there. Above him the stars were starting to show, the first of the askreisa coming out. Below him he could hear the wash of the sea, but he didn’t look.

Jane kept pace alongside, silent for the first few moments -- Loki fought the impulse to look around and make sure she was still there. It wasn't as if she were likely to wander off randomly -- where would she go? 'It _is_ beautiful out here,' she said finally.

It was, although the extraordinary, nebulae filled sky would be more beautiful to Loki if he didn't remember falling into it. 'Yes,' he said, anyway, and forced himself not to close his eyes.

In his peripheral vision, which he was trying to ignore, he caught sight of the motion as she turned to look up at him. 'You know, I've realised something,' she began, 'from talking to you and Heimdall... an awful lot of my data cannot possibly have been from the Bifrost.'

'The data you collected on Midgard?' Loki asked, grasping at the distraction gratefully. On his own he wouldn't be able to move, he wasn't actually sure he could move in all honesty, but the horse continued on steadily, warm and reassuring under him.

'Yes. There are readings that are --' She was gesturing. Loki assumed it helped her think and was not an essential part of the communication. 'Not the right set of frequencies, or not in a location that matches up to anything you people were doing from here. And mostly, a lot weaker. But the patterns are too similar for them not to be related phenomena. Which raises questions as to what is actually going on.'

‘Were they fixed in relation to the askreisa?’ Loki asked, only realising after he’d said it that Jane would have had no way of measuring that at the time. Would have no way of measuring that from Midgard now.

'I didn't know about the askreisa at the time,' said Jane. 'I _might_ be able to convert between reference frames?' She frowned. 'The sign ambiguities are a problem, though.'

The centre of the bridge was approaching. They would be walking over the part Thor smashed soon and Loki jerked, stiffening in anticipation, making his horse twitch its ears although it paid him no more mind than that. The nebulae above made him feel just as bad as looking down would, as if every direction was suddenly down.

‘The elf paths might have superficial similarities.’ He could hear his voice shaking, but talking was at least grounding him in a place where he was next to Jane on the Bifrost and not tumbling through stars. ‘But they are only fixed in relation to the askreisa, not the stars of Midgard. They would be much.’ His breath hitched as his horse’s hoof fell on a part of the Bifrost that he was _sure_ had been smashed. ‘Much lower energy. Than the Bifrost.’

'The askreisa have predictable relationships to Asgard's stars, though. Not constant, but describable. I'll have to work through it to see if it's even theoretically possible to solve. Without being Heimdall.'

‘You can’t see the askreisa from Midgard, though. Not once you’re right into it, you’d have to work out the relationship between Midgard and Asgard’s stars first.’ The stars were so bright, it felt like they were getting closer…he hunched forward, sharply, focusing his gaze on his horse’s ears.

'I know. I think it's worth a try, though. Not that I'm planning to try to get into the elf paths....' Her hand came up and landed a bit gingerly on his wrist.

Loki grabbed onto it without thinking, wrapping his own hand around it tightly. Like the conversation it was a link to reality in a world that seemed to be unravelling around him. The weight of Mjolnir on his chest, feeling heavy enough to push him through Bifrost, carrying with it, too, the weight of his own failure to be worthy. Thor yelling as the hammer came down and the Bifrost broke. 'The --' He couldn't remember what he'd been talking about for a moment. 'No, not without magic. I don't know if you could, but if something went wrong you'd never find them again.'

Jane's fingers twitched slightly and then curled around his. 'That would definitely be a problem. As would actually meeting elves. And going by some elements of the folklore, I wonder if there are issues similar to time dilation with some of them.'

‘I never lost time on any of mine.’ His horse bobbed its head, giving him a momentary glimpse of shining Bifrost that made him shudder. ‘At least noticeably. I didn’t time it.’

The horse stopped and for a moment Loki couldn’t fathom why. ‘We’re here,’ said Holda.

'That's probably encouraging.' Jane stepped aside to let him dismount. As he let go of her hand, he saw pale marks where he'd gripped it and realised, too, that she'd had to reach overhead. She didn’t seem to mind, but it couldn’t have been entirely comfortable. 'Still, don't worry, I don't plan to try going in.'

The platform was still solid light, with the control chamber and its more obviously solid floor just a few steps away. Due to the fact that it was still under construction, perhaps, the door was open. Loki took a deep breath and slid off his horse, ignoring Heimdall who was watching them with the same impassive look he watched everything, and took the few steps into the control chamber holding on to nothing and no one. Once inside he grabbed at the wall, leaning with the side of his face resting against the cool metal, feeling sick, dizzy and utterly triumphant.

He heard Jane and Holda greet Heimdall; the reply reached him more as a resonance in the wall than a voice. All of them followed him in after a moment. Heimdall nodded minutely in passing and then went to stand by the unfinished pedestal and stare... outward, as if the structure surrounding them simply weren't there. Both women stopped and smiled at him, warmly pleased and genuinely happy for him. Jane was outright grinning.

'I would offer an account of the progress of the repairs,' Heimdall remarked, without turning back to them, 'but I understand Dr Foster has already done so.'

'Pretty much,' said Jane. 'Except for the past day or two, and that's mostly been fine calibration, hasn't it?'

Loki grinned back, heart rate slowing as he calmed down from the journey here. Maybe he hadn't done anything except not panic and demand to turn back, but right now he was somewhere he'd expected never to be again. He pulled away from the wall and looked around, glancing slightly warily at Heimdall. Last time they'd met Heimdall had tried to stab him and he'd frozen Heimdall. 'Now you can show me some of the things you were telling me about,' he said to Jane.

Jane led him around the chamber, cheerfully discussing everything from the geometrical configuration and the energy courses she insisted on calling circuitry, to the interactions with void-space and the source of the spectral effects. She seemed entirely unawed by Heimdall -- Loki reviewed the mentions of him in her conversation, adjusted for possible caution about discussing someone he'd fought, and decided Jane might well have spent more time talking to Heimdall than even some of Asgard's regular travellers. He wondered if Heimdall had spent all of those conversations gazing through the wall.

Curiosity, and maybe bravado after his successful journey, gradually overcame caution. Heimdall was on duty, after all, and Loki was still a member of the royal family. ‘What are you watching, Gatekeeper?’ he asked.

Heimdall's head tilted back very slightly. 'Thanos.'

'Ah,' said Loki carefully, suppressing a shudder. Was this some form of revenge? He wouldn't have expected this kind of subtlety from Heimdall, but the Gatekeeper was hard to read.

'Heimdall,' Jane said, with a note of protest in her voice.

'Dr Foster.' Heimdall's voice was grave and formal, but his mouth flexed, very faintly, into a smile. 'It is the sole comfort I can offer.'

Loki looked at him dubiously. Revenge would at least make sense; Heimdall wanting to reassure him did not.

Jane looked between them, then past, possibly at Holda. 'That's comforting?'

The smile was definitely there now. 'Is it not? That I see our foe, and know what he does?'

'As long as what he does is remain a very long way away,' said Loki, still feeling rather off balance.

'It is. He gathers dark energy, but we will be able to reach him well before he can make a journey of his own.'

‘What?’ Loki felt as if he’d had the air knocked out of him. ‘You can’t go after him. He’ll kill everyone.’

'Do you think so?'

‘I know so! You have no idea of his…’ Loki trailed off uncertainly, realising that claiming Heimdall had no idea about anything he’d managed to see was simply inaccurate.

Heimdall barely moved. 'I have watched him since I found you in his hands. I believe I have some idea of his capabilities.'

'You -- you knew I was there?' Maybe Heimdall had already had his revenge. Or maybe he had told Odin and it was Odin who had chosen to leave him there, to let Thanos find a use for him.

'Later than any would have liked,' Heimdall said sourly.

'Thor mentioned that part,' said Jane. 'He said they thought you were dead at first, but then they found you.' She came up beside him. 'He said Odin had been preparing a rescue.'

‘No.’ Loki shook his head sharply, moving away from all of them. ‘He can’t have been, he only had enough dark energy to send Thor.’

Heimdall's head turned, golden eyes finally fixing on Loki in the here-and-now. 'Did you think he gathered that in two days?'

Dark energy was hard to gather, the amount to send even one person must have taken months. But that just made Heimdall’s lie transparent, because the amount of time it would take to gather enough to move an army would be ridiculous. Odin couldn’t have hoped to reach him with a powerful enough force to make a difference. And why would he even try, when Loki had already failed at any purpose he’d been set to?

‘Stop this,’ he said, forcing command into his voice. He felt trapped, unable to face the way back alone. ‘Lying demeans you, Gatekeeper.’

'Does it?' Heimdall asked. Did the name Lie-smith hover on his tongue? 'I have not lied to you, Prince Loki.'

Loki laughed. 'Then _when_ was he planning on rescuing me? In years, when his supply of dark energy was enough? If Thanos had kept me that long there wouldn't have been anything left to save.'

'It would not have taken years. Some months more, to send one warrior there and retrieve you both. Had he thought you in any condition to trust such a plan, he might have sent Thor alone, and soon, that you might use the tesseract to bring both of you safely to Earth.'

‘One warrior. Against Thanos and all the Chitauri. I can see why Odin would consider that a worthy plan.’ Loki’s voice was heavy, cold with sarcasm.

'Not to carry out a war, Loki. It would have been a risk, but he would only have had to hold them off briefly.'

‘No. No, it’s _not true_. Stop _saying these things_.’ Loki could hear the desperation in his own voice. He grabbed at Heimdall’s sword, not sure what he intended to do even if he could wrest it from the much larger man’s grasp. There was a moment of confusion, the vertigo from the bridge suddenly manifesting again when he didn’t expect it. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Holda reaching for her bracelet and the slide into unconsciousness came as a relief.

* * *


	12. Chapter 11: Privacy

‘When he wakes up,’ Jane said to Holda, a little uncertainly, ‘would you tell him... I hope he feels better?’ They had reached the palace again, Holda leading Loki’s horse from atop her own and Jane rather clinging to hers. It had been a little startling to watch the slender Asgardian woman decline assistance and put the sleeping Loki on his horse as easily as lifting a child.

She wasn’t entirely satisfied with the message, but she wasn’t sure what to change it to. Holda let her think for a moment. Jane contemplated Loki’s persistent uncertainty and added, ‘And maybe let him know I’ll be glad to see him when he’s up for it?’

‘I’ll tell him,’ said Holda. ‘Thank you for coming with us today, Jane Foster.’

‘You can just call me Jane, you know. And thank you.’

Thor had not said a word against the trip, but he had stressed that he would like to know how it went soon afterward, in a way that made his anxiety clear. Jane took a guess how to find him and went to her room, since he wouldn’t wait at the library due to the risk of encountering Loki and potentially spoiling an otherwise successful and therapeutic morning.

He was there. ‘What happened?’ he asked, wrapping her in a hug that Jane wasn’t sure was entirely meant for her.

‘Well, he made it to the control room,’ said Jane, hugging him back firmly. ‘Then he asked what Heimdall was watching and he said Thanos.’

Thor looked down at her. ‘I’d have expected him to watch the elves, at the moment. But he has been watching Thanos for some time.’ His lips tightened. ‘Loki took it poorly?’

Jane sighed. ‘He took that part better than Heimdall trying to tell him about the rescue plans. He made a grab for the sword....’

‘Oh, _Loki_ ,’ Thor groaned. ‘I am surprised Heimdall insisted on telling him. He must know what Loki thinks of me.’

Jane shrugged a bit helplessly. ‘I wasn’t expecting it to go that way either. When he started, I guess I hoped....’ She stopped speaking as Thor lifted his head, and turned to see one of the palace messengers. (There was, she understood, something sort of like an intercom for use when necessary. The corridors would pass words along to a recipient indicated in the right sort of tone. But the personal touch of having someone within normal earshot come and repeat the message was considered preferable.)

The young woman bowed to Thor, but said, ‘Dr Jane Foster. Holda Birchtudottir tells you that Prince Loki is awake and willing to see you at your leisure.’

‘That’s sooner than I expected,’ Jane said, startled. There was no reason to keep him sleeping long, and there had been a worrying moment when he’d stirred on the Bifrost, so she wasn’t surprised he’d naturally awakened quickly. But she hadn’t expected to be _called_.

She glanced up at Thor’s pained face, and he said, ‘You should go.’

Jane went.

The messenger delivered her to Birla, who looked extremely serious, to the point that Jane wondered if something had managed to go wrong in the interim. ‘Birla. How are you?’ Jane paused. ‘Has something else happened?’

‘No,’ Birla assured her. ‘But Prince Loki is insisting we ask whether you’ll speak to him alone.’

Jane blinked. ‘Without any of you there.’ Just to clarify. Even if it did leave room for a certain amount of sarcasm. ‘I didn’t think that was allowed.’

‘We wouldn’t be far -- out of earshot of casual conversation only. Even so, it’s not usual, and you are more than entitled to refuse.’

Jane pushed back her impulsive tendencies and gave that a little real thought. She wasn’t in the reckless nothing-left-to-lose sort of mood in which, notably against Erik’s advice, she’d driven a near stranger fifty miles into the desert to break into a government camp. Loki had done far worse than bellow a bit and break mugs. Loki, even like this, could probably overpower her before she could raise her voice, if he wanted to.

She didn’t really believe he would. ‘I’ll do it.’

Birla nodded, still looking serious, and led her through the corridors to Loki’s suite.

The room Jane was ushered into was a living room, furnished in warm colours with a few chairs and tables with books on them. Loki was sitting in one chair, looking rather pale and worn down, but sitting up very straight. It would have looked more natural, somehow, if he’d curled up in it.

‘Hello, Jane,’ he said listlessly, offering her a smile that didn’t look anything like a real one.

‘Hey.’ She had a sudden and impractical impulse to pass along Thor’s hug. Instead she smiled gently back and took the nearest chair. She _did_ draw her feet up, curling to the side, partly to look at him and partly because the furniture was really ideal for somebody about a foot taller than her. ‘So, you made it out there....’ _Hell of a way to get out of the ride back, though._ Not the best time to tease him.

‘Yes,’ he did look a little more animated for a moment.

‘Which is more impressive than you’re probably telling yourself,’ she added, with a little quirk of her lips.

He did smile back, a small one but more real this time. ‘Considering how much time you spend out at the control chamber you’re the last person who should be impressed.’

‘I don’t have any actual reason to be afraid of going.’

‘I suppose not.’ He shifted around to look at her more easily. ‘It would have been nice if it had ended better.’

‘Well. Yes.’ A rueful smile. ‘I wasn’t expecting all of that to come up.’ Thanos in general. She’d mentioned the rescue first, worried about where Loki’s thoughts were going when Heimdall only spoke of watching him. Perhaps she should have thought it through more.

'You already knew about it.'

She nodded. ‘Some of it, anyway.’

‘I suppose it’s obvious why you didn’t tell me before,’ he said bitterly.

She drummed her fingers on the arm of the chair, then folded her other arm over them and leaned on it to still them. ‘It obviously didn’t work out. And it didn’t seem likely to cheer you up much if you think one of the main people involved wants you dead.’

‘At least I would have heard about it at a better time.’ A sigh. ‘Maybe.’

‘I’m sorry. Even when I first heard about it, it came across kind of... hopeless and after the fact. But I wish I’d said something anyway.’ She thought his parents would have, this time, if they’d had the chance.

‘It’s been weeks since they last put me to sleep,’ he said, sounding frustrated, although mostly with himself. ‘Holda will probably make me write poetry again.’

Jane blinked and looked around the room as if it might contain some explanation of this statement, which seemed unlikely. ‘Poetry?’

Loki groaned. ‘It’s not as therapeutic as she thinks it is.’

‘Oh,’ said Jane. ‘One of those express your feelings approaches?’ She thought writing them down was a fairly common suggestion, and poetry sort of suited that, but... poetry?

‘Yes. It’s somewhat traditional. Which doesn’t stop it from being a confounded nuisance.’

Therapeutic poetry was _traditional_. ‘Is... the nuisance more the expression part or the poetry part?’

‘Mostly the poetry part.’ Loki actually looked a little embarrassed about that, although still more grumpy than anything.

‘How many times have you ended up writing about how much you hate writing poetry?’ Jane asked, not entirely seriously.

‘Actually more than once.’ It was hard to tell how serious the response was, either.

‘Under the circumstances I’m not sure I should wish you inspiration, but good luck with it anyway?’

Loki seemed to have relaxed a little talking about poetry, however much of the conversation had been complaining about having to write it. Now he tensed up again, seeming to be nerving himself up to something. ‘There really isn’t any way to gather that much dark energy in two days.’ He stood up, pacing back and forth across the floor. ‘I couldn’t understand Thor on Midgard. He seemed to have forgotten he’d ever attacked me.’

Jane turned to watch him. This might very well be what he’d wanted privacy for. (She declined to dwell on the possibility that he was leading up to some sort of vengeance on Thor. He _sounded_ like he was trying to sort something out. She tried not to hope too hard about that, too.) ‘I can imagine where that might be confusing.’ He knew how she’d explain Thor acting that way....

'I tried to kill him in New Mexico. Didn't I?' It was a genuine question, as if opening himself to the possibility of one memory being wrong had left him doubting all of them.

'Ah--' Jane's breath left her for a moment. What Loki had done on Earth was, perhaps, easier not to think about than it should be when she wasn't there. When she wasn't around Erik. By contrast, it was easier to overlook what he'd done to Thor when Thor was _right there_ , in perfect health and very much ready to forgive. But the question momentarily brought back up the vivid, horrible moment between when she forgot to be scared of the giant robot because Thor was on the ground and when she was warned out of Mjolnir's returning path. 'For several seconds there I was pretty sure you _had_ killed him.'

'Then it makes more sense that he'd try to kill me. He was eager enough for revenge on Jotunheim.' Loki looked almost as if he hoped Thor had tried to kill him.

'He was very angry with you at the time,' Jane admitted. 'It was strange; he was very cheerful and friendly with everyone who was actually _there_ , but it was still obvious. Although I don't think most of it was for trying to kill him. He kind of told you to.' Words carried on the wind. Thor's maybe farther than normal. 'It was... disturbing.'

He looked at her as if suddenly aware that this was rather personal to her, that she wasn't just someone for him to check his memories against. 'Are you angry with me?'

Jane gestured a bit helplessly and let her hand flop back onto the arm of the chair. 'You attacked the place I was living to get to him.' That... might apply to his invading Earth later, too, but it might have been more complicated than that. 'So sometimes, yes. But it's hard to be angry with you on Thor's account when he _isn't_.'

'He was angry with me though, as you admitted.' Loki rubbed at his forehead as if it might jog something inside loose. 'Why would that change?'

'I really don't think,' Jane said slowly, 'that he ever wanted to _kill_ you. He wanted to stop you. You'd lied to him about your father being dead, you'd just attacked a town.... I know I didn't see the fight,' she really didn't want to have seen the fight, 'but from everything else he's said to me and done, he's really been worried about you.'

Loki closed his eyes, expression pained. 'That sounds like Thor. There were times when it felt like he wasn't leaving me space to breathe, just being near someone like him. But he never tried to hurt me -- until the Bifrost. I remember it so clearly, but everything around it is dark and the edges don't fit together. Odin was there, and I don't remember his face, or his voice.'

Thor had complained, somewhat guiltily, about Odin's choice of when exactly to argue with Loki's wrongheaded view of things. Was it possible that Loki had unconsciously chosen the notion of Thor trying to kill him as less painful than what he'd taken as Odin's rejection? 'Odin was there,' Jane agreed quietly. Her heartbeat was throbbing in her ears; Loki was actually _considering_ this.... 'He tried to catch you both.'

'I don't remember,' Loki repeated, before opening his eyes and looking at Jane, expression haunted. 'Did I really throw myself into the void for Thanos to find?'

Jane choked a little. 'I am... pretty sure that wasn't what you had in mind!' She swallowed. 'But -- according to Thor and Odin and Heimdall -- you did let go.'

'Obviously I didn't intend it, I had no idea he was there. But -- according to them -- it was my own fault he found me.' Loki sat down, and this time he did draw his knees up, curling around himself as if he was cold.

'No,' Jane said, instinctively and a little too fast, and then floundered for a moment when Loki's eyes flicked toward her. 'No. They didn't want you to let go. But being found by somebody horrible wasn't your fault.'

Loki smiled wanly at her, not as if he entirely believed her reassurance, but with a sort of gratitude for her offering it. 'It's bad enough not being able to trust my mind in the present, without the past becoming unreliable.'

Jane winced. 'That does sound awful. I'm sorry.'

'I don't _want_ to believe things that aren't true.' He was rubbing at his wrists again, tugging the bracelets there. 'I want to get better. I just -- don't know what that is, or who I can trust to tell me.'

'And you're worried just about anybody has ulterior motives for what they'll tell you.' Jane let out a sigh. Including her, although she supposed he might rate her more likely to be fooling herself than lying. 'Although, it's probably safe to start by ruling out the Chitauri.'

That got a rather painful laugh. 'Everything they said seemed so reasonable, at the time.'

'I guess that's... not surprising. But not anymore, I hope.'

'It's disturbingly hard to separate what they told me from what I thought myself. But that I have been working on with Holda. I'm at least sure no one wants me agreeing with the Chitauri here.'

'No. I....' Jane debated a moment before continuing, 'I got the impression from Erik that with or without the tesseract's influence, some of the Chitauri stuff did not make a lot of sense. Or the generous interpretation was that it made sense to a hive mind psychology and translated... poorly.'

'It made sense to me. That if a race was doing -- poorly -- looking after itself, someone else should step in and take away the freedom they were misusing.'

Jane eyed him, then grimaced. 'I'll admit, that one's made sense to an alarming number of humans over the years, too.'

Loki looked back at her. 'I'm guessing it usually doesn't end well?'

She shook her head. 'Not really.'

'I'm sorry.' Loki let his head fall back against the chair, gazing at the ceiling. 'Whether my aims made sense or not, all I actually succeeded in doing was destroying most of a city. It wasn't my intention to make things worse.'

Jane couldn't exactly accept an apology on behalf of New York City. She was silent for a moment, not sure what she reasonably _could_ say. 'Well, I guess that's better than if it had been.' She covered her eyes. 'And I do not actually set out to be tactless. Although I think I'm impressed that you're this calm about it.'

Loki snorted. 'I'm both exhausted and thoroughly drugged, or I don't think they'd have let me see you like this.'

It was not at this point exactly a surprise that Asgard had psychiatric drugs and that Loki was on them. It had just somehow never crossed Jane's mind before. 'You do look pretty wiped out,' she admitted. Although even now, he looked _far_ better than in the images from Earth. (Erik had snorted at those and said Loki obviously photographed well.) 'But even just since I've known you, it seems like your self-control and... ability to look at things calmly, have improved a lot.'

'Do you really think I'm getting better?' Loki asked, turning to her with tentative hope in his eyes. Behind it she could see the fear that this gentle imprisonment and struggle for self-control was going to last the rest of his very long life.

'I really do,' Jane said, quietly but emphatically. 'I don't think there's any question.'

He looked down, blinking hard, tension going out of him slightly leaving him looking less huddled but even more tired. 'That's good to know,' he said softly.

'I guess it's hard to tell from inside,' she said sympathetically. 'But it's... honestly pretty dramatic.'

Loki smiled and then yawned, covering his mouth apologetically. 'Sorry. I wished to talk to you as soon as possible. But I may have to get some more natural sleep soon.'

'Don't apologise, I can totally understand that....' She unfolded from the chair; Loki, with what seemed to be automatic courtesy, rose to walk her the few steps to the door. 'I hope you sleep well.'

'Thank you,' Loki said, and it sounded like thanks for more than the sentiment.

* * *


	13. Chapter 12: Atorka

Loki woke feeling much refreshed, if still somewhat confused. It was a fine day, with a light early morning mist that would burn off soon leaving the day sunny but not too hot. A day to be outside, and much as he enjoyed studying, Loki wanted to be somewhere he didn’t have to think too much for a while and let the tangle of his thoughts settle a bit. He told Holda he wanted to go riding, somewhere other than the Bifrost, and on a horse that wasn’t a placid one used to children. It wasn’t entirely a surprise when she agreed; some of his handlers could ride well and he did promise not to try to leave them behind.

More surprising, somehow, was being reunited with his own horse, Atorka, who nickered as soon as she saw him, shoved her nose under his armpit as soon as he got close, and generally expressed, ‘Where did you disappear to for months? I missed you,’ at him. He rubbed her ears until she decided he wasn’t going anywhere for a while and then set about tacking her up.

They rode along one of the beaches that was out of sight of the Bifrost, mostly because it was easier for his handlers to keep track of him there than in the woodland. The sea air seemed to blow cobwebs out of his head and Loki returned from the ride happy and slightly flushed with the exercise. It was while he was rubbing down Atorka — who was enjoying the attention so much she kept getting in the way — that he caught sight of Jane returning her own horse.

One of the stablehands came up to take the small mare, although Jane did pet her ears and neck. (There had been a perfunctory offer to take over or assist with Atorka, but purely as a courtesy. Loki, like Odin, rarely gave up his horse to another's care so quickly unless he was running late or bleeding.) Jane looked around and saw Loki, and came over grinning. 'You look happy,' she said. 'The horse looks _ecstatic_.'

Loki laughed. 'I think she missed me,' he said, as Atorka gave a little snuffle that might be agreement. 'I didn't realise how much I'd missed her.'

'Atorka, right?' Jane asked. At his mildly surprised look, she added, 'You mentioned wishing for her occasionally in Alfheim.'

'You have a good memory,' he answered. Atorka nudged him and he returned to rubbing her down. 'Yes, this is Atorka. And she would have been very useful in Alfheim on occasion.'

Having successfully secured Loki's attention, Atorka peered over at Jane, presumably to see what was so interesting about this stranger. Jane submitted to having her hair and shoulder sniffed. 'Sounds like you both had a very good morning.'

'You should come riding with us some time,' Loki suggested, half serious and half mischievous. The difference between Jane's quiet little roan and Atorka's rangy black courser build was rather apparent.

Jane laughed. 'I've _heard_ how you ride. You could literally go circles around me and Blidtfari. Although I suppose at least it would be more interesting for her than going to the Bifrost and waiting.'

'How did you ever keep up in a fox hunt?'

'Rode double with Thor. Bokki gave me the oddest look afterward, I think he forgot I was there.' A wry smile. 'Either that or it was because I nearly fell over on the way down.'

The chances of Thor's horse noticing Jane's added weight did seem rather slight. Loki smiled as he moved to put the cloth away, Atorka having finally let him finish her last leg. 'I don't think we're close enough for me to propose that as a solution.'

'Probably not,' Jane said, watching in amusement as Atorka shadowed him, as if he might sneak off while storing the cloth, 'but thanks for the thought. You'd just have to come back and find me periodically, I'm sure I wouldn't have gone too far.'

'We could go to one of the beaches. That's where I was this morning -- it's hard to lose sight of someone there.' Loki lead Atorka into her stable, checked she had food and water, and then patted her nose before leaving. Unfortunately bolting the door proved impossible with a horse already halfway through it after him. 'Atorka, you stay here. I'll be back tomorrow.'

Atorka neighed loudly in protest, directly into his ear. Loki gave Jane a rueful glance that confirmed she was trying very hard not to laugh, and not having much success. 'She may take some convincing,' she said.

'Unfortunately the Alltongue doesn't translate into horse,' said Loki. He patted Atorka's neck, then gave her a friendly swat on the shoulder. 'Get in, Atorka.'

Atorka obeyed this time -- backing up with perfect grace while favouring Loki with a _look_ that was equal parts reproach and expectation. 'Although I think even I can translate that expression as "you had _better_ come back and see me,"' said Jane. Atorka whickered.

Loki bolted the door and gave Atorka a last pat. 'I will,' he said. Then he turned to Jane and asked, 'How was your morning?'

'It was good. Heimdall's trying to help with the reference frames, although I think he's in the position of understanding it almost too intuitively to explain.' She glanced up for some reason, then added, 'And he says there's supposed to be a meteor shower tomorrow that might be visible in daylight.'

'Will you be watching it with Thor?'

'He doesn't know about it yet, but probably.'

Loki nodded, having expected that answer. Then he glanced up himself, although in his case to check the position of the sun. 'Would you care to join me in the gardens for some lunch?' he asked.

Jane smiled at him. ‘Sure, thanks. I do have to leave in a couple of hours so you should probably stop me if I start trying to graph the askreisa with pebbles, though.'

'We could pick up a notepad if you think your graphing impulses will be too much for you.'

Jane grinned. 'That might be safer.'

Lunch and a notepad (an _Asgardian_ notepad, with properly thick pages and a translation function) having been acquired they wandered into the gardens. The spot Loki picked wasn't the one where he and Jane had eaten before (and thinking of that made him sincerely hope Thor didn't show up looking for her again, he was trying not to think about how he felt about Thor right now). 'Where are you going after lunch?' he asked, setting up his table and watching out of the corner of his eye as his handlers did the same with theirs.

Jane unfolded her lunch somewhat more gracefully than the first time. 'Ah,' she said, looking sideways at him and sounding slightly puzzled by the prospect, 'a poetry recital.'

Loki couldn't help laughing. Granted Thor quite liked narrative poetry, he wasn't sure it would be Jane's sort of entertainment. Actually, Loki quite liked poetry as long as he wasn't the one having to write it (and he wouldn't mind writing it so much if he wasn't so _bad_ at it).

Jane grinned and relaxed slightly, at which point it occurred to him that she might have been worried about poetry as a sore point. 'I'm assured it will be a grand time and only the slightest bit like a rodeo,' she said. 'Everyone is refusing to tell me in what way it _will_ be like a rodeo.'

'It's probably best left as a surprise.'

'I see how it is!' Jane made a face at him and rather spoilt it by laughing. 'My best current hypothesis involves the presence of cats. But I'm afraid that's based on Midgardian stereotypes.'

It must be, because Loki had no idea why anyone would take cats to a poetry reading. It wasn't as if the cats would appreciate the poetry. 'Did you go to poetry readings on Midgard?' Maybe Jane did like them, then.

'Um, only a couple of times. Once in college when I was rooming with an English major, and one last year by accident.'

Loki picked up some bread and ham from his table. 'How do you go to a poetry recital by accident?'

'Well, I was trying to buy coffee,' said Jane, as if this were an actual explanation. At his mystified look, she evidently realised it wasn't. 'There was one going on in the coffee shop. Maybe improv.'

That left Loki not much wiser, especially since the last word didn't seem to be translating. Coffee was a drink that some of the people Clint had hired had been very insistent about having, and that had apparently incited Thor to mug smashing. Now it seemed places selling it sometimes combined its sale with poetry recitations. And possibly the presence of cats. 'Is coffee very important to Midgardian culture?'

Jane broke down into giggles at that. 'Some of it. Um, mostly informally....' She got control of herself, still grinning. 'It smells good, tastes good -- well, it's kind of an acquired taste in some cases -- and it's a relatively mild stimulant, so it's popular socially and with people who mess with their sleep schedules, which is a lot of us. And coffee shops are a good place to meet up.'

'Ah.' Coffee might be interesting to try, although he realised his handlers weren't going to be keen on him taking stimulants, mild or otherwise.

Jane looked at him curiously. 'I'm... actually kind of surprised you didn't run into it.'

'I didn't try it. Maybe I would have done if I'd realised it was a simulant, but I was a little busy for trying Midgardian food and drink.'

Jane paused. 'Ah, come to think of it, maybe that's just as well.'

Loki considered that for a moment. The tesseract had been...somewhat stimulating in itself, and when he considered his behaviour from the outside... 'You do have a point,' he said, putting a hand over his eyes and not quite sure whether he felt more like laughing or crying.

'Sorry,' Jane said, sounding concerned, and he felt a light touch to his arm. 'You just didn't look like you needed _less_ rest.'

He did laugh, after all, at that. 'Dr Selvig said the same thing. Although not in relation to coffee.'

Jane looked startled, and then her mouth twitched. 'That does sound like him.'

'It would be surprising if it sounded like somebody who didn't say it,' said Loki, relaxing and taking some more food.

Jane took a breath as if to speak, then didn't for a long moment. 'I guess so.'

Loki looked at her quizzically, then shrugged it off. Jane would tell him if she wanted to.

She _didn't_ , for several minutes. But eventually she said, 'He mentioned he felt... more like himself than you'd think, under mind control. It's still a weird thought.'

‘Of course he was himself. I recruited him for his abilities,' said Loki, puzzled.

'Abilities, sure, but you... changed him.'

'Not really. Did SHIELD change you when they hired you? I just didn't have time to convince him gradually. People still remain themselves after a change of heart.'

'I'm not especially fond of SHIELD, actually, but they didn't force me to betray my planet, either,' Jane said, a bit more sharply than she usually spoke to him. 'And are the puns really necessary?'

'Midgard would have been fine. They promised.' Loki looked at her, considering the annoyance in her expression. 'I didn't do him any harm. But I will avoid puns if it upsets you.'

She stared at him for a moment. 'Never mind about the puns. You... actually believe that, don't you.'

Loki considered leaving for a moment. If there were more things he was wrong or confused about he wondered if he actually wanted to know. But, no, he had to work out what was true or he was never going to get better. 'Which part was wrong?' he asked, resigned.

'I--' Jane's voice choked off. 'I have problems with the first part, too, but you don't think forcibly changing someone's mind to make them do what you want counts as harm?'

'I didn't have time for persuasion. It only condensed the process.'

Jane set down her peach, blinking hard, and fumbled it slightly. 'Would you -- would you think that was okay, if somebody did it to you?'

The Chitauri had had _plenty_ of time, and had decided not to use shortcuts that were vulnerable to failure when the subject was hit. He wasn't sure if what they did counted as persuasion, but a spell would have been no worse. And they'd shown him...the truth? It had seemed simpler a month ago, when he'd been sure of that. _It's probably safe to start by ruling out the Chitauri_ , he remembered Jane saying.

'I'd rather they didn't,' he admitted. 'But I -- don't know if it would be wrong of them. I just wouldn't like it.'

'That's... really disturbing.' She had sat back and drawn her knees up, hugging them as if the garden were freezing.

'Isn't changing my mind the point?' he asked with a glance at his handlers.

'Not like _that_!'

'It's terrifying. To think that who you will become is not who you are, and who you were seems like a complete stranger. But it doesn't take a spell for it to happen, and regardless, who you are _now_ is always the one who feels real. So does it really make a difference how you were made to see things differently, or whether you wanted to? The freedom to choose that is always an illusion.' Loki's voice was low, cadence even.

Jane shuddered. 'Yes. It makes a difference.' She rose suddenly, shaking. 'I'm sorry.' She wasn't looking at him. 'I'll -- see you later.' She fled the garden, literally running by the time she reached the gate.

Loki swallowed the impulse to call her back. He'd upset her, clearly, and he wasn't sure how to fix it so it was better to let her go. Even if he didn't see how this scared her more than his shouting at her. He'd just have to hope she'd eventually come back.

* * *


	14. Chapter 13: Meteors

Jane was still shaken from the end of her conversation with Loki when the elves showed up for breakfast the next morning -- fewer of them this time, but with a request for Thor to join them in Alfheim on a diplomatic visit.

'And his lovely mortal lady is naturally welcome too,' said Ambassador Malekith, smiling brightly at Jane from the handsomest face she'd seen any of the elves take. She couldn't help smiling back. 'Dr Jane Foster, is it not? It has been too long since we hosted a representative of Midgard, let alone one so illustrious.'

'Oh, I--' _Shadows merit little consideration._ Illustrious? Even if many elves were kind, or this one flattering, Jane was fairly sure she wasn't equipped for a visit among them just now. She gathered her focus, which seemed inordinately hard. She must not have slept well. 'I am not exactly a representative of Midgard,' she said carefully.

'No matter,' Malekith said gallantly. 'You are a fine example.'

'Jane Foster is our guest in Asgard,' said Frigga, rising and coming around the table to set a hand briefly on Jane's shoulder.

'Indeed.' Odin bowed shallowly from his seat. 'Prince Thor will attend your court as my representative, in all honour -- but you must not shame our hospitality by taking Jane from us.'

It struck Jane as a strange argument, but Malekith conceded the point as gracefully as he did everything else. He offered her another glittering smile; somehow, this time, it made her head hurt.

The elves didn't stay long. They left that morning with Thor -- who had packed rapidly, with an apology to her that he whispered even in the privacy of his own rooms. Odin did not exactly apologise, but he told her that of course, she must understand Thor's duties to Asgard, even if it sometimes led to personal disappointment. Frigga explained a little more, mostly about the etiquette involved.

Jane did understand, mostly, but she was still left feeling rather restless and at loose ends even though most of her normal morning activities here were still available. She could have gone to the Bifrost; she could have done any number of things. What she actually did was go to the library and turn back to the star maps, which held her attention until Loki startled her out of it.

'Good morning, Jane.' Loki clearly hadn't meant to startle her, he was standing some distance away and had spoken softly.

She still jumped. 'Oh. Hi. Good morning.' She waved a hand slightly at the empty chairs, nearly an automatic gesture by now, and resolved to leave Loki's alarming attitude toward mind control to people with some idea how to address it. He couldn't do it now, anyway. 'How are you?'

Loki smiled at her, looking relieved at the welcome, and sat down across from her. 'Well enough. I went riding again and Atorka may finally believe I'm not going to vanish. How are you?'

'All right. A little thrown off track for the day--' Her eyes had drifted back to the map, but she looked up abruptly as it occurred to her that no one would have had a chance to tell him. 'Thor's making a diplomatic visit to Alfheim.'

'By _himself_?' Loki's reaction was alarmed and plainly instinctive, whatever he currently thought about Thor's role in his fall from the Bifrost he wasn't thinking about it now.

'Fandral went with him. And two magicians, but I didn't catch their names.'

'At least he took magic users, then,' said Loki, alarm fading. 'Did anyone mention why they suddenly want a diplomatic visit?'

'Not that I heard.' Jane shot him an apologetic look. 'The whole thing seemed very strange to me; maybe it would've made more sense to you if you were there. Malekith tried to invite me, too.'

'That would have been bad,' Loki said dryly. 'But he can't have expected anyone to consider allowing it.'

Jane rubbed her eyes. 'I don't know what he meant to do. Maybe he was just being polite.'

Loki gave her a look that said he doubted her intelligence, at least where this was concerned. 'No.'

Jane blinked and ran back over what she'd just said. 'That didn't make a lot of sense either, did it? I mean... maybe it was a way to worry people without doing anything they could actually object to.' She shook her head. 'Anyway, your parents argued that it would be improper to send their guest on to somebody else, and he gave in.'

'That is more likely. Worrying people is the least of what Malekith does, but he does enjoy doing it.'

'Can't say I'm fond of the hobby.' She sighed a little. 'Anyway, I'd tell you more if I knew.'

'He spent a lot of time trying to practise it on me while he was here,' said Loki. He shrugged. 'So, I suppose you're continuing your visit here without Thor for the moment?'

'Yes.' She glanced at her watch, then toward the windows. It was later than she'd realised. 'I suppose if I want to look for the meteors, I should head outside before long.' A quick look over at Loki, and around at his minders. 'Are you going to watch?'

'Yes.' Loki hesitated. 'If we're both going to watch, we could go together?'

Jane smiled and condensed the map, then stood. 'I was going to suggest that.'

Loki stood as well. 'I know a good viewing point,' he offered.

'Lead on, then. Do you get a lot of meteor showers?'

'Every twenty years or so.'

Jane blinked. 'Perspective shift,' she said, laughing a little. 'I guess that _would_ be often enough for you to have a favourite spot.'

'If we start comparing ages I'm going to wind up thinking of you as a baby,' Loki warned with a grin.

'I know!' Getting outdoors did lift her mood. 'I'm still trying to make sense of how that translates, you know. Sometimes Thor says or does something that reminds me he has centuries of experience... and then other times I feel like I'm dating a college student.'

'Maturity and experience aren't quite the same thing. I'm not an expert, but I believe it's a question of when the brain has fully developed not what it learns in the meantime.' Loki lead her out of the city, to where a tor was rising from the fields. It was quite big enough to be comfortable on top, although it might be a bit of a scramble to get up there. Especially for someone who didn't have Loki's height.

'Fair point....' Jane surveyed the rocks, then started up where the rock had flaked horizontally, leaving something like very steep steps. She didn't quite catch how Loki chose to climb, but his boots appeared at eye level and he crouched down to offer her a hand -- and for all he still looked a little worn down, he lifted her with as little apparent effort as Thor ever did. 'For us... I think I read somewhere that brain maturity is actually around twenty-five years, but we're generally considered adult _enough_ starting at eighteen or so.'

'I have no idea with us. We reach adulthood at a thousand, officially. If I ever heard when our brains are fully mature I don't remember it now.'

Jane paused. The war with Jotunheim had been about a thousand years ago, so.... 'How old are you, anyway?'

'...One thousand and one.'

'I... had not guessed it was that close.' She paused. 'What about Thor?'

'One thousand and ten,' Loki answered. He reached down to help her up again. They were nearly at the top now, the broad, slightly curved, plateau of rock just above Jane's head.

'--Thanks.' She turned abruptly, putting a hand out to the rock, at the first flare of light in the sky. 'And, that may explain some things.'

Loki pulled her onto the plateau properly, so she wouldn't be clinging to the side of the tor to watch the meteor shower, and sat down beside her. 'Do I want to know what?'

'General attitude, I guess?' Little things that she wasn't sure she could sum up in words. 'Basically everything that went into the college student comment. Eighteen to twenty-two...ish.'

'Ah.' Loki was silent for a while, watching the lights above them. 'If Thor seems that age to you...how old do I seem?'

Several bolts of orange-white streaked across the blue sky as she thought about that. If they were really both considered just barely grown up, she suspected he was hoping she'd say older. And if that was the case, somehow everything he'd been through and much of what he'd done seemed worse for it. 'I'm not sure. I'm not sure what you're usually like, either. Mostly you just seem less relaxed.'

'I sometimes think it would be hard to be more relaxed than Thor.' Loki was still looking up, orange lights reflecting in his eyes.

Jane tried and failed to imagine him making the attempt. 'Have you tried it?’

'I wasn't really intending to suggest it was a state to aspire to,' said Loki, drawing himself up.

'Well, he seems to enjoy it,' Jane said, amused. She lay back flat against the stone, possibly just to be contrary. It was warm from the sun. 'I was just curious.'

Loki remained upright and dignified in a way that made him look rather like an affronted cat.

Jane turned her eyes to the sky, determined not to laugh at him. 'I'm thirty-one,' she said, which was not quite a non sequitur but perhaps only on a technicality. 'I first heard about Einstein-Rosen bridges when I was eighteen. As a theoretical possibility. Before that I thought wormholes were just a fictional convenience.'

'So you decided to look for one?' Loki's pose relaxed slightly as he turned to glance at her.

'Not immediately.' Jane said automatically, thinking of the years of schooling before she'd been able to take up her own research, then paused. Was that really true? 'Or... maybe so. It was a few years longer before I had the background to figure out _how_ to look for one. But as soon as I could pick my own research....' A wry grin. 'I promptly convinced everybody I was astrophysics' youngest total crackpot.'

'Did you mind? Having people think that about your research?'

She blinked and turned her head toward him. 'Of course.'

'I suppose -- you just don't seem very upset about it now,' Loki said, almost apologetically.

‘Oh. Well, no. At this point I'm kind of obviously _right_ , although I'd be happier if so much of it wasn't _classified_.'

'It must be nice to be vindicated.' Loki smiled at her, but he looked wistful.

'...Well. Yeah.' She wasn't sure how to reply, other than that. She couldn't claim to want Loki being vindicated on most of the unusual views she was aware he'd ever proclaimed, and wasn't sure _he_ wanted it in some cases.

'Magic in Asgard is not highly regarded.' Loki was watching the sky again, face composed but voice bitter. 'It is seen as quite useful, in a mundane sort of way, should you want some special effects or a back up plan. A lot of people have a few spells; Thor has his thunder, Odin has spells that enforce his will as king. But it's skill on the battlefield that is remembered. Magic fascinated me.' Wonder crept into his expression, whether at the memory or the beauty of the meteor shower, now in full flow and filling the sky with vivid streaks, brilliant against the faded blue of the sky. 'But specialising in it just meant being relegated to a living back up plan, something to turn to when better methods had failed.'

Jane tore her eyes from the meteors and looked over at him, honestly a little bewildered. Nearly _everything_ in Asgard seemed to rely on magic at one level or another. Although... she supposed that might be where it ended up seeming mundane. You didn't get a _lot_ of superstar scientists or engineers, Tony Stark aside. 'That sounds very frustrating,' she said. 'It seems fascinating to _me_.' A pause. 'As you probably concluded from all the questions about it.'

'Yes. I wish you could use it, you deserve that more than many who can.' He rested a hand on the rock and leant back on it, to tilt his head back further. 'To devote one's life to magic is not a fit study for a Prince. But I was not prevented. I thought, at the time, that maybe I could prove magic did not have to be secondary to swinging weapons. That maybe Fa -- maybe Odin even agreed, to allow it.'

'He's never stopped calling you his son, you know,' she said. It wasn't as dramatic as the rescue plans, but she honestly wasn't sure he did know.

'Pointless. To keep pretending when the truth is known.'

Jane lifted her head. 'Is adoption an alien concept here or something?' Surely it couldn't be? Thor didn't seem to have any trouble with the idea.

'Adopting a Jotun is.' Loki still wasn't looking at her.

'Okay, so you're _literally_ an alien. But you seem to be the only one who thinks that means it doesn't count.'

'You don't understand. I told you I believed, then, that they thought my studies worthwhile. The truth is that they knew it would never matter. They call me a son, but I was never a prince to them. Just -- just back up, like always, in case Thor might need me for a little while.'

Jane sighed and propped herself up on her elbows. 'Loki, they love you. And maybe I'm missing something here, but as you seem to have spent half your time running around as part of some sort of halfway recreational elite combat unit, I have trouble buying that they thought you were not being martial enough. Are you actually complaining that they didn't interfere with you doing something you loved?'

Loki turned away from her. 'Maybe I would have prefered that to being allowed to do as I pleased because I'd been written off as worthless from the start.'

'They don't think you're worthless!'

He laughed. 'Why not? They've been proven right.'

'Okay, what the hell?' Jane asked, then actually shut her eyes -- they were sore from gazing at the brilliance of the sky and not blinking -- and pressed her fingertips to her forehead. _Take it easy. He's probably depressed and dealing with PTSD or something like that._ She wasn't supposed to be impatient with him, even if she'd been suddenly thrown into the position of defending the self-worth of somebody who thought destroying or conquering planets was a good idea and couldn't figure out mind control was wrong. 'Your parents,' she said, with a certain amount of emphasis, 'do not think you're worthless. _I_ don't think you're worthless and I don't have nearly as much reason to be attached to you as they do.'

'I'm useful to you. All you want are answers.' Loki went still and turned to look at her rather suddenly. 'Sorry, that's not what I meant. You've been kind.'

Jane opened her eyes and met his for a moment, then flopped back against the rock, grimacing a little as she misjudged and bumped her head. 'You wouldn't be the first person to tell me I'm a little too obsessed with research at the expense of interpersonal relations. Thor doesn't, but I only gave him a second thought after we dumped him at the hospital because Darcy found a picture showing him _in_ the bridge. I do actually like you.' Even if sometimes that made her wonder what she was thinking.

'Thank you.' He seemed unwilling to say more, as if that slip had made him aware of how much he was throwing at her after the way things had ended yesterday.

'You're welcome.' She wanted it to be a relief to leave it there, but it wasn't. 'I wish you'd talk to them,' she said abruptly. 'It's... you shouldn't only hear these things secondhand.'

'I don't know what I'd say. I still don't know if I can trust my memories of the Bifrost, and the last time I really spoke to Odin I thought I'd killed him.' Loki looked shocked at his own words, as if he hadn't known he was going to say that until it was said.

Jane was also a little shocked and mostly confused. 'You thought you'd killed Odin at some point?'

'The Odinsleep doesn't usually start with him collapsing. We'd been arguing, I thought -- I don't know. He just passed out. And then Frigga wasn't sure he'd get better, said it wasn't a normal sleep.' He sounded rather choked at the memory. 'She stayed by him. I think, if she hadn't really been scared, she would have tried to advise me. But she couldn't leave him.'

'Your entire family is plagued by horrible timing,' Jane muttered, although this probably wasn't really fair. 'I _really_ don't think that would happen again.'

'No,' Loki agreed. 'It just makes it a little unnerving.'

'That's... understandable,' Jane admitted.

'I know I can't avoid them forever. I'd just like...some kind of plan, before speaking to them, and I don't have a good one yet.'

Jane wanted to say he shouldn't need a plan for this, but he sounded so plaintive about it. 'What about your friends?' she asked instead.

'They betrayed me when I should have been their king.' There was something almost automatic about the words, as if he'd been repeating it to himself. When Jane had asked about his parents he'd been thinking about the answers he gave her, this seemed rehearsed.

Jane sighed. 'Okay, I guess that's basically what they were expecting.'

'They should have been.'

'What were you expecting?' Jane asked, suddenly annoyed. 'Didn't you betray them first?'

'What do you mean? I didn't do anything to them.'

'Didn't you let enemies into Asgard? What exactly did you _think_ was going to happen there?'

'That the Jotuns would be caught and destroyed without those at the coronation having time to get involved. Which I was right about. I thought Thor would go and yell at Odin about needing to take revenge on Jotunheim, not try to do it himself with six people.' Loki sounded exasperated, as if blaming Thor for the situation was reasonable despite his own larger role in it.

'Which I will admit was stupid, although that seems kind of superfluous considering it's what everybody else told him at the time....'

'His friends didn't object. Not much, anyway.'

'Really? As they remember it, Fandral argued the point more than you did.' After a moment's consideration, Jane added, 'I don't think that one's really suspect, though, a lot of times people leave a conversation with different impressions of who was trying harder, or whatever.'

'No. I mean, I do remember that, that they argued. I didn't because they'd all already agreed and Thor didn't even ask, really, he just thought I'd come.' Loki did sound a little sheepish, there. 'It's not easy to argue with Thor.'

Jane pinched the bridge of her nose, then dropped her hand so she could see the meteors. 'So you try to set him up to do something stupid instead, and then go with him? And you start it by facilitating an attack on your own people? Loki, did it ever occur to you that this was a terrible plan?'

'I _told_ you I didn't intend him to go to Jotunheim! I didn't mean for him to get banished either! I thought Odin would tell him he was a fool and rethink the coronation, not send him away.'

'That is not where it started being a terrible plan!'

'How else was I meant to stop him becoming king?' Loki said hotly, as if it was beyond doubt that he had to do _something_ to stop Thor being king and the problem was just with how he'd gone about it.

Jane finally sat up again and ran her hands through her hair. 'Why were you doing it at all?'

'I...' Loki's eyes went wide, as if he was seeing through the meteor display rather than seeing it. 'I never wanted the throne,' he said slowly. 'All I ever wanted was to be his equal. I -- I told him that. On the Bifrost. I don't remember...'

Jane gave him a doubtful look. He'd apparently decided he _did_ want a throne -- or possibly that Midgard had to be rescued from either itself or the Chitauri, but it seemed to boil down to wanting a throne. 'Don't remember what?' she asked, after he'd trailed off for long enough she wasn't sure he remembered what he'd been saying.

'What happened next. But -- I think that was real, and I didn't remember it before. Or maybe it wasn't.' Loki threw himself down, finally lying down completely to gaze up at the sky in frustration. The meteors were starting to thin out, and Jane wasn't sure Loki was really watching them anymore. He might be watching something inside his own head.

She tilted her own head back, not wanting to miss the remaining ones. 'You didn't remember... telling him that before?'

'Yes. I'm not sure I remembered thinking it. But I never expected to be handed the throne, I do know that.' He shifted restlessly. 'I didn't want Thor to have everything. Everyone favoured him already, and I was enough in his shadow without being eclipsed by him as king.'

'You did say it. He was arguing with your friends over whether to believe it or not, one day.'

'What did they decide?'

'They didn't. But Thor believes you meant it.'

Loki was quiet for a moment, watching the last few meteors gleam across the sky. 'Do you?'

That was actually a good question. 'I don't know, you _did_ try to take over my planet.' She sighed. 'On the other hand, you sound very little-brothery about it, and you spent months in between with... yeah.'

Loki sat up, looking offended. 'There's no need to make it sound so trivial.'

Jane blinked at him past the remaining meteor afterimages. 'What? The little-brothery part? Sorry, but you _do_.'

'I attempted to kill him. We fought a war. This is not some fight over toys!'

'Don't remind me,' Jane shot back without thinking. 'You still sound like a brat!' She stopped, fingers going to her mouth. Where had that come from? When he said he'd been overshadowed, she'd felt sorry for him.

'If you're still angry about yesterday then I can leave,' Loki said stiffly. 'The meteor shower is over, anyway.'

'What?' Jane gave him a completely blank look for a moment, then shook her head, rubbing her eyes. 'Yesterday. Right. I'm not... I wasn't _angry_ about yesterday. I was creeped out beyond all belief and still am. And I don't know why I said that and I'm sorry.'

'I accept your apology,' said Loki. 'And I did not intend to be creepy.'

'I didn't think you did,' Jane told him. 'That's part of why it _is_.'

'I'm sorry?' He looked a bit confused as to whether being creepy by accident called for an apology.

'It's the not seeing anything wrong with mind control, on you or other people, that shook me up,' Jane said. 'And if you don't see it then I don't think it makes sense to apologise for it.' Or maybe he'd just been expressing confusion, she wasn't sure. Her vision still seemed a little strange, maybe from staring at the daylit sky so long. The sun was getting pretty high. Anyway, it threw her thoughts off.

'I won't apologise then.' Loki stood up and held out a hand to her. ‘Lunch?’

Jane blinked at him for a moment, then took it and got up. Why not? ‘Sure.’

* * *


	15. Chapter 14: Memories

It was the snippet of previously unrecalled memory that stuck with Loki most from that afternoon. He fell asleep thinking about it — which meant that the various dreams about it were probably a result of that and not of him recovering more of his memories. Especially the one where he was attacked on the Bifrost by a bilgesnipe.

Perhaps it was because Thor was gone from Asgard, and entertaining the notion that Thor had not tried to kill him no longer meant having to decide whether that obligated him to see Thor, that he was considering it so much more than he had. Perhaps it was that his thoughts were less jumbled now than they had been. But either way Loki wanted to recall the truth and, when Holda could offer him nothing except opportunities to talk about it, he resorted to finding every book in the library even touching on false memories and making a pile on his usual table. Most of them, unfortunately, involved magic and the usual anti-mind-magic counterspells had been cast on him already as a matter of course.

Which was why, by the time Jane arrived, he had a large pile of discarded books, a very small pile of possibly useful books, a quite large pile of still unread books, and a number of dubious looking handlers.

Jane made a small show of standing on tiptoe to peer over the unread ones at him. 'Building a fort in here?'

'Looking for information on false memories,' he answered, too frustrated to joke with her, and tossed another one onto the discard pile. 'Ones not induced by magic.'

'Oh.' She sat down across from him, going serious again, and propped her head on one hand. 'Not going well?'

'Not very. Nearly all the information is on magical ones.' He gestured towards the large pile. 'Other possibilities...non-magical hypnosis, head trauma, compensation for amnesia. Which aren't impossible. Except the amnesia, I think.' If he couldn't remember something amnesia was tautologically relevant, but he didn't think he had any kind of general amnesia.

'I'm still a little worried about head trauma as a cure for mind control,' Jane observed, then shook herself a little and reached for the top book on his unread stack. He glanced up at the motion and noticed there were shadows under her eyes. 'Can I help?'

'I'd appreciate it. Just put any that involve magic on the very big discard pile,' he answered. Then, a little concerned about her, asked, 'Did you not sleep well?'

She pulled the book off and settled down with it, switching it to English. 'Not very. I had weird dreams... about Malekith, and Erik. I kept waking up feeling like I'd swallowed a rock.'

'I dreamed about the Bifrost. It was less frightening than it should have been, mostly because it was ridiculous.' Loki checked another book. Ale of forgetfulness -- magic again. Wait, mead of memory? Ah, you were meant to drink that _while_ doing whatever you wanted to remember. 'Malekith and Dr Selvig seems like an odd combination.'

'Ah, not at the same time.' She paused to add her book to the discard pile. 'I don't think. That _would_ be weird. I mostly remember Malekith was just... there, and the rest of the time I was dreading talking to Erik about you.' As if she hadn't said anything at all odd, she added, 'What was ridiculous about your dreams?'

'The usual things that are ridiculous about dreams. Creatures showing up for no reason.' He put another book on the discard pile and frowned at her. 'I know you disapprove of what I did to Dr Selvig, but would talking to him about me really be that bad? And if it would can't you just not talk to him about me? You've seen plenty of other things in Asgard he wouldn't object to.'

Jane glanced up at him with narrowed eyes. 'So, what, you recommend I just don't tell him the part he might not be happy about?'

Loki looked at her, a finger in the book he'd been checking, surprised that she seemed angry about the suggestion. 'I thought you were worried about upsetting him,' he said. 'In which case, yes, that seems like quite reasonable advice.'

'You don't seem to have appreciated it much,' she said pointedly.

Loki nearly dropped the book he was holding. 'That's entirely different!' How could she even compare hiding something about who he was to simply not mentioning an acquaintance to someone who might disapprove? He wasn't suggesting she leave Dr Selvig unaware of his own identity. 'It's not his concern in the first place, who you spend time with.'

Jane scowled at her book and then put it aside and pulled down another. 'He doesn't dictate it, no, obviously, but it's not like he doesn't _care_. And he's... a really good friend.'

'Then make up your mind whether you'd rather upset him or lie to him,' snapped Loki. 'Assuming he will be upset. He seemed quite happy to be able to study the tesseract. And sometimes more attuned to its will than I was.' The tesseract was still a strange point in his thoughts. If Thanos was too terrible to dwell on, the tesseract was too wonderful, and he didn't think the awe he felt towards it was a product of madness.

Jane eyed him. 'You are sounding... troublingly non-metaphorical there.'

'I was being entirely non-metaphorical.' At least that sounded more like the sort of slightly concerned comment he usually got from Jane. Loki finally checked his book, found nothing and threw it somewhat violently at the top of the reject pile. 'I thought your friend would have told you.'

Jane sighed and turned to the middle of her book, eyebrows drawing together. 'Kind of. He called it "she" and was... really pretty confusing on the subject.'

'It's a confusing subject.' Whatever sort of being the tesseract was, it did not communicate in the same way as other beings. But it was a being -- it felt like a being, the spark of magic in it more like a person than a magical object, if not like any he'd ever seen elsewhere.

'If it has a will, what did it want?' Jane asked a little warily. 'Does it like the Chitauri? Want to travel?'

'It wanted...' Loki's voice trailed off as he remembered galaxies that were no part of space, things even Heimdall had never seen. 'To be used,' he said, after too long a pause. 'To be looked into, to be opened. You'd like it, Jane. The device Thor brought stops its voice, but it would show you everything.'

She looked tempted for a moment, maybe, but then shivered. 'He did say it was fascinating. Mysteries of the universe and everything. From the way you're talking... I'm surprised he managed to build the shutoff.'

'It shouldn't have been possible for numerous reasons.' Loki wasn't entirely sorry Dr Selvig had managed it, though. Even as he feared the Chitauri's vengeance he was somewhat grateful not to be trying to rule a planet while not in control of his own thoughts. He blinked, then remembered what he had been doing before he started talking about the tesseract and picked up another book.

'Maybe I'll tell him you're impressed.' She shook her head and gave up on another book herself. 'This one is not only magical, it seems to be about a very extreme form of method acting.'

'Useful for spies, I expect,' Loki commented. 'And you can, if that is something he would want to hear.' Telling her that he'd rather liked Dr Selvig himself might not go over well.

'He might not mind that part.' She discarded two books apparently based entirely on the table of contents, then started paging through the next before asking, 'Did he try to get you to take better care of yourself? In between the mysteries of the universe?'

'Yes.' He had made attempts at convincing Loki that short of time as they were, eating and sleeping were not unnecessary delays. Even though he'd been caught up in the tesseract himself. 'He did.' Loki frowned at the book he was holding. Not magical, but it wasn't going to do him much good when he didn't understand most of the terms used. He put it on the 'to read' pile anyway, and made a mental note to get a dictionary.

'When I was working on my dissertation he used to send me emails about it. "Vitamins are important, Jane." "Get some sleep, Jane, your project is screwball enough without dream sequences." "You're stressing too much again, Jane, you'll still make the deadline if you take the night off and get drunk."' She mimicked the cadence well enough Loki could imagine Dr Selvig's voice and accent, and for all the gruffness of the words she sounded decidedly fond.

'I don't think he would have considered it a good idea to advise me to get drunk,' he said, unable to help smiling. 'He made some of Clint's hires go and get pizza -- which is a bizarre foodstuff -- and told me that they still needed to eat, even if I didn't think I did. And that I was wrong about that, anyway.'

Jane was smiling by that point, too, though it looked a little unwilling. 'I think he had a point. What's so bizarre about pizza?'

'Mostly I know what is in something I've eaten _after_ I've eaten it, if not before.' Not that the pizza had been bad. But it had certainly seemed strange to him at the time.

'So he did actually get you to eat.' Jane started laughing outright at that point, but still trying to keep it quiet, if not actually restrained. 'I always thought pizza was pretty open about what was on it, but I guess if you're not familiar with the toppings....'

'Yes. He did convince me to eat,' Loki said, his own mouth twitching less out of amusement than because her laughter was contagious. 'Perhaps having practised on you stood him in good stead. And I could recognise the toppings, meat and cheese are simple enough, but I have no idea what the red ooze was.'

Jane blinked. 'Oh, you don't have tomatoes here, do you? They're a kind of vegetable -- the sauce was probably pretty heavily seasoned, they're different by themselves but I think you'd recognise the flavour.'

'Ah. So that's what I ate.' Loki discarded another book, this one apparently about sharing memories through dreams. The pile to be looked through was getting noticeably smaller.

'Probably.' Jane flipped through another and glanced up. 'Do you want to keep one about hallucinations?'

'If it's not magical, then yes.' He wasn't sure how much relevance it would have to the memory issue, but since he'd actually hallucinated during some episodes where he lost control it might be useful anyway.

'Doesn't seem to be.' She set it on the to-read stack. 'What exactly are you _hoping_ to find?'

'An explanation. If I can understand why it might have happened, maybe it can be reversed. Or I can understand which parts are likely to be true.' Probably it couldn't be reversed. Magic could be undone with a counterspell, or, in the rather baffling case of the sceptre, by hitting people. Brain damage (which he really didn't want to think was the cause) couldn't be undone at all. He had no idea about non-magical hypnosis. 'At the very least, I'd settle for knowing circumstances make it plausible. Or implausible. For having a decent reason for deciding what I believe.'

Out of the corner of his eye, Loki thought he saw one of his handlers relax slightly. 'That makes sense,' Jane said. 'I admit, I'm going partly on the fact that Thor hasn't been through nearly as many things that _could_ compromise his memory, and he seems like he'd be a terrible actor.'

'That...is a good point. Thor really is a terrible actor.' Odin could probably compromise Thor's memory, Loki thought, looking at the large pile of magical memory altering techniques they'd discarded. But was that really likely? He could _imagine_ it. Odin deciding the only way to cover Thor's crime was to make him forget it. He rubbed at his forehead. Unless he could completely rule out his own memory being suspect it was far from the simplest solution.

Jane followed the look and asked, 'Do magical false memories really come up a lot?'

'Not really. Not least because they're vulnerable to counterspells, which would be cast on anyone acting suspiciously. Thor...has not been acting suspiciously, that I'm aware of, and wouldn't if he _were_ in the grip of a false memory.' He hesitated and then let out a breath softly. 'I don't actually think it's likely. More and more I'm suspecting that my memory is wrong, because if Thor would have killed me on the Bifrost then he's had similar opportunities and motivations since.'

'Logical,' said Jane absently. 'You certainly provoked him enough.'

Considering Loki had stabbed him that might be an understatement. Loki picked up the last book and flipped through it, before slamming it onto the discard pile and looking at the half a dozen books that might contain actually relevant information. Thor was not usually hard to provoke. Insult or injury, he believed in fighting back against those who delivered them. Except, apparently, when it was Loki, because if he did discount the fight on the Bifrost then Thor had never tried to do more than stop him. 'I would have thought so.'

'Were you trying to?'

'I was rather confused by his behaviour. At least an honest attack would have made sense.' And an equal enemy would have been a better role than a wayward little brother. But, for all he'd opened up to Jane during the meteor shower, he didn't want to say that now.

'He loves you.' It came out rather flatly.

Loki turned away from her, walking towards the shelf where he could find a dictionary. 'I love him too and look where that's got us,' he muttered, not sure whether he was out of earshot.

He hadn't been. She was still looking toward him when he turned back, and her expression was softer. 'It is a mess. But at least that's a good thing to go back to.'

After a thousand years of loving Thor, being dragged places by Thor, watching Thor's back, having Thor watch his back, being overshadowed and overwhelmed and teased and adored by Thor...he wasn't sure whether he wanted to go back to that. Or whether he could possibly choose to leave it behind. He settled into his chair and opened a book that it seemed reasonably possible to make sense of. 'I'll see how things stand when he gets back.'

* * *


	16. Chapter 15: Spiderweb

Jane didn't think it was unreasonable to be a little disappointed about Thor's unexpected diplomatic mission, as long as she acknowledged it was a legitimate part of his job, so to speak -- and it was genuinely a little worrying, given what everybody kept saying about the complex political situation with Alfheim. But she really didn't think it should be leaving her this out of sorts.

Odin and Frigga made her continued welcome clear. Heimdall was nice to her. The Bifrost repairs were continued with a new urgency in the hope of eliminating Asgard's transportation disadvantage, and Jane -- who didn't say it often, but entertained dreams of working out how to create a controlled Einstein-Rosen bridge entirely with nonmagical technology -- spent as much time as ever watching them but tried not to interrupt. A few times she spotted Birla off-duty at lunch, and they ate together and actually talked. She spent most of the rest of the time with Sif, Hogun, and Volstagg or with Loki, and sometimes wished she could get them to join each other, but she didn't push it.

But even though nothing _except_ Thor's presence had changed, she felt weirdly adrift and on edge. She didn't remember her dreams, but she woke up feeling inexplicably uneasy. Her temper soured, especially with Loki, sometimes whether he'd done anything new to deserve it or not. (On the other hand, he'd done an awful lot already. And getting suddenly passive-aggressive about her upcoming departure or her missing Thor was just not on.) She started experimenting with Asgardian dress in the vague hope of feeling more settled or at least distracting herself -- nobody pushed her to, outside of the feast for the elves, but she'd been offered a couple of outfits for their greater durability or to make sure she didn't feel out of place. The casual gown was surprisingly comfortable, but the long skirts made her feel overdressed and got in her way. The tunic and trousers felt _almost_ normal. The utilitarian knife that everybody assumed was a standard accessory just felt _strange_ , and she left it off more than half the time. She picked it up almost absent-mindedly on the way to the library to meet Loki one afternoon, though.

Loki was sitting at their usual table, flicking between an open book and a dictionary with a frequency and frustration that suggested he didn't actually understand what he was reading. When he saw her he looked relieved at the thought of a distraction and gestured her to a chair with a smile.

'Dare I ask what you're reading this time?' Jane asked as she sat down -- which might not be that _much_ of a distraction, but she was curious.

'The last of the books we found on false memory. I did make it through the others, at least the relevant parts, although there wasn't that much of use.' He pushed the book away from him and stretched. 'Holda says this one is meant for people who've been studying the field for a century or so. But it contains far more detail than the others. Just not detail I understand.'

'It does sound very advanced.' That was an understatement. What would it be like, to be able to study your chosen field for centuries? 'Have you asked her what she thinks about it?'

'About my memories or my studying them?' He didn't wait for an answer. 'That it's often not possible to tell after the fact how something like that happened. It's more important to deal with the implications in the present, especially since most of the ways it could have happened suggest I'll never recover my memory fully.'

'I meant about the book,' said Jane, 'but I guess that was pretty comprehensive.'

'If not precisely useful,' Loki answered. 'She doesn't like my wanting all the information before I'm willing to make decisions.'

'Maybe she thinks you're procrastinating,' Jane suggested, a bit more flippantly than the subject probably deserved. 'Do you want to wait a century or so to decide?'

'I _was_ hoping maybe I could pick up the gist at least without it taking that long. Possibly wrongly.'

'Some people really don't like simplifying their field,' Jane said. 'Maybe if you started with a lower-level book?'

Loki sighed. 'She did explain some of it. The problem is that putting it in simple terms means...losing all the detail and coming back to what I'd found out from the others, mostly. Starting with lower level books might not be a bad idea. Even if it doesn't deal with false memories maybe I'd understand a little more.'

That _was_ a pitfall. Usually there was a reason for the specialised jargon. Usually. 'At least it should be interesting?'

'Hopefully. I can't say it's a field I'd ever considered studying _before_.' He stacked the book on top of the dictionary, in an apparently final rejection of his attempts to read it for the present. 'How about your studies? Did you manage to match the Midgard and Asgardian stars?'

'Hah--' It came out somewhere between triumphant and exasperated. 'At this point I'm almost sure we can barely see any of the same ones. Heimdall excepted, of course. But I think I might have a start on the reference frame. I've been paying more attention to the Bifrost technology lately, though.'

'If you weren't going back to Midgard you wouldn't need to match them. You could just look for the same...energy signatures...here, where we already have the relations with the askreisa mapped out,' Loki suggested.

Jane leaned her forehead on her hand, shutting her eyes for a moment. It wouldn't actually be a bad thing to try, to check whether she could find the same or similar features here. But still. 'But I _am_ going back to Midgard,' she said a bit testily. 'And all my instruments are there anyway. I just got them recalibrated from when SHIELD swiped them all to look for you.'

'You could bring your instruments _here_ more easily than you could replicate all the knowledge we have on Midgard,' Loki protested. '...and I don't think I'm enough like a path through the void that instruments for looking for them would have helped.'

Jane buried her face in her hands, torn between laughter and exasperation. 'To look for the tesseract. Stop _nitpicking_.'

'Does SHIELD make a habit of stealing your things?' Loki sounded sympathetic, but also like he might be working up to another argument for why staying on Midgard just wasn't worth the hassle.

'Twice,' Jane admitted grouchily, 'but that time was your fault. I guess I'd have said yes anyway, but they manufactured an invitation to Tromsø in case you came after me, so I wasn't there.'

'I didn't force them to look for me using stolen equipment. I wasn't even terribly hard to find.' He tilted his head to one side. 'What else did they steal?'

'All of it.' The old irritation with SHIELD stirred again, but Loki obviously _meant_ it to so she ended up wanting to growl at him instead. 'Equipment, records, backups...'

'That's rather more than I was expecting. What were they doing with it?'

'I don't know. Trying to keep the whole thing a secret, I think,' Jane aid with a sigh. 'They took my _notebook_. Thor stole it back for me.'

'So this was back when Thor arrived?' Loki asked. 'Was it his arrival they were trying to cover up?'

'What? Yes.' Hadn't she said that? Was he being patient at her? She eyed him suspiciously. 'Probably. Or Mjolnir's. Although that might've been a lost cause by then.'

'It doesn't really sound like an organisation you'd enjoy working for,' Loki said after a pause. 'Discovering things only to hide them from other people seeking the same answers. Did you get a choice about joining them?'

'They lured me in with data on the New York City wormhole,' Jane muttered. Which was also his fault. Well, the data wasn't a fault, but the damage the Chitauri had done certainly was. And he was trying to put down SHIELD to her when they'd been defending Earth against _him_. She felt anger catch and smolder under her breastbone. 'Loki, Earth is still _home_. I'm still going back. You can quit trying to talk me out of it.'

'What do you have on Midgard that you couldn't have here?' he asked plaintively.

'I have family there,' she hissed, suddenly furious. How _dare_ he try to take that from her after everything else he'd done. 'Friends. My entire career, which I will note, is finally starting to look up despite a bizarre infestation of aliens and spies.' As Thor's arrival had actually been the definitive proof of her arguments, the aliens part wasn't entirely fair, but Jane was too incensed to care. 'I am not _abandoning my life_ just because _you_ think it's too trivially short to matter!'

Loki looked wide eyed and rather stunned at her outburst.

His shock only made her angrier. He knew what he'd done. He knew what he'd _tried_ to do. Jane's temples throbbed, a red-hot pulse beating behind her eyes, and her hands were shaking. If she was fast enough she could pull out the knife; she was close enough to bury it in his throat before the minders could move. She could practically feel the blood gush like red ice over her hands, see his expression still shocked and bewildered as she twisted it free--

\--And what was she _thinking?!_ Jane knotted her hands in her lap, still shaking, now with terrified reaction. She was angry -- she was still angry -- but she didn't _stab people_. She was not a violent person! She wanted to vomit. (Not on the library table. Maybe on Loki -- what was the matter with her?)

Nothing. Nothing was. He'd tried to conquer her home, had brought his own tormentors swarming down on it. Of course she was angry.

She still didn't stab people. She'd had violent impulses before, probably everybody did, but not that kind of vivid, gory fantasy. And not to someone who was trying to do better. Someone who was her friend.

She ought to. What did trying matter? How would Erik feel about this? Hadn't she as good as stabbed _him_ in the heart by doing this, shouldn't she avenge him?

Jane told herself a little desperately that this was idiotic, Erik might be upset but he would hardly want her to do something so horrific and so _stupid_ instead. She obviously needed to... to go somewhere and calm down. Maybe find somebody to talk to herself. Holda couldn't be the only -- therapist, counselor, whatever -- in Asgard.

But no. No. That would be mortifying, and possibly dangerous. You couldn't go around in an absolute monarchy saying _excuse me, I really want to kill the prince and I think I need some emotional help._ Maybe if she, if she... just went somewhere to calm down. No, she should pretend everything was normal. Her eyes, why did her eyes hurt? She felt like she'd been looking into a bright light....

This was _not_ normal. ( _I know this is not normal,_ books and Asgard's strange heavy notepaper scattered on the floor.) Her decisions weren't supposed to shatter and scatter like this. She wasn't supposed to want to stab people. Being out of temper was one thing but this was something else entirely, she _did not think like this_....

She did not, in fact, think like this. Jane turned her thoughts inward, not entirely sure she could describe how, and felt with a sudden clarity the web of shimmering grey-silk shadows just as they tightened down to strangle her. She opened her mouth, wanting to scream, wanting to explain or apologise or warn Loki, but she barely parted her lips before they closed again.

 _Kill him._ The voice was Malekith's, musical and cruel.

 _No._ Her own thought sounded feeble inside her head. _I don't want to and I'm not like that._

_Oh yes you are. Do it for love of me._

_I don't love you._ Her body and thoughts were on fire for him suddenly, but that wasn't love, and she wondered hazily if Malekith thought it was.

 _Do it._ She felt her hand shift toward the knife, wrap around the hilt, sheltered from view by the table. There was just time --

_NO!_

Silence inside her head. She felt like she was choking, like there were cobwebs in her throat and brain, silk-soft monofilament slicing into the edges of her mind. She sat hunched over a little, trembling, and surely someone had to notice--

She straightened, because it was only courtesy and she had to pretend nothing was wrong, and wanted to scream inside. _I shall have my will of you yet,_ Malekith's voice said again in her thoughts. _You will hold your tongue, about me. You will give no apology, no warning; you will give no hints. Go if you must. Flee if you must. Delay if you insist, but time is always on my side._

'I have to go,' Jane choked out, finally, and the grip on her limbs released so she could run.

* * *


	17. Chapter 16: Avoidance

It wasn’t the first time someone had responded to Loki’s manipulation with anger. Nor was it the first time Jane had suddenly decided she had to leave a conversation with him. Yet it felt wrong; Jane wasn’t endlessly patient but she hadn’t shouted at him before and the time she’d left it had turned out to be because he’d frightened her. While he could see how his attempt at persuasion might have annoyed her, he didn’t see how it could have been unnerving. Certainly not to the extent of looking ill and fleeing. Maybe she was missing Thor more than he’d thought and he was just overreacting? All the same he made a note to keep an eye on her, if only to reassure himself.

Unfortunately this proved almost impossible. Before he’d run into her whether he was trying to or not, but now she seemed to never be in the library. Other parts of the palace were closed to him, when he tried waiting near the stables (to the delight of Atorka) she stopped briefly to drop her own horse off and gave him no chance to exchange more than cold pleasantries with her. He even, feeling like a fool for trailing her like this and uncomfortably reminded of the time when Thor had been old enough to go out with friends and he hadn’t, waited around the end of the Bifrost only to find she never came over it while he was there.

Maybe she had decided he deserved her hatred after all. But how could he have lost a friend over something so small?

After days of turning things over in his head he swallowed his pride and sent for her, only to be politely but firmly turned down. Asking Birla to go and talk to Jane got a sympathetic but firm response that it was not Jane’s job to spend time with him, or Birla’s to imply she should be. Eventually Loki reached the decision that if he couldn’t see how Jane was for himself he’d have to go and find those who could. Which, given she was spending most of her time with Thor’s friends, was going to be horribly awkward.

He decided to meet them near the sparring area, a place he hoped they’d be without Jane. Actually entering the sparring area wasn’t allowed — Loki’s attendants were quite aware that his sleight-of-hand meant he could quickly pick up an unattended dagger without them even noticing. He didn’t want to arm himself, but couldn’t blame them for preventing the possibility, so he waited patiently outside for Hogun, Volstagg and Sif to emerge.

He'd timed it well. Before long he heard them critiquing each other's performance as they approached the exit, and he stepped forward as they came through the door.

They all started and went quiet, almost like when they'd found him on the throne. Loki tried to push aside the comparison -- though again, Sif was the first to speak. 'Loki,' she said, sounding surprised, and then apparently ran out of ideas.

He swallowed, trying not to look as nervous as he felt, and plunged into his reason for being there just to get it over with. 'Good morning. I wondered how Jane was doing? I haven't seen her lately and she didn't seem herself last time I did.'

They glanced at each other before Volstagg said, 'Well, to be blunt -- she seems rather badly upset with you and hasn't said why.'

Loki dropped his gaze feeling more confused than ever. Was that really what it was? Was he just looking for a reason to think that her withdrawal must be for a reason other than simply being tired of him? Did he hope something _was_ wrong with her? He'd like to think not. 'Nothing else?'

'She misses Thor,' Hogun offered, which was perhaps a bit obvious but he _had_ asked.

'She wasn't this upset over his leaving,' Sif said. 'Not at first.' She eyed Loki, frowning. 'What happened?' It sounded rather as if she had made a particular effort not to say _What did you do?_

Must Sif's first instinct _always_ be to blame him? Although at least she had made an effort not to do so out loud. 'Nothing,' he protested, before realising that if he wanted information they were going to have to have some idea of the situation. 'I tried to convince her not to go back to Midgard, but it's not as if I said anything terrible about it. Then she shouted at me and ran out looking ill.'

Sif looked slightly pained. Volstagg said, 'That sounds like more than nothing, but you talking about Midgard seems like asking for trouble somehow.'

'Why were you telling her not to go back?' Hogun asked.

'Because she's the only friend I have right now,' he snapped. It was embarrassing to say, slightly less embarrassing when he could throw it at them and hope it hurt.

'That's because you won't see anybody else you don't have to,' Sif snapped back.

'You've made your opinion of me painfully clear, and I don't have any reason to bring in visitors just to hear my faults. I wouldn't be seeing you now if I wasn't worried about Jane.'

'You -- We miss you, you _idiot_ ,' Sif snarled at him.

'Perhaps we could remain slightly calmer,' Volstagg suggested, sounding alarmed.

'You would rather have joined Thor in exile than accepted me as king!' Loki shouted back. His handlers were looking worried -- not the sort of worried where they might send him to sleep, the sort where they might step in and decide the conversation was too stressful for him.

'You were acting like you wanted him gone!' Sif said hotly. 'You were acting like you thought everything was _fine_.' Volstagg cleared his throat loudly, and she turned the heated glare on _him_ , then glanced at Loki's handlers and took a deep breath, visibly trying to rein in her temper.

Loki had wanted Thor gone. Or, not exactly wanted _Thor_ gone, he would have liked him back, but wanted competition for his father's approval gone at least long enough to give him a chance. It hadn't worked, anyway. 'Nothing was fine and bringing Thor back wouldn't have made it so,' he said flatly.

'That much I think we can agree on,' said Volstagg, 'but it might have helped. We feared he would die down there. Considering he managed to be struck by their vehicles _twice_ before he'd been there a full day, and that was before you tried to kill him....'

Loki forced himself not to flinch. 'I didn't know about the vehicles. And -- and that was after you'd gone after him. I went to look for him before and he was --' Imprisoned by a possibly hostile organisation, actually. Which Loki didn't remember even considering at the time. 'Not hurt.'

'That was when you told him Odin was dead and he could never come home?' Hogun asked. 'Until he told us that, we did not _know_ you had done anything wrong.'

'You were quick enough to assume it then!' The retort was automatic, on his lips before he'd really registered the rest of what Hogun had said. Why had he tried approaching them? He'd known it would turn into having his faults thrown at him.

'We would feel more guilt for that had it not been true,' Volstagg said with a sigh. 'Enough. Thor has forgiven you, whether you regret it or not. And Jane seems more anguished than angry, but I am not convinced it is necessarily strange of her.'

'Anguished is a strong word, if all that's wrong is that I upset her,' Loki said quietly, addressing Volstagg. 'Anger I would have been less surprised by, although it's unlike her to stay angry for so long. But, truly, there is nothing I said that should have made her miserable.'

Volstagg's eyes flicked to Loki's handlers, as if they might have a better idea of whether he was right. 'Can you really be certain of that?' He shook his head. 'We asked her what was wrong. She got as far as your name and choked up.'

'I told her that she could study the void more easily from here than Midgard and that she'd be better off not working for an organisation that steals her things,' Loki said, frustrated. Sif snorted faintly at the mention of SHIELD's apparent kleptomania -- at least that seemed to be familiar. 'She might have felt I was being dismissive of her desire to go home, but there's no reason to act as if I hurt her.' Especially not to the point she couldn't even talk about it. Couldn't? Overcome with emotion or -- or a compulsion? Surely no one would compel her not to talk about him, they would have no reason to. He _had_ to be reading too much into this. Yet, it made no sense for Jane to act this way _without_ one. 'Could she be enchanted?' he asked abruptly. 'Did she seem compelled not to talk, or like she didn't want to?'

Amusement vanished, Sif looked skeptical, but she did listen. 'We didn't press her,' she said. 'And normally you'd be the one to pick up on it if somebody was enchanted, but why _would_ she be?'

'I don't know,' Loki admitted, feeling a little less defensive. 'Something is just wrong. Not so wrong that her behaviour doesn't have other explanations, but enough that I'm uneasy about accepting them.' He tugged at the bracelet around his right wrist. 'And I have no way of being sure.'

'It just seems a very strange choice of enchantment,' Volstagg said doubtfully. 'Perhaps something you said struck deeper than you think.'

Perhaps it had. It wouldn't be the first time. Loki found himself wishing Thor was there, simply because he'd know Jane well enough to be able to tell if there was something wrong. If he could just _talk_ to her then maybe he could work it out, he knew enough about the signs of enchantment that maybe he could see them even without his own magic. And if that wasn't what was wrong, then maybe he could apologise for upsetting her to this extent. He wondered, suddenly, if this was how Thor felt about him, the certainty that if they could only talk about it then everything could be worked out.

On the other hand if something _was_ seriously wrong with Jane then he was the only one that even suspected it, and respecting her wish not to see him could mean leaving her in danger. _If I can sort out whatever is wrong with Jane, I'll talk to Thor,_ he found himself thinking, as if fate could be bargained with.

'Just watch her, then,' he said. 'She might be in danger and you owe it to Thor.'

'We also rather like her,' said Sif. 'We'll see what we can see.'

Loki nodded, nearly said _I'll see you later_ without thinking, and settled for, 'That was all, then.'

'We'll see you later,' Volstagg said, as automatically as Loki almost had, and then regarded him and his handlers with some perplexity. 'Er. Or... farewell.'

Loki walked away feeling...oddly reassured by the slip, even as he still wondered whether he wanted to see them later. The conversation hadn't helped much, in the sense of getting information, but it had provided something for his worries to coalesce around. If Jane was under a spell he should act fast, and that meant finding her somewhere where she wouldn't be expecting him and ready to leave. Most of her time seemed to be spent in the Bifrost control chamber. He took a deep breath. He'd made it across once. Time to find out if he could do it again.

* * *


	18. Chapter 17: Flight

The Bifrost, or so Jane had thought, was _safe_. She could go there and sit quietly and still learn something, and nobody asked questions she desperately wanted to answer but couldn't. And she could think about something other than what to do about the spell, which was a disheartening effort when Malekith spent the whole time eavesdropping and laughing and making sure she knew he wouldn't let her do anything she thought of. She supposed he might be learning more than he should about the Bifrost, but the elves didn't _need_ it, did they?

When Heimdall remarked, 'Loki comes across the bridge seeking you,' the effect was electrifying.

'He's coming _here_?' Her voice ended in a squeak. How could he be coming here? Yes, he'd made it to the end of the bridge before, yes, she'd assumed he would eventually be calmer about it, but -- he'd had to fight so hard to get here, she hadn't thought --

 _He's that eager to see you? Are you sure_ he _isn't in love with you?_ Malekith offered, amused.

 _You don't have any friends, do you?_ Jane lashed back at him, helpless and hating it, and all he did was laugh.

Did Loki miss her that much? Had he guessed something was wrong? It was... it was touching that he'd make this much of an effort, face his fears again to see her, although she supposed if she were really upset with him on her own she'd probably be terribly irritated. But why, why, _why_ did he have to come here of all places when someone was trying to make her murder him?

Heimdall nodded, which was more of a response than the question really required. Jane peeked out of the control room and then ducked back in fast. Loki was not only out there, he was making faster progress than she'd have expected. Birla was leading his horse, but Jane somehow wasn't sure she was the one urging it to speed. His eyes were fixed ahead, so he'd quite probably seen her, no chance of hiding. There wasn't actually anywhere to hide in here anyway. 'Heimdall, I _can't_ \--'

Heimdall gave her a strange look. 'I know you quarreled, Dr Foster, but he cannot harm you.'

 _That's not what I'm worried about,_ she wailed inside her head. But there didn't seem to be any better option than to sit here and wait.

Loki walked into the control chamber looking pale and twitchy, probably from suppressing the adrenaline rush from crossing the Bifrost. He stopped in the doorway, one hand resting on the side of the frame, and Jane wondered whether he was trying to trap her or just struggling to regain equilibrium. 'Jane,' he said, seeming at a loss for a moment. 'Tell me what is wrong. I don't mean -- I don't mean to upset you, if you don't want to see me. But I am worried.'

'Nothing's wrong,' Jane croaked. It was about the last thing she wanted to say, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She'd managed to leave her knife behind, but Malekith kept trying to push her forward, suggesting Loki would step back and she could try to push him off the edge. She cleared her throat so her voice would sound more normal, feeling completely despairing, and managed to stop a couple of steps away from him and look up into his eyes. 'Loki, I'm absolutely fine, I really am. I just -- realised I can't have anything more to do with you. I feel terrible about having wanted to. Please _leave me alone_ from now on.'

Malekith started laughing inside her head. _You are not skilled at this, little mortal. Do you really think that will convince him to stop investigating and stay safe?_

Jane's jaw clenched. _He's pretty smart. I'm not the one who should mind him being suspicious._

The growl gave her hope for the first time in days.

Loki looked into her eyes as if searching for something written on the back of them. 'Just because I pressed you too hard to stay?' he asked.

She took a step back, not at all sure whether she was trying to keep from shoving him or to look intimidated. 'N-no. Everything. There's too much--'

Loki looked aside, hand clenching on the doorframe. 'I know how much you've been overlooking to spend time with me. I even know that there are things you are overlooking that I don't fully understand, that you are overlooking them _because_ I don't understand them. I am sorry, to have pushed you knowing all that. But -- even so -- you are not acting normally. Not for you.'

 _I know!_ It hurt to see him hurt. It was satisfying to see he understood even part of what upset her about him, and she wasn't sure how much of that was real and how much was Malekith's influence over the past several days. She swallowed hard. 'Sometimes you... you just have an epiphany. That's not exactly right, it's nothing _new_ , but it just... hit me too hard to keep up. I'm going to see Erik again soon and--' Her vision went grey, her cheeks clammy and cold, as Malekith cheerfully noted that there was nothing special about making her attack _Loki_.

Loki stepped forward, reaching for her with evident concern. '...Jane?'

Jane caught her breath and ducked past him, under his arm and out the door, past the minders who hadn't followed him in -- Birla raised a hand as if to stop her, but let it fall -- and kept running.

* * *


	19. Chapter 18: Freedom

Loki caught his breath, startled by her abrupt flight. But even if pursuing her would help he couldn’t make himself sprint down the Bifrost after her. Instead he turned to Heimdall, pointing one hand at the Gatekeeper. ‘That wasn’t normal, was it?’ he demanded. ‘You’re meant to be observant!’

'It was not.' Heimdall looked grave and no longer quite impassive, but somewhat worried. 'I do not think she was responding solely to you.'

'Elves,' Loki hissed. They'd been everywhere, were known to play with the minds of mortals, and who else would it have been? He should have been there, he thought irrationally. If he'd been himself, had his magic, he would have been with the rest of Thor's friends and able to watch over her better than they could, although no doubt they had done their best.

'They never touched her,' Heimdall said neutrally. 'But that is not always necessary.'

Loki nodded and turned away slightly, thinking. He needed help; someone with the magic to cast counterspells, someone with the authority to act on suspicions of a prince's lover, someone willing to take him seriously when he was known to be mad. He wasn't sure anyone fit the third criteria, but when it came to the first two... 'I'm going to talk to Odin,' he said, firmly, to silence his own objections rather than anyone else's.

'Good,' said Heimdall.

Loki was somewhat startled at the approval, although logically it made sense that if Heimdall agreed something was wrong he'd agree Odin should be told. Maybe Heimdall could be the one to tell Odin? No. Loki was the one with the information this time. If Heimdall had been watching him and Jane closely enough to see the beginning of this he'd rather not know about it.

The trip back across the Bifrost was a familiar sort of awful, vertigo and confusion, although it was getting easier to push them into the back of his head and stay focused. As soon as the horse had been returned to the stable a messenger was sent to ask Odin if he would allow his son to meet him for an audience -- the King's chambers were no longer automatically open to Loki. The answer was so swift Loki wondered if Odin had replied as soon as he heard who the message was from rather than listening to all of it, Loki was to meet him in the throne room as soon as pleased.

When he arrived, the throne room -- familiar now from more directions, an oddly dizzying effect -- felt eerily large and empty and intimate at once. Odin was there, of course. Frigga was as well, though she stood beside the throne with her fingers white-knuckled where they rested against it, poised as if she expected Loki to object to her presence. No one else was there waiting, and even the guards were gone. 

'Loki,' Odin said quietly. 'My son.'

The simultaneous desire to shout that he was _not_ Odin's son and to break down and beg forgiveness for not being able to live up to his expectations left Loki speechless and shaking for a moment. He was here for a purpose, though, and he forced himself into a state that at least resembled calm. 'I am approaching you as my King. As the only one who has the authority to act on what I suspect is an act of treachery by those who have claimed to be allies.'

Odin's eyebrows shot up, and his posture changed subtly in a way that left Loki obscurely relieved. 'State your concern.'

Loki stood up straighter. _You are a warrior making a report. Be clear and concise, do not leave things out to spare your own feelings or those of others. Asgard depends on its King's knowledge._ 'Jane Foster has been behaving strangely. After Thor left she was irritable, which could be attributed to missing him. I pressed her too hard to stay in a way that might well have made her angry, but was unlikely to make her look ill and flee. Afterwards she avoided me and, when I sought her out suspecting something was wrong, she spoke as if she were lying, looked as if she might have fainted and then fled me. _None_ of this fits with her personality in the time I have known her. And she has been a mortal among elves.'

Odin studied him. 'You believe she's been ensorceled.'

'She has been unhappy these last days,' Frigga murmured. 'And I think she does not ordinarily flee a verbal quarrel.'

Odin nodded slightly, his eye still on Loki. 'I will send for her.' One of the ravens flew off, presumably to find one of the missing messengers or guards.

Loki looked back and forth between his parents, startled to a degree that was surprising in itself. Had he really thought this attempt to seek help for Jane so hopeless? But he hadn't expected them to listen to him so easily, to act on his suspicions as if he were a reliable source of information. _It is the duty of a King to act on this sort of suspicion, if only to discredit it,_ he told himself. But it wasn't, really. Not if the source was suspect, or the King would have no time to do anything but chase rumours. Were they humouring him? No -- telling Jane she was suspected of being enchanted was too serious for that, too likely to cause problems if she was only angry.

‘Thank you,' he said, softly. It was not the appropriate response from a warrior to a King acting on his information.

'You know her,' Odin replied, almost as quietly. 'You know spellwork and the signs of it. And from long experience and her own recent testimony, your bias would be to assume she had turned against you, not to find excuses for it.'

The frank assessment of his personality took Loki off guard. It didn't sound like a judgement -- and the fact that his immediate reaction was to wonder whether it _was_ a judgement might prove it accurate. He bowed his head in acknowledgement and waited uneasily until the messenger arrived with Jane. She looked tired and a little disheveled, and Loki wondered disbelievingly if she'd fought the summons before he considered that she was probably merely windblown from running across the Bifrost.

When she saw him, she went pale and balked. The messenger looked down at the top of her head, puzzled, and propelled her into the throne room.

Loki took a step backwards, as if that would really make a difference considering the size of the throne room. It wasn't his place to speak to her now, but he watched closely.

Jane did _not_ look well. She looked, again, like she might faint. She stood and walked taut, as if she might struggle or bolt if she thought it would do any good. Her eyes darted from one person to another, like a captured criminal instead of a frankly beloved guest, and yet -- did she look less despairing than before?

Frigga touched Odin's arm lightly and then swept down past the throne to take Jane by the shoulders. 'Jane,' she said. 'Loki fears that something has been done to you, perhaps by one of our elven guests.' Jane looked up at her, wide-eyed, and raised her hands to grip Frigga's forearms.

With an apologetic glance toward Loki, Frigga added, 'I vow to you, if it be that you are yourself and in command of your own mind, that will not be changed by what we do. The counterspells to such workings are not comfortable, but they are harmless.'

Loki found himself smiling at her slightly, an assurance that he did understand that she wasn't insulting him with that. For a moment that smile felt like a betrayal of himself -- she had lied to him as much as Odin had. But they were helping him now, helping _Jane_.

Frigga returned the smile, the tiniest bit, and there was relief in her eyes.

And then Odin extended his hand and spoke. Loki felt there _ought_ to be something like a flash of light to his senses, but he couldn't see it. If he could, he might have done this himself. Although that might not have been wise. Then again, if he had his magic, presumably it would be because he had not done the things that gave Jane cause to distrust him.

He did feel the faint breeze that stirred Jane's hair. And he certainly saw her crumple -- her face into tears, her knees weak -- and Frigga hold her up for a moment before hugging her.

It was with a mixture of relief and horror -- there had been something wrong, she didn't hate him, but what had she been going through for days? -- that he took a tentative step towards them. He stopped, though, rather than interrupt the comfort Jane desperately needed, and simply waited nearby, wondering what she'd been enchanted _for_ , what this meant for relations with Alfheim, whether Thor and Fandral were safe. All these things flashed through his mind while he watched the tear tracks on Jane's face, so angry with the elves it felt like being numb.

Jane turned her head, opened her eyes and blinked a few times before focusing on him. 'I'm sorry, I'm _sorry_ , thank you, I couldn't -- oh God.' She broke off and gulped. Frigga peered down at her and gave Loki a thoughtful look, then carefully let Jane go and nudged her slightly in his direction.

Jane looked up at him, uncertain, and then apparently reached a decision and hugged him rather precipitously.

Loki stiffened in surprise for a moment before wrapping his arms around her and hugging her back, tightly. 'It is not your fault,' he said, firmly. 'I should have noticed sooner, acted sooner on my suspicions.'

' _I_ didn't notice at first,' she said, a bit muffled. 'Only then he -- Malekith -- he tried to get me to kill you.'

Loki flinched, not at the thought of someone wanting him dead, he was almost used to that by this point, knowing there were people out there who would like to kill him, but at the thought of Jane doing it. He found himself hugging her tighter still, as if to protect both of them from the thought of it, and forced himself to ease up. 'But why?' he asked, thoughts running ahead of the question. What would have happened if she had succeeded? He was still a prince, she would have been branded a traitor. Would Thor have stepped in to protect her?

'I don't _know!_ He sounded like he thought it was a game.' Jane was hugging him back, possibly as hard as she could. She sniffed. 'Earlier today he apparently decided Erik would be a good substitute, or maybe he was just saying that....'

Loki had never wanted his magic back so badly because if he had it he could go after Malekith. A few words to Sif, Volstagg and Hogun and the four of them would be ready to go, they could meet Thor and Fandral in Alfheim, even a short explanation would be enough. 'Either way, it's over now,' he said, the only comfort he could offer.

Jane swallowed hard. 'I really wasn't _that_ mad at you for badmouthing SHIELD.'

He laughed. It wasn't really that funny, but he couldn't help it, relief bubbling out of him as laughter. 'I'm glad to hear it.'

'I'm still going home, though.' She sounded firm, if a bit watery. 'But, you know... even before I actually _got_ here, Thor and I had talked about visiting more than once.'

'I won't argue. And I'll look forward to your visits.' He glanced over her head at Odin. What was going to happen now? They were unlikely to declare war on Alfheim when the elves could move easily between worlds and they didn't have the Bifrost, but surely this was not going to be ignored?

'This is a grievous development,' Odin said. 'I will send a message to Alfheim. Unfortunately, if it is not well received, retrieving Thor and Fandral would at this time present some challenges. The Bifrost repairs are not yet completed, and the tesseract is an option but not altogether ideal.'

Loki hesitated. He wondered what the elves would do with the tesseract, whether they would open it just to find out what it wanted to show them, whether that would be a bad thing if it fulfilled the tesseract's wishes for itself. Though, he reminded himself, that would not get Thor home and would leave him with no way to _get_ home. 'I can get to Alfheim,' he said. 'With neither the tesseract nor the Bifrost. But not without magic.'

Odin gave him a long, thoughtful look. 'I will bear that possibility in mind.'

Loki was left wondering whether Odin was thinking about rebuking him, either for keeping his paths secret for so long or for wanting to have his magic when he lacked it for a reason. He felt his cheeks flushing slightly as he nodded acknowledgement.

'I would _prefer_ that the elves return them voluntarily,' Odin added, a bit dryly. 'They do not all share Malekith's unfortunate sense of humour.'

'Yes,' Loki agreed. If he wasn't still holding Jane he would probably say something polite and withdraw now. But it seemed rude to assume she'd want to leave with him, and he didn't want to push her away either.

'But it's nice to know you _could_ ,' she said, sounding a little shaky still but less tearful.

Odin, rather to Loki's surprise, inclined his head and said, 'Yes.'

Loki looked at Odin again. He always found his father hard to read -- perhaps he had read too much into Odin's seeming detachment, in assuming it indicated disapproval. He freed a hand from where it had been wrapped around Jane and rubbed at his forehead. 'I will help, if it is necessary,' he said. It felt like picking a way through the elf paths, talking to Odin now that the crisis was over. 'For now, I will return to my rooms if you will excuse me. And, if Jane wishes, return her to hers.'

Jane took an unsteady breath and let go of him, possibly with some reluctance, but she didn't move very far away.

Odin nodded. 'You are both free to depart, if you wish.' A pause. 'And Loki. Well done.'

Loki smiled, despite everything, unable to help the rush of happiness that came with winning Odin's approval. He bowed to first Odin and then Frigga and looked questioningly at Jane. Did she want to leave, or to remain here with Frigga for a while?

Jane gave him a rather wobbly smile and pulled herself together, then bowed as well -- still something she clearly hadn't spent her life doing -- and turned toward the door. 'Thank you,' she whispered. 'Again. I... couldn't figure out what to do.'

'You did very well,' Loki whispered back as they exited into the corridor. 'You fought. I owe you my life for that.'

Jane rubbed a hand over her face. 'Rationally speaking I'm pretty sure if I'd _actually_ come at you with a knife, you could have stopped me. But I couldn't seem to think about that at the time.'

'True,' Loki answered. 'And, rationally speaking, I would have noticed something was wrong much sooner. I'm still grateful you fought.'

'I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to _try_.' She sighed and looked up at him again. I am -- so glad you did notice. When I told you nothing was wrong, Malekith was taunting me about not being convincing, and all I could think was I hoped you _would_ keep being suspicious.'

He took her hand and squeezed it. 'He was right that you weren't very convincing. You and Thor are well matched when it comes to acting ability.'

Jane squeezed back and let out a rather rattled-sounding giggle. 'I'd like to think I'm better at it when I actually _want_ to be... but... I'm not sure that's actually true.'

Loki smiled down at her, glad to have cheered her up a little. His handlers joined them a little way from the throne room, where they'd been waiting, and were rather puzzled by Jane's tearstained face as well as recognising the anger under Loki's apparent calm. He waited until Jane was in her room and they were on the way back to his to inform them of the situation, in terse, angry sentences. It worried them, he thought, but he didn't feel out of control although he couldn't answer for what he'd do if faced with an elf right now.

Once back in his rooms he dismissed them -- they usually let him have privacy in his own suite since he couldn't leave it without permission -- and then sat in front of the fire, staring at the red light on the ornate silver bracelets that, among other things, blocked his power.

* * *


	20. Chapter 19: Friendship

Shut safely back in her room, Jane slid down to sit against the side of the bed, bonelessly, and stared at the wall for a while. She felt relieved and shaken, violated and completely furious, lighter and cleaner and a little bit numb with the shock.

After a few minutes she picked herself up and went to take a bath. She felt less horrible than when she'd known Malekith was there, but she still wished she could scrub out her mind. It felt like it had had spiders in it and some of the sticky webbing was still there. Instead she washed her hair, scrubbing until a sudden sting made her wince and pull her hands away. The soapsuds under her nails were tinged pink with blood, and she slid under the water to rinse a bit more gently.

It didn't altogether surprise her to hear someone knock at the door. She called to them to wait a minute, then dried off and put on a fluffy, only slightly oversized robe.

And then stopped with her hand on the door and leaned her forehead against it, heart beating wildly. Between Loki's stories and the abrupt arrival of the initial elf party, it sounded like the paths to Alfheim were practically _everywhere_. She seriously doubted there were any in her room. Loki had probably investigated the palace rather thoroughly, and if he'd thought there was any chance of an elf walking directly into her bedroom, she really thought he'd have said something.

But that didn't say anything about outside.

She cleared her throat and asked, 'Who is it?'

'It's Birla,' came the reply. 'Loki told us about what happened and I'm off duty since he's in his rooms. Can I come in?'

Jane let out a breath and swung the door open. 'Please do. Sorry, I'm a little nervous at the moment.'

'That's not surprising,' said Birla, walking in and taking a seat. 'Do you want to talk about it?'

Jane flopped into the next chair. 'I think so, but right now I have no idea what to say.'

'I can't help you there, I'm afraid.'

Jane gave her a wan smile. 'Can I start with, I really didn't mean to keep snapping at people lately?'

'We all thought you were just missing Prince Thor,' said Birla, apologetically.

'So did I,' Jane said with a sigh. 'And I wasn't being _forced_ to say spiteful things, it's just... everything that bothered me seemed worse. Especially about Loki.' She swallowed. 'It worries me, to think Malekith could have gotten so much further if he'd been patient.'

Birla leant over to put a hand on Jane's shoulder. 'If it helps, you could not have harmed Prince Loki. We are there to protect him as well as to protect others, and he is quite capable of defending himself still.'

'It does help some.' The touch, she thought, helped more; she gave Birla a small grateful smile. 'As an assassination effort it was stupid, I can see that now -- I just couldn't until the spell was gone. But....' She swallowed and shut her eyes. 'I assume that means that wasn't really the point.'

'Politics is not really my area,' said Birla. 'Elves even less so. It could have caused a scandal, that you'd try. Or...' Birla trailed off thoughtfully.

Jane opened her eyes. 'Or?' She wasn't entirely sure speculation was a healthy distraction, here, but it was at least a distraction.

Birla looked as if she was dubious on this as a distraction too. 'Or it could have been intended to hurt Prince Loki in a different way. When Malekith saw him he still believed Prince Thor had wanted him dead.' She looked as if she wanted to say more for a moment, but was possibly worried about treading over the bounds of patient confidentiality. Or just didn't think Jane needed to hear it right now.

Jane's stomach turned over. 'Seems like a lot of trouble just to hurt somebody's feelings,' she muttered, but it made an awful kind of sense, too. 'But that would be just about the last thing he needed, wouldn't it, if he thought I meant it....'

'Fortunately he's cleverer than Malekith thinks,' said Birla, and she sounded proud of it.

Jane grinned at that; it was easier than she expected. 'He's brilliant. Although I'd think it would be hard to miss.'

'You'd certainly think the elves would have noticed it when he kept seeing through their tricks.' Birla smiled back at her, looking reassured.

'Especially since I gather it's a longstanding habit.'

'So I've heard. But usually with magic,' Birla answered.

'Point. And I know he misses it.' Clearly Loki was just that good anyway. Jane let her head fall back for a moment, then looked over again. 'I admit, I'm still a little shocked he was _that_ determined to come look for me....'

'You have no idea,' said Birla, but she didn't elaborate.

Jane blinked, trying not to be too curious. 'I missed something you can't tell me about, didn't I?'

Birla smiled. 'I'm not really meant to discuss Prince Loki at all. Under the circumstances I think speculation and things you already know might be allowed.'

Jane suspected one of the secondary reasons Odin, Frigga, and Thor appreciated her friendship with Loki was that she was _not_ bound by professional confidentiality (and Loki wouldn't expect her to be). Not that she told them everything, nor was pressed to. 'This would be a very weird conversation if we couldn't mention him at all,' she said with a small smile in return. 'I appreciated it, anyway.'

At that point, there was another knock on her door. 'Who is it?' Jane called, but something about the solid sound of it made her heart jump.

'Me,' said Thor's voice, confirming her hopes, and she gave Birla a faintly apologetic look before half running to the door.

'You're all right,' she said, hugging him hard.

Thor hugged back, nodded to Birla, and gave Jane a rather mystified look. 'Why should I not be?' When this left Jane speechless for a moment, he looked closer, and touched the skin beside her eye with a gentle finger. 'Jane, what's happened here? All I know is that Queen Alflyse sent us all home rather abruptly.'

Jane was still trying to find words when a messenger appeared in the corridor behind Thor. 'Prince Thor. Dr Foster. Prince Loki requests you come to his rooms.'

Thor turned around and stared at the woman. 'He... does?'

'He does.'

Jane took a deep breath and said, 'Malekith enchanted me,' before her ability to explain ran out.

Or possibly she just couldn't hear herself think over Thor's roar of ' _What?_ '

'Loki figured it out,' she said quickly. 'Your parents fixed it. But I... guess it's something to do with that?'

'Well, of course I'm _going_ ,' said Thor. He glanced at Birla as she rose to follow them.

He kept hold of Jane's hand on the way, which required a few exasperated tugs backward as his headlong progress grew too fast for her. They arrived at Loki's door at about the same time as the Warriors Four, all of whom looked fairly confused -- and more so to find Thor fuming.

Inside Loki was waiting in one of the chairs, looking oddly regal and very angry. Around the walls worried attendants were standing, and Birla took her place among them without a word. Loki looked at Jane, checking her over with a sharp glance, and looked slightly puzzled by the fluffy bathrobe, before looking away apparently satisfied with what he'd seen.

'Welcome,' he said. 'Most of you probably haven't heard, but Malekith enchanted Jane during his visit to Asgard. Odin has removed the enchantment now. But matters with Malekith are not settled.'

Sif swore, and the other three warriors all started talking at once. Now _everybody_ looked angry, which was sort of gratifying but a little disconcerting. Jane curled into a chair, feeling that she didn't have the energy to stand up while they were yelling.

'Enchanted her _how_?' Thor asked, looking between Jane and Loki. She made a tiny you-go-ahead-please gesture in Loki's direction.

'To kill me,' Loki said, sounding remarkably composed about it. 'A compulsion which she fought strongly enough that I had no idea that was its purpose until it was lifted.'

Thor looked _angrier_ \-- she hadn't thought it was possible -- and thunder cracked overhead, loud enough to make Jane jump. 'Not settled, indeed. He should die for this.'

Loki jumped at the thunder too, even though he had clearly wanted Thor angry, and visibly fought to regain his composure. 'He should,' he agreed.

'To think he was in reach bare hours ago,' Fandral said heatedly.

'You fought _Malekith's_ magic?' Sif asked Jane, not at all as if she didn't believe it. 'He is one of the dark elves' most dangerous and subtle sorcerers. You've shown great courage.'

'He gave up on being subtle somewhere along the way,' Jane said. 'Either that or the rest of them are really bad at it, and that doesn't seem likely.'

'Can we reach him?' Hogun asked. 

Volstagg shook his head. 'I wish we could, but I doubt it. The Bifrost isn't yet finished and I doubt the Allfather would let us take the tesseract.'

Loki held up his hands, silver gleaming at his wrists. 'I know the ways there. But I doubt I could do it without magic.'

Jane realized with a sort of bewildered alarm that they were _actually_ talking about going to Alfheim -- after all their earlier care -- to assassinate somebody.

'None of us can remove those,' Sif pointed out, scowling.

'I might be able to break them,' Thor muttered. 'If I were very careful.' Jane wondered if they'd forgotten the wearers of the companion bracelets were in the room.

'I'd prefer a method that doesn't leave me with broken wrists, but I appreciate the thought,' said Loki. 'There are other magical weapons in Asgard, though, and you have access to the weapons vault.'

'I wouldn't break your wrists.' How Thor proposed to manage that, Jane couldn't begin to guess, but he sounded disconcertingly confident.

'You can't actually be serious about this,' Jane protested weakly.

Sif grimaced and came over to squeeze her shoulder. 'We know. It's less practical even than going to Jotunheim,' she said, with a look at Thor and Loki. 'But damned if I don't wish we could.'

Loki sighed, dropping his hands into his lap and looking rather less imperious suddenly. 'You deserve to see Malekith punished,' he said, not sounding as if he held out any hope for it actually happening.

'He is supposedly an ally, and he has attacked two of our friends,' said Fandral. 'It would have been _impolitic_ , but had I known it this morning, I might have reminded him why we bear steel blades.'

 _I feel very weird about being touched that people want to go kill somebody for me,_ Jane thought, but she suspected that would just confuse all of them. 'I'd rather nobody I like get in trouble over it,' she said with a tiny smile.

Loki was giving Fandral a slightly odd look, perhaps because he was being included in the list of people Malekith deserved to die for hurting. 'As well you didn't,' he said, reluctantly. 'That wouldn't have helped with getting you home safely.'

'It might not have been so bad,' Fandral said thoughtfully. 'Queen Alflyse is fond of me and Malekith does openly want her crown.'

'By all means,' said Sif, 'let us rely on your charm and prowess in bed to smoothe over diplomatic incidents.'

'As long as both our princes keep turning her down, who better?' Fandral asked, humour overcoming some of his anger with Malekith.

'I don't think I knew this part,' said Jane, a little amused (and perhaps a tiny bit jealous).

'She's been periodically offering to marry one or the other of us for a while now,' said Thor.

'She's not interested in marrying Fandral because she knows he wouldn't stay interesting that long,' Loki added.

Fandral put a hand to his heart. 'You wound me to the quick,' he said, sounding entirely untroubled. 'I am fascinating... we just happen to share only a single interest.'

'I didn't realise you had more than one.'

'I have many, each as dear as the next,' Fandral said cheerfully.

'And that is why marriage is not in question with any of them,' said Volstagg.

Loki was tugging at his bracelets again. At first he'd hardly seemed to notice them, but they irked him more as he got better and Jane could understand him wanting his magic now (even as she was somewhat glad he didn't have it). But if this continued he was going to wind up with sore wrists.

Fandral and Volstagg were in the throes of a mostly good-natured debate on the respective merits of marriage and enthusiastic philandering, periodically teasing Thor and -- more dangerously -- Sif, while Hogun looked on in extremely subtle amusement. Appealing at one point to Loki for arbitration merely earned Fandral an elaborate eyeroll. Thor still paced, and Jane heard thunder growl again, softer and lower, for a scattering of restless lightning. Loki tensed a little -- at the sound, she thought -- and gave the left-hand bracelet a harder tug.

Jane was a little reluctant to draw attention to it, but at that point, impulsively, she got up and went over to put a hand over his wrist. The silver didn't feel warm or cool.

Loki blinked at her, as if not quite sure what she was doing, then apparently realised what _he'd_ been doing and gave her an embarrassed smile. 'Thor's magic is rather evident right now,' he murmured, which didn't serve as much of an explanation. Either he wanted to be able to defend himself against it -- although Jane did think he knew at this point that he wouldn't have to -- or the presence of someone else's magic was just making him miss his own more.

'Loudly,' she agreed, reminded suddenly of the thunderstorm coming out of a clear sky when Thor had been trying to _get_ to Mjolnir. Had that been the hammer responding to his presence, or had Thor -- even as a mortal -- been able on some level to call storms? At the time she had been too incredulous and too frightened at what she'd done to really wonder about that. 'Though I really _am_ glad you're all going to stay here and not give me anything new to worry about right now,' she added, as lightly as she could manage.

'I didn't mean to worry you further,' Loki told her, and was echoed by the others.

Jane ducked her head a bit sheepishly. 'I didn't really think that was the plan.'

Thor laughed ruefully and came up to put an arm around her. Jane leaned into his shoulder and tried to keep her eyes open. 'I will hope Fandral guesses aright about Queen Alflyse. If she is angry enough with Malekith, he might _wish_ for our wrath instead.'

'A comforting thought.' Loki was looking up past Jane as he spoke. Due to Jane having been leaning over him when Thor arrived, Thor was now very close and looming over him a bit. He was giving Thor the sort of look he gave the Bifrost, almost, as if he'd forgotten Thor might be watching him watching and was simply testing himself to see how long he could look without fear.

Thor did look back, though, and perhaps decided looming was a bad idea, because he towed Jane with him back to her chair and pulled her into it with him. Fortunately, it was a big chair. 'We can hope.'

The words hung in the air for a little while. Thor's eyes were still on Loki, and Thor tended to unconsciously dominate everyone's attention either himself or with where he put his. With the talk of vengeance stymied and the banter interrupted and forgotten, everyone seemed to pause and remember where they were.

At last Sif said dryly, 'And aside from all that, it nearly feels like a normal afternoon again for once.'

Loki looked a bit flustered at the attention, as if not sure whether to draw himself up under it or shrink back. 'Has it really felt so strange not to have me there?' he asked, at last, sounding like he was mocking the notion. Which didn't stop his gaze on Sif being rather intent.

'Not in the slightest,' said Fandral, airily. 'After all, we'd only had a few centuries to come to expect it. Why would it be strange?'

Sif gave Fandral a withering look and folded her arms. 'Yes, Loki, we've missed you.' It sounded like a challenge, perhaps because of the earlier mockery.

Loki looked around the room. 'Centuries is long enough for anything to become a habit,' he said, apparently more to Fandral than Sif. 'Including calling on you as soon as I need someone on my side. Or on the side of a friend.' He rolled his eyes. 'Sadly, it's probably too late to reconsider that instinct.'

'It does sound quite likely to be hopeless,' Fandral said brightly.

'Perhaps I should stop trying to avoid my fate.' Loki was smiling now, small but real.

'It is easier that way,' Hogun said solemnly.

Perhaps feeling it was his turn, Volstagg suggested, 'Do you want to go riding tomorrow, then?'

Jane wasn't even looking at Thor and she thought she could feel him smile.

'Why not?' Loki answered, sounding pleased and touched and like he might simultaneously be trying to hide it and want to show it.

They talked longer. Jane was pretty sure there was some sort of light wine and herbal tea brought around at some point, because afterward she thought she remembered smelling mint and possibly licorice. But she was so very tired after days being jerked around by Malekith and trying to out-think somebody who could read her mind, and so relieved, and she felt warm and safe, _finally_ , and... must have fallen asleep on Thor in the chair.

* * *


	21. Chapter 20: Brothers

Their friends left after a while. Thor stayed, though, possibly because he wanted to talk to Loki or possibly because he didn’t want to disturb Jane, who was asleep on him and looking rather adorable in her fluffy bathrobe, with her hair mussed from where she’d shifted against Thor’s shoulder. Of all the circumstances Loki had imagined facing Thor again under this was not one of them. It made it rather hard to feel threatened.

They sat in silence for a little while, watched only by Loki's silent attendants. Finally Thor said, his voice low and rough, 'It is good to see you again, Loki.'

Loki wondered where to start. His view of Thor, of what had happened between them, had changed a lot while Thor wasn't even there to hear about it second hand. Yet simply blurting out _I don't think you tried to kill me_ felt ridiculous. 'You as well,' he said, instead, although he wasn't entirely sure it was true. 'I have -- been thinking a lot. While you were gone.'

Thor considered this for a moment before apparently deciding the best response was, 'About what?'

'About my memory. I still -- I still remember you trying to kill me. But I do not believe it, even though I keep telling myself there is evidence both ways, that it is _possible_.' Loki looked to the side, eyes sliding away from Thor's gaze. 'I don't believe, any more, that you ever wanted me dead.'

Thor swallowed audibly. He was still looking, trying to catch Loki's eyes, his own too lightning-blue and full of unconcealed emotion to stare at for long. 'Never. I _could_ never, no matter how furious I was with you.'

The Chitauri had made a point of it. That Thor had tried to kill him, that Odin had looked on and not intervened, that his friends had betrayed him. That everyone in Asgard had made it clear how much they wanted him _gone_ and if he was to have a place in the universe he would have to make one. When Thor had insisted on bringing him home, when it had turned out to not even be to punish him, it had been like having everything he knew overturned. Now, as more and more of what he thought he knew during that year of captivity unravelled, it felt both frightening and like finally being free.

'...Without that memory I can see it,' he admitted, eyes turned away from Thor now mostly because he was afraid they were filling with tears.

Thor shifted a little, as if he had meant to get up and then thought better of it. 'I hoped you would eventually.' Then, apologetically, 'I truly thought you were making it up, at first.'

'It would have been a strange thing to lie about, when the only person present must know the truth,' Loki answered. Although he could see where it would be easier to believe in even a pointless lie than to believe that you were talking to someone who remembered something entirely differently from you.

'It would not be the first time you'd said strange things only to be infuriating,' Thor countered, then sighed. 'Perhaps it would have been a strange lie. Yet I remember catching you. I remember, earlier, your relying on the knowledge that I would to fool me. It did not occur to me that you would remember it so differently.'

Loki wasn't sure what to say to that. Part of him wanted to apologise, yet it wasn't his _fault_ that his memories had been so wrong. 'I thought everything I said was true.' Being angry with Thor was unfair. Thor was a straightforward person and Loki had said strange things to get a reaction in the past. But he couldn't help the bitterness either. 'Now I know that you did not throw me into an abyss, nor would I have been king past Odin waking. But I still remember a shadow.'

Thor sighed again and lowered his eyes for a moment, so that Loki felt he could look at him again. 'That part I... do not call imaginary. I have not meant to eclipse you, but you are so quiet sometimes, brother!' His eyes flicked up again, a hint that he was bracing himself for argument, and as Loki realised why the protest _I am not your brother_ stuck on his tongue. For now. 'I admit I have been impatient when you speak at length, too.’ Loki considered arguing that Thor contradicted himself, but _quiet_ probably meant _not boisterous_ , and he would rather not interrupt when Thor was sort of apologising. ‘And I have expected you to follow after me because I was the elder and because I wished to go where I would.'

'I wanted to follow you!' The words seemed to be spoken against his will. The slight dizziness, the odd feeling that the universe was crystal and Thor was refracting into gleaming gold within it, were recognisable. He was not entirely in control here, he should tell Thor to leave, but the words flooding out of his mouth left no gap for it. 'I wanted to go where you did, to have the adventures you came back speaking of. You take the attention of everyone, and I am not immune, but I wanted to be more than the least of your followers. When I was a child I was so _proud_ to be your backup, to think you could ever need me at all, but I...I was always the one forgotten in the stories you told, whose presence you could assume and never bother to mention.'

'Loki--' Thor came back into focus, to a degree, as he spoke. He looked stricken. 'I am sorry to have taken you for granted. But you were -- you were never the least of anything, to me.'

Loki swallowed. If Thor touched him he was either going to burst into tears or start screaming, and he was intensely grateful for the presence of Jane. 'How can I believe that when you never showed it?'

'I--' Thor faltered, looked crestfallen. 'I know not. I had thought you knew.'

What could he say to that? Thor was sorry. Shouting at him would not make him sorrier. But what was he to do with the remorse he had wanted? Twist the knife and see how much pain he could cause, in retribution for every accidental cut Thor had inflicted on him? Wasn't that what he'd _been_ doing? He was afraid, he realised. Too scared to forgive in case things simply went back to how they had been, and his own sense of self was swallowed up once again in his more brightly shining brother. He had gone from defining himself as Thor's brother to defining himself as Thor's enemy. Probably nothing but Thor's death would stop him measuring himself against the impossible standard his brother set.

He tried to gather his scattering thoughts. 'Things cannot go back to how they were.'

Thor lowered his head. 'No. It is too late for that--' He caught himself, glanced up. 'And I would try to do better.'

'You still wish for it though,' Loki accused. 'That we could pretend this never happened.'

'Aye, sometimes. I wish much of it _had_ never happened,' said Thor. 'Do you not?'

Loki closed his eyes. '...Maybe. I do not wish nothing had ever changed, though. I wish...' _I wish I'd told you how miserable the thought of you as king was making me, instead of playing a prank that wound up leaving everything in shreds._ Would Thor have cared? Maybe he'd simply have laughed it off, or wondered what Loki was talking about. Which was exactly why Loki had never said anything to begin with. 'I wish we could have changed without it being like this.'

'Yes.' And that was heartfelt, aching. 'So do I.'

Loki kept his eyes closed, he couldn't look at Thor when all of Thor's emotions were always on the surface. That echo of his own pain was hard enough to hear. 'It hasn't been so bad, for you. You have Jane, you have a group of mortal warriors who now count you as friend.'

'I have certainly had better company than you have -- most of that time,' said Thor, 'but I missed you all the same.'

Loki did look at him then, glancing sideways and seeing nothing but sincerity in Thor's expression. Why did the notion of having been missed keep surprising him? 'Even after I tried to kill you?' He blinked at the words even as he spoke them. So, that explained why he found it surprising.

Thor looked like he was trying not to be exasperated. 'Of course,' he said. 'Though I did wish you would _stop_.'

'I -- I meant during the year I was gone, after New Mexico. I didn't think you would have missed me while fighting against me,' Loki said, in some confusion. Although he supposed Thor might have missed him during the last month or so, when they hadn't been fighting any more and Loki had been refusing to see him.

'I missed having you there and not acting as my enemy,' said Thor. 'Of course I missed you while you were gone. And lately.'

'Were you ever afraid I might actually _succeed_ in killing you?' Thor had made it sound like...like a bad habit, or something.

Thor blinked. 'I thought you came close -- each of three times? With the knife, I don't think you were trying very hard.'

He should probably not be pleased to think that Thor had respected his efforts at fratricide. With the knife...it had been harder, when it was with his own hands like that, cutting through flesh. The thought that he _might_ have succeeded suddenly hit him and he took a rather sharp breath, stomach lurching. 'I'm glad I didn't.'

Thor was sitting a little straighter, looking concerned, but he still didn't try to get up. 'So am I, obviously,' he said. 'I -- am relieved that you don't wish you had.'

Loki shook his head. _It's not you I want to be rid of. But I wish I didn't love you, because I don't know how to have a relationship with you that won't be painful. And I don't know how to tell you this, how to ask for one._ 'I don't wish you any ill. Not any more. But I don't know that I wish to be around you. Even though I missed you, as well.'

Thor flinched. 'I won't come tomorrow, if you don't wish it.'

'The others will wonder if you don't,' Loki said, aware it was a stalling tactic as he wondered whether he wanted Thor there or not.

'Then explain. Or don't,' said Thor, not very helpfully. He probably thought this was a reasonable set of options.

'Useful advice,' Loki muttered. 'I think -- I think it would be easier if you didn't come, tomorrow, but I don't intend to never see you again. I just need to think.' Loki wasn't entirely sure which of them he was reassuring with that.

Thor drew a long breath. 'Very well.'

Loki settled back in his chair, feeling unreasonably tired. But it had been an eventful day. 'I think you should leave now, too. Please.'

'Right.' Thor glanced at Jane. 'Just a moment.' He scooped her into his arms, very carefully, and rose too smoothly to wake her. Not that she could be sleeping very lightly, if she'd stayed that way through Thor talking next to her ear. 'I've told her,' he said suddenly, pausing just short of the door. 'I am very glad the two of you care for each other.'

That wasn't surprising. It was just like Thor to want the people he loved to care about each other as well. 'She's been a good friend.'

'As have you.' Thor didn't wait for a reply to that, perhaps feeling he'd delayed long enough, and the door closed silently behind him.

* * *


	22. Chapter 21: Prisoner

Jane woke in the dark, and ravenous. Thor's bulk weighed down the mattress just to her left, and their hands were nested together. She was rather puzzled by finding herself in bed -- she was expecting, somehow, to be sitting up. The last thing she remembered was listening to Thor and Loki and their friends... but then, she did remember being _very_ tired.

The memory of Malekith crashed down on her suddenly, obscuring the otherwise pleasant memory of the afternoon, and she rolled over and buried her face in her pillow. How she hadn't had nightmares after that, she didn't know. She hoped Alflyse flayed him.

...Er. No. That would be disturbing, not least because it sounded like something he'd have come up with. She tried poking around at her own thoughts a bit, but she was mostly going to have to take it on faith that he'd been thoroughly scoured out. Having that idea come from her wasn't entirely a happy thought, but the idea of Malekith still having any kind of hold on her was not one she wanted to entertain.

She felt Thor move -- roll -- and a large warm hand came to rest on her back. 'Jane?'

Jane shifted sideways a bit, closer against him. 'Please tell me Malekith's unusual.'

Thor kissed the back of her head. 'Malekith is Queen Alflyse's main rival, and he is... very charming and very unpleasant. Most of the elves I have met are better company, and very few have tried to assassinate anyone.'

She choked out a small laugh. 'Well, that's sort of comforting.' Thor was warm and solid and straightforward, and did not make appalling suggestions inside her head or gloat about his ability to force her to do things, factors which were all very comforting right now. And she would rather think about something else. 'So... I fell asleep on you in the middle of a conversation, didn't I?'

Thor snorted. 'No one begrudged it, I assure you.'

She smiled a little and turned on her side to face him. 'Did I miss anything interesting?'

Thor was silent for a few moments, and Jane picked up her head to try to see his expression better. 'Loki and I spoke, after the others left. He no longer believes I sought his death. He seemed... surprised, that I missed him, after he sought mine.'

Jane winced a bit. That was one of the more understandable parts of Loki's thought processes, but she was pretty sure that would be the wrong thing to say at the moment.

'I would I had realised he was unhappy sooner.'

'I'm pretty sure all of you wish somebody had noticed that. Or that he'd said something instead of doing something drastic.'

'I don't know if I would have listened,' said Thor, then, 'I am not listening very well now, am I?'

'I don't want to talk,' Jane blurted, then buried her face against his chest for a moment, shaking her head. 'I mean, just... not right now. I asked you what happened. Answering me is listening. Sort of.' A shudder of laughter ran through her, and Thor made a worried noise. She took a deep breath and wrapped an arm over his waist, snuggling closer. 'Anyway, I'm pretty sure if changing the past was practical somebody would have done it before now, so... at least you're getting somewhere. And there's the ride... sometime today. If we're still doing that.'

'Ah,' said Thor. 'I am... not coming. We are more reconciled than we were, but Loki is still not comfortable with me.'

Jane was silent for a moment and then hugged him harder.

'I hope you will still go,' Thor said after a moment. 'If you wish to be distracted, I think that would provide admirably.'

She sighed a little. 'Right now I'm not sure if I have the energy for riding a horse. And if you still find that confusing,' she added, 'don't tell me. But maybe I'll feel more like it after breakfast.'

'If you're hungry now, you need not wait,' Thor said, brushing her hair back from her face. 'And if you dislike asking the night cooks for anything, Midgard is not the only world to have invented food storage.'

This was delivered almost entirely deadpan, but there was the faintest teasing lilt in his voice and when she looked up, she could see the flash of teeth in a smile. 'Well, since I already woke _you_ up....'

It ended up being less of a midnight snack than a full meal, partly because of Asgardian ideas of what constituted a snack and partly because Jane had after all slept through dinner. It was nice.

And as the morning brightened and it started to really feel like daytime, Odin called them to the throne room, where Jane stopped short as abruptly as when she'd seen Loki the previous day, mind going blank.

Malekith was there.

She stepped back into Thor, who was less insistent than the messenger had been yesterday, and heard him say, 'Allfather, you could have been more specific. And did you not declare to Queen Alflyse that if he set foot in Asgard again, his life was forfeit?'

Odin grimaced. 'I believe that is why his feet have not touched the floor.'

Jane made herself focus. Malekith was, in fact, floating just over the floor. There was a strange, dull metallic lacework at his neck, and at his wrists and ankles. And he wasn't smiling. 'Is he here as a prisoner?'

Odin gave her a startled look. 'He is.' Maybe he'd thought that was obvious. 'Nine of Queen Alflyse's guards delivered him at first light, as --' His gaze moved past her. 'Ah, Loki.'

Loki bowed to him and then turned to Malekith, expression furious. For a moment. Then his gaze flicked over the latticework and he was suddenly composed. 'May I ask the terms under which he has been sent?' he asked, still regarding Malekith like a cat looking at a canary.

Odin held up a small rolled parchment and let it unfurl. 'To simplify somewhat,' he said, 'as penalty for treason against his queen, betrayal of an alliance, the attempted enchantment of a mortal guest, and the attempted assassination of a prince of Asgard -- Queen Alflyse sentences him to serve either Jane Foster or Loki Odinson for a term of seven years, to be placed again at her disposal with no irreparable injury at the end of that time.' A brief pause. 'She also offers to marry you, Loki, and claims you would make a good elf.'

'I'm flattered, but must regretfully decline her proposal,' Loki answered sardonically. He looked at Jane. 'Did you want him? Irreparable is fairly broad when applied to an elf, and he did you the most harm.'

Jane opened her mouth to say that no, she did _not_ want him, there were very few things she wanted less than to have anything more to do with Malekith ever -- and then she reviewed _irreparable is fairly broad when applied to an elf_ and the hair gradually stood up on the back of her neck. 'I don't think I'd know what to do with him,' she said, trying not to sound as shaken as she felt.

'I have suggestions.' Loki was smiling, a grin that contained no trace of humour and a lot of anticipation. 'For instance, skin grows back. And he's bound thoroughly enough you wouldn't even have to get your own hands dirty.' He was still watching Malekith, the words vengeance in themselves. 'Or magnets. Did you know magnetism is painful to elves? It does something to their heads.'

The back of Jane's throat felt tight and tasted bitter. She swallowed hard and managed not to choke. She didn't want to be sick in front of Malekith. Or in general. She didn't want to know Loki was thinking that way, especially when he didn't look _crazy_ right now, not out of control in any way or confused, just _avid_. She wasn't sure she wanted to know why Thor didn't seem so much as tense behind her, or why Odin and Frigga only looked mildly concerned.

She especially didn't want there to be a little part of her that said yes, Malekith should suffer, and maybe she should just let Loki deal with him and try not to think about it.

'N--' Her voice gave out on her. She tried again. 'No, I didn't know that.' Was that where the folklore about iron came from?

'Would you like a demonstration?'

' _No!_ ' she yelped. Loki and Malekith both looked rather startled.

'Loki,' Odin said, somewhat to her relief, 'This does not become you.'

Loki stepped away from Malekith, looking suddenly solemn, as if his feelings had been switched off somehow, or drawn back inside him. He bowed to Odin again. 'Does he not deserve some punishment?'

'Aye, as those he sought to harm deserve recompense,' Odin replied evenly. 'But my son, I hope, knows how to treat those placed at his mercy.'

'And which son would that be? I am no son of yours.' The words were quiet and cold.

Odin's jaw tightened. 'You are.'

Malekith looked fascinated. Jane seriously considered telling him to stop listening to them, but that seemed like asking for trouble somehow.

'I am not.' Loki's voice was tight, controlled.

'Loki,' said Thor, sounding pained. Odin looked... deeply weary. Jane really wished they would have this conversation more productively and not in front of anybody who actively didn't like them.

Loki shot a sharp look at Thor. 'This is not for you to decide. If I say I am not your brother, then I am not.'

'You cannot simply declare yourself no longer part of the family,' Thor said testily.

Jane stepped on his foot, hard enough she hoped he could actually feel it, although from the complete lack of give in his boot she wasn't too sure. 'This doesn't seem like a good time for it, anyway.'

Loki looked at Malekith as if he'd forgotten he was there. 'True. Assign him to someone and be done with it.'

Jane gave Loki a rather worried look, then looked up at Odin. 'Would I have to take him home with me if I....?'

'I don't believe that would be necessary,' said Odin. 'Although I would advise giving him some new instruction no less often than once a year.'

'And make them highly specific if you're leaving him unsupervised that long,' Loki added, which was both better and less worrying advice than any of his earlier suggestions.

Slightly less worrying, anyway. 'Sounds like I should be going through anything I say with a legal team first,' she muttered.

'Or a magic user,' Loki told her. 'Precision of phrasing comes up often enough there are lessons in it.'

Jane glanced at him. 'Are you offering?'

'Of course.' Loki looked rather pleased about the idea.

Jane bit her lip, meeting his eyes. 'Keeping in mind that torturing him would just end up making me feel worse about the whole thing?'

'I don't see why it would,' Loki began, but then broke off. 'Yes. Keeping that in mind.'

'Thanks, then.' She managed a small smile at him, despite still feeling completely unnerved.

Loki took a step back from Malekith. 'Pace around him widdershins and say, "I, Jane Foster, do bind you to my service. Do neither me nor others harm without my word." That will take possession of him,' he told Jane, still looking a bit put out that he wasn't going to get Malekith himself and Jane wasn't intending to do anything dreadful to him.

'Those instructions are standard,' Odin added, 'and are not altered by Queen Alflyse's letter.'

 _Take possession of him_ left Jane more than a little worried, and she wasn't happy about the whole thing _anyway_. But she wasn't sure there was a better or more ethical option. She made a careful counterclockwise circle around Malekith and repeated the words -- and Malekith, expression unchanged, sank smoothly to one knee.

Jane stopped and stared at him, arms folded, and tried to stop wondering what would happen if she told him to put his feet down.

Malekith smiled at her, and she nearly stepped back right then. 'What would you have of me, Jane Foster?' he asked silkily.

She tried not to shudder. 'Just -- don't do _anything_ until I get back to you.'

Loki smiled with something like approval. 'Unless Jane wished to ask me anything else, I don't think I need to remain here. If you will excuse me?'

'If you don't wish to advise her,' Odin said dryly.

Jane looked between the two of them suspiciously, then back at Malekith's _extremely_ still form, and bit back the urge to swear because who knew what _that_ might cause him to do. '...Cancel that for now.'

Malekith inhaled sharply, but looked amused enough that for a fleeting moment she considered putting him back.

'You might prefer to find an empty room and confine him to it. That way you'll know where he is, and he will be able to move around the room but not affect anything outside it. If you insist on being nice about it,' Loki told her.

'Thank you,' Jane said, trying to keep her temper with both of them -- Malekith for being horrible and Loki for being disturbing again, and not warning her. And maybe Odin for being cryptic. And Queen Alflyse for putting her in this position in the first place, although as Jane rather suspected Alflyse would be less tolerant of her getting upset about it than either Odin or Loki, it was probably just as well she wasn't around.

Loki nodded. 'I expect you can manage from there. Will you be coming riding later?'

Jane rubbed her forehead. She had almost forgotten about that. Thor sighed very quietly behind her, and she suspected Loki had asked in front of him on purpose. It might not have been completely kind of her to reply, 'I think so. Thor suggested it would be distracting and at this point that sounds like a _very_ good idea.'

Loki smiled at her. 'I'll see you later then.'

'See you.' She smiled back, a little faintly, and gave Malekith a doubtful look. 'Okay. Time to find somewhere to put you.'

* * *


	23. Chapter 22: Questions

Jane showed up to ride with them without Malekith, and Loki didn’t ask what she’d done with him. The others, though, had heard about the elf delivery from palace gossip by that point and got a brief account of the situation from Jane. Annoyingly, they seemed to take it for granted that she’d have to accept if the alternative was Loki, but considering he still wasn’t allowed use of his own power Loki could hardly argue the point. Sulking at them didn’t last past Fandral challenging him to an impromptu race, even though he lost.

After that they spoke mostly about nothing in particular. Jane could use the distraction as much as he could, so they mostly just — played about, showing off to one another, and ignoring all the things they didn’t want to think about. Atorka was delighted to be with the other horses again, the group of them had spent almost as much time together as their riders, and she was welcomed back into the herd with enthusiasm. They arrived home around lunchtime.

Loki opted to return to his own rooms for lunch, he’d enjoyed the company but after so long mostly by himself he found it a little tiring. Besides, he was meant to be talking to Holda after lunch and wanted time to gather his thoughts first. And after that he wandered to the library, thinking about something she’d suggested to him, and sat down without picking up a book, staring at the notebook in front of him.

This was better than the poetry, and Holda had assured him he didn’t have to send it, or even consider sending it, and that he didn’t even have to show her what he wrote. Just that it might help to write down what he would like to say to Thor. Maybe it would, maybe if he could get it down on paper he could at least stop chewing it over in his head. It seemed impossible to even begin, though. _I love you. I hate you. I miss you._ He shook his head, thought about it for a few more moments, and set his pen to the paper.

_I wanted to be your equal, but now, even if you never become king, I am set irrevocably below you. I can accept my present state, or at least tolerate it, but not when you are around to make everything seem so much worse by comparison. ~~I do not want to feel like this~~ This is not your fault, but it cannot be changed, or if it can I do not know how. I wish I could turn to you for help, I need your strength, but it only makes me realise how little I have of my own. I wish_

Loki stopped, holding his pen on the page until the last word was obliterated by a blot of ink and then dropping it. He didn’t feel better.

He was still staring at it when Jane's soft "Hi" startled him -- more than it should have, but he'd been lost in thoughts he didn't especially like, and he had somehow not expected her to come to the library today. She'd seemed to enjoy the ride, but she'd also looked like she could use a nap afterward. Loki hastily turned the paper over and looked up as she sat down. Actually, she still looked like she could use a nap.

'How are you feeling?' he asked.

Jane looked contemplative for a moment and then said, 'Dazed, I think. At least that's on top right now. How about you?'

'Fine.' He glanced around the library, not entirely sure what to say. 'You look tired. I wasn't really expecting you to be doing research this afternoon.'

She shifted a little restlessly. 'I'm not sure whether I'm going to be. My concentration is shot right now. I mostly came looking for you, but I can stop interrupting.'

'I wasn't expecting that, either. But you're not interrupting, I wasn't doing anything.'

Jane glanced at his flipped paper -- it occurred to him belatedly that she couldn't have read it anyway -- but didn't ask. Instead she swallowed and asked, 'Are you mad at me about Malekith?'

'What? No, of course not. Disappointed, perhaps, that he won't get what he deserves, but you had the greater claim to him.' He looked Jane in the eyes, hoping she could read there that he'd been angry on her behalf more than his own. And was not angry with her for turning down her own chance at revenge, however inexplicable he found it.

She met his eyes for a moment, then smiled a little and looked down. 'Thanks. Although I admit I'd rather Queen Alflyse had just kept him there.'

'I think Odin would agree with you. If there's a way to negotiate sending him back early it will probably happen.' Perhaps she'd find that thought comforting. Loki doubted it would come into effect before she left, but it wasn't unlikely that Malekith's sentence would wind up being less than seven years.

'That would make future visits more pleasant,' Jane said wryly. 'I mean, I think I sort of appreciate her logic, but even so....'

'It's also a convenient way to get rid of a rival for a while without objections. Not that I know Queen Alflyse that well, despite her stated intention of marrying me.' He paused, distracted by something else she'd said in her letter. ' I wonder if she actually meant it about me making a good elf? I'd assumed it was her version of a compliment, not a suggestion, but...' But he'd already changed species once. In a manner of speaking.

Jane blinked. 'You think she might've been proposing you actually turn into one?' She paused, possibly considering his current situation. 'That can't be done very frequently, I'd think...?'

'I have no idea. I still don't know whether it could be done, but Thor was stripped of his power when he was banished, to a point where I think he was mortal. He felt mortal. And I'm...not sure about myself. If it was just a glamour I think I would have _noticed_ at some point. But the presence of frost magic seems to strip it away.' It felt strange to talk about his own origins to Jane. But she knew, and she hadn't been horrified. It was sort of a relief to bring it up in a context where it was an interesting point in a theory, not about his own feelings about it.

'That sounds confusing,' Jane said, propping her chin on interlaced fingers. She did _not_ turn it to a question of how he felt about it, which Loki appreciated without being especially surprised that she was focussing on the theory. 'I guess there still seemed to be -- at least traces of starting out something else, with Thor as well? At least, when he was trying to get to Mjolnir, a thunderstorm came up out of nowhere in the middle of a desert. And he was expecting it.'

'Interesting. Maybe a type of power that resonates with the original form? Mjolnir's power is similar to Thor's, they enhance one another, its presence could have reawakened something.' He glanced over at the magic section -- a part of the library that he hadn't visited in weeks. 'There might be some books on it. Or at least on something similar.'

Jane tilted her head. 'Let's take a look? Or I suppose it's more likely to be "why don't you take a look and I follow you around and ask questions", but that's fun too.'

Loki started them in the section on glamours and illusion. It wasn't quite what they'd been talking about, but probably closer than any other section was likely to be. It was also a section he knew extremely well -- he kept seeing favourite titles as he skimmed past them and found himself running a finger over the spines affectionately -- but he was looking for texts he hadn't already read. Perhaps he should have tried the rarer transformation magic texts? But they tended to be medical, altering a body in a major way was nearly impossible so mostly it was used to correct damage.

'I think I need to find a librarian and check we're in the right section,' he admitted. 'I'm not entirely sure what I'm looking for.'

'I realise I wouldn't have any grounds to argue with you if you said otherwise,' Jane said, turning toward the front desks, 'but illusion _does_ seem to me like it would break down at some point. Even assuming it covers all the senses and... I don't know, takes care of insulation or something, it seems like disguising your actual physiology if you were hurt or sick would just be a bad idea. And hard to maintain.'

Loki nodded. He wasn't sure how different frost giant physiology was, but he was pretty sure it was different enough that medical issues would have come up. 'Illusion's the first thing I'd think of for looking like another species, I suppose I'd been thinking of it as an enhanced version.' Not the most logical approach, to assume something that had similar looking effects must be done a similar way. He glanced towards one of the librarians and then stopped. 'You realise how it's going to look if _I_ start asking for books on turning someone into another species?' he said, frustrated. ‘Although...I don’t know who knows. And my reading material is probably not being monitored.’

Jane frowned. 'I don’t know if they were actually paying attention, earlier. If they were, they’d probably think it was a natural thing to wonder about. If they don’t know, I suppose they’d have to think you were interested in Thor’s....'

'I mean...they'll know I'm thinking about it. If they do know about it, or if Odin hears. And I'm not sure he would believe curiosity.' Loki had been suddenly asking for books on obscure subjects for hundreds of years. The librarians might not find it odd even if they did know.

'It's true, isn't it?' Jane raised her eyebrows. 'We can tell them I'm being nosy, if you like. I’m curious too.'

It was actually true. Which didn't guarantee it being believed. 'I'll ask.’

He did ask, and the librarian seemed completely unsurprised by it. 'I don't think we have anything on that,' he said, sounding apologetic. 'I'd offer something that might be a similar discipline, but I think you'd have a better idea of that than I would.'

Loki considered. 'Something on major physical alterations. Perhaps healing a genetic defect rather than an injury.'

The librarian picked a scroll up from the desk and wrote the requirements on it, the ink fading into the paper before reappearing as a list. He handed it to Loki, who thanked him and returned to Jane. 'Nothing specific. But this might give us a place to start,' he told her.

She nodded, and they returned to the shelves. Loki handed over the list briefly so she could read the titles on it and searched out the first few from memory. 'You know,' she said, 'I know of a couple of "major physical alterations" on Earth, but neither of them is a change of species and apparently nobody's really sure what happened either time. So I don't think that's going to help.'

'That green thing?' Loki asked, with a shudder.

Jane gave him an odd look. 'The Hulk and Captain America, yes.'

'I have no idea what the Hulk is either, but I can say with some certainty that he is stronger than an Asgardian.' _And that I don't want to meet him again, even for research purposes_. Loki picked up a book on the list called _Template Healing_ and took a look at the contents page. It appeared to be about healing by using another subject as a template, to deal with damage that, due to being genetic, the patient's body wasn't registering as damage. Odin hadn't had a template when altering Thor, but it was possible as a method for altering Loki.

'Bruce is very nice ordinarily,' Jane said a bit absently. 'Common sense is a bit questionable, but who am I to talk?' She tapped at an entry further down the list. ' _Environmental and Biological Mimicry_ \-- on Earth this would not be about actual transformations, but I assume it is given how it came up.'

'Hmm. That looks useful.' And non-medical, which was a surprise considering what he _had_ wound up asking for, but he guessed the librarian had written down his first criteria as well.

'Adaptive self-transformation?' Jane said speculatively, then glanced up. 'Odin put it, once, that you... changed in his hands.'

He hadn't realised Jane had got the full story, rather than mentions. That part of the story he'd almost forgotten, he had been thinking of the Asgardian form as something Odin had imposed on him even as it still felt like him, but...Odin had told him that too. He walked over to the _Fabulous Beasts_ section to find the book and flipped to the index page. Lizards that could turn to stone, plants that could switch to an ambulant state when threatened. 'I've never heard of frost giants having that sort of instinctive mimicry.'

'Would it have been likely to come up?' Jane asked, looking over his shoulder -- or rather, around his arm -- at the page despite it being in the wrong language for her. 'Or maybe he was being oblique again and I misunderstood him.'

'I don't know. You'd think it would make infiltration easier, but there's the issue of size.' Changing the mass of things wasn't supposed to work, although after seeing the Hulk he suspected that wasn't a hard and fast rule. 'It doesn't seem a helpful ability in babies. How often is a baby going to get picked up by a member of another bipedal species when only one lives on Jotunheim? I rather doubt baby Jotuns turn into kittens when attacked by snow lions.'

Jane paused. 'That does sound... cute but impractical.'

'I wonder if there are any books on Jotun physiology? If it is a natural Jotun ability I think they'd mention it.'

'How much contact did Asgard have with them before the war?'

'...I have no idea. No one mentioned any.' If there had been contact then it would have been nice if someone _had_ mentioned it to him, in between the war stories.

'What a way to meet,' Jane said under her breath. 'Just wondered. I don't know if it's the sort of thing you'd pick up in the middle of a war.'

'Probably not. If it was a natural transformation...I don't even know if I'm looking at the right thing. Yet Thor's certainly wasn't.' Were the similarities coincidence? He frowned at the book he was holding. 'Maybe it would be easier to concentrate on Thor's? I actually saw that one. And if Alflyse is talking about turning me into an elf then there must be a spell...' Unless he really did have some sort of natural transformation response she intended to set off. That was a bizarre thought.

'That's a point.' Jane gave him a wry look. 'I assume asking Odin to explain is not in the plan just now?'

'Which part? I can't ask about how he banished Thor, that is his magic as King.' A prince could be taught it -- Loki wondered if Thor could _learn_ it -- in preparation for taking the throne. But that was exactly why Loki couldn't ask now. 'Asking about myself...went badly, last time.'

'Right, sorry.' Jane sighed. 'I was thinking you might both manage to be less awkward about a technical conversation, but that was probably silly.'

'I don't know if it would stay technical,' Loki muttered. He grabbed the last few books on the list and started walking back to their table.

'That's a fair point.' Jane followed him and picked up one of the books, and let the matter drop for a few minutes before asking, very quietly, 'Do you really want to declare yourself not part of the family anymore?'

'I've _been_ declaring it, and no one's inclined to listen.' It was almost a flippant response.

'Yeah, but--' She broke off, shaking her head, and went back to reading.

Loki read through a bit more of his book as well, still the one on animals despite his doubts over its use. At least it would probably give him some idea of the possibilities -- if it could be done, an animal somewhere had probably evolved to do it. 'But what?' he asked, after few minutes of silence.

Jane paused for a moment longer before asking, 'But do you actually want them to agree with you?'

That was an unexpectedly difficult question. He'd shouted at Thor that they weren't brothers, but when he imagined Thor agreeing it just hurt. If Odin declared Loki not to be his son -- he blinked, hard. Odin would never say that, because Odin believed in taking responsibility. Having picked Loki up he was stuck with him, unless Loki broke the bond between them. 'I don't know,' he whispered, not wanting his attendants to hear. 'It would be an end to all the pretense.'

'Loki,' she said, her eyes... concerned, but maybe just a bit distant, as if she were thinking about other times and places (and people), 'I really don't think they're pretending.'

Loki buried his face in his hands. 'I didn't actually mean that. Exactly. Thor -- didn't even know, obviously it was all real to him. But it was based on a lie. Everything I thought I knew about myself and my family was wrong. How do I build on a relationship when the foundations of it never existed? At least being free of it would mean being free of that.'

'Is the genetic part really the foundation?' she asked quietly. 'I mean, yes, I think they should have told you, too. But it's not _everything_.'

'If Thor hadn't thought I was his brother I doubt we would have even have been friends.' When Thor chose friends for himself they were fellow warriors. Not people like Loki.

'I am... pretty sure that happens a lot with people who _are_ blood relatives,' Jane said a bit wryly.

'But they continue to be blood relatives, if they really are.' Loki stopped. He was confusing _himself_ now. 'Thor only cares about me because he thought I was his brother. But that wasn't -- and isn't -- true.'

'Except that you are his brother by adoption, and growing up together, and that part all still happened.'

'Adoption is not that common in Asgard.' Loki raised his head. 'You asked before if it was an alien concept -- it isn't. But mostly a child will be raised by relatives if their parents are dead or cannot. To be raised by someone without a blood link at all -- much less when you are a different species -- is unusual.'

Jane nodded, biting her lip. 'I can see how that would make it harder. On Earth I guess it's somewhat more common... although the different species part obviously only comes up in stories.'

Some of those stories had a basis in fact. The elves dumping babies they didn't like the look of in exchange for prettier or healthier mortal babies. The mortals had sometimes tortured the elf children to get their own back, hoping the elf would still care enough for their abandoned child to make the switch. _Not_ a comforting thought. 'I always felt I'd been treated differently. This gave me an answer as to why.'

Jane inhaled, and he thought she would speak, but then she let it all out in a sigh instead and gave him a rueful look. 'I don't have any business arguing with you about what happened or how you felt about it,' she said quietly. 'I'm just... very sure they love you, and miss you, and really do think of you as family. And are trying really hard not to push, but I... don't think they're going to go so far as to actually give up on the idea.'

'As you noticed I don't entirely want them to.' Loki's gaze fell on his notebook and he felt himself blush. 'But I -- I didn't really know how to connect with them _before_. And they're having the same problem, aren't they? There's nothing they actually want to do with me, they just want to know I know they love me.'

She offered him a tiny smile. 'It wasn't entirely a warning, either. And... okay, no, I don't think they know what would help even if they did get to talk to you, and I honestly have no idea what your usual family activities are.'

'Thor and Odin usually argue a lot.' Not always angrily, but often very forcefully. Loki usually kept his head down. 'Frigga is a good person to talk to.' He felt almost more betrayed by her, because at least Odin was usually inexplicable. But probably she would be the easiest of his family to approach. 'We spoke about magic, although her areas of study in it were different from mine. With Thor --' _I did very little except study_ without _Thor_.

'I have kind of gotten the impression Thor barely did anything without you around,' Jane said, an unconscious echo.

'Not much. I expect that would have changed, after the coronation.'

'Because he wouldn't have time for the things you usually did together?'

'Probably. He would have had duties.' Although no one had been entirely clear on what the duties of a king actually _were_ even while Loki was king himself. Making decisions, obviously. But he hadn't had Odin's abilities, and it was hard to separate the idea of being king from the idea of being Odin -- what did the king have to do and what did Odin do because of who he was? Thor certainly didn't have Odin's abilities, although he had some of his own. 'Odin doesn't really...spend time with people.' No, that wasn't right. That made it sound as if Odin spent all his time by himself. 'For fun. I don't expect Thor would have suddenly stopped talking to people, but I'm not sure kings are meant to have friends.'

Jane was giving him an uncertain look. 'I don't think Thor is treating that as a requirement. Being more objective than he usually is, maybe....'

'That wouldn't be difficult.'

A small snort. 'No.'

Loki smiled slightly at her then sighed. 'These days I'm the one that can't do the things we normally did together.'

'I know....' Jane looked rueful, then considering. 'Although -- violent adventuring is presumably out, but there _are_ other options....'

Loki shot her an impatient look. 'There's a reason you've never met me anywhere but the library and the gardens.'

'You've gone farther, lately,' Jane pointed out, looking unquelled. 'Riding and watching meteors and out to the Bifrost.'

'Away from people.' Loki said. 'I suppose there are activities that doesn't rule out.' Like the aforementioned riding.

Jane glanced in Birla's direction before looking back at Loki. 'If you decided you were feeling up to it,' she said, 'it might be worth talking about whether it would work to go to -- I don't know, poetry recitals, maybe -- with your friends.'

Loki followed her gaze, meeting Birla's eyes. Birla shook her head. 'It's not my decision, my prince. I can tell Holda I don't think you'll come to harm from it, but I can't decide to allow it.'

Loki nodded. 'I could ask her,' he said. 'Thank you,' he added, to Birla.

Jane dropped her eyes back to her book, smiling a little. 'I know it's not quite the same as before,' she said, 'but they make a pretty good buffer if they try.'

'I don't want them to look after me!' Loki protested.

She looked a bit chagrined. 'Sorry. I think of Asgardian crowds as a little overwhelming.'

She wasn't wrong, especially when he had been isolated for a while. It was still humiliating, to think he'd need his friends to take care of him. 'I suppose they would be for a mortal.'

Jane rolled her eyes at him. 'I'm sure being a foot taller helps, too.'

'Not unrelated,' Loki answered. He glanced back at his book. It would be worth asking Holda about going places and -- much as he hated to admit it -- he was more likely to be allowed with people capable of acting as a buffer between him and others. Possibly they could also act as a buffer between him and Thor.

* * *


	24. Chapter 23: History

Jane gave herself another day to absorb the whole Malekith situation and another night of sleep, then asked Frigga about the counselor profession and how she’d go about finding somebody to talk to, on that basis, in Asgard. Frigga said thoughtfully, ‘You already get on well with Birla, don’t you?’

‘Er, yes,’ Jane said with some confusion, hoping there wasn’t a misunderstanding here. Jane liked Birla. She was starting to see her as a friend, which made nearly ignoring her to talk to Loki feel peculiar even though Birla had assured her, while off-duty, that the comparison to applauding stagehands was not all that far off. (Actually, Birla had offered a few other metaphors first that Jane hadn’t been as sure about.) She really appreciated the visit right after she’d been disenchanted. But a friend wasn’t quite what she was looking for in this case, not to mention Birla belonged to a specialty she didn’t need and, perhaps most to the point, already had her hands full.

‘She can easily provide a recommendation, then,’ said Frigga, which left Jane relieved but a little puzzled. Possibly this showed, because Frigga added, ‘She selects and coordinates personnel more broadly than as a tactical leader for monitoring patients. Holda is in charge of Loki’s treatment, but Birla evaluated the situation and suggested her.’

‘Ah.’ That kind of made sense. Birla had made it clear, without any undue specifics, that the kind of monitoring Loki received was not altogether novel, but Jane imagined that going straight from one such patient to another all the time might be a pretty exhausting career. ‘Thank you.’

‘Given that you are our guest -- let alone that that’s what put you in danger,’ said Frigga, ‘for which, by the way, I am deeply sorry -- this is our responsibility.’

So that was settled rather rapidly. Jane’s Asgardian therapist turned out, rather to her surprise, to be Holda’s mother Birchta. Apparently it was a family business, of sorts. Although Birchta was not in the version of it that involved acting as a sort of two-way guard, she did offer to accompany Jane next time she visited Malekith. And if Jane wanted, also to the preparations for it. Jane was not entirely sure at first about Birchta’s suggestion that refusing to _torture_ Malekith did not rule out taking some advantage of his forced service, but when they hit on the idea of bleeding him -- figuratively! -- for information, it started to sound more appealing. There were definitely a few things she’d like to know, even if the idea of his being magically compelled to answer made her uncomfortable.

There were things she wanted to ask other people, too. The Bifrost was obvious and ongoing. The transformation question, by contrast, was entirely outside Jane’s area in pretty much every way she could name. It was advanced magic, which she couldn’t do -- or animal magic, likewise. She was not a biologist. It was not her family history.

None of this prevented her from being plagued by curiosity. She’d always been susceptible to that. And after some deliberation, she decided that just because _Loki_ wouldn’t take advantage of being able to ask the person most likely to know what was going on didn’t mean _she_ had to pass it up. So she asked over one of the family breakfasts if Odin had time to answer some questions about magic, and ended up in his study that afternoon.

Odin eyed her notepad with a faint smile. ‘You are expecting a complex response, I take it.’

‘I’m hoping for one,’ Jane admitted with a smile. She added, ‘Thank you for making time to discuss this,’ which made her sound like she was talking to a senior professor, not a king. Oh well. ‘Loki and I got to wondering about the cross-species transformations. Both his and, well, turning Thor human and back. But if there’s anything directly relevant in the library, we haven’t been able to find it. Loki’s looking for a possible relationship to medical treatment for genetic problems.’

Odin looked briefly perplexed and then rather pleased. ‘That is... not unrelated. But no, there wouldn’t be much. We speak of magic that was built into Asgard near its beginning, and long before we had developed writing. It is, literally, one of the most solid parts of our early history.’

Jane found herself both intrigued and thoroughly mystified. ‘Species change is?’

‘You may have noticed,’ said Odin, ‘that your tongues on Earth preserve a telling set of structures. Aesir, the people. Asgard, the fortress of the Aesir.’ Jane was not sure anyone had translated it quite that way to her before. ‘Asgardian, the people of Asgard.’

‘The people of the fortress of the Aesir?’ She raised her eyebrows, thinking. ‘Sounds a little roundabout, now that you mention it.’ Telling? ‘So... the Aesir founded the place, but aren’t the whole population?’

‘The Aesir were the worldmakers,’ Odin said with a nod, ‘and our ancestors. And the source of much of our strength. In some ways we’ve surpassed them and in some ways perhaps we never will -- in that whatever we may do, we may hope it’s never from as severe a disadvantage as the tales we’ve preserved imply. And one of the things moulded into the world, into rock and biosystem and spirit, is that to be a citizen of Asgard is to be -- if necessary, to become -- Asgardian.’

‘That,’ Jane said slowly, ‘is not an explanation that had occurred to me.’ She’d known Asgard was to some degree artificial, however much that blew her mind in itself; the laws of physics weren’t different enough for its weird shape to have formed naturally, and she’d asked Heimdall about it weeks ago. There was a certain logic to the language. World of the people who made it, people of the world that... remade them? And it raised all sorts of further questions, although she guessed some of them were the same ones but with a new cast. Okay, one at a time. ‘Does that come up a lot? Loki said adopting someone who’s not already a relative was unusual here, let alone a different species....’

‘True,’ said Odin. ‘Blood-kin is important to us, and children are normally kept within the same family if at all possible. But the Aesir were few in number at the start, and it has historically been somewhat more common to _marry_ with other realms.’ A faint smile, weary and wry. ‘It is of somewhat limited political use in that we have always been extremely reluctant to give up the Asgardian spouse, for reasons you may begin to see. I should probably also warn you that we tend to be possessive of our offspring.’

He stopped there, and Jane’s already spinning mind took a few seconds to fetch up against the more personal implications there. She flushed. ‘I’ll keep that in mind.’ Not that she was planning to have a kid at all at the moment, but accidents were theoretically possible. She didn’t quite like the implication that there would be no question about custody even if she wanted it, but she couldn’t exactly raise a child who might take a thousand years to grow up properly, either. Actually, yikes. ‘But I hope gestation isn’t proportional to lifespan.’

Odin’s rather startled laugh reminded Jane unexpectedly of Loki. That seemed odd, on examination: Loki’s references to his father didn’t seem as if Odin’s children would have heard that sort of thing often. Maybe she should ask Thor. ‘It is not,’ he said, still looking amused.

Jane took a breath, trying to decide what to ask next. ‘So exile is... fairly drastic,’ she said.

Odin’s lips tightened, and he looked... greyer than usual. ‘It is.’

Jane winced. ‘Sorry, I wasn’t --’

‘You were thinking in terms of the technical implications, not emotional,’ Odin said, accurately enough. ‘It is not an offence. Yes, it is drastic. I was profoundly angry with Thor and I considered him to need a drastic lesson.’

She hesitated, but only for a moment. ‘Would that be the usual result? If somebody’s not of Asgard anymore, they’re....’ What? ‘Approximately human? Or did you do something special there?’ Could Thor really have died permanently when she hit him with her van, right after he got there, and if so why was anybody still speaking to her? What had Odin been _thinking_? ‘Compared to what you’re all usually like, that seems like an awful risk.’

‘It was a great risk,’ Odin agreed. The lines around his eye deepened; she thought some new ones might have appeared alongside his eyepatch. Jane had sort of been hoping he’d say there had been precautions that weren’t obvious. ‘And I bound much of his personal power to Mjolnir, which weakened him further, although it also provided some protection. But Idunn’s work makes us longer lived, more durable and more powerful. We outlive even elves and giants, though not the Vanir, and that has at times been our survival. She created the Alltongue, and if you know how to listen, the realm still speaks her name. And I took most of her gifts from my son for threatening to reignite the war of the generations.’

Jane’s notepad was rapidly developing a branching set of questions to go back to -- messy ones, because her hand was starting to shake a little. Idunn sounded somewhere beyond impressive and a bit scary, especially if there was really some magical means to be sure everything she was credited with was really the work of one person. Or even just the foundations of it. She stared at the word _generations_ for a few seconds. ‘Just... how long were you at war with Jotunheim? I asked once if there had been any contact beforehand, but....’

Odin snorted. ‘It’s hard to be sure at this point whether there was ever any peaceful contact. It’s been a very long time, even for us. We know the Jotuns sought to alter your planet to suit themselves about two and a half million years ago, and that your ancestors were beginning to show promise but had no hope of resisting them.’

‘Two and a half million,’ Jane echoed faintly. Two and a half _million_. And their years were, oddly, almost identical. (She scribbled a reminder to ask if this was coincidence or somebody’s orbit had been adjusted for convenience.) She’d somehow imagined that the Jotuns and the Asgardians had clashed over Earth... briefly, from their own perspective if not a human one. She’d thought they met the Vikings, not the Australopithecines. She hadn’t thought they’d shown up --

\--Allowing for error and year length, around the start of the last ice age. _Oh._

When she looked up at Odin again, he looked slightly more alive than before and was smiling, just a little. ‘Do you need a moment?’

‘I’m having one, thanks,’ she said, a little ruefully. ‘No _wonder_ you got taken for gods.’ Or for all she knew, originated the concept. Well, on Earth. ‘And... how long _is_ that for you? I mean, you said generations, but -- uh, I’m not sure there’s a tactful way to ask this but I don’t actually know how long you tend to live.’

‘Death from old age, for those who reach it, is likely to be between ten or twelve thousand years.’ A wry smile. ‘I am over nine thousand, myself, and I am hale but beginning to tire.’

No wonder their society glorified warriors. No wonder Thor had wanted to prove himself against the Jotuns, no wonder Loki had been so shocked at being one. ‘It must feel like this is just a, a breather, to all of you.’ She looked down at the paper for a moment, trying to pick out a single thought. ‘You said there weren’t very many Aesir. And they built themselves a new planet, basically. Do you know anything from before that?’

‘Not _know_ ,’ Odin said slowly. ‘Idunn’s inventiveness did not quite stretch to writing, and the tales we preserved are not altogether clear. Some think they were dwarfs -- at any rate, it seems very likely Idunn was a dwarf. Dwarfs making a new world would not particularly surprise anyone, but making it outside of Alfheim would be unexpected. Some imagine they were explorers, adventurers from a world we know not, or the survivors of a cataclysm.’ He stopped for a moment there, breathing more heavily than the slow speech seemed to justify. ‘Most people... care little for the question. And my grandfather Buri had an exceedingly unpopular theory that the Aesir were small Jotuns, outcast, who changed themselves as much as they did the world they fled to.’

Jane blinked at him. ‘So when Loki “changed in your hands”....’

Odin’s mouth quirked, but he leaned his head heavily on his hand. ‘I confess, it was the first time I took the idea seriously.’ A grimace. ‘And I fear I must call a halt now--’

Jane eyed him worriedly. ‘Are you all right?’

His jaw clenched. ‘I was preparing for the Odinsleep when Heimdall announced he had found Loki.’

‘That was --’ Jane shook her head and stood quickly. ‘You’re _how_ many months overdue? Should I get Frigga?’

‘Tell the nearest guard first.’ The words were somewhat mumbled, and the King of Asgard put his head down on his folded arms on the desk.

Jane bit her lip, hard. _Hale but beginning to tire._ It seemed strange to worry about old age in someone who might live another two or three thousand years, but she could see why everyone had been so upset last time, suddenly. She told herself that staying awake half again as long as you were supposed to did logically tend to lead to dozing off inconveniently, and it didn’t usually mean you were dying... and then she let herself break into a jog.

* * *


	25. Chapter 24: King

’Thor is _what?_ ’ Loki demanded.

Holda looked at him calmly. ‘King. Temporarily. Odin has entered the Odinsleep, which was only to be expected at some point.’

‘But, _Thor_ ,’ Loki began and then realised he had no idea what he was saying about the situation. Except that even Thor had agreed he wasn’t ready to be king in the end, and it was monstrously unfair. He stood up. ‘I’m going to talk to him.’

‘I’ll send a message,’ said Holda.

Loki glared at her. ‘I don’t _need_ a message. I know where the throne room is.’

‘You can talk to Thor in private,’ said Holda. ‘You cannot go and start a fight with him in front of his court.’

 _Thor’s_ court. Of course. Loki clenched his fists. ‘Send a message then. I want to see him now.’

The message returned that Thor would see him in an hour, in Loki’s own quarters. Already he was being brushed aside. Yesterday, if he’d sent such a message, Thor would have come at once, glad his brother wanted to see him. Now Loki was secondary to other concerns. He paced, furiously, his handlers already in the room with him even though Thor wouldn’t arrive for an hour, as if he might sneak away if they failed to watch him.

The rap at the door finally came, and Loki wrenched it open himself. Thor blinked at him, as if this were somehow a surprise. Even without Gungnir he looked nauseatingly regal. 'Hello, brother.'

Loki took a step back, settling into a balanced stance as if he was about to face a battle. 'Hello, my king,' he said, voice turning it into an insult. 'Perhaps your subject could make a request of you, if your time is not too valuable for that?'

Thor sighed. 'I came as soon as I reasonably could, Loki.'

'Busy with your adoring subjects?'

'I'd run through the list of what I've been doing, but I assume you remember that part.'

Loki jerked back and then steadied himself. Thor would have had help. People on his side. Thor had spent his whole life knowing he was going to get a throne someday. None of this was fair. He held up his hands. 'I want these bracelets off. I may have been Odin's prisoner, but I _will not be yours_.'

Thor closed his eyes for a moment. 'Loki. I _am_ sorry, but you know better.'

'No. I know that it's more convenient to have me powerless, to only deal with me when it pleases you.' The anger felt almost like elation, giving him energy. As long as he could hurt Thor he wasn't powerless. No, he had power, and he could make Thor give him what he wanted.

'I have dealt with you only when it pleased _you_ since your return,' said Thor. The pained crease between his eyebrows had smoothed out, and now he only looked sorrowful. 'Which was seldom. I look forward to the day you have your magic back, but it cannot be now.'

'And now you talk like a King, laying down the law. What happened to not being ready?'

'I will gladly step down again when our father wakes.'

Loki turned away, pacing across the room, stopping to turn back with his hand on a chair, movements jittery. Thor was being impossible. There was no arguing with him like this. He grabbed one of the bracelets, wrenching it hard enough to bruise the skin beneath it, watching redness well up in a crescent around the underside of his wrist as he let go.

Thor took a breath -- then shut his teeth on it and didn't speak.

Loki looked at him, fingers still hooked around the bracelet, challenging. Birla cleared her throat nearby, which probably translated as _stop hurting yourself or we're going to have to put you to sleep_ and he shot her the most cutting look he could muster before letting go of it.

 _Thor_ shot her a grateful one. 'If you are fearing for Asgard again, Loki, I can vow to tell you before I do anything rash.'

'I don't care about Asgard!' Loki shouted, and then felt like he'd swallowed a rock. Because it wasn't true, but it had _felt_ true. He hadn't thought about saying it, it had just come out. The ground was a little blurry, he was _not_ going to cry in front of Thor, didn't dare look at Thor.

'Loki, that's--' Thor stopped, as if he didn't know what to say, or couldn't bring himself to say it.

Loki dashed a hand across his eyes -- stupid, obvious, but better than leaving the tears there -- and glared at Thor. He didn't know what he'd meant, whether he'd meant anything beyond the fact that he hadn't been thinking of Asgard right _then_ , just of himself. But he wasn't going to back down. 'Why should I? The only reason I'm not cast out is because I can't be trusted on another world. I'm bound and made less than Asgardian no less than if I were an exile, and no one has left a way for me to prove I can be worthy again.'

Thor took a half step toward him; Loki flinched, unable to help himself, and Thor stopped and looked frustrated. ' _That_ is not true,' Thor snapped. 'Everyone expects you to be free eventually. You are not exiled because that would teach you nothing, or at least nothing good -- do you think Odin couldn't have bound you so that a prison on Earth would hold you, if he wished? You are here to heal. You are here because we want you to be.'

'Stop being so sure of yourself! What do you know of what Odin was thinking? What do you know of _anything_?' He shook his head. 'What if I don't heal? Am I to be left like this, lacking a sense and most of my abilities? You are King now, everything that happens to me is _your fault_.'

'You are healing. You are not being very reasonable right now, but you _are_ healing.' Thor sighed. 'Unfortunately, anything you did if I freed you would really be my fault, and right now I have no idea what you'd do.'

'I could promise not to attack your beloved Midgard again.' It was a weak attempt at a retort, the anger was fading and with it Loki's energy. He felt lost, suddenly, standing in the middle of a room with his hand on a chair, one wrist throbbing with pain. _How did I get here?_ Thor was being infuriating, and apparently immune to Loki's anger. Thor was solid, and enduring, and terrifyingly immune to anything Loki might do at all.

'Loki....' Thor stretched out a hand toward him, then let it fall, and for a moment instead of implacable his face seemed to be filled with a strange quiet despair. Loki blinked and it was gone. 'I do love you.'

'Why would you say that now?' Loki's words came out shaken and bewildered. What, exactly, in this conversation had led Thor to declare that?

That got a shrug, a small motion and awkward, strangely so when Thor had always seemed entirely at home in his body even when he was learning a new motion, or even when it was the wrong species. 'You seemed, perhaps, not to believe it. And it is true, even though I cannot give you what you ask.'

'You're King. You can do anything you please. Don't pretend it's impossible when the truth is that you won't.' The words were _meant_ to be snapped. They were _meant_ to hurt. And Loki still sounded young and scared in a way that he couldn't seem to help.

'I cannot do it justly, or responsibly,' Thor amended, looking so woeful that if it were anyone else Loki would have said it was exaggerated. Then, 'Although I am not actually sure I could remove the bonds if I tried. Odin does not release every authority when he sleeps.'

'I know that. You could break them with Mjolnir.' Just as Loki couldn't have undone Thor's banishment, but could have brought him back to Asgard instead of leaving him where he might be in danger.

Thor -- bowed his head. 'And I will not.'

'I'm glad I told you Odin was dead! Because you know how it feels to believe there's no hope for you, even if in reality it took less than two days. At least for a while you thought it would be forever.' Ah, there was the anger. It seemed to help and make him feel sick at the same time.

'I would feel worse about having asked if I could come home, if not for that,' Thor said, his own temper answering if not as much as Loki hoped or feared. 'You're right, I did. But I don't believe it will be forever for you, either.'

'It will certainly not be a few days.' Loki slid his fingers under his bracelet half unconsciously, not to tug it this time but to stop it rubbing the bruise there.

'No,' Thor said with a sigh. 'It will not.'

'Things are always so much easier for you.' The words hovered between bitter and plaintive.

'I would ease them for you if I knew _how_.'

'Any way except by doing what I want?'

'I'm sorry, Loki.'

He was flagging again, what was wrong with him...no, that was a foolish question. 'Leave then.'

Thor sighed, _again_ , and gave him a sad smile. 'Goodbye, brother.'

'Go.'

Thor went. The King of Asgard went, at his word.

Somehow, it wasn't as satisfying as it sounded.

Loki slid to the floor, curling over with his head resting on the arm of the chair he had been standing beside, shivering. Birla's hand on his shoulder surprised him -- his handlers were there to protect him, not befriend him, and they stuck to that.

‘Come,' she said, gently. 'You look like you could use some sleep.'

He wondered whether she minded that he'd been trying to hurt Thor, whether she was allowed to have opinions of his behaviour. But he pulled himself to his feet without asking and let her lead him from the room.

* * *


	26. Chapter 25: Change

The day after Odin dropped into his bizarre restorative magical coma, he did _not_ wake up, which apparently was longer than normal but not really longer than expected after putting it off. Thor asked Jane, very earnestly and with a haunted air around his eyes, to make a particular effort to be kind to Loki. There were probably several appropriate responses, none of which were to ask, 'What did he do now?'

After the explanation, such as it was, Jane did not go looking for Loki immediately -- she didn't want to be in the way, but Thor was not the only one who looked haunted in odd moments. Frigga didn't show it much, but she offered to take Jane to see Odin -- Jane really suspected Frigga just wanted conscious company, because as she sat down by the bed, her shoulders drooped and her hands tensed on the edge of it. The whole thing felt like waiting for someone having a routine surgical procedure: everything ought to be okay, but _what if this time it isn't?_

Late in the morning, however, she left Frigga to her husband's bedside -- Thor had been busy for a few hours with a small group of people who had suddenly decided he needed to be _re_ checked for any malign influences picked up during his stay in Alfheim -- and headed for the library.

Where Loki, as it turned out, was not. Well, that did make sense. Thor had said he was distraught and she could imagine he might have decided to stay in. Or... something. She supposed he could be nearly anywhere with some reasonable expectation of privacy.

She asked for help finding a book about Asgard's ancient history and sat down to read, but the words paced before her eyes without really making it into the brain. She had looked forward to relaying some of what Odin had said. And now she was kind of worried about Loki. Not that he was likely to manage to come to any real harm under his minders' communally watchful eye, but she suspected he was brooding. Although she wasn't honestly sure if she should look for him in that case or let him work through it instead of getting pushy.

Jane stared at the page for a moment longer without really focusing on it. Well, there was no need to get pushy. If it turned out he wanted time to himself, she could always leave again. Or if he was talking to Holda, of course. But she didn't think _not_ being looked for was going to make him particularly happier.

She packed up her notes and borrowed the book, and after a few minutes and passing under the eye of several guards at their stations, she tapped on Loki's door. One of the guards had acknowledged that he hadn't been seen going out. She was less sure whether he would answer.

'Who is it?' Loki called, without opening the door.

'Jane.' Well, he was definitely in. 'I thought I'd come see if you were up for company.'

‘You can come in.’

He was sitting in one of the armchairs, curled up sideways with a notebook perched on his knees. There was white fabric wrapped around his left wrist, under the bracelet there. Around him, scattered across most of the floor, was Asgard's heavy notepaper, in varying degrees of screwed up or just dropped. Most of it, seen in glimpses which Jane was trying not to catch in case it was private, was made in a notation she wasn't familiar with. Strange graphs, looking like etch-a-sketch patterns decorated with runes, were the majority.

'You've been busy, I see.' The runes on the notepaper just by her foot changed helpfully. Jane picked her way across the rest of the scattered paper to the next chair over, without speaking, and perched in it. 'How are you doing?'

'Genetic magic is an interesting distraction, even if it probably isn't the answer I was looking for,' Loki answered, looking up and then at the scattered paper as if he wasn't sure how it got there. 'I apologise for the mess.'

'No need,' Jane said, a little amused, 'I just didn't want to step on anything you might not be done with.' She looked down at her own notes. 'Still on the transformation question?'

'Yes.' Despite Jane's assurance he got up and started to gather paper into piles, moving slowly in a way that made it obvious how wrung out he still was.

Jane gave him a worried look and then got up to help. ' _Do_ you want these in any kind of order or just out of the way? And I, ah, actually asked Odin about that.'

'You...about transformations?' Loki put the sheaf of papers he'd gathered on the table and reached for more, before apparently deciding against it and sitting down again. 'He was talking about me?'

'Part of the time. More about the founding of Asgard.' She gave him a wry look and gave up on the papers as well. 'I think I'm glad you didn't listen to me about talking to him yet. I didn't realise he'd been putting off the Odinsleep... thing, again.'

'He, uh, wasn't talking about me when he fell asleep?' Loki seemed a bit embarrassed by the question.

Jane blinked. 'I don't think....' Well, he had kind of been, technically. Among other topics. 'He did explain he'd been due for it right around the time Heimdall found you, but obviously he'd already started flagging at that point.'

'I see.' Loki didn't elaborate on _what_ he saw, although he sounded a bit shaky. 'What did he tell you, about the founding of Asgard? And what does that have to do with the question of changing species?'

Jane eyed him. 'Just for the record, he talks about you on a regular basis _without_ falling asleep.'

Loki looked more embarrassed, but less upset at that. 'I suppose I knew that. I know you've been talking to him about me.'

'Well, yes.' She glanced down and then passed him her note sheets. 'He said citizens changing species to Asgardian is something Idunn built into your world.'

'But why would it be?' he asked. The notepaper changed language as he spoke and he looked down at it, frowning.

'Small population, they were going to need more people. And apparently she enhanced them a lot.'

Loki was flicking through the notes now. 'It does look like it. Thor was...de-enhanced, I take it? But obviously he'd been born enhanced, his genetics wouldn't be those of the original population. It wouldn't be the same as taking the enhancements away from someone who had been born without them.' He stopped, suddenly, and then thrust the notes back at Jane as if they'd been contaminated.

Oddly, even in a completely incomprehensible alphabet and language, her handwriting was still identifiable. 'We didn't end up getting into the mechanics of it.' The pages changed back to English as she spoke, confirming Jane's guess on where Loki had decided he didn't want them anymore.

'It doesn't matter,' said Loki, voice level and detached. 'None of it is true.'

She sighed and drummed her fingers on the edge of the book. 'I assume you don't like Buri's theory, but that's no reason to decide Odin was making the whole thing up.'

'It's too convenient. A way for me to be Asgardian after all, because everyone declared a citizen is. And then...that. He had to push it that little bit further, a just plausible enough theory that would make me more like the original Asgardians than anyone. Not that plausible, of course, even with all the background he's so carefully supplied. He must have really thought I'd want to believe it.' He shook his head. 'I'm sorry you got used in this. But it had to be someone without the magic to check anything he said.'

Jane stared at him, momentarily speechless -- and momentarily _considering_ it. Only, no. 'I really don't think that's what's going on here.'

'Why not? He's lied before.'

'Well, for one thing, I decided to start with something less specialised but they do actually have Buri's book on it.'

'They do?' It seemed to shock Loki out of his certainty. He gave the notes in Jane's hand a wary glance. 'What did you decide to start with?'

Her mouth quirked. ' _Legendary, Magical, and Physical Evidence of the Building of Asgard_. It sounded like a decent summary work.'

'It does.' Loki's paranoia apparently stopped at the idea of Odin secretly writing books and planting them in the library, and he was starting to look interested despite himself. 'Did it match what Odin told you?'

Jane gave him a sheepish look. 'I didn't really get started on it before I came here.'

Loki laughed. 'I suppose it's only been a day. And probably rather eventful.'

'A bit.' Not quite a whole day yet, even. 'I've been mostly trying to stay out of the way, but still.'

'And how are you enjoying being the King's consort?' It was said with malice, but a tired sort of malice, as if Loki didn't really want to be saying it.

'Given the circumstances, it feels a lot like waiting for a friend to get out of the hospital.'

Loki relaxed slightly. 'Yes. Even when he's not overdue...it's unpleasant. Seeing him helpless.'

She smiled wryly. 'It was pretty unnerving even though he stopped and told me what was going on.'

'It makes him seem so old.'

Apparently that was because he _was_. 'I... see what you mean, yeah,' she said quietly.

Loki sighed. 'Could I look at your notes again?'

'Of course. I did think it was interesting....' She passed them over with a small smile. 'Please excuse all the exclamation points.'

Loki scanned through the notes again, frowning when he reached Buri's theory but keeping reading this time. '...I've never noticed Asgard saying Idunn's name,' he said. 'What does that even mean?'

Jane shrugged. 'My best guess is it's metaphorical and involves poking around the built-in spells, but I'm not assuming. There were so many things I had questions about, I couldn't really get to all of them.'

'Especially when he fell asleep before you could _ask_ them.'

'At the rate they were multiplying, the list might be longer if he hadn't.'

'There are rather a lot. Poking around the built-in spells might answer several of them, but...'

But that wasn't an option for either of them, Jane in general and Loki at the moment. 'Well, maybe eventually. Or I'll try asking him again after he wakes up.'

'That would certainly be quicker.' He looked down at his wrists, but didn't pull at the bracelets this time.

 _Reliably within my lifetime,_ Jane did _not_ say. This would be a lousy time to get morbid, on several levels. 'When you get the chance, maybe you can tell me what you find.'

'I will,' Loki answered. 'You'll have answers to share before I will, though.'

'I should get help from you on the questions.' She debated for a long moment, eyes going back to the white fabric, before saying quietly, 'Thor's worrying too, you know.'

Loki looked concerned. 'About the Odinsleep?'

She nodded. 'About both of you, really.'

Loki looked away, smiling slightly. 'I see.'

Jane raised her eyebrows and stamped down firmly on her temper. Thor was perfectly capable of losing his own temper and didn't need her to do it for him. 'Was that what you wanted when you decided to yell at him?'

Loki looked up at her, smile fading, and for a moment he looked blank. Maybe considering. As if trying to decide which expression to wear. 'I wanted to be free,' he said. He looked tired, but earnest, and it was hard to tell if it was real.

She drew a long breath and leaned her head against the back of the chair, thinking. 'Well, I'm glad you've decided that's important.'

'I've never wanted to be bound. I've just had to accept it.'

She shrugged. 'You've sounded a little fuzzy on the subject sometimes.' About freedom being a good thing. Especially on Earth.

'Shouldn't I be? I would have thought you'd be on the side of accepting it.'

Jane turned to look at him. 'I'm on the side of getting out of it by demonstrating you aren't going to do something horrible when you do. I'd really be kind of concerned if you _wanted_ to stay that way.'

'I don't intend to do anything horrible. I really don't have any way of demonstrating that. It's not as simple as having a hammer to lift and that's it.' He tugged lightly at the bracelet around his left wrist and then let it drop. 'I miss having magic. I miss being able to go places, or do things. Especially now I've completely failed at not studying magic until I could use it again.'

Jane winced a little. 'Sorry about that.' The trouble with not intending to do anything horrible, though, was that he still seemed to be having a little trouble _identifying_ it.

Loki waved off the apology. 'It was my idea at least as much as yours.'

'Not going to argue.' Her mouth quirked. 'Especially since, honestly, I'd really rather _not_ be sorry about it. I've appreciated the discussions.'

'As have I. And I'm not planning on stopping them.' His gaze flicked to hers briefly. 'If I'm understanding these notes...then you could have magic of your own. One day.'

That. That was something she had been not-quite-thinking-about. Well, not magic specifically, but the whole strange package. 'In the event of moving to Asgard,' she said, 'yes, apparently that could happen.'

'Would you want to? You made it clear this isn't your home, but it _could_ be. You'd be good at magic. And, there are other advantages.' He looked hopefully at her.

Jane was silent for a long moment. 'It would be a lot to think about.'

'I suppose it would.' He looked down. "And it's another reason to want to know what actually happens, with this, isn't it?'

'It'd probably be a good idea to find out in advance, yeah.' The difference in aging was, if she was honest with herself, a reason she'd sort of been assuming the relationship was _essentially_ temporary.

Loki didn't look up at her. He looked like he was having a debate with himself about something. 'Neither of us can do anything but read about it. But we're not the only magic users in Asgard.' Which was obvious, and probably not why he was looking like he wasn't sure whether he wanted to say something.

'No....' Jane smoothed a hand over the book. She wasn't a magic user and never had been, but that was presumably not the point. Not that she minded reading about it, but she supposed if she _could_ do magic she'd want to learn. Some of it, anyway. She assumed there were areas similar to the biological sciences, where she was entirely content to leave the hands-on part to other people. But she'd hate to have to do that for astrophysics. She waited a moment before adding, 'So where are you going with this?'

'I, um. Frigga actually does have a background in medical magic, among other things.' He picked the notes back up and started shuffling them for a moment, probably just for something to do. 'And she'd probably be willing to help and...and it's less awkward, having a goal and not trying to have conversations about... She's probably not available right now, though.'

Jane couldn't help smiling. 'I bet she will be.'

'Not if she's worried about Odin. She'll want to stay with him,' Loki said quickly.

'She really wants to see you, too.'

Loki put the notes he'd shuffled back in order. 'We should maybe do some research first,' he began, then stopped. 'Would you ask her? Whether she'd help us when she has time?'

'Of course.' She really suspected the answer was going to be _yes, how about now?_ \-- although if Frigga wanted to start the discussion by Odin's bedside, she wasn't sure Loki would go for it.

He smiled at her. 'Thank you.'

Jane smiled back. 'You know, I could go ask her now.' A slight wince. 'Honestly, I think she could use something else to think about.' Like anything besides whether Odin was going to wake up and the way practically everything else had gone wrong last time.

Loki looked a bit nervous, eyes darting over the paper all over the floor as if it was some kind of comment on his readiness to do anything. But he nodded. 'If she's available,' he said. 'And if any of us know where these spells are that we want to look at without researching them further.'

'I'll hope she does, then,' Jane said. She... really wanted to suggest he just come with her, but she probably shouldn't. 'I'll be back in a little bit.'

She handed him the book and left.

It occurred to Jane about halfway there that she was planning to barge into a king's bedroom -- or sickroom, or something like that -- to talk to the queen, and she didn't actually expect anybody to stop her.

They didn't. The room was dim except for the weird golden light from Odin's bed, which made her wonder if there was some kind of sunlight treatment involved or it was just a case of Asgard's fondness for random glowing things. Swords tended to gleam white in the dark, which she assumed could be turned off if you had to sneak around but she wouldn't bet on it; gold jewelry for some reason lit up in a warm red; and Odin's bed, apparently, was daffodil-yellow.

Frigga turned and looked up at her, shadows cast in her eyes by the glow. 'Is something wrong?'

'No,' Jane said, startled. 'I was just talking to Loki. He was hoping you'd help explain the transformation spells on Asgard.'

Frigga turned fully away from the bed, though one long sleeve still trailed onto it and Jane strongly suspected she was still holding Odin's hand. The light from the door made her face look more natural, but the hope and cautious joy was almost painful to see. 'Now?'

'Ah, I don't think he'd mind?' 

And _that_ was a real smile. 'Then I think his perhaps his father can sleep on his own a little while.'

* * *


	27. Chapter 26: Idunn's Garden

Loki rested his head against the back of the chair and wondered what he’d been thinking. He was angry and confused about Thor, worried about Odin, and worn out from yesterday. Why had he thought this was a good time to reach out to Frigga? He hadn’t counted on Jane’s impulsiveness to see that he went through with it before he had time to rethink.

Too late now. He wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or nervous or both about that. Maybe he’d just hope Frigga was busy, or wouldn’t leave Odin. Except he’d like to see her, which was why he’d suggested it in the first place. He rubbed at his forehead, sometimes he was really tired of his own thoughts especially when they insisted on going in circles.

The knock on the door that interrupted the circles this time was immediately followed by Jane's voice calling, 'Loki? Ah, she's here.'

Loki had been expecting Jane to bring back a message, not Frigga herself. He looked at the paper on the floor feeling like he'd failed to tidy his room, and hastily shoved it into a pile beside his chair before sitting back down and calling, 'Come in.'

They did. Frigga was as always all golden beauty and every room she entered smelt faintly of something Loki had never bothered to research -- it was comforting because it meant _her_. Now he wasn't altogether sure that was comforting, but he was automatically relaxing a bit anyway.

Frigga was not quite relaxed. She took a step toward him, open yearning on her face, then stopped and rocked back on her heel. 'Loki--' She closed her eyes for a few seconds, then turned and raised an eyebrow at Jane. 'I think I may have been too precipitous. You could have told me he looked more like he should be taking a nap than going for a walk.'

'I didn't know we were going for a walk,' Jane said, puzzled.

'Well, the spells we're going to look at aren't _here_ ,' Loki answered. He stood up. 'I'm fine, Mother.' He hadn't meant to call her that, but she was smiling, and it felt too silly to correct himself anyway. 'I doubt we're going to be doing anything that strenuous. I'm not about to collapse.'

'I didn't-- ' Jane began, then shook her head and retrieved her notepad. And the book. 'Okay, cool.'

'Very well.' Frigga glanced at Loki's stack of abandoned genetics notes. 'If you're ready?'

Loki picked up the notepad and nodded. He felt nervous, as if he was doing far more than going to look at something which was presumably not off limits, and also excited. What were they going to see? Would it answer the questions he had, about Asgard and his own place in it? That was certainly expecting too much, and he tried not to expect anything except a bit of magic he hadn't seen before. But he couldn't help hoping that this would cause everything to slot into place and tell him who he was, even as he knew it couldn't.

It was a longer walk than Loki expected. Frigga lead them through the palace, including parts of it Loki wasn’t sure he was really allowed into. None of his handlers stopped them though. It felt too hot inside the palace, stifling, and when Frigga led them through a door into a cellar the coolness there was a relief. It wasn’t a cellar Loki had been in before, he realised, the walls were rough unfinished rock although the stairs were regular and polished, if worn in the centre by many feet. He trailed his hand on the wall as they walked down, unwilling to admit to the slight dizziness he felt and ask for help.

The stairs ended in a passage, where the walls were again unfinished. They were deep under the palace now, among its foundations. Frigga looked at him, concerned, and he tensed, ready to insist that he was fine, but she looked away without asking.

Sounds could be heard as they walked. Rustling. The trickle of water. Birdsong? Loki wondered whether he was hallucinating, but Jane was frowning, lips parting to ask a question. Frigga smiled at her, a trace of mischief under the worry, and disappeared around a bend in the corridor. Loki followed and a garden opened out before him.

A fountain played in the centre, carved from the same rock as the foundations they had been walking through, and growing beside it was an apple tree with pale, shining bark and golden apples. Green grass spread from it, dotted with daisies and buttercups, a path of shimmering mother of pearl paving meandered up to it. Other trees, birches and oaks, all with their trunks gleaming in pale, metallic colours and looking like living bark, spread their branches around the outside, hiding the walls of the cave so that you could almost believe you were outside.

Loki looked up and was met by a starry night sky, the sight making him dizzy enough to sway on his feet and hastily look down. A butterfly, with a jewelled body and wings of dyed silk stretched over wire frames, flew past him and settled on a buttercup that he could now see was made of gold. This place must be saturated in magic and he was standing in it feeling nothing at all.

‘What is this?’ he asked.

'This is Idunn's garden,' said Frigga. Something -- the walls, the grass, the delicate metal leaves -- caught their voices and tossed them back and forth in a chiming susurration, Idunn's name the only clear word in the echoes. She rested a hand on a slender branch of the golden apple tree. 'It represents and anchors the foundational spells of the world.'

It was awe inspiring. Spellwork on this level -- and the garden was only the spell _itself_ ; the actual working covered Asgard. 'Are they alive?' Loki asked, watching a robin with rubies on its breast fly into a tree. 'I mean -- if I could sense them. Would they feel alive?'

'Yes....' Frigga half-shut her eyes, as if lost in thought. 'It's been a long time since I visited here. The _way_ they feel alive is a little similar to your doubles, when you put more into them than mere illusion.'

Traces of Idunn, then. Loki's doubles didn't last longer than he thought of them, Idunn had put herself into things that had outlasted her by millennia. It was like being a child seeing spellcasting for the first time. He walked to the fountain and looked into it, little frogs coated with emeralds and topaz swam in it, or looked up at him with onyx eyes. Idunn must have been amazing...and vain enough to make sure that it wasn't forgotten.

The thought made him feel a little less overwhelmed, made Idunn seem more real and less like a goddess, even as her work still held him rapt. 'The trees must anchor the most fundamental parts,' he said, thinking out loud. 'The living things, they can move about. Built in flexibility?'

'I think so. And maintenance, and growth.' Frigga's voice was unexpectedly close; she reached down and dabbled a hand in the water, and a frog the size of her fingernail perched on her knuckle and let her lift it. When she'd brought it to eye level, it made a sudden leap across to Loki's arm.

He jumped and then laughed, watching it scrabble for purchase before bringing a finger over to touch its smooth back. The air was cool here, and everything felt safe and sheltered. He wondered if that was part of the spell, too.

'How many people know about this place?' he asked.

Frigga glanced back at his handlers, and over at Jane who had wandered off a little way among the trees, gazing upward. Enraptured enough that it was a little startling to remember she couldn’t sense the magic any more than he could right now. 'Sixteen, at the moment. Traditionally nine, but in reality the number varies and is usually kept a bit higher.'

It had only been minutes after hearing he wanted to see this that she'd brought him here. Jane too. And his handlers. They were hired for discretion, though, so maybe that part was understandable. But Jane was from another world and he was not trustworthy, from their point of view, for a number of reasons. 'Does Thor know?'

'He's been informed of its existence.’ Frigga pursed her lips. ‘He hasn't yet visited.'

The frog jumped from Loki's arm and landed back in the fountain with a little _plash_. Its head poked up a moment later. 'I didn't know when I was King.'

'I should have brought you down here, when you were.'

He looked at her, surprised by that admission. Still surprised by the fact that she'd brought him now. This was Asgard's heart, and he was still allowed to tread within it. 'It's beautiful.'

'It is.' She leaned against the fountain, looking out over the garden, her expression more pensive than wondering. 'I always intended to bring you here -- sometime after you came of age, at least. You should be one of its watchers. There is no reason to tell Thor _except_ his becoming king.'

‘One of its watchers?' Jane asked, curiosity evidently overcoming her efforts to let them pretend they were having a private conversation.

Frigga looked over at her, slightly distracted. 'Watchers, scholars, maintainers. Idunn's work needs little tending, but it's best for someone to know how.'

Loki looked at the garden and for a moment felt utterly heartbroken. He could have had this -- belonged here. Only what Frigga had _actually_ said was -- 'You said that I "should be",' he began, tentatively. 'Not that I "should have been". But I don't even have magic. I can't even be trusted with myself.'

She caught his wrist, at that, just above the bracelet but with her fingertips resting on it. Loki jolted a little -- half from surprise and half because she had the bruised one -- but didn't pull away. Frigga looked down and frowned at the white fabric, and he felt a sudden coolness and faint itch as the pain vanished. Healing spell, then. Usually she'd have kissed it. 'It's not meant to be forever.'

'I know. But it feels like forever.' He blinked as the garden blurred slightly, and felt tears overflowing. 'I don't know how I can trust anyone again. I don't know how anyone can trust me.'

'Loki....' Frigga turned fully toward him, hand tightening on his arm, and then caught her breath and hugged him, all at once. '--Trust can be rebuilt.'

He hugged her back, crushing her against him, shuddering with sobs and feeling very young.

Frigga's forehead came to rest against his shoulder, and then she pulled him down to sit with her on the edge of the fountain. She held on tightly, silently, and when he finally raised his head there were tears streaking her face as well.

Loki pulled back slightly, although he left one arm around her, not quite willing to let go yet and not wanting her to think he was pulling away again. It wasn't until he'd found a handkerchief and dried his eyes that the awkwardness of having just cried in front of Jane -- who was looking at least as embarrassed as he was about it -- broke through the shaky relief. He wasn't quite sure what to do now. Carrying on as if he hadn't just started crying would probably be least awkward. 'I suppose you could still teach me the theory?' he asked Frigga, trying to sound normal.

Her smile was a little tremulous, itself, but it was there. And she hugged him again -- or tighter, since she hadn't fully let go either -- apparently for asking it. 'I will, if you like.'

Loki swallowed. He still didn't know if he could get better, if he could rebuild the connections with his family. But -- if he could -- there was a place for him. Not as Asgard's King, no, but as someone useful to it. Someone necessary. 'I would.'

* * *


	28. Chapter 27: Odin

When the conversation sounded like it was going to turn to lessons right then, Jane tore her gaze from the unexpectedly familiar false stars above and excused herself. She wasn't entirely sure if Frigga had planned to run her off -- it was entirely possible she wouldn't understand enough for it to be any kind of a breach of secrecy. They'd been very generous with the information about the Bifrost, but this felt far more private. Maybe she should have left earlier. Before Loki started crying, maybe. It had been more his question anyway, whatever it might end up meaning to her.

The sound of water and birdsong faded away behind her well before the first switchback. The past several weeks in Asgard had made her fitter than usual, but she was still breathing hard long before she reached the top of the stairs, and she knew her calves were going to feel it the next day. (Loki, despite Frigga's worries, hadn't seemed to grow any tireder coming down.) When the door came in sight, she stopped and leaned down to rub at the back of her ankle. She suspected Frigga and Loki's conversation wouldn't run as long as either of them would like, given the time, but they might have lunch together after they came up and start again.

She probably had an hour, though, and the stairway was quiet and strangely peaceful, old rock curling around cool air. She sat down and leaned against the stone wall, finding it unexpectedly comfortable, and let her mind wander.

She had quite lost track of time when Odin's voice said above her, 'I was not expecting to find you here.'

Jane jumped and nearly fell over sideways as she turned around to face him. She grabbed at the rough wall, and Odin's swiftly outstretched hand dropped. 'I wasn't expecting you either,' she said. 'Ah, how are you feeling?'

'Invigorated,' said Odin, looking at her thoughtfully.

Jane was beginning to feel called on to explain herself, even though he hadn't quite asked. 'Frigga and Loki are still down there,' she said. 'She told him he should be one of the garden's watchers, and... he asked if she could go ahead and start teaching him the theory. I thought I should go.'

Odin nodded slightly, looking down the stairs. 'And you stopped here to wait for them?'

Jane looked down as well. She had actually planned to be somewhere else by the time they came up -- nowhere too unpredictable, but not where they'd _have_ to run across her. 'I mostly stopped here to think.'

'Should I join them?'

She looked up, startled. 'You're asking _me_?'

Odin's mouth twisted slightly. 'You have somewhat more recent information. I can see and hear in the Odinsleep, but not _everything_.'

'Ah.' Jane looked back along the stairs, feeling awkward. 'Well....'

Odin shifted, and when she looked up, much to her surprise he was seating himself on the step next to her. 'Perhaps it would, after all, be best not to interrupt.' A faint smile, still rueful but not as bitterly so. 'It was unbecoming to try to lay the decision on you.'

After a moment, Jane said, 'I actually have no idea how to respond to that.'

Odin shook his head. 'Accept it as an apology, and tell me what you were thinking about, if the thoughts are ones you'd wish to share?'

'Heh--' Jane accepted a certain level of surreality for the day -- which apparently applied more to the King of Asgard deciding to sit on the steps and ask what she was thinking than to living gardens and skyscapes made of jewels -- and leaned against the wall again. 'A bunch of things. Bridge physics. Mind control. Why Frigga let me go down to Idunn's garden at all.'

'You asked her.'

'I asked if she would explain some of the transformation spells for Loki! Not take me to visit the -- the spells that make Asgard what it is. That are apparently so secret less than twenty people know about them even when you've gone over the traditional number. I suspect it would take longer than my lifetime to fully understand them, but _still_.'

Odin chuckled quietly. 'You asked her for Loki's sake, yes. Most of Asgard has heard of Idunn's garden, although most assume it to have been a normal garden -- normal for an accomplished magician, at least. It is generally known and accepted that we would be less than we are without our home. The connection is more obscure.' He shrugged. 'We have reason to trust you. And you offered trust to Thor with less reason than this.'

Jane gave him a dubious look. 'I was desperate and doing something I knew was stupid,' she said. 'Even if it did turn out well.' She turned away, staring at her hands. 'And of course I don't want to do anything to Asgard, but -- we've seen I don't necessarily have a lot of resistance if somebody tries poking around in my head.'

'You did exceptionally well,' said Odin. 'I can direct you to case studies if you want a clearer idea of the usual results.'

'Erm.' Jane considered that. Briefly. 'Not... right now, thanks. Maybe I could ask for a summary later.'

'As you will.'

She wasn't sure she wanted to ask, but she did, and hated how plaintive she sounded. 'Does this come up a _lot_?'

Odin shook his head slightly. 'The incidents accumulate over time. There have been enough to account for some of the mistrust offered to skilled magicians.'

'Great,' Jane muttered, then felt sheepish about it. 'Some of the mistrust? Loki was complaining more about magic being seen as utilitarian and taken for granted. I think he likes talking to me partly because it can still blow my mind.'

Odin shot her an amused glance at her last point. 'Views vary. Both among individuals, and among different types of magic. Mental influences and illusion are regarded with the greatest suspicion, for reasons that are probably obvious to you. A warrior's power is as subject to abuse, but lacks the sense of mystery.'

Jane shivered a little. She'd have less chance of standing up to any Asgardian physically than she'd managed with Malekith, but there was still the crawling feeling of when she'd been under his influence and _hadn't known_.

'Loki, to be blunt, had his trustworthiness also taken for granted for most of his life. And while his sense of irony is occasionally lacking, I think he would balk at complaining of mistrust he had actually earned.'

Jane wasn't entirely sure about that, but at any rate it didn't seem to be as much of a long-term sore point. At least from his side. Thor... Thor, she thought, really wanted to forgive and forget, but there wasn't any forgetting and it probably wouldn't be a great idea in this case anyway. 'I think he's likely to get called on that, if he does. I think he might have been surprised Frigga trusted him with the garden, too.'

'She's been planning to recruit him for it for some time. Though I am not sure I'd have chosen to... suggest ways for him to be useful, at this time.'

Jane gave him a puzzled look. 'He seemed to like the idea. Sometimes it's nice to have a sense of purpose.' Odin was still looking pensive. 'Am I missing something here?'

Odin clasped his hands on his knees, gazing down the stairs. 'Perhaps I am,' he said, which left Jane no less confused than before. 'The garden is certainly something I would expect him to appreciate.' He glanced at her. 'You can see why we believe Idunn was a dwarf.'

Jane let the earlier subject drop in favor of a brighter set of suspicions. 'Because of the stars?'

Odin's expression grew unexpectedly curious. 'Because it's a garden made of jewels. What about the stars?'

'I thought they seemed familiar.' She was suddenly tempted again to get up _this second_ and run either up or back down the stairs. Would they let her take a picture? 'There are Earth constellations in there, I think. Along with some other stars, although some of that could be better vision -- isn't Nidavellir opposite Earth?' The obvious struck her abruptly, and she slumped, forehead against the heels of her hands. 'Argh. No. That long ago, they wouldn't look remotely the same.' Coincidence, or just runaway pattern-matching?'

'They move,' said Odin.

Jane's head came up abruptly. 'The stars in the garden?' she asked, she had to be sure.... At Odin's nod, she jumped to her feet. 'Oh, that could be _perfect_. Is there any chance I'll be allowed down there again?'

'There is.' Odin looked thoroughly amused at this point. 'I will take you there myself, later, if you explain your sudden enthusiasm.'

'I think if I can--' Jane broke off abruptly as motion farther down caught her eye: Frigga and Loki had come into view and immediately halted as well. She'd lost track of time again.

Frigga started climbing again, swiftly, and Odin stood up to meet her as she flung herself up the last few steps and into his arms. 'You look well,' she said, under her breath but still audible to Jane. 'You really must stop alarming us like this.'

'I--' Odin sounded like he might argue the point; he was briefly silenced by a kiss and then, in a slightly different tone, said only, 'I know.'

Loki halted, still a few steps down, watching Odin with a mixture of relief and wariness.

Odin looked past Frigga. 'Loki.' A pause, then wryly, 'This was not an intentional ambush.'

'I am glad to see you well,' Loki responded stiffly.

'Thank you.' Odin's response was not stiff, even rather warm, and he inclined his head in basically the same way he greeted Thor sometimes -- but he was watching Loki intently, and Jane wasn't sure it was exactly reassuring, either. Even if it might only mean Odin had no idea what to say to his son.

Loki's minders had clustered a few steps down from _him_ and were trying to shift toward the walls, presumably to give less of an impression of hemming him in with his father. Jane moved a couple of steps down herself, as sharing one with Odin and Frigga was beginning to feel crowded, and gave up on Odin adding anything further. 'So, how did it go?'

'It was fascinating.' Loki looked at her, expression brightening. 'I don't think I could explain it even if I was allowed to. But I might be able to answer some questions.'

'Do I have to guess which ones to ask first?' Jane realised she was bouncing on her toes; Loki's renewed enthusiasm for the garden had set her off again. Oh well, they were obviously not going to manage a heart-to-heart right now anyway, and would probably rather she didn't hang around for one if they did. 'I think it might solve my reference frame problem, too.'

'I was going to start with the genetic ones,' Loki said, eyes following her bouncing with a slightly puzzled look. 'But now I'm curious about what you've discovered.'

Jane managed to put her heels down and keep them there. 'I _think_ I recognised part of the starscape. Odin says it updates, or at least, it moves. If that's showing stars as visible from Earth -- or more to the point, the transition between Earth and Nidavellir....'

'Your co-ordinates. I didn't even notice,' Loki glanced back down the stairs. 'I'd be able to tell you whether it was or not, I've been through that transition before.'

'That would be great,' Jane said happily. The words were out before the memory of his looking sharply _down_ from the false sky caught up with her. 'If you don't mind.'

He looked at her, frowning slightly. 'Why would I mind? We could go now, it wouldn't take long just to look. If we may?' The last part was directed to Odin.

Odin's eyebrows were up, but he evidently decided this counted as Jane having explained herself. 'By all means, go ahead.' He glanced upward. 'I suppose I should go tell Thor I'm awake.'

Loki bowed to Odin and Frigga and then turned to walk down the steps, through the ranks of his attendants who waited for him and Jane to pass before closing in behind them.

At some point, Jane was pretty sure she was going to regret going up and down most of these stairs an extra time. At the moment she didn't care. 'Neither of you two has the faintest idea how to start a conversation with the other, do you....'

Loki was actually looking rather tired himself, although he'd been looking tired most of the day and it was hard to tell if he was getting worse. 'Do you think so?' he asked, eyes on the stairs ahead of them.

'Pretty sure, yeah.' She glanced back upward. 'He asked me if he ought to go down and talk to you. And then apologised for it. Also kind of a clue.'

Loki didn't answer that for a while. 'He's supposed to know what he's doing,' he said, finally.

'I'm not saying he shouldn't.' But apparently nine thousand years of experience didn't necessarily make you good at everything.

'Only that he doesn't?' Loki turned back to smile at her slightly.

Jane grinned wryly at him. 'Yes, that.'

'I suppose one of us will come up with something eventually.' Loki reached the end of the stairs paused for a moment, hand resting on the wall.

'I'd think so.' What, she actually couldn't guess either, and it was probably going to be painfully awkward at first anyway. Jane stopped beside him, listening to the soft sounds of the garden making their way out through the short level stretch of corridor.

Loki pulled away from the wall and walked forward, stopping when they rounded the corner and the garden appeared in front of them, expression awed. Then he walked forward, onto the mother of pearl path, and stopped to look up at the sky. 'You're right,' he said, voice soft. 'That's the transition. I've navigated through it often enough...come here and I'll point out the askreisa.'

Jane came up beside him. ' _Fantastic._ ' A quick glance from the stars to his upturned face. 'This is also making me wonder just how many times you've been back and forth to Midgard....'

'Not _that_ often. Although it's rather easier than Jotunheim.' He pointed, looking down at her afterwards to see whether she could follow from her slightly lower vantage point.

She nodded without quite taking her eyes off the bright, out-of-place star he'd pointed to. Not really out of place, she supposed. But not part of the sky she knew, and intense like the askreisa visible from the Bifrost. 'Because of the people or other factors?'

'Mostly the people. First trolls, then Jotuns? Dwarves and mortals are easier.'

He'd had some trouble with humans at the end there, but she could easily imagine him wandering around without getting into nearly so much trouble, especially if he knew where he was going in the first place and showed up somewhat better prepared than Thor. Besides, it had to be easier than popping up somewhere your home had been at war with for all of recorded history. 'I'll take your word for it. I actually have no idea what trolls are really like. I mean, I know some of them visited with the elves -- other elves,' she corrected herself, 'but as the whole group seemed to be treating it like a masquerade ball....'

'That's not so different from how they behave in their own home. They were playing with us, yes, but to many of them physical appearance is changeable even in their own lands. They don't need it to recognise one another, so it makes no more difference than changing clothes.' His finger moved steadily across the sky, pausing at each of the askreisa as he spoke. 'Trolls are one of the more varied species. Some are like wolves or snakes, others sharp-toothed and huge. Some are hollow from the back and have cow tails, and it's rumoured they can become mortal. Dwarves change form less, I think they consider it frivolous to waste time designing a glamour instead of something lasting, but even there you can be surprised.'

Idunn had certainly gone in for lasting. Jane realised she was having nearly no doubts that the starscape was accurate enough to work out the navigation if Odin would let her take a picture, or spend enough time here with other instruments for adequate measurements. 'The only person anybody told me was a dwarf was taller than I was expecting....'

'How tall were you expecting them to be?'

She glanced up at him, suddenly suspecting he was going to end up laughing at her. 'Shorter than me. The general mental image I'm familiar with for dwarves from stories is... I don't know, four feet tall and heavily bearded.'

Loki shook his head, smiling at her. 'Dwarves are as tall as Asgardians, pale and dark haired. Part of the reason I always found dwarves and mortals easier to deal with than trolls and Jotuns is because I can pass for both.' He stopped there, as he caught up with what he'd just said, and then he did start laughing, pressing his fingers over his mouth as if to stop it while laughter bubbled helplessly from between them.

There was maybe still a nervous edge to Loki's laughter, but not a maniacal one, and it was contagious enough to make Jane smile at him. (And obviously his sense of irony wasn't entirely missing.) 'Okay, I wouldn't have guessed that one. Although I suppose it makes sense with either origin theory....' And he'd said he thought he had answers to some of the genetic questions, before she got him sidetracked.

Loki waved a hand apologetically at her and took a few moments to stop laughing and answer. 'Yes. Most Asgardians are blond, but there was a lot of interbreeding with the Vanir. The spell only changes enough to confer the benefits of being Asgardian, and to allow interbreeding with other Asgardians, otherwise it leaves as much of the original genotype in place as possible. Genetic diversity was part of the reason for crossbreeding in the first place.'

'That makes sense. Well, I know enough biology to be aware it would probably give an actual biologist more headaches and more questions, but it makes sense for the goal, especially with the small starting population.'

'It does raise quite a few questions,' Loki agreed. 'But I only have the short version so far.'

'I was _not_ complaining,' Jane said, laughing. 'This is amazing.'

'Yes.' He looked around the garden and then glanced back at the passage. 'We should probably go back up,' he said reluctantly.

'We did say we'd be quick,' Jane agreed, giving the underground sky a last look before heading toward the stairs.

The long climb back upward was even more tiring than the first time -- the company was nice, but made Jane rather less inclined to admit wanting to stop for a rest. Although Loki kindly didn't comment on it if she was slowing down.

When they reached the step where she'd rested before, white-gold runescript suddenly flickered to light on the wall. Jane stopped and looked at it, then at Loki. 'I think it's for you.'

Loki stepped past her and looked at it, then looked down. 'For both of us. An invitation to lunch.'

'Oh.' She touched his arm lightly. 'Well. Do you want to go?'

'Not really, no. Do you?'

'Mm. Honestly, at this point I'd rather talk to you, but Odin might be expecting more of an explanation about the starscape.' Although obviously Loki would be the one he was _hoping_ would show up. 'Not to push, but at least you could be pretty sure he wouldn't pass out on you.'

'I haven't had any sudden inspiration on how to start a conversation with him. Not have I been inspired with a sudden desire for Asgard's most awkward lunch.'

'I was thinking all that,' she waved a hand generally downward, 'might provide a topic. At least you know you can talk to Frigga about it, though I have to admit it wasn't helping much with Odin before.'

Loki's eyes followed her hand and for a moment his expression softened, but he still answered, 'I think I've done enough for one day. You can go, since you owe him an explanation.'

'All right.' They were going to look disappointed, she was going to half-apologise, and they were going to try to make sure she knew she didn't have to without talking about it too much. And it probably _would_ be less awkward than if Loki did come. 'See you later?'

'Yes.' He smiled at her, expression almost mischievous. 'Good luck.'

The runes faded quietly away. Jane's eyebrows shot up as she turned to start climbing again. 'Thanks. Have a good afternoon.'

That was a little premature for goodbye, actually -- there was still a small stretch of steps to get out of the cellars. The air was warmer above, and the light shifted from grey-white back to gold that felt like sunlight and wasn't. Loki asked for the history book, which she'd half forgotten she was still carrying and which she was hardly going to read over lunch anyway, and Birla shot her a faint sympathetic smile as they parted ways. Jane smiled back, a little, and shook her head. It wasn't going to be _that_ bad. And she could ask about making a copy of Idunn's star map.

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	29. Chapter 28: Assertion

The afternoon was fine and clear and Loki was curled beneath an oak in the gardens which had been a favoured reading spot of his for a long time. The fine weather was one reason he wasn’t in the library, the other was the plate of apple slices resting on the grass nearby. No food in the library, and he’d been hungry. He had left a note for Jane, in case she came looking for him there either for company or help with Malekith. Over the last few days he had helped her with wording several times, but never actually been in the same room as the elf. Most of the rest of the time he’d been absorbed in studying either Asgardian history or dvergmál, the magic of the dwarves.

Jane did turn up, eventually; she stretched out full-length on the grass, propped up on her elbows, and inspected first Loki and then what was left of his apple slices. ‘You look comfortable,’ she said, then indicated the plate. ‘Acid, salt, or magic? To keep them that fresh?’

Loki looked at his apple slices. 'I think it's just apple,' he said, although he didn't actually know if the servants did anything to preserve it. Salt he would probably taste though. 'Would you like some?'

'Just curious. And thank you.' She took a slice -- just one, which might have been either token acceptance or actually a reasonable snack from her perspective, he honestly wasn't sure -- and rubbed her other hand across her eye as if she were tired or headachey. 'And thanks for the advice on Malekith.'

'How are things going with him?' Loki asked, slipping a bookmark between the pages he'd been reading and setting the book aside.

Jane grimaced. 'I'm not sure I'm competent to evaluate that. Stressful.'

Loki took an apple slice of his own before answering. 'I'm not sure there's much to evaluate aside from its effect on you. And you'd know that better than anyone.'

'Maybe,' she said, breaking her apple slice in two and staring at it for a moment before biting one piece. 'In that case, I'm going with stressful. Although I'd kind of like to get him to say something useful instead of just creepy, before I go.'

'Questioning him hasn't been working well, I take it?' He frowned, apparently his wording hadn't been that good. Although Malekith was an elf, slipping between cracks in wording was what they did.

Jane looked away. 'I... think I'm just not that good at it. Even with Birchta there.'

'Holda's mother?' Having a magic user present for advice made sense and Birchta was a magic user. On the other hand dealing with captive elves was definitely not her job and he had no idea why Jane would know her anyway.

'Mm-hmm.'

There didn't seem to be any elaboration forthcoming. Jane really did look very tired, Loki noted with concern. 'I know I said asking a magic user was a good idea, but why her specifically?'

'Because she -- oh, I never mentioned that, did I. I figured a counselor was a good idea, after the whole... issue. With him. More so now that he's _still here_.'

Loki looked at her, then around at his handlers. 'You asked for one? But you're not --'

Jane blinked, then gave him an odd smile. 'Crazy? Maybe not. Really, really shaken up by having my mind messed with? Yes, and decided I needed professional help dealing with it.'

'Oh. You didn't seem like you'd need help dealing with your own feelings.' It felt embarrassing, although Jane didn't seem bothered by it, to have weakness revealed to him so casually. Shouldn't she hide it? Maybe it didn't matter when his own was on display so thoroughly.

She shrugged. 'Maybe the idea of mind control still doesn't bother you, but....'

'That's not what I meant. Of course it bothers me when it's you.' Loki sighed and leant back against the oak.

Jane's head came up; she looked baffled, as if she was trying to figure him out and not making much progress. 'You said you weren't even sure you'd call it wrong if the Chitauri had done it to you.'

'He hurt you.'

'Yes, but--'

'You're my friend. And he hurt you.'

Jane just looked at him for a long moment, then took a deep breath and said, 'Thank you.' After a brief pause, 'I'm not completely sure whether to be touched or disturbed, but still.'

'I'd prefer touched? I'm not sure why you'd be disturbed at the idea that I _don't_ like people mind controlling you.' He'd really prefer she didn't decide this was creepy and run off again. Maybe he should have changed the subject.

'I -- no, I appreciate that part. I still... really don't like mind control on general principle. And _yes_ , before you ask, whatever's making Malekith obedient worries me too.'

'Does it help that it isn't mind control?' He held one hand out. 'It's more akin to these.'

Her eyes rested on the bracelet for a moment, then came up to meet his. 'And makes him obedient?'

'It carries compulsions against certain actions. These are...very minor. Far more so than they could have been. A few parts of the palace -- not even all the ones I'm prohibited from -- are off limits by compulsion. It carries the sleep compulsion that can be triggered. I was a little surprised they didn't include one against attacking people.' But he would have fought it, when he lost control, and sleep had been kinder if a bit less safe than having him raging against a barrier between mind and body. 'Malekith's carries much much heavier ones.'

Jane was biting her lip. She wanted to be reassured, he thought. She just didn't quite look like she _was_. 'And... more complicated? I guess?'

'In a sense. The compulsions are more complicated, the bracelet has more diverse functions.' He turned to look at her. 'Why? Are you worried because you don't like mind control, or because you're afraid it isn't strong enough?'

He saw her go pale before she dropped down with her head on her arms. 'Yes and -- maybe both. I think he's just being difficult.'

'What happened?' He reached over to touch her shoulder lightly, before drawing back.

She shivered, without raising her head. Loki didn't think it was at him. 'I quote, "Do you truly think you're free of me?"' A somewhat shaky sigh. 'It sounds stupid, doesn't it.'

'No.' Loki was feeling a bit chilled himself. 'I think -- he's just saying that. But it's not stupid to be unsettled. Words have power. You could bind him to tell the truth, but a phrase like that could mean anything. You're not free of him because he's here and you have to deal with him against your will. That's probably all it is.'

Jane lifted her head to shoot him a grateful look. Which seemed odd suddenly; surely Birchta would have told her the same things from a practical standpoint, let alone as part of the professional _emotional responses are to be accepted and examined, not dismissed_ approach. 'I don't... _have_ to talk to him. But he'd still be here.'

'There's no helping that.' She could order him to go somewhere else, but then she'd still be responsible for anything he did there. Loki considered saying she shouldn't take anything Malekith said to heart -- and then wondered whether it would be safe to _ignore_ anything Malekith said, either.

'I know.' She sighed and then, unexpectedly, giggled. 'The difference in cultural assumptions has been interesting. Birchta's great, but -- well, I don't know, maybe there are counselors on Midgard who would come out with "it's generally considered therapeutic to see your enemies brought low." It's just not something I was expecting to hear.'

'Do mortals generally not find that therapeutic?' Loki asked. Well, given how she'd reacted to having Malekith under her control maybe they didn't.

'No!' Jane paused. 'Maybe. It can be satisfying, I guess, but being too vindictive is... also not really healthy... and it's usually not going to be an option. The criminal justice system is slow, mostly for good reasons... and really with a lot of what people get therapy over, there isn't necessarily an enemy, or not one who's done anything they can actually be prosecuted for. Sometimes it's more a matter of... needing somebody from outside the tangle who's trained to figure out knots.'

'Oh. Well. That too.' No one was likely to suggest that he should get to see Thor brought low, although he might enjoy it (even if he wouldn't really _leave_ Thor in that situation). 'Vengeance is normal though. Even for mortals. I _did_ notice what Thor's friends called themselves.'

'I admit it's a normal impulse. I'm just used to its being more discouraged.' Jane stared at his tree for a moment -- or possibly just into space that happened to have the tree in it, she didn't look very focused on it. 'You know, now you've got me wondering if SHIELD has people who actually do say that kind of thing.'

'Your society contains few warriors. Maybe it's to be expected,' Loki said, and then wondered whether that assessment would insult her. She wasn't a warrior though.

'Maybe that's it. The whole military thing is a little alien to me, honestly, and --' She snorted. 'That sounded sillier in context than it was really supposed to.'

He grinned at her. 'I can believe that.'

Jane smiled back, and her eyes didn't look quite so tired. 'Both parts, I bet.'

'Yes.' He looked up, pensively. 'Asgard is very military. But we haven't been at war since before I...shortly _after_ I was born.' He laughed. 'Thor found it most frustrating, being brought up as a warrior with nothing he needed to fight.' And Loki himself had always felt he should be more of a warrior, but in retrospect wasn't sure why that would have been a good or necessary thing. They hadn't been at war.

'It keeps sounding to me like he found more than enough to fight, but it... must have been different. I only found out recently just how long the war had _been_.'

'I don't think _I_ really knew. It always sounded like it had been forever as if the natural state of frost giants was being at war with...everyone, really. But I suppose you mean you thought it was shorter?'

'Ah -- yes.' Jane smiled a bit ruefully. 'Though I can see where it would look like forever if it started back before Asgard exactly _had_ recorded history. And it makes more sense of a number of things. I guess I'd just assumed, because of where the names survived and being told it ended when they were kicked off Earth, that it had been a lot more localised. It's hard to comprehend a war going on longer than my entire species.'

'Jotuns have been enemies for a very long time,' Loki said bleakly. It wasn't as if he hadn't known, or even as if he and Jane hadn't discussed things close to the topic before. But it reminded him of why Jotuns were hated, and that he still didn't know how many Asgardians now knew what he was. If it was widely known, they were taking it all remarkably well.

Jane lowered her eyes, but only for a few seconds before she met his again -- and reached out, only to realise she wasn't quite close enough to reach _his_ shoulder and drop her outstretched arm to the grass with a somewhat sheepish roll of her eyes. 'Your reaction was one of the parts that made more sense,' she admitted.

'If people still don't know then I don't dare tell them.' Although what the consequences of them knowing would be he didn't know. Maybe they'd just assume everything had been inevitable. Probably they wouldn't hurt him, but what would they do?

'I read through more of that history book,' Jane said. 'It mentions King Buri's theory too. I, um, got the impression the author was trying desperately to be tactful, possibly only because he was royalty, but I'm starting to wonder if the legend on Earth about his being licked out of a block of ice by a cow was a garbled version of people... not being tactful.'

'...Which tells me that people considered being licked into being by a cow equivalent to descent from Jotuns?'

Jane covered her eyes for a moment. 'I think the ice would be more relevant than the cow, but I'm not sure that really helps. The same set of stories has humans being made out of trees, though.'

'Possibly they were just making random things up then,' Loki suggested.

'Some other regions went for clay. I don't know if trees or ice are that much stranger.' She shook her head. 'Sorry. Ah -- your friends do know. If you were wondering.'

'I suppose I'd thought that if Thor told you he probably told them,' Loki answered. 'It doesn't surprise me too much that they'd follow his lead in how to respond and just ignore it.' Which was probably the best thing they could do. It wasn't as if he _wanted_ people to treat him like a monster.

'Right... well... I'm told he made a very embarrassing speech to them about it, after Odin told him. I haven't ventured to ask exactly what he _said_.'

'...I don't want to know.' Loki covered his eyes and tried not to think of the many ways a speech from Thor could be embarrassing.

'I sometimes think embarrassment just got left out of his personality.' Jane, at least, sounded like she still had a sense of humour about the results, but also possibly a bit wistful.

Loki snorted. 'I think I just normally feel it for him.'

Jane's mouth quirked. 'That sounds deeply frustrating.'

'Extremely.' Loki dropped his hand and smiled back at her slightly. 'And I can't ask him to stop because he has no idea what he's doing that would be embarrassing in the first place.'

'I can see that.' The humour dropped away, and Jane looked pensive and uncomfortable for a moment before going on. 'Anyway, what I meant to say before is... I don't... I can't, really, agree with calling Jotuns monsters like Thor says he used to believe, or debased like you said, but -- I have a little better idea where your reaction is coming from now. And why you're worried about other people's. And I'm sorry if I wasn't taking that seriously enough before.'

'Thank you.' He smiled at her, not amusement this time but reassurance. 'I...don't know how else to think of Jotuns, though. They tried to kill your race. And the Asgardians. They tried to kill me.' He looked away as he said that.

Jane swallowed. 'Is that why you don't think much of humans, either?' In an odd contrast to her words, she pushed up off the ground as she spoke and came over to sit beside him against the great oak. 'When we spend so much time fighting each other.’

'I--I can hardly criticise you for being too warlike,' said Loki, feeling rather off balance. 'Compared to Asgard. But you do seem rather self-destructive. As a race, I mean, not _you_.'

'I've had a few moments,' Jane said under her breath. More distinctly, 'We haven't tended to see the whole species as a unit, so much. Although a lot of science fiction writers have speculated about unifying in the face of -- some other conflict. Or even just contrast.'

'Do you think it's likely?' Loki asked.

'I don't know.' She leaned her head back against the tree, and the bark caught at her hair. 'Maybe to some degree. Probably not like Asgard, though.'

Probably not. They hadn't reacted well to the attempt to impose an absolute monarchy on them. 'You used to worship us,' he said, absently. 'I've heard stories. It always sounded like your natural reaction to having us show up.'

Jane made a slightly choked noise and then cleared her throat. Loki suspected she was making an effort not to laugh at him. 'Oh. Ah... yes. I've heard. Is that what you were expecting?'

'...I'm starting to think Asgardian stories aren't very reliable,' he answered ruefully.

Jane rubbed a hand over her mouth. 'I'm not actually sure they were _wrong_. Just... a little out of date. We still have the names, from the north of Europe, and some of the relationships. Knowing how long it really was, and some of the parallels in different sets of gods, I'm starting to think the lines about some of you having a ridiculous number of names because of visiting all the peoples of Earth were plain fact.'

'Hmm. Thor and I certainly weren't there. I suspect Odin got around a fair amount.'

'Odin is one of the ones they say that about. There are stories about you and Thor, or at least people with your names, but they only sometimes sound like either of you.' She paused. 'Are you named after anybody?'

‘Not that I know of.’

'Just a thought.' She looked over with a small smile. 'Of course, some of the stories also hint at an ongoing habit of pulling our legs. Which might also explain a lot.'

That didn't seem implausible, but Loki wasn't sure how much it really explained. The question was shelved, however, by Fandral coming upon them with a sudden ‘Aha!’ He turned at once and called back the way he'd come, ‘I've found him.’

Jane arched an eyebrow. ‘Hello to you too,’ she said, and to Loki, ‘Did I wander into a very leisurely game of hide and seek?’

'No. We're about to be swarmed,' Loki said. He _really_ hoped Thor wasn't with them, that they weren't about to spring that on him without warning.

Fandral laughingly but gracefully apologised to Jane with a more elaborate greeting than was strictly necessary. Volstagg, Hogun, and Sif converged on them, as expected, bringing with them an atmosphere that was cheerful enough to suit the weather but not precisely restful. Thor did not, which left Loki wondering where he actually was. The image of him waiting for news was at once satisfying, unsettling, and... probably unlikely.

He greeted them and stood up, since it was awkward to have a conversation with people several feet above your head. 'And what do you intend to do with me now you've found me?' he asked Fandral with a smile.

'We were going to ask you that,' Fandral said amiably. 'You hadn't sent for us in a few days, so we thought we would look for you.'

'I've been busy.' Loki glanced at his book, but he'd put it down to talk to Jane, and he could probably do with a break. 'But I'm free for the moment, if you had somewhere you wanted to go.' It was only after he'd said it that Loki realised he had left the decision up to them. Falling back into old habits -- if he didn't make the decisions he couldn't make the wrong one and risk having it rejected or laughed at.

'We'd made no specific plans yet,' said Volstagg, 'not knowing if it was intentional.'

'A long ride or walk is always a choice, I think,' Sif put in. 'For anything with its own schedule I suppose we'd have to petition a bit earlier than the same afternoon.'

Loki had actually spoken to Holda about the possibility of going to concerts and similar with them, before being completely distracted from the idea. But Sif was right about that requiring advanced planning. 'Let's ride, then,' he said, then glanced at Jane. 'If you'll be all right with that?'

'Sure, why not? Although I really don't mind if you want to go without having me slow you down.' Jane picked herself up from the base of the tree as she spoke and brushed bark out of her hair.

Hogun looked at her more closely now that she was somewhere around eye level and asked, 'Are you well?' then turned to Loki and gestured at her. 'Is she well?'

'I'm fine,' Jane said, 'and why are you asking him -- okay, don't answer that.'

'She's fine,' Loki answered. If she didn't want to discuss her worries about Malekith with them that was her concern. 'And I'd like you to come,' he added to Jane.

She smiled at him. 'Sounds like fun.'

Despite being more defaulted to than chosen, riding was hardly a _bad_ option. Atorka was ecstatic. And Loki's studies of the past few days gave him a new appreciation for the landscape, even as they made him itch to be able to see into the groundwork spells. Volstagg asked if he had time for a long enough ride to require dinner, and Loki decided that he did and then, to chip away at the habit he'd noted, proposed that they ride for the mountains, or at least the foothills. All their mounts were surefooted, but Blidtfari was from mountain stock and would be at less of a disadvantage on that terrain.

It was a pleasant ride, and the sort of thing they normally did while at home. Their choice of pastimes outside of Asgard was normally more exciting. 'You've been staying in Asgard a lot lately,' Loki remarked, at one point. 'Not bored yet?'

They exchanged a four-way uncomfortable look. 'Perhaps a little,' Fandral admitted. Then, because it _was_ Fandral and what manifested as relentless charm outside their group was an inability to know when to quit within it, 'Are you? I am of course aware you'd prefer to have your freedom, but you've always seemed more content to pursue your studies here.'

'Which included finding his own way to other worlds,' Jane reminded him. Blandly. Almost blandly. She might have been needling Fandral, just a bit.

'Are you content to hone your talents in the sparring ring and then not use them outside it? I have a lot to study, yes, but it's not an end in itself,' Loki responded, drawing himself up a little.

'Ah. Well then--' Fandral had to urge his horse forward to catch up as Atorka's enthusiasm carried her ahead despite the rocks. 'Does that mean you'll come with us again when you can?'

Loki hesitated. _Did_ he want to rejoin them? Did he need to decide yet, when he wasn't free? He had enjoyed their adventures -- in between being frustrated that he always wound up doing the parts that weren't going to make good stories later. Or not getting much attention even when he _did_ think he'd pulled off something impressive. Thor had said he'd try to do better, but he wasn't going to change Asgard's ideas about what made a tale worth hearing. 'By the time that's a possibility you'll probably be used to managing without me.'

Sif turned back to huff at him. They'd gone far enough by now for the air to grow cooler, and her breath clouded it like smoke. 'You talk as if we'd want to. The question was not if we'd survive without you.'

'I expect you'll survive. You might find it less fun when you can't push setting things up and working on back up plans onto someone else,' Loki snapped back.

They all looked taken aback, except for Jane, which only annoyed him more. 'I thought you _liked_ strategising,' Volstagg said at last.

'Not when everyone treats it as optional. Or as an encumbrance preventing them from doing whatever they might find more fun.' Atorka gathered herself under him, becoming alert but moving, if anything, more quietly and carefully. Becoming battle-ready as she sensed Loki's anger.

'Well, you are frequently something of a killjoy,' said Fandral, which made Jane splutter, 'but that doesn't mean you're wrong.'

'That's it! You can go and find someone else to blame for being right.' Loki pushed Atorka into a gallop, leaving his friends behind. It was only the realisation he was leaving his attendants behind after promising not to that made him rein her in and turn back around.

There seemed to have been some minor chaos in his brief absence. Hogun was between him and the rest, looking more irritated than usual, and reined in as soon as he turned. Fandral appeared to have fallen off his horse.

Loki wasn't sure what to make of that. He'd been prepared to have to face them down, but they were hardly presenting a united front. 'You may as well admit you were all thinking it,' he said. Although he sort of appreciated that someone had hit Fandral for him.

'It's better than being irritating for no reason whatsoever,' Sif replied. 'Not that you don't have your moments.'

'I'm starting to see why you put up with _my_ foot-in-mouth moments,' Jane called to him.

'If I counted up all of Fandral's you'd think he had more feet than Sleipnir,' Loki called back. Atorka trotted back over to them. The moment was...over. Maybe. He was still annoyed, but they'd dealt with Fandral for him and no one else seemed to be angry. Which would just make it awkward.

'Have we been doing that so often?' Volstagg asked as Loki rejoined them and Fandral dusted himself off.

Loki sighed. They mocked and insulted one another, he even joined in with it. A true warrior wouldn't be hurt by it, would brush it off the way they all did, which made saying they'd hurt him or getting angry an admission of weakness. It felt like an argument he couldn't win. Maybe he should have it anyway, while they were listening, and _let_ them think him weak. 'Yes. _All_ of you.' It was not a particularly definite beginning.

'I beg your pardon,' Fandral said, remounting. 'I didn't realise it was such a sensitive point.'

Sif sighed. 'Loki, would you like me to pull him off his horse again? I don't mind, it's tempting so much more often than this....'

'Hey!' Fandral tried going around away from her, which was not likely to help if Sif actually put her mind to unhorsing him.

'I still can't believe you did it the first time,' Jane muttered.

Sif looked puzzled at her. 'I thought you would have, given the chance.'

Were they taking this seriously? He couldn't even tell. 'All of you _be quiet_ ,' Loki shouted and then paused, licking his lips and wondering what he wanted to follow that up with. ' _Yes_ being told I make your journeys less enjoyable is a _sensitive point_ even if you do admit I'm right straight afterwards. Trying to get everyone back alive is a thankless task -- and I mean that in the most _literal_ way possible -- when half of you seem to think dying gloriously is the whole point until a few minutes before you need me to stop it from happening.'

Most of them looked thunderstruck, as if they had somehow never considered this as a possible problem before. Which Loki supposed might actually be true. It did not make him feel better. Jane looked startled herself, but as if it had been a _pleasant_ surprise.

'You don't make them less enjoyable,' Fandral said after that first moment of stunned silence. 'And I beg your pardon for the impression.'

'The impression,' Loki said tightly. 'Was you saying exactly that a few minutes ago.'

'I said you were sometimes a killjoy,' Fandral said, 'not that we don't enjoy your company overall.'

'An extremely obvious distinction,' Loki said sarcastically.

'I thought so,' Fandral said, starting to sound irritated as well.

'Fandral, you are not helping,' said Volstagg, then looked at Loki. 'We are not -- how shall I put this. We are not asking you to rejoin us solely because you are helpful.'

'I do realise that.' The temptation was to be angry with Volstagg too, as if anything one of them did reflected on all of them. But Fandral was the only one to have upset him, and just because he had similar problems with all of them didn't mean it was helpful to consider them as an undifferentiated mass. If only because they were more intimidating considered that way. 'For one thing you are spending time with me in a situation where I am not especially useful. But, as Fandral says, I was generally regarded as making things less enjoyable. And being in that role was making things less enjoyable for me. I do not, actually, want to simply go back to how things were. Even if you would be glad to.' Good. Calm and to the point. Holda would be proud.

'Oh, for--' Fandral began, and then, for once, fell silent. Volstagg was starting to look worried, Hogun sour but possibly at everyone rather than at Loki specifically.

'I suppose we would have,' Sif said baldly, after a moment. 'It wouldn't have worked, though.'

'No. It wouldn't.' Loki wasn't sure whether to feel regretful -- he had been friends with them for a long time, and at least he'd known his role even if he hadn't liked it -- relieved that things would change, or afraid that maybe they'd decide to do without him altogether after all. Or point out that he should be grateful they wanted anything to do with him at this point. No. He could manage without them. He wasn't going to back down.

'I didn't know you thought yourself unwanted,' she said, turning Kambur to jog closer to Atorka. 'Nor,' she added irritably, 'constantly saving our necks against our will.'

'And now you do.' Loki met her eyes challengingly. If she wanted to dispute either of those things she could do it, he wasn't answering arguments she hadn't made.

'And I suppose you came along because you thought us a lot of incompetents who would lose you your brother?' she snapped.

' _Sif,_ ' Volstagg said.

She turned her head and let her next breath stream out between her teeth. 'No. You are nearly as arrogant as Thor in your own way sometimes, but not fool enough to forget we've survived without you. And I know you have more often than not been the one to point out unpleasant truths and perhaps we've blamed you for them. But we miss both your skills and your company, whatever you think. What _do_ you want?'

He didn't know. He shouldn't have started this when he didn't know what to ask for. He wanted them not to say things that hurt him, but how could he say that when those were the same things they said to each other? He wanted to be appreciated, but not for compliments to be the price they paid not to have him angry with them. 'If you appreciate my skills then no more jokes about them. No more unfavourable comparisons between magic and weapons. Not even,' he added, with a sharp glance at Fandral. 'If you don't really mean them.'

'Your tongue is as sharp as his,' Volstagg grumbled.

'But on some subjects it's always one against five.'

'You must have expected that, though,' Hogun put in.

Loki glared at him. 'So I should have studied something other than magic to fit in better?'

'I don't see how that follows.'

'You are saying that I must have _expected_ it to be five against one on the subject of whether weapons are better than magic. How else could I have avoided it?'

'You are doing what you prefer,' Hogun countered. 'Since when do you care what we think?'

 _Unfair_. How was he meant to counter that, when Hogun got to the heart of the matter. He _shouldn't_ care. Was meant to be stronger, less sensitive. He dropped his gaze, pulling in on himself. 'Sif asked what I wanted.'

'He's your friend,' Jane said, sounding rather exasperated. 'There's a major difference between doing something he cares about whether you like it or not, and not caring if you respect him.'

Loki glanced at her, embarrassed and grateful for the defence at the same time.

'I respect him,' said Hogun, 'and most of his decisions. I thought he chose magic and stealth knowing and not caring they gave less of glory than open battle.'

'I'm not asking you to change all Asgard!' Loki answered, voice rising, and stopped to swallow before continuing more measuredly. 'I knew, yes, that I was never going to be the hero of anyone's tales, but not that...that my friends would say so to my face. That I didn't deserve to be, that it wasn't simply a fact of how Asgard was but how it _should_ be and a fault in me for being that way. That magic users are not heroes because they are not brave, or not honourable.' He looked away again, this time because maybe he'd proved them right, in the end.

'Please tell me _that's_ not really the general opinion,' Jane said, frowning.

'No one thinks Loki a coward,' Fandral said impatiently. 'For all the time he spends on magic, he's deadlier than most with nine kinds of blade, and it is not only his illusions that stand in danger. Although that is disturbing enough to watch, I will note.'

So now he was acceptably brave specifically _in spite_ of the time he spent on magic. Because he also used a physical weapon, no matter that he didn't consider it his primary mode of attack or his most interesting skill. And Fandral probably thought that was a compliment. It was hard to think of a response beyond yelling something obscene and galloping off at this point, which would be neither mature nor helpful.

He took a deep breath anyway. 'Sif? If you wouldn't mind pushing him off his horse again, perhaps we can have a sensible conversation while he picks himself up.' Still not terribly mature, perhaps. But probably an improvement on the first plan.

Sif turned from Loki to Fandral, who looked incredulous and tried to circle away from her. 'Oh, come on, I was trying to--' Sif got him by the collar and dragged him off the horse, then let him drop. 'Oof.'

'He's right about your skill in proportion to training time, though,' Sif said, reaching over for Fandral's reins to soothe his now very annoyed horse. 'It is both impressive and deeply irritating.'

'Ah.' That actually was a compliment, and not a backhanded one, which was both calming and unsettling in a different way. 'Thank you.'

'Sometimes I don't know how he got the reputation for charm.' Sif moved away to give Fandral room to remount. 'But as I think that's what he was trying to say, I'm afraid this time we'll have to ask what you objected to.'

‘Are you serious?' Jane asked.

'I object to the implication that I'm not cowardly _because_ I use knives. They're a useful weapon. Not a proof of my worth.' At least Jane seemed to get it. Maybe he should just stick to talking to her.

'I said you spent too much time facing danger in battle to be mistaken for a coward! How exactly did that warrant telling Sif to throw me from my horse?'

'The part where you assume it's _only_ fighting, and specifically the way you do, that counts as not being a coward,' Jane said, before Loki could decide he didn't have the patience for this. 'Frankly, you're starting to annoy me too.'

Fandral opened his mouth in automatic protest halfway through, and then appeared to stop and think. 'Ah.'

Well. It was good Fandral appeared to be getting it, but it just figured it would take someone _else_ saying it to get through. 'Precisely.'

Fandral took a deep breath and blew it out again. 'Then I beg your pardon, both of you. I did not intend to insult you and I regret it.'

'So, returning to my earlier point, perhaps you could see your way to not doing it again in future?' Loki asked. Possibly he should forgive Fandral, but he really didn't feel like it right now.

Fandral looked at him for a long moment, unsmiling, and then said, 'Very well.'

‘And the rest of you?’ Loki asked, looking at Sif, Hogun and Volstagg. For a moment he felt like he was standing on a cliff edge -- or the edge of the Bifrost. _What am I doing? They know I’m a monster, isn’t it enough that they accept that? What am I going to do if they say no? I’m already an outsider in the group, how much more of one am I going to be for negotiating with them like this and making them watch everything they say? They’re just going to forget about this, and then whether I say anything or not next time they joke about magic users it’s going to be worse than keeping quiet would have been. Why set things up so they’ll feel put upon and I’ll wind up feeling betrayed?_ He bit his tongue, trying to keep a tight hold on the sudden panic. He’d asked. He could wait for an answer without second guessing himself. Or at least without doing so out loud.

Volstagg was starting to look concerned, which made Loki wonder how much was showing on his face against his will. 'We're not seeking to make you unhappy,' he said, and added with a glance at Jane, 'Nor do we believe that only warriors have worth.'

'Then don't,' he told Volstagg. 'Am I really asking so much of you?'

'I am trying to determine that,' Volstagg replied on a huff. 'Jokes and barbs are one thing, and if I cannot see what else we'd say to you at times, I suppose supports your point. But it seems you are also offended if we speak as though you are a warrior first.'

'I'm not asking you not to tease me at all...I don't think I could manage not to tease _you_. Although I don't think I've ever managed to say something that stung for more than a moment.' He wondered suddenly if he had. He'd always hidden his own hurt, had any of them been doing the same? 'And if I have then I will try not to if anyone wishes it.'

'I will try,' said Volstagg. 'And Hogun generally pretends not to have a sense of humour anyway, so you can likely take him for granted.' (Hogun inclined his head at this point, without changing expression in the slightest, which was probably on purpose.) 'But--' He paused, evidently searching for phrasing.

'But if you're further offended when we're _not_ trying to annoy you,' Sif broke in, when Loki would have given him more time yet, 'you had better say something -- complain, or lose your temper. Really anything other than stew about it and --' She broke off, teeth coming together with a click. 'I do not deny its uses, but surely you need not go at _everything_ sideways.'

'I didn't think I'd dealt with this sideways so much as not dealt with it at all,' he answered, slightly puzzled. 'And I will try to say something, in future.' They'd listened this time, after all, although part of him was still expecting something else, some way in which this conversation had failed.

'Oh.' Sif looked a bit puzzled in her turn, then shrugged. 'Well, we could have missed it.'

Did she think he must have been settling riddles for them? At this point he wanted to know less than he wanted to gracefully disentangle himself from this conversation, now that he'd got what he'd asked for and before anything went wrong. 'I don't think it likely. But it isn't important now.'

'If you say so.' Sif offered him a smile, although her drawn-together eyebrows left her looking rather uncertain about the whole thing. 'In that case -- do you have anything in mind, for where to go with a bit more planning? Or should we start by getting you a copy of the schedule Thor collected to choose events for Jane?' She rose up in her saddle, gazing at a cloud-bank in the distance. 'Maybe skiing, if that's snow.'

'A copy of the schedule would probably be good.' And would give him a chance to run things past Holda in advance, instead of having to bring up the fact that he had to each time they were deciding what to do. He let himself relax. 'And that does look like snow.'

'I'd been wondering if you ski here,' Jane remarked, coming up alongside them to look at the clouds with interest.

'I don't believe it occurred to any of us that _you_ would ski,' said Fandral. 'The area where you were living did not exactly seem suited to it.'

Jane started laughing. 'Well, I haven't always lived there. But there is actually pretty good skiing in the area. Sort of in the area. The mountains are within a day's drive.'

'Skiing sounds like a good plan, then,' Loki remarked. One where Jane would not be the novice among the more experienced Asgardians. 'I take it skiing didn't make it into the stories about us?’

‘'Well, it sort of did,' she said, giving him a look that was somewhere between amused and uncertain, which worried him a little, and then -- perplexingly -- an identical one to Sif. 'The stories have two deities associated with skiing, actually. But one of them is a frost giantess and the other is supposed to be Sif's son.'

Sif sputtered and then started laughing. 'I can see why you had doubts.'

Loki took a moment to be baffled by the idea of a frost giantess as a goddess, and then was distracted by the mental image of a frost giant skiing. Not that they wouldn't, maybe, they lived on a world of ice and snow, but he'd never imagined one on skiis before. 'Yes,' he agreed, and then started laughing as well.

They weren't the only ones, either, and the group's mirth was contagious enough that some of Loki's normally quiet handlers were giggling. 'When we've all recovered from the thought of Sif being maternal,' said Fandral after a few minutes, setting Sif herself off again, 'why don't we go and check the trails?'

Loki glanced at his handlers, but it wasn't that late in the afternoon yet. 'Yes. Let's do that.'

* * *


	30. Chapter 29: Skiing

Thor burst in on Jane the following morning with the news that it had indeed snowed, and they could both go skiing with everyone, _including_ Loki. He was so expansively happy about it that she kept half expecting him to burst into song over breakfast.

When they emerged outdoors to a warm and sunny day, Jane paused in confusion, and Thor said, 'It fell mostly in the mountains.'

'I kind of figured that part, actually,' she said, looking toward them in the distance. 'But did you go all the way out there before dawn just to see?'

Thor blinked at her. 'Of course.'

Jane laughed rather helplessly and hugged him. 'Right. Of course.'

'You'll need warmer clothing, I think.' And on that practical note, he whisked her off for another startling interaction with customised garment manufacture and vanished for the duration himself, only to return with a pair of his own childhood skis. By this point Jane simply accepted that they were centuries old and still in perfect condition.

She wound up decked in layers, the outermost being a rust-brown, incredibly soft wool. A cloak of the same material was rolled up to be carried out to the mountains, as she was already going to be more than warm enough for the city. Jane wasn't entirely sure she could ski in one anyway, no matter how much Asgardians in general liked capes, but it would be good to have during rests.

The stable was busy when she and Thor arrived; Loki and their other friends, apparently not much less eager for an early start than Thor, had saddled all their own horses as well as Blidtfari and Bokki, harnessed two more to a cart, and were rearranging the equipment and packed meals inside.

"We have arrived!" Thor announced, rather unnecessarily, and added their skis to the mix. Sif laughed at him; Loki looked slightly nervous, which didn't stop Thor from beaming at either of them.

Loki rearranged the skis again, perhaps largely to avoid Thor's gaze, and the smile waned, just a bit. Fandral stepped boldly into the conversational breach. 'You wear Asgardian clothing well, Jane. Are you comfortable?'

'Very.' She looked down at herself. 'I'm a little surprised I'm not roasting _here_ , though.'

'Oh, the fabric is enchanted,' Volstagg assured her.

Jane couldn't help laughing. 'I should have known. What is it, though? Somebody said wool, but I've never felt wool quite like this.'

'Mammoth!' Thor said, sounding cheerful again. 'The best wool there is.'

Jane stared at him. 'Are you serious?'

Loki looked up. 'You don't have mammoths? I thought they were imported from Midgard originally.'

'We used to, but they went extinct!' Somehow they seemed bizarrely appropriate for Asgard, though, even if she probably shouldn't be picturing them in flocks like sheep. If you sheared a mammoth, did it look like an elephant afterward?

'I'm sure we could send you some if you want them back,' Thor offered. 'I wouldn't want to transport them by tesseract, but they will have finished testing the Bifrost repairs by the time you go.'

'Maybe we should show you the mammoth farms sometime,' Loki said. 'They're not that interesting, though.'

'I--' Jane started laughing again. Nearly two months here and they were still blowing her mind on a casual basis. 'I'd like to see. I wasn't ever expecting to see a mammoth.' Let alone wear its wool. 'I am not the person to talk to about reintroducing them to Earth, though,' she added to Thor, 'although it's really nice of you to offer.'

'Who is?' Thor asked.

Jane paused over that one. 'You know, I'm really not sure. I'll, uh, ask around.'

'I think we're ready to go,' Loki said, stopping rearranging skiis and walking over to Atorka.

'Excellent,' said Thor, with more enthusiasm than seemed precisely required by either Jane's comment or Loki's. He lifted Jane onto Blidtfari, who seemed as content with this unorthodox form of mounting as anything else, and they set out for the mountains.

Evidently _all_ the snow had dumped itself on the windward side of the mountains. The temperature had dropped sharply with the arrival of the storm and stayed that way, and the texture of the snow was perfect. It was just as well that Jane had had a chance to see some of the routes the previous day, though they hadn't ridden the downhill trails. She'd wondered if the Asgardian idea of a bunny trail would be a black diamond on Earth; this was not actually the case, as beginners still had to learn coordination and control, but the difficulty level skyrocketed after that even without accounting for the fact that going _up_ was essentially a winding cross-country trail rather than a lift. (Thor periodically provided lift services; Loki was the only one to decline every time.) Jane took things more carefully and with less abandon than the rest and was the only one to make it through the morning without any spectacular wipeouts.

They broke for an early lunch (with Loki's minders, who had up to that point been staying with the horses near the base of the slopes and occasionally applauding) and then set off on a longer and more leisurely cross-country trek, which she gathered was actually the preference here and suited her just fine as well. It turned out to be a very _rough_ trail, though, and after keeping up for over an hour with only minimal assistance at literally rocky areas, Jane recognised that she was approaching her limit. When they reached the foot of Hogun's favourite mountain, she stared up the long slope and said, 'You know, I think I'm too worn out for this, why don't the rest of you go on?'

'We can go elsewhere,' Hogun said.

'No, really, it's fine. I do remember how to get back.' The rocks wouldn't even be that tricky; there had been a way around, just one that was apparently deemed less convenient.

'I could take you back,' Loki offered. He looked a bit worn out himself.

'That would be great, actually,' Jane said, smiling at him. They managed to override a few more courtesy protests and start back while the rest of the group proceeded noisily uphill. She did catch Thor looking back over his shoulder at them; she waved with determined cheer and blew him a kiss.

Loki's head twitched slightly, as if he'd started to look back as well and then stopped himself. 'He was...cheerful,' he said.

Jane gave him a wry smile. 'He was practically giddy that you were okay with, well, both of you going.'

'He's very excitable sometimes.' Loki's expression was fond, slightly exasperated and uncertain at once. 'I'm not sure why he was so happy about seeing me though.'

'Because he misses you?' Jane looked up at him. 'Having argued last time you saw each other doesn't really seem to be very quelling.'

'I suppose not. But I wasn't expecting him to be ecstatic about it.'

'He woke me up this morning booming about it,' Jane informed him, and had to stop for a moment because she didn't have enough breath to laugh and ski at the same time. She pushed off again and added, 'It was sweet, although I assume he'll calm down about it eventually.'

'It's going to be hard to get used to if he doesn't.'

'It can't possibly be sustainable.' She paused. 'Even for Thor.'

Loki smiled at her. 'Even for him.'

'So how does his schedule of events look to you?' she asked. 'Aside from the hog rodeos and so on. I got the impression a while ago that you'd introduced him to a lot of the general categories.'

'We can certainly avoid hog rodeos. Did you want to avoid concerts? I know you found them loud.' Loki shook his head. 'He seems to have made a comprehensive list of _everything_ going on in Asgard, I assume even Thor wasn't intending to actually do all of it.'

'I don't think he can be in more than one place at a time, at least,' Jane said. The follow-up joke, if Loki had his magic at the time, would be that that was _his_ department, although she wasn't sure it would actually allow him to pay attention to two completely separate sets of events. 'And we tried another concert that he assured me was much quieter. It turned out,' she said ruefully, 'to be nearly inaudible. Are there any musical genres somewhere in between?'

'There are ones that aren't especially loud or quiet, but I can't promise they won't have loud and quiet parts. Did you enjoy the poetry reading you went to?'

Loud or quiet parts were fine. She just had trouble appreciating music that struck her as an unrelenting wall of sound, although the effect of a full-body massage had been interesting, or that was so quiet she had to hold her breath to hear it, although what she had heard had been beautiful. 'Yes, I did, although I'm not sure how it was like the hog rodeo except in the most general sense of being performed for an audience.'

Loki started laughing at that. 'That would be the similarity.'

'You --' She considered a raspberry, but her lips were cold enough she wasn't sure she could pull it off. She shook her head instead, laughing. 'Seriously, that was it?' Well, it was nice to know Loki and his friends shared the same occasionally _dorky_ sense of humour.

'I'm only assuming it was what the others had in mind,' Loki answered, before starting to laugh again.

Jane grinned at him. 'It really was fun, though. I wasn't sure how well poetry was going to work out with the Alltongue -- I mean, my not actually speaking it, and the importance of sound as well as meaning. Anyway, I'm sure I missed some elements, but it was a very multilayered experience.'

'I've been reading some poetry lately that's hard enough to understand without translation issues,' Loki said, looking pensive. 'I'm glad our modern poetry works for you.'

Jane looked over at him, intrigued. 'Now I'm curious. You've been reading older poetry then? Do you still get changes in idiom with the Alltongue, or is it lost references, or what?'

'Lost references, I think. And heavy use of metaphors that were standard at the time but not so much now. It doesn't help that some of it might not have been written down for thousands of years after being composed. Buri thought, or hoped maybe, that some of it predated writing by that long.'

The founding of Asgard would have to be some _very_ old poetry, presumably. 'That's right, his theories were partly literary, weren't they?'

‘There’s one poem he wrote about called _The Bright Lady and the Gold_. It’s about a group of people on a perilous journey, but it’s not clear where they’re going or why. Buri thought it was an account of the Aesir and their journey to Asgard.’ Loki paused and glanced at Jane. ‘If he’s right I might have a theory of my own. They meet the Bright Lady while travelling on narrow bridges over a sea of swords and snakes. They start to despair, unsure they will ever find solid ground again and no longer knowing the way back, when they meet the Bright Lady. She tells them…something. A whole embedded poem about stars in a different style, I have no idea if that was originally what she told them, but it leaves them astonished. By her magic she takes them to solid land and they fall to their knees in adoration of her. They take her with them on their journey, but many of them love her so much they forget to eat and sleep in the joy of her presence and some die of it.'

There was something hazily familiar in that; Jane couldn't put her finger on it but felt she should. Fascination too deep to shake and people pining away over the unreachable resonated with human stories too, but the stars?

'Then they meet the Gold Lady,' Loki was saying, 'who binds the Bright Lady’s eyes and mouth and makes her a servant in penance for the deaths she caused, and who seems to become their leader after that. Buri thought they were travelling through Alfheim and the Bright Lady was an elf who enchanted them, before Idunn, the Gold Lady, rescued them. But…I think the narrow bridges might be the elf paths. I think they found the tesseract.’

He said _tesseract_ and it was like turning a puzzle-piece upside down and seeing all at once how it fit. 'Oh,' she mouthed. She managed to get some voice into the next sentence. ' _Oh._ And you must be the first person in a very long time to have experienced both of those.' The elf paths and the tesseract herself -- itself -- unshielded.

'Yes.' Loki looked haunted for a moment. 'If I'm right they'd been in the void, wandering for who knows how long even with the protection of the elf paths, and then they were confronted with the tesseract's visions. It's no wonder some of them succumbed completely.'

Jane thought about her own brief, whirling journey _with_ the tesseract and shuddered. It had been amazing. Dazzling. But that had been brief and protected and she'd still ended up off balance and alarmingly volatile. Walking indefinitely through the night sky as it appeared around the Bifrost, or something even stranger, surrounded by unknown dangers and with no apparent way out...? 'It must have been exhausting.' And Loki would know _that_ , too, wouldn't he.

'Yes.' Loki shook himself and pulled ahead of her a little. 'It means something very important though. There is someone who knows what the Aesir originally were.'

'Someone--?' Jane asked, puzzled, and then, 'Right. Sorry. You want to ask the _tesseract_?' She still had trouble thinking of it as a mind, in spite of first hearing about it from Erik.

'It's the only one who could possibly answer. I doubt anyone is going to let me near it, however.'

Jane sped up slightly to come alongside of him again. 'Probably not real soon. I think there's a general wariness of letting it talk to anybody, really.' And his theory did not seem likely to _reduce_ that.

'It doesn't mean any harm. Even in the poem the Bright Lady does take them to safety. It doesn't intend to entrance people.' Loki sighed. 'But none of that inspires confidence when it comes to exposing people to it, does it?'

'Not especially. It's great if it means well, but if it can't _help_ entrancing people and we don't know how to avoid....' She trailed off. 'Although it sounds like you might have ideas about that.' Or at least about what made people more vulnerable. Exhaustion, maybe; stripped emotional defenses; preferring not to go back to a miserable reality?

'Not definite ones. But Dr Selvig was able to install a shut off when it _does_ want to open, despite his own fascination with it. And Barton barely seemed interested, which may actually have protected him in itself. Maybe mortals are just less vulnerable, or maybe they were more...'

'I don't know Agent Barton that well, but I'm not sure visions in starlight are really his thing, no,' Jane said, half under her breath but after the very quiet concert pretty sure Loki would hear her anyway. How had Erik managed that? Going against both the tesseract's will while enraptured by it and Loki's while mind-controlled into sharing his goals? 'More what?'

'...stable.' Loki shot her an irritated look for making him say it, but a bit wry too. 'It probably helps.'

'Ah. Sorry.' She'd sort of guessed that earlier, but then got distracted. 'I could see that.'

'I am curious about Dr Selvig's methods, though. He _seemed_ completely susceptible, although not to the extent of forgetting to eat or sleep.'

'It was still on his mind a few weeks later,' she said pensively. That... probably wasn't breaking a confidence. It was hardly likely to surprise Loki, anyway. And whatever SHIELD's security concerns, they had to be aware Loki knew more about that particular situation than they did. 'But, well, it wasn't all there was to the situation. Obviously.'

'No. But if anything his mental defences would have been lower.' He looked a bit nervous about saying that.

'Because of the mind control.' She probably shouldn't feel sorry for Loki over being nervous about bringing it up. Thinking about it still made her stomach churn. _You're my friend. And he hurt you._ Not that she wanted to model her reactions on Loki's -- which would be a terrible idea -- and Malekith seemed to have been entirely in control of his own decisions at the time, but it still left her feeling guilty sometimes about making friends with Erik's tormentor.

Well, she'd done it anyway. And yelling at him wouldn't help. She offered a faint, wry smile. 'I'm not going to blow up at you about it now. I don't think.'

'Thank you.' Loki was quiet for a little while, frowning in thought. 'If it is mortals that are less susceptible, maybe you should try.'

'Ah--' It was a tempting thought. That probably wasn't a good thing. 'I don't know.'

'You're curious too, though.' Loki smiled at her conspiratorially.

'Some,' she admitted, 'but I'm really not sure it'd be a good idea.' She smiled wryly. 'And it sounds like I'd probably get distracted and just come back going on about stars.'

'That is a possibility. Maybe we need to find less curious people to talk to it. Or at least ones curious about history rather than stars.'

'And maybe come up with some kind of safety measures.' Mechanisms, psychological screening, maybe even just systematically dragging the scholars away for food, sleep, and re-evaluation. 'Especially if you're introducing the historians to it on the basis of a poem where people get caught up in it and die.'

Loki winced. 'That does seem likely to put off volunteers.'

'Only some of them. You'd be amazed what kind of risks some academics will take.' This was probably not the time to bring up Dr. Banner's outbreak of self-experimentation. 'Or, ah, maybe you wouldn't. But still. Systematic precautions would probably go a long way.'

'The tesseract's usual shielding is probably dvergmál if Idunn created it. Maybe my studies there will turn something up,' Loki said thoughtfully.

'That sounds plausible.' Cross-referencing the literature with the spellwork and structure of Asgard itself seemed to be something of a standard method, and again, Loki's unique experience (sometimes thankfully so) might open up new interpretations. Though the tesseract's shielding, if not its personality, might be better understood. 'Is that still going well?'

'Yes. Although it's going to be a while before I have the background to really understand Idunn's Garden.' He was smiling, slightly wistfully.

'You're looking forward to it, though, aren't you. Not just getting there, the whole process.' She knew that feeling -- though, she thought, with less sense of identity and homecoming bound up in it. And he'd have _time_.

'Very much so,' he agreed.

'I'm glad.'

'You're looking forward to creating your own Bifrost, aren't you? Now that you have the co-ordinates.'

Jane grinned. 'Very much so. If I can pull it off.' She did occasionally wonder whether Asgard genuinely wouldn't mind, or just thought it was completely hopeless. She suspected some of its engineers fell into the latter category. But she had hardly hidden her interest, even if she hadn't often stated the goal out loud. And they’d let her watch at all stages, from the tail end of the crystalised light assembly to the completion and testing now in progress. Maybe it wasn’t so much _wouldn’t mind_ as wanting their protégé planet to succeed. 

'Surprisingly, I'm expecting you to manage it,' Loki answered, with a grin of his own.

'That means a lot, you know.'

Loki looked down slightly, still smiling. 'Everything I could say to that is ridiculously sentimental.'

Jane mostly swallowed a fond laugh but did smile brightly back at him. 'I'll have to come visit that way, eventually.'

'I want to see that, if only for the look on everyone's faces.'

Jane did laugh at that. 'Not my primary goal, but probably fun.'

They reached the horses again eventually; Jane finally tried out her cloak once she was still, and Atorka, predictably, greeted Loki by trying to snuggle. Jane caught some of Loki's minders exchanging pleased looks behind his back when he went rummaging through the remaining food.

The next evening featured a concert that took place mostly within Jane's comfort range -- Thor confided gleefully that he and Loki had actually discussed the selection of it, and Jane declined to risk diluting this fraternal triumph by mentioning that she'd thought he had reserved places at it (admittedly, only half as many) shortly after the second musical attempt -- and the next another poetry recital. Loki went abruptly alert halfway through one performance and explained during the next break that the poem had switched to the characteristic structure of _incantations_ at that point, which was a perfectly valid artistic choice but sometimes hazardous. Apparently there was a risk of accidentally doing magic on the audience -- which was likely to annoy them and exhaust the artist -- or making them think you meant to. There had also been rare incidents of someone actually trying to enchant a crowd that way, and on the way home Loki elaborated at length on these instances, why it was invariably a terrible idea even if it appeared to be working at first, and the ways in which alert magicians in the audience had heroically or comedically foiled them. Jane rather thought he was enjoying that part the most.

Thor swept her off to bed afterward in a state of joy that was reflected in high scudding clouds and electricity in the air, and she fell asleep to the occasional contented growl of thunder.

* * *


	31. Chapter 30: Schemes

Loki was in his rooms, sketching out dvergmál arrays and feeling vaguely frustrated that he wouldn’t be able to test them. He wasn’t used to having to ask someone if he’d got a spell right instead of trying it for himself, although this habit had lead to a few troubling incidents in the past when he hadn’t. The miniature rose bush that had started running around on its roots and lurking in shadows to jump out and latch onto people’s ankles for instance. That one had finally been caught after jumping out at Sif, who had tied it into a plant pot with twine and left it in his bed.

There was the sound of someone taking a step, of them brushing against the pile of books stacked beside the table. The door hadn’t opened and Loki’s hand went to his sleeve while his mind reached for a quick spell, but neither a knife nor magic could be found. He looked up and saw a silvery being, tall and knobbly with a strangely elongated face, managing to look both ugly and ethereal.

‘I don’t believe you have permission to be in my rooms,’ he said, sitting up straight and setting his notebook aside.

The elf bowed. ‘I do not come to attack you,’ he said, voice high and whispery. ‘I come to warn you of danger to Asgard.’

‘Considerate of you,’ said Loki dryly. He should point out that he was not currently acting in affairs of state and a warning for Asgard should be taken elsewhere. ‘Say what you came to say, then.’

‘Malekith’s bonds are weakening. Queen Alflyse has felt it, and she regrets that she misjudged, but she cannot take back her gift.’

Loki inhaled sharply. ‘I am not the one with power over him.’ Not that he wanted them to go to Jane, that would be unpleasant for her. ‘You should tell Odin this.’

‘Queen Alflyse does not believe that he will act. To do nothing has often been his way. My apologies, to talk of your father so.’

‘He is not my father, but he is still my king.’

The elf bowed again, the air around it shivering and shimmering in a way that gave the impression of nervously beating wings. ‘If he does not act Asgard’s heart could be in danger. Otherwise Queen Alflyse would not permit me to speak so. You are wise in the ways of magic, you found our roads when none other could. We do not want Malekith to destroy the peace between our realms, but swift action must be taken. And it cannot be taken by us against one who has been made property of Asgard.’

Loki swallowed. _Asgard’s heart._ Did they know what that was? Did Malekith? The thought of the garden broken, the golden apples scattered, made him clench his hands into fists to stop them from shaking. ‘Even if I would act on your word, I cannot.’

The elf stepped forwards, one cold, long fingered hand touching Loki’s left wrist. Loki did not flinch, or lean back, instead he leant forward, looking the elf in the eyes. ‘Do not touch me without my permission.’

The elf drew back. ‘The spell that holds them closed is simple. I could undo it and unless you chose to open them no one would know. You may prefer to obey the edict of your king, but if you must act it will be worse for all of us if you cannot.’

Loki stared down at the bracelets. Shackles. But they kept others safe, he knew that, without them he could have hurt Jane badly when they’d first met. He was getting better, though, everyone said so but no one could say when he would be free of them. This would only make it his choice to wear them, he didn’t have to take them off. Would have to keep them on, in fact, since the spell to keep them on would be recast if anyone knew. But to have access to his magic in an emergency…to know that he _could_ be free. ‘Do it.’

The elf reached out, fingers brushing over the catch of each bracelet. ‘Queen Alflyse admires you greatly,’ he said softly, as he worked. ‘If you wish to truly be free, you would be honoured among us. If you must act and Asgard does not understand.’ He stepped back.

The bracelets felt the same as before. Loki twisted one around and looked at the catch, resisting the urge to try it. There were spells monitoring his vital signs built in, someone would panic if they suddenly stopped as the bracelet came off.

‘You should still talk to Odin,’ he said. Odin had the power to do something without risking his place in Asgard over it.

‘You are warned. You may choose to warn others if that is your preference. But you alone do we trust,’ the elf replied, and then he was gone, stepping out of Loki’s rooms and back, presumably, onto the elf paths. Loki shivered.

Later he sent a message to Odin, asking for an audience. 'A formal audience,' he added, just to make things clear. The reply was prompt and Loki set out for the throne room.

This time, as the doors swung open for him, Loki saw that Frigga wasn't present; Odin sat on the throne like a king, not a yearning father, and the guards remained at their posts. Odin inclined his head with all due formality, and his hand moved minutely along Gungnir's shaft. 'Prince Loki,' he said, instead of _my son_ , and the words didn't pluck at Loki's heart and nerves even though they depended on the unsaid ones. 'Speak your concern.'

'I was visited in my rooms by an elf,' Loki began and, aware that that was probably going to cause concern by itself, hurried on, 'and told that Malekith's bonds are loosening. Queen Alflyse has sensed this, but since he is in our possession doesn't consider herself able to do anything. I was told Malekith was plotting to strike at Asgard's heart.'

Odin listened to this attentively and then pinched the bridge of his nose, eyebrows drawn together. Loki thought he caught a muttered curse, but the ravens were grumbling and he wasn't certain. 'If Queen Alflyse refrains from meddling out of courtesy,' Odin said dryly, 'it will be a new thing in Alfheim. I checked Malekith's bonds myself when he arrived and will do so again, and I think we shall change your rooms. Thank you for informing me.'

Loki paused. Was that all? What had he expected, though? It wasn't as if he didn't believe Odin would check.

'Was there more?' Odin asked, his eyebrows going up slightly. 'Did your visitor do or say anything else?'

'No. Jane told me earlier that Malekith was being ominous, though. I was only concerned.' Loki bowed. 'I shall leave then. To, ah, the library, I suppose, since I no longer know where my rooms are.'

Odin cleared his throat slightly, and Loki had the sudden wild suspicion that he was trying not to laugh. 'If you know of ones without an elf path leading to them, I would welcome the recommendation.'

'The only elf path in the north wing of the palace leads to the pantry,' Loki answered, and wondered afterwards whether he should have answered less truthfully. Just in case.

'The pantry.' Odin blinked. 'I'll have a suite prepared in the north wing, then. If you wish to return to your current rooms in the meantime, you may do so, but not alone. Even if your visitor came in good faith, we cannot assume it of others.'

'As you wish.' Loki wanted to add, _please check on Malekith quickly_ but it wasn't as if Odin was going to put it off. Loki's own presence here was probably the thing delaying him. That being the case the best thing to do was leave, which Loki did. He opted to fetch the books from his room and go to the library where he spent a while unable to focus on them. Would Odin tell him what he found? He hadn't asked to be told.

Eventually, Jane slid into a chair across from him. 'So,' she said, folding her arms on the table and leaning forward to speak quietly, 'I'm supposed to tell you there hasn't been any change in Malekith's bonds.'

Loki wasn't sure whether to feel relieved or not. He should be relieved, but if Malekith's bonds had changed Odin could have either fixed them or sent him back to Alfheim. Since they hadn't...or hadn't in any way Odin could detect... 'Did he tell you about the messenger?' Loki answered, equally quietly.

'He said an elf had popped up in your rooms and raised some concerns.' Jane shuddered. 'And that you were okay, but still....'

'I'm fine. It is a little disconcerting, to think they could have done that at any time. I didn't realise there was an elf path there.' Or he probably would have asked for rooms elsewhere. Just as well he hadn't, though. 'You said, before, that Malekith was taunting you. Do you think Odin is sure about the bonds?'

'He seemed to be. Although Malekith spent the whole time looking amused, which was just....' She bit her lip and shut her eyes for a moment. 'I remember wondering, after we -- found out about him, if they could just walk in, but I figured -- that couldn't be a problem in people's bedrooms and now I can't remember _why_....'

'They don't usually show up in people's bedrooms.' He couldn't really reassure Jane about her own bedroom because he didn't know where it was. 'They don't actually want to invite war with Asgard, so they come and go but do usually observe enough propriety not to make us feel too threatened. They must have been desperate.'

She laced her fingers together and rested her chin on them, huddling in on herself. 'Desperate. Or -- do you trust the messenger? I mean, if it was somebody who didn't like the alliance, they might not worry about being polite about it.'

The question jolted him. He did trust the messenger, far more than he really should, because he'd been given something he wanted by them. He tugged at one bracelet and then dropped his hand quickly, before realising that a new reason for an old habit wouldn't be visible. 'Maybe. I suppose I have no proof he even came from Alflyse. Mostly I distrust Malekith. Even bound.'

'Can't blame you for that,' Jane said on a sigh. 'He's too damn smug for somebody who's supposed to be in trouble. He answers all our questions, but I'm starting to feel like I'm still asking the wrong ones.'

'I did offer to help you with him. Maybe we should try asking together.'

'You've been helping,' she pointed out wearily. 'But yeah, maybe you'd do better in person than I do.'

'We could try now. I wasn't doing anything.' The messenger's warning that they'd need to act fast rang in his head. Maybe it hadn't been true, but he didn't dare dismiss it.

Jane sat up, looking rather alarmed. 'I didn't mean now....'

'Why not? What do we gain by doing it later?'

'I don't know, time to think?' She shook her head, looking a little hunted. 'I wasn't planning--'

'If something is wrong I'd like to find out before it happens rather than after,' Loki said, leaning forwards.

Jane bit her lip. 'I really don't think he's getting loose.' And she probably didn't want to talk to him again. Loki couldn't blame her for that, but she must see it would be better to _know_. She glanced around at his handlers, then said, 'But if you have some ideas for what to ask him....'

'I assume you've tried the obvious. But sometimes it's just a matter of finding the right wording.' He reached for her hand, touching the back of it lightly. 'I'd feel better for trying. The messenger said he intended to strike at Asgard's heart, and I -- I can't do nothing.'

Jane smiled wanly at him and, rather to his surprise, turned her hand over and gripped his briefly before standing. 'Let's give it a shot, then.'

Loki followed her to Malekith's room, noting with approval the magnetic barriers around the outside, although they were far enough from the room not to bother its occupant. Malekith's room had a few chairs, a desk, a bed and not much else -- it made Loki realise how well furnished his rooms were in comparison, even if they contained rather less than his usual ones. His attendants came with them, looking a little wary about this but not actually objecting. Since he’d been helping Jane with Malekith from a distance, perhaps they had no reason to mind him doing so more personally.

Malekith was seated at the desk when they entered, writing smoothly and constantly with the shadow of a scowl on his face, as if he didn't want to express himself quite so far. Or perhaps he was only concentrating. The expression smoothed away as he lifted his head and arched elegant eyebrows at them, although his hand continued to move. 'Why, Jane,' he purred, 'back again so soon?' He smiled pointedly at Loki. 'Let me see, either you can't get enough of my company, or you've tired of me altogether.'

'I've been tired of you all along,' Jane said. 'Loki wanted to talk to you.' She glanced back up at Loki. 'Answer him truthfully and without deceit.' It was a good command. Not perfect, but to answer without deceit was significantly more limiting than merely not lying.

Loki walked around the desk to stand in front of Malekith with it between them. 'Are your bonds loosening?' Obvious, but it was a place to start. Malekith's answer might give him a clue where to go next.

Malekith sighed dramatically. 'Sadly, not as yet.'

'Are they going to?' No, wrong question. 'Are they going to soon?'

Malekith glanced down at his paper and began a new line, then looked up at Loki again, with no evident disruption to his handwriting. 'I do sincerely hope so.'

Loki tensed, but that could mean _anything_. 'Do you expect them to break soon?'

Malekith's eyes glittered up at him. 'You know, I think I do.' There was an odd exultation in his voice. What was he expecting, that he could tell them about it and still sound so gleeful?

'What can be done to prevent it?' Loki asked. He wasn't expecting a straight answer, it was too predictable a question and Malekith too confident.

Malekith smirked. 'Nothing.'

Loki rested one hand on the edge of the desk, the bracelet catching the light and making him feel oddly exposed. His heart was beating in his throat, and he told himself not to take Malekith's words at face value. Even if it was both true and honest, maybe that didn't mean everything was lost. Maybe there would be a way to recapture Malekith or to prevent whatever harm he was planning. 'What will you do if they do break?'

Malekith laughed, loud and rather wildly. 'I will do as much damage to the heart of Asgard as I can without jeopardising my own interests. I will make you my plaything in revenge for the threats you offered me, _child_ , when you thought you could hold my leash. And then I will go home and leave Asgard to believe you and I are allies.'

'You did just say that in front of witnesses.' Loki's voice came out dry and ironic. It reminded him of standing up to the Other, not refusing to break so much as refusing to admit he was broken. It was that comparison that made him realise how scared he was, because while having said that in front of Jane and Loki's attendants might make it hard for Malekith to convince anyone Loki had been his ally, the rest of it sounded horrifyingly likely.

Malekith flicked the hand that didn't hold the pen. The other kept on writing. 'Once I have you, do you really think that will matter?'

'You aren't _that_ good,' Jane said. Her voice was shaking, but there was fury in it as well as fear. Courage, wrath, passion. 'Loki, I think we should leave. Tell Odin what's going on, what he said.'

Malekith smiled at her. 'Of course you should. And if you do, he will come and inspect my bonds again. Have you make me submit to it, again. Find nothing to fear, again. He's an old man, you know.’

 _Old_. Loki didn't want to think of Odin that way, but he was. How many of Loki's own tricks had passed him by? Odin had not guessed who had let frost giants into the vault. Had not realised Loki could hide from Heimdall, or visit other worlds without the Bifrost. Loki kept his eyes on Malekith. 'What would stop you? Not stop you escaping, stop you harming anyone. Harming Asgard. What would hold you other than your bonds?'

Malekith's smugness faltered at that, finally; his mouth still curved upward, but there was hate in his eyes. 'Other bonds like them, oath and geas woven with iron and silver under the light only of distant suns. The dwarves make them best.' Oh, he _wouldn't_ like that part. 'Mind-spells of sufficient power and skill. You lack the skill, and your shepherds lack the power. Death. Paralysis. Fire, short of burning to death, but forming a barrier too strong to pass. Ice likewise. Magnetism to hold my body or to torment my mind past concentration.'

Loki glanced towards the door. They had magnetism, but probably not in sufficient quantities to hold Malekith completely. Certainly not to the point he'd be willing to rely on it. Ice, though. Malekith had said he could do nothing, but did he know how much ice Loki could summon? Did the elves know what Loki was?

Malekith continued his litany, offering a variety of magical solutions that were largely impractical at the moment, although they were somewhat interesting, and finally grimaced. 'Little else comes to mind. Was that enough?'

'Tell us how you expect to escape,' Jane said. Direct, anyway.

'Iron has its weaknesses, even as I do.' Malekith leaned back in his chair, stretching. 'I hate to admit it, at my age, but I learned quite a bit from you and your resistance.' He laid the pen down and rubbed his hand. 'And kindness. Is she not kind?' he asked Loki, smiling again, and rose from his chair with an expression of intent concentration. 'So considerate. She even allows me to take, how did she put it, _breaks_.' He raised a hand and hooked his fingers under the collar, smirking.

‘ _Stop,_ ,’ Jane said sharply.

Malekith did. But only for a heartbeat, and then he pulled at the metal again, an exultant light in his eyes.

Loki grabbed at the catch of his own bracelet, not sure yet whether he needed to act, or how fast he needed to act, but sure he needed to be _able_ to. He tugged them off one after another, dropping them on the table in front of him, and the sense of magic around him flooded in, overwhelming after months without it. He could feel Jane, the dim little spark of life that made mortals seem so easy to disregard (no, they may feel small, but there was more to Jane than that, just as a quiet melody was not necessarily simpler) and the crystalline feel of Malekith, alien but not completely so. The familiar Asgardian pulses of his dismayed guardians as they closed in behind him -- he pressed his hands down on the bracelets, reversing the spell, and felt them drop into slumber behind him.

The spell felt strange, like strong drink on an empty stomach, leaving him elated and a little dizzy in its wake. Malekith's hand was still under his collar, there was no time to fetch Odin -- and there was a triumphant undertone to that thought, that Loki would be the one to stop this and everyone would be forced to understand why he had had to do this. A wave of ice washed across the room, avoiding Jane and the sleeping handlers but encasing Malekith completely. He couldn't harm anyone if he couldn't move.

'Loki--' Jane looked around wildly, at the ice, at his felled handlers, up at him. Her voice was unsteady but obviously reaching for calm; it rose in pitch and volume nonetheless as she continued, 'What are you _doing_?' She took a step closer, then stopped, indecisive.

'I had to. You saw he was about to break it.' Loki's own voice was rising. He'd thought she'd seen, that she could help him explain this.

'Okay, stupid question.' She swallowed and looked at his handlers again. 'I don't know how you -- never mind. We'd, we'd better wake them up and--'

There was a loud crack from where Malekith stood frozen, like ice breaking in a sudden thaw. Loki felt it break, a strange sharp pang. Jane jumped and turned back toward him, stepping closer to Loki, and then the ice shattered and flew apart in knife-edged shards. Jane shrieked and ducked; Loki swept a hand up and deflected everything, feeling the fragments as if they were somehow part of him. He saw that his hand was frost-blue, faltered, and nearly missed the handful of metal shards Malekith flung at them, laughing again. 'I told you iron had its weaknesses!'

Loki threw more ice, unable to think of anything else to do, any other way to stop Malekith, but without the casket there was a limit to the ice he could draw on. He'd been trying to help, trying to protect Asgard, but why should his intentions matter? Each wave of ice was broken into glistening shards and thrown back, forcing Loki to use more magic to protect Jane and his handlers from them. He was wearing himself out rapidly, the spells a drain on his still healing body and his mind raw with the effort.

'Loki, I don't think this is working,' Jane said, glancing uneasily back toward the door. Loki wondered if it would help if she ran, if she would think of it. Malekith gestured idly toward her feet, and she swore and stooped to wrestle with a sticky silver thread that suddenly wound around her ankles.

'You lack skill,' Malekith said, pacing forward against Loki's onslaught and taking his concentration again, winding it around waving fingers like a spindle. 'I have greater command of the ice than you do, little frost-born.' He shook his head, twisting his features into mock regret. 'Perhaps if you had not listened to Odin and denied your heritage so long, or let your powers be bound -- Odin again, of course -- you cannot expect a limb to be at its full strength when you've not used it for so long.' He snapped his fingers, and there was a golden apple in his hand, shining. 'A shame. My dear sister might make a formidable king of you, given the chance, but I cannot say it's my own interest.' A smile. 'Do you remember, I answered you truthfully and without deceit....'

Loki's eyes fixed on the golden apple and couldn't look away, he could taste bile in the back of his throat, and images were pouring into his head. The tree stripped bare, the fountain dry, the birds on the ground, feathers and gems scattered around their broken metal bodies. No. He was struggling to think, the world blurring around him, trying to remember why something about this certainty was wrong.

Malekith laughed, the sound grating, terrifying. All Loki could think about was stopping him and the ice wasn't enough -- _nothing_ would be enough. He lunged anyway, throwing himself at Malekith, hands clawing at the apple.

Malekith stepped back and let it fall into Loki's hand, and it withered from gold to bruise-black at his touch, frost-blight spreading from his fingertips. His other hand fell on nothing where Malekith's throat should have been, and he stumbled and fell through the elf. 'That will do, I think,' Malekith said critically -- no, said through his illusion-double, he'd _known_ the elves knew that trick -- and faded from view.

Loki dropped the apple, doubling over and clutching at the table to stay upright. He willed the frost back from his skin, sinking into his Asgardian form. Malekith was gone. Idunn's Garden (bare branches and scattered leaves and dead animals) was damaged and it was his fault. His breath misted in the air, still cold from the ice now melting at his feet and reflecting the bruise black of the dropped apple back at him from its surface.

'Loki?' Jane grabbed his arm, almost before the blue had finished fading. The thread at her feet was gone. Her eyes were wide and her gaze darted around the room nervously, but kept coming back to him. 'Are you okay?'

He laughed. It sounded dreadful, choked and painful. 'It's broken. I can't fix it.' He didn't have the knowledge, wasn't sure _anyone_ had the knowledge. Could Asgard survive without Idunn's Garden? 'It's my fault.' They'd never forgive him. For the first time he understood the story he'd been told, that he'd let go and thrown himself into the void. If he'd been hanging from the Bifrost now he might have done the same. 'I -- I have to get away.' _I can't face them._ On the edge of his raw mind he could feel the tesseract. A way out.

'What -- okay, look, we screwed up.' Jane looked at his sleeping handlers again. 'But I really think it'd be best to just wake everybody up and -- ah, tell the guards in case he's still around here somewhere, I guess maybe that should come first....'

Loki grabbed her wrist, wrapping his fingers around it and holding on tightly. 'No. He's gone.' She couldn't tell the guards, they'd fetch Odin. Loki started dragging her towards the door, they had to reach the tesseract so it could take them...take them where? Alfheim, maybe, Alflyse had made it very clear he'd be welcome. Was that suspicious? Her messenger had started this...he could have been acting in good faith, though, and Malekith had been plotting something already. _If Queen Alflyse refrains from meddling out of courtesy it will be a new thing in Alfheim._ Had he been used? Clearly, but by both Alflyse and Malekith?

Jane went with him easily for the first few steps but tried to balk when they passed his handlers. 'In that case where are _you_ going?'

'Away. I told you. I have to be gone when they find out.' He carried on walking without slowing, the brightness of the tesseract's light the only thing in the palace that felt entirely real. He was shaking, every sound of the people in the palace going about their routine the sound of imminent discovery -- no one must see him. The thought made him realise that Heimdall could, if he looked, if he realised something had gone wrong, and Loki threw the spell that would hide them from Heimdall's gaze around himself like a cloak. It made his own steps falter and he realised how close to the end of his strength he was.

'What -- no -- listen.' Jane tried to dig her heels in again; Loki kept walking, though it was more effort than it should have been. She gave up in frustration and jogged a few steps to keep from being dragged off her feet, wrapping her free hand around his arm. ' _Listen._ It's not -- okay, it's not good, but it's not as bad as you seem to think. Nobody wanted Malekith here anyway. Just calm down and think for a minute!'

'No! You don't -- what is it you don't understand? He's taken the apples, broken --' Loki's voice choked off and he felt like he couldn't breathe for a few seconds. The treasure chamber wasn't far now, he didn't know where he was going but maybe the other end of the universe would be far enough.

'I have no idea what you're talking about! _What_ apples?' She caught her breath. 'Wait, Idunn's? But why do you think he --'

'Because he had one.' _Before I destroyed it._ Loki didn't give her a chance to answer, pulling them along the last corridor at a pace that wouldn't let her catch her breath enough to speak as panic overtook him completely. At last they were at the doors and he pushed them open with a mixture of relief and despair.

* * *


	32. Chapter 31: Tesseract

Malekith hadn't had an apple.

Jane had thought she was in amazingly good shape after almost two months in Asgard, but she was gulping for breath after Loki's sprint down the hall and couldn't _tell him Malekith hadn't had an apple_. If he'd even believe her. If it would get through when he was this upset. (If, in fact, she was right and Malekith hadn't just somehow hidden it from her.) She wanted to kick herself over Malekith, but there wasn't _time_ , and she couldn't make herself be sorry instead of guiltily relieved he was gone. She wanted to try to calm Loki down but she couldn't talk. It crossed her mind that maybe she should be more worried that he'd turned himself loose (and _how?_ ) and seemed to be kidnapping her, than about his emotional state, but he looked more scared than she was.

They'd blown past at least two pairs of guards on the way; she could only assume Loki had made them invisible or something, because there was no reaction at all. The guards did move now that the doors were open, but Loki towed her directly toward a familiar-looking cylinder. Wrenched it open, and the room blazed with light.

And.

_Oh._

The light was also sound was also song. Joyous welcome and a ferocious exultation in being, reaching, moving. Enlightenment, siren song, a sense of answers to every question hanging just within reach. Starlight and space, endless light-years like a leisurely aching stretch. She suddenly understood Erik's fascination, suddenly understood how people could forget the rest of their lives caught up in this.

Loki reached for it, his hand closing reverently over the cube. There was a sense of joy, like running for the sheer pleasure of moving, as the tesseract responded, but then something tangled. 'Away,' Loki murmured. 'It doesn't matter, just...just away.'

Jane came back to her senses, sort of, with a wrench and reached for his hand. She shied away at the last second from touching the tesseract itself and grabbed his wrist instead. 'Loki, _listen_. Malekith didn't have an apple.' _Don't go anywhere,_ she thought at the tesseract, somewhat hopelessly. It seemed so enthusiastic about it. _Please._

Loki stared at her, and then down at his hand, expression dazed, horrified and disbelieving. 'I saw it. He threw it to me...I was trying to save it and it rotted in the frost.'

Jane squeezed his wrist hard. He was shaking -- she probably was too. 'I didn't see it. Anyway, aren't Idunn's apples actually metal? How could they rot?'

A wave of bright impatience from the tesseract swamped her, and she could feel the air -- no, feel _space_ twist like a wrung-out washcloth.

Loki looked at her, eyes wide and confused, before the sudden light bleached out his expression. He gasped as they were pulled into -- somewhere, perhaps the void, although all Jane could see was the light of the tesseract -- and wrapped his free arm around her, holding on as if they might be separated. She could feel him breathing, sharp and shallow.

The tesseract sang its satisfaction. Jane wasn't sure whether to sing with it or panic. There was a sense of rushing motion and stillness at the same time, and she squeezed her eyes shut and still all she could see was light. She was clinging to Loki by the arm with the sore wrist, and she still had no idea where they were going. She tried to speak and there was no sound, only more light.

On bewildered instinct, she slid her hand over his and touched the tesseract itself.

It was hot. It burned briefly and then the pain ended, and the light climbed up her hand and suffused her. If she opened her eyes she should be blue-white and blazing like the cube, part of the tesseract and able to reach across the universe and touch a star or planet or anything she pleased in an eyeblink.

 _Go back,_ she thought, and the tesseract refused, or she simply knew it was impossible. She could go anywhere -- the other endpoint wasn't chosen yet, a near-infinite set of possibilities outdone in bewilderment only by the mechanism and principles that allowed the beginning of a wormhole, a fold in space without knowing where the other end of the fold was. But the ends couldn’t be the same place: she couldn't go back.

Home, then. She fastened on that idea; Loki ought to go home, but if he couldn't, she might as well. She fixed her mind on her laboratory -- the latest one, as she'd left it, carefully neatened up although she was sure someone else would be using it while she was gone.

There was a twist, an opening, and sound came back with a roar as they were suddenly standing before a yawning, spinning portal in her lab. Half a dozen shrill noises sliced through the racket of the tesseract's portal itself -- instruments alerted to off-the-scale readings, at least two of SHIELD's intruder alerts -- and she abruptly remembered that the portal hadn't been _stable_ when Loki came through it before and realised the tesseract was off-balance now after the uncertainty mid-trip. She started thinking _calm_ and _close_ and a mixture of its own intuitions and the math she _knew_ to close down the connection before it could become destructive again.

Loki let go of her so fast it almost counted as pushing her away, backing across the lab until there was a wall behind him, eyes darting across the surfaces almost blindly. 'SHIELD. This is...why? Why did you want me imprisoned?'

‘I don't--' It was hard to think about anything besides the tesseract and the reeling portal. 'This is my lab. It's the first place I thought of!'

There were booted feet tromping outside the door, and the tesseract glowing under and through her hand gave a jolt of happy recognition just before she heard a familiar voice insisting, 'Let me through, I can -- I can shut it down! Done it before....'

The door burst open. Through a haze of light Jane saw soldiers come in and point guns at Loki -- she wasn't sure _how_ she saw that, because at least some of it was behind her -- and then another hand came down on the tesseract. Erik.

Loki stepped away from the wall -- he looked unsteady, almost reeling, but moving with determination. He spread a hand and ice swept across the floor, not in the frantic waves he'd used against Malekith, but in lines, whorls and runes, painting a design across the floor in translucent white. The guns pointing at Loki crumpled in on themselves, like aluminium cans that had been stamped on.

'Easy,' Erik told the tesseract. 'Remember some of us are fragile.' The words were the least of what he was communicating with it, though. Jane could feel his connection with it, like an echo.

It _really_ liked him, which suggested there was more to its affections than simply who was willing to open it up and travel across the universe. (She got a sense of indignation and _of course_ from it at that thought.) And its excitement damped a bit; the feeling of being made of light receded from her arm and hand, leaving a brief scalding heat under her palm before that faded too -- and the portal folded in on itself and winked out.

Jane breathed, relief making her even shakier than the adrenaline, and then hugged Erik hard around the neck. And then said, ‘Oh, God,' and let go of him almost as fast to turn toward Loki, still facing off against wary soldiers with crumpled guns, and still blue with the outward sweep of ice. The runes were slick under her shoes and somebody grabbed her arm before she made it more than two steps.

Ice suddenly closed around the legs of the person holding her and Loki took a step towards her, stretching out a hand. He looked wary, hunted, other hand held cupped as if magic was pooled in it like water.

 _Oh, boy._ Jane shot the agent an apologetic look and said, very quietly, 'I think you'd better let go.' To her relief, he did, and she picked her way across toward Loki. 'Could everybody,' she said, as loudly as she could without shouting, 'please just calm down for now. Please.' She'd said that part already. And based on her previous trip by tesseract she suspected there was some irony there. She had to stay calm herself but she could feel her heart pounding.

Now, she'd heard frost giants were ice-cold and she'd heard they could cause frostbite instantly with a touch, which were obviously not at all the same thing. She took a breath, gambled on logic, and closed her hand on Loki's outstretched one.

He was cold, but not instant frostbite cold. More like picking up snow in her bare hand. And his hand warmed under hers, the blue fading away where she was touching it. He blinked down at her, eyes deep red instead of their usual light green. 'You're not hurt.'

'You're nothing on dry ice,' she said. Then, not sure if the idiom translated, 'Solid carbon dioxide. Um, never mind. Yeah, I'm okay.' He still cared if she got hurt. He seemed to be listening, at least a little. Processing the unexpected. Hopefully that meant they could get through this without _anybody_ getting hurt.

More footsteps could be heard outside the door, and Erik quickly walked over to it and opened it. 'There's anti-gun magic going on, and you don't want to scare the intruder. Let us handle it,' he said.

'Magic,' said a sceptical voice from outside the door. Sort of familiar; it took a moment for Jane to identify it as Maria Hill's. 'Great. I hope you're not compromised again.' Jane winced at that. Hill pushed the door farther open to look past Erik, saw Loki, and her lips thinned. She did come in, but she holstered her sidearm and signaled the people behind her to keep theirs down. 'What's going on here?'

'We are trying to avoid any more of a, an interplanetary incident than we're already having,' Jane said. 'I hope.' She looked up at Loki.

He blinked again, but he looked less like a hunted animal now. 'It wasn't my idea to come here,' he reminded her, sounding rather more like himself.

'I know. That part was my fault. I wanted to get back to Asgard,' she added, mostly for the benefit of the rest of the listeners, 'but the tesseract doesn't seem to do short-distance hops and once it got started we had to go _somewhere_.'

'Well, thank you so much for thinking of us,' Hill said, very dryly. 'You know, I could have sworn you were going on _vacation_ to Asgard and there wasn't anything in the documentation about performing experiments on the tesseract with Loki.'

'We weren't experimenting.' Loki looked over Jane's head at the currently dormant tesseract, the blue fading from his body. Suddenly his armour appeared, coming out of nowhere to replace the soft clothes he'd been wearing. He stood up straighter in it, although it might have been the need to balance the horns. 'And since I'm unwelcome here I won't trouble you further.'

'Loki,' Jane said quickly. She tugged Loki's hand down, because her arm was starting to get tired, and he let her. 'Look,' she said quietly. 'I have no idea what you're going to do now, but -- I didn't see any apple. Golden or rotted or otherwise. I can't say Malekith couldn't have gotten to them, because I have no idea what all he can do, but all I saw him do was gesture dramatically and then disappear.' If Malekith _had_ somehow damaged Idunn's Garden... she winced. She wasn't sure _she'd_ expect to be very welcome in Asgard after that, but they would still want Loki back if he'd go. Although they presumably wouldn't want him loose and at full power anywhere.

'I saw it. I _held_ it.' His eyes kept darting between her and the other people in the room, trying to watch them all at once. 'I can't stay here. I won't be imprisoned by mortals.'

Jane looked around at the crumpled guns. 'Uh, no, that really doesn't seem likely.' She'd seen Loki grasp at air. But there wasn't any solid evidence which of them was right, was there, except that Malekith certainly couldn't have been running around Idunn's Garden during his sentence and if he'd been able to get at it _that fast_ immediately afterward, she thought he must have had access before and therefore it wasn't Loki's fault. Or hers. Probably. She wasn't even sure if that was the right tack to take. 'But where are you planning to go?'

'...I don't know.' He looked uncertainly at the crumpled guns, then at the door again.

'I think....' _I really think you should go home._ She glanced at the tesseract. 'I'm not totally sure what happened last time, but I'm not sure we should try to go anywhere without a destination again.'

'I don't think you should go _anywhere_ , and I'm going to tell her so,' Erik said firmly. 'Mostly I think one of you should tell the rest of us what's going on.'

Jane shot him a grateful look -- for speaking up, for dealing with the tesseract (which was still humming happily), for not yet seeming to be mad at her -- and then wondered if she should hope Loki hadn't noticed. 'I can try, but it's a little complicated.' She paused to try to assemble her thoughts, shot Loki an apologetic look, and began, 'Loki's been in psychiatric care in Asgard and is actually doing a lot better.' If he'd rather not have had that explained... well, it was likely to be a problem if SHIELD thought Asgard just wasn't doing anything about him, so hopefully he’d put up with it. 'We had a problem with... um, an elf.' She could try to explain Malekith in greater detail later if she had to. 'Loki thinks the elf did some serious damage to Asgard and it's his fault. I'm not really sure about either part. He is kind of trying to exile himself, which I personally think is a bad idea.'

'Not that that concerns _any_ of you,' Loki added, with a haughty look at the assembled people.

'Not helping,' Jane said under her breath.

Hill tipped her chin up, looking at Loki. 'Why you're here does concern us. What you're planning to _do_ here definitely does. I notice you haven't killed anybody this time, which corroborates 'doing better,' and I'd personally like to keep things that way.'

'As I said earlier, I never planned to be here,' Loki answered. 'I have no interest in doing anything but leaving, however I seem to be prevented from doing that.'

'Well, you've put us in something of an awkward position.' Hill glanced at Jane. 'Or Dr Foster has, if you like. We don't actually want to imprison you here and it's... demonstrably not practical. But there would be some serious diplomatic problems with encouraging you to hare off who knows where with the tesseract.' She looked over at Erik. 'Leaving aside the apparent technical difficulties.'

'If you don't intend to either imprison me or let me go you really are in an awkward situation.'

'Not that this _isn't_ awkward,' said Jane, 'but since you haven't decided where you're going anyway,' and she was not bringing up elf paths to Nidavellir, 'and since travel by tesseract apparently makes people irritable,' which she hoped SHIELD would take as a reason not to be antagonistic and Loki as a reason to watch his temper, 'could we maybe...' Her eyes were drawn to motion among the people just outside the door. 'Take a couple hours and....' Was that who she thought it was? 'Just... try to... settle down. First.'

That was definitely Bruce Banner weaving through the over-crowded room. 'Well,' he said to Loki. 'Fancy seeing you here.'

Loki's hands came up and then he realised magic would be a bad idea and lowered them again. 'I wish I could say I was surprised to see you,' he said, sounding resigned.

Bruce tilted his head toward Jane. 'So is settling down the plan? I'm usually for it.'

'Your presence isn't actually making it easier,' Loki told him, looking decidedly wary.

Bruce smiled faintly. 'I'm not actually planning to start anything.'

'Neither am I. However, I am still surrounded by people with guns.'

Bruce looked around at the pieces of crumpled metal, some still in hand and some laid on the floor, and his eyebrows went up. 'For all the good that's doing anybody.'

'Fine,' Hill said, apparently reaching a decision. 'You, out.' The nearest group of soldiers picked up their damaged weapons where necessary and filed out, although the ones outside the door didn't back off. 'Dr Foster, what are you trying to suggest?'

'I'm not exactly sure,' Jane said with a sigh. 'Something besides this.' This was really a terrible place to have brought Loki, but she still couldn't think of a better choice. 'I could show him around my lab. With less people in it.' At Hill's wince, she said dryly, 'None of the secrets you're keeping about it are anything he doesn't know.'

'I don't suppose suggesting a hot drink and a nap is going to get approval?' Erik put in.

Loki gave him a rather startled look. 'The drink would be...appreciated. I don't intend to sleep here, though.'

'You might be too tall for the break room couch, anyway,' Jane quipped, putting a hand on Loki's arm again a little hesitantly. Erik's gruff practicality was probably the most helpful thing anybody had come up with so far. She shot Hill a pleading look and went on, ' _I'm_ too worked up for coffee right now, but maybe we could go with hot chocolate.'

Hill shut her eyes for a moment and sighed through her nose. 'This is looking like the best option,' she said evenly. 'We'll... stand down. And officially _request_ that you stay put for the time being.' She backed off, speaking quietly into a comm; Jane thought she caught 'Not actually hostile. This time.'

Loki was trembling slightly, probably with exhaustion rather than fear. He looked away from Bruce long enough to meet Jane's eyes. 'What now?' he asked in an undertone.

Jane let out a long breath. 'I was thinking we could go sit down, introduce you to weird Midgardian beverages that I hope you'll like,' Asgard evidently hadn't picked up chocolate even if they'd checked out South America at some point, 'and maybe hold off on the life-altering decisions until a little later.' She took a half-step toward the door, hoping he'd come along. And that nobody would object to their getting into a less closely secured area with comfier furniture and no instruments.

'That might not be a bad idea.' Loki followed with surprising willingness -- or perhaps not surprising, given that he almost collapsed into a chair when they arrived.

Jane sighed with relief, squeezed his shoulders lightly (without leaning over him enough to run into the horns), and went for the hot chocolate mix. 'Erik? ...Bruce?' she asked, as they'd both drifted after.

'I'm sticking to chamomile tea for now,' Bruce said, straight-faced. 'You can try him on that if he doesn't like the cocoa.'

'I'm not here to be experimented on,' Loki murmured.

'I'm fine,' Erik answered.

'It's just a drink,' Jane said. She did fix herself a mug and curled up with it as soon as she'd handed the other to Loki. 'In case you want something less... sticky.'

'We do have chamomile in Asgard. But I am trying things, they are not being tried _on_ me.'

'Fair enough. Sorry.'

He took the hot chocolate and tasted it cautiously, then took a rather larger mouthful. 'This is good.'

A small smile. 'Glad you like it.' Jane glanced up at Bruce. 'Please don't hover. You're starting to make _me_ nervous.'

'Seems a little weird to just leave you.' But what was he going to do if anything did go wrong? She liked Bruce, she really did. He was a brilliant scientist, had a snarky sense of humour, and shared some of her misgivings about working for SHIELD. But he still didn't entirely trust himself as the Hulk. Especially indoors around a lot of delicate objects or people. Was this really going to help, when he and Loki were probably putting each other on edge?

'You could at least sit down or something. Talk science. Go over what you did to my instruments, I’m still getting some of them recalibrated,' she suggested, half-joking, and then shut her eyes for a moment. 'But I honestly don't think there's going to be a problem. Or not the kind of problem you'd be a lot of help with.'

She could feel Bruce looking at her, probably trying to decide how much sense she was making. And then he said, 'I'll take your word for that. They're going to leave people around the tesseract, though.'

She nodded and opened her eyes to smile at him a little before he left.

* * *


	33. Chapter 32: Arrival

Time passed and Loki couldn’t tell how long, except that his drink was still hot when he finished it, the warmth of it pooling in his belly. Everything around him seemed hazy, muffled, but when he started to focus again Jane was talking about her research, and he let the words sink into his brain passively, driving out other thoughts lurking beneath the haze. Jane offered to show him her laboratory; there were guards around the tesseract and they straightened when he entered. He did the same in response, but Jane just ignored them, so he followed her instead and listened to her talk about her equipment and her research. Possibly she _could_ make a Bifrost with some adaptations of some of it, he thought. He offered a suggestion at one point and she smiled at him, bright and slightly forced.

After a while they returned to the other room, with the softer furniture and without equipment. Dr Selvig didn’t come with them this time, he’d drifted over to the tesseract and the guards hadn’t stopped him. Loki could feel its pleasure, he remembered it had liked Dr Selvig before, he hadn’t minded, had been glad to be able to provide it with someone it was so happy about.

Jane made more hot chocolate and offered him something called a Pop Tart, although he had doubts about the translation and suspected the Alltongue was doing its best with some form of nonsense word. He declined a second one, not sure why this amused her, and agreed to eggs. Jane discarded a few as spoilt but cooked the rest and handed him a plate, then eventually settled on the other end of the couch, hands curled around her own mug. 'So,' she said slowly, 'would you mind going over some of what happened back there with me? I feel like I missed a few points. Probably a lot of them magical.'

Loki shivered, but the food was doing a lot to restore him physically at least, and he was starting to feel less panicked, less like he had to get away _now_ as if his crimes were stalking him like a snow lion. 'Where should I start?'

Jane shot him a sympathetic look. 'This is kind of going backward, but what exactly happened with the tesseract? I --' She sighed. 'I feel bad about bringing you here for a number of reasons, but it seemed to me like we were... somewhere and nowhere and it wanted a destination you weren't giving it. And I had no idea where we were going to end up and kind of freaked out.'

'I don't know where we were,' Loki answered. The exact way the tesseract worked...he could feel it, when they were connected, but he couldn't understand it when they weren't. 'I didn't give it a destination. Nowhere I could think of was a good idea.'

'Okay. Maybe I'll ask it later. Or something.' She blew across the surface of her mug. 'I'm guessing the elf who broke into your room did something to the bracelets.'

'Yes.' Loki took a mouthful of egg, chewing and swallowing it carefully. 'It seemed necessary at the time, to have a way to act if I needed to. They said Odin would be too slow, that I knew things he didn't. I should have known better than to listen to elvish flattery.'

Jane didn't comment on that. Instead she said pensively, 'And Malekith... wasn't physically there for very long after he got loose, was he.'

'I don't think so. I don't know how long he had been an illusion, but I'm sure he was long gone by the time we realised.'

'Probably no point in arguing over whether we saw an apple or not, then.'

'No.' Loki looked down at his plate. 'He threw it to me and it turned black, because of the frost. You really didn't see it?'

'No. And none of this is making a lot of sense to me -- I don't know why he'd want us to see different things, I can't see why a metal apple would react to frost and your hands were not actually _that_ cold anyway, and I don't know when he'd have gotten one.'

'I don't know either. I don't know how the apples work, they're metal and they're alive anyway.' Frost was death. Frost would creep across the garden, covering the fountain and encasing the frogs like insects in amber, withering the grass and leaving the butterflies dead on the ground, like scraps of abandoned silk.

Jane reached over and put her hand on his, and held on, even though there was a fork in it. He realised he was shivering. 'I certainly don't understand that, but I can't see why they'd react to cold worse than a normal apple. I think he was trying to upset you.'

'He was rather successful at that.' Bare and broken branches and scattered leaves and feathers in drifts against the walls. 'I don't know how he did it, but the garden...it's broken. I don't even know what that will do to Asgard.'

Jane paused, and he felt her shudder, but she said, 'My point was more -- I'm not sure that's true. He didn't exactly have a lot of time, and wouldn't an illusion have been easier than actually somehow getting to it in less than two minutes and doing a lot of damage?'

'I can usually tell when something's an illusion. But I couldn't this time, when it was Malekith. I held the apple, though. I specialise in illusions, and they don't do that. You can't touch them.'

Jane swallowed. 'I still -- never mind. Okay.'

'I wish I could believe it wasn't real.' It was like being trapped in a nightmare and knowing he couldn't wake up. What was he going to do? Staying on Midgard was impossible. Staying anywhere was impossible, no world would want him and they'd send him back to Asgard if they could. Except Alfheim, and Alflyse was in on this. Maybe Nidavellir? He could pass for a dwarf if people didn't look too closely, and it was unlikely he'd be found there.

'The apple is still... weird,' Jane said, leaning down to put her mug on the table and then shifting closer to him so she didn't have to stretch to reach his hand. 'But I'm still not sure the rest of it makes sense either. You _know_ the garden was fine while Malekith was still imprisoned. I can't see how he'd have had time to do anything to it.' She frowned. 'There has to be some kind of security. If somebody could just walk in and break the garden in sixty seconds, it would've _happened_ earlier. It's not like anybody let him visit.'

'I --' Loki pulled away from her hand long enough to put his fork down and set his plate aside, before holding it properly. It was warm. 'I don't know. I just saw it broken, you can't even imagine...the trees were...' His voice was shaking.

Jane swallowed hard. 'It sounds absolutely horrible,' she said. There was a tremor in her voice too. 'And I really, really hope it isn't true.' She bit her lip and then went on, 'I'm sorry. Whether it is or not, I wish I hadn't--' She stopped suddenly. 'What do you mean you saw it?'

Loki looked at her, puzzled. 'I saw it. There was a dead bird...a starling with enamelled feathers...the branches were broken from the trees.'

'You didn't go anywhere.' She was frowning. 'I didn't think you did the distance-seeing thing?'

'I don't...farseeing is a difficult skill, and not one I've studied.' Loki answered without thinking and then stopped, trying to think. When had he seen it? He couldn't remember. It didn't feel like a vision, it felt like a memory with no event. Like memories from early childhood, where he perfectly remembered Frigga with pearls in her hair and holding a violet but had no context for the image, no idea what had been happening around it. Only in this case there should have been context, should have been _something_ besides a memory with no possible event it could have come from. He rubbed at his forehead.

'I think....' Jane looked a bit more hopeful, but she fell silent for a long moment while he thought, then picked up again, 'Well, we _know_ Malekith isn't trustworthy. And that he apparently likes messing with people's heads.'

Maybe. It wouldn't be the first time he'd had to distrust his memory, and Malekith had used mind magic before. There was no way he could have seen what he remembered seeing, and he wanted so much to hope that it hurt. 'He must have done something. He needed Asgard to believe I'd worked with him, he did something for me to be blamed for.' Something Loki deserved the blame for, for falling for Malekith's tricks.

Jane hesitated. 'What about escaping?' At Loki's doubtful look, she went on, 'Well, we know that part. And... I kind of hate to say it, but maybe he meant them to think you'd worked together to get both of you loose. If the messenger was his, say.' A wince. 'Maybe he expected you to leave.'

'I'm sure the messenger was in on it with him. I think Alflyse was, although I'm not really sure what she intended to get out of it.' It was hard to think, every time he tried to think about it logically he wound up with images of broken animals, crushed flowers and scattered leaves. 'I really didn't _want_ to leave,' he added miserably.

'I really hope this isn't her idea of courtship,' Jane said. 'And -- honestly, I think they'd want you to come home no matter what he did.' She bit her lip, looking at him. 'Do you mind if I hug you?'

'It actually might be.' She'd always wanted him or Thor, and the messenger had taken care to hint that she'd welcome him and that he was her first choice. There was something about this as courtship that make his skin crawl, in a way that manipulation in the service of just about anything else hadn't. 'And I don't mind.' He could really use a hug.

'Oh good.' Jane let go of his hand to do it, and something about the way she held on and leaned her forehead against his shoulder made him think she'd really wanted a hug herself too. Loki bent his head down and swallowed an altogether misplaced nervous laugh, thinking she should have known Asgard had chamomile; she'd obviously been washing her hair with something that smelt of it. Homesickness clenched in his chest and stomach, a hard knotted pain like a cramp. Nidavellir would be easy to get to from here, but he didn't want to live out his life in hiding there. He wanted --

The door banged open with the smell of open sky and lightning. Jane started and twisted around without quite letting go of him, and Thor stared at them from the doorway for a moment, looking huger than normal and wild-eyed with wind swirling in past him. Then he exhaled and seemed to shrink with relief and relaxation, and flopped into one of the chairs, which creaked alarmingly. 'There you are.'

Loki tensed, clutching at Jane without thinking about it as if he could hide behind her. Thor didn't look angry though; slumped in a chair looking as if he'd just had a fright and was relieved it was over he didn't even look particularly alarming. 'How did you find me?'

'And hi,' Jane said mildly, squeezing back just a little even as she shifted to face more comfortably outward.

'I had informed SHIELD that if they had need to contact me, they should shout Heimdall's name and he would pass on the message that followed it.' Thor smiled, looking weary. 'Which they did, but I wished they had said more. I was unsure what to expect or if you might be gone before I could arrive. They did say you believed some harm might have come to Asgard, and I was required to wait until Idunn's garden could be examined before leaving, because Mother said that was likely to be your fear. It is well.'

Jane slumped back against the couch, and his arm, with a soft relieved breath.

'It is?' It wasn't real, just a nightmare after all. Asgard was fine. The relief was dizzying. 'Does this mean I can come home?'

Thor gaped at him for a second, like a flounder confused by the presence of air. 'Can -- of course you can come home!'

'Thank you.' It was almost a whisper, he felt choked and had to swallow. It really was over, he still had a place to return to, even after letting Malekith loose and putting everything at risk. 'I'm sorry. I -- I know I don't deserve it.' It hurt, to say that to Thor of all people. But Loki owed it to him, perhaps, the acknowledgement that he understood how unworthy he was of a second chance.

'Loki,' Jane said, while Thor went on looking completely lost in the conversation, 'don't--' Words apparently failed her, and she hugged him again instead.

Thor shook himself and straightened in the chair, which complained again. 'Loki, there was never -- I didn't know you thought you couldn't! Why do you think I was _looking_ for you?'

'In case I hurt someone, I suppose, last time I was on Midgard...' He looked at Thor and then quickly looked down again. 'They wouldn't be happy if you left me here -- although I never intended to come here -- I don't think anywhere would be happy to be stuck with me.'

Thor stood up and came around the table, and then -- apparently deciding that looming was a poor idea -- sat down on the couch at Jane's other side. 'I came to bring you home, Loki. We've _always_ wanted you there. If the garden were destroyed, I would still have come.'

Loki leant slightly towards Thor's presence, managing to hold onto enough dignity to not just slump against him. The mixture of magical and emotional exhaustion was probably to blame, normally if he felt like this it would be the end of some adventure and he'd be resting against Thor by a campfire while Volstagg handed him a plate of food. At least if he wasn't trying to pretend he wasn't tired out and snapping at them as a result. He blinked away the sudden rush of memories.

Thor reached over a little hesitantly; he looked like he might embrace Loki by the neck, but then lowered his hand to grip him by the arm instead, just below the elbow, and relaxed when Loki didn't pull away. 'I feared you wouldn't want to come.'

'Are Mother and Father angry?' Facing them was going to be hard, no matter how relieved he would be at going home.

'A little,' Thor admitted, looking as if he'd rather not. 'More worried, but I suppose Father may shout more once he knows you're safe. Ah -- Malekith left mind-spells on your attendants, and at first they were saying you'd conspired together, but I think perhaps he did not understand their profession.'

'He did that to me as well. I'd rather like it taken off.' Knowing the garden was fine didn't stop the images of destruction every time he thought about it.

'I can do that,' said Birla. Loki jumped a little at the sound of her voice; it did make sense for Thor to have brought her, especially if they knew Malekith had been using that type of spell, but he'd been so focused on Thor that he had no idea when she'd come in.

Considering Birla was professionally obliged -- or had been -- to observe him and had seen him in any number of embarrassing situations so far it probably wasn't worth worrying about being seen half collapsed on his brother and Jane. 'If you would.'

Birla walked over and rested a hand lightly against his forehead. His first reaction was an instinctive attempt to reject the magic, pulling his defenses into place, but she simply held the spell without pushing it until he reined that in and allowed her to proceed. Rough, cold, stinging, the sensations were unavoidable, a mental scouring that felt rather like it sounded, but left things clean in its wake. The images of the garden cleared away, along with the remains of the panicky feeling that Asgard couldn't _possibly_ be somewhere he could go. He was still nervous about facing Odin, he still remembered the fear and guilt of believing Idunn's Garden destroyed, but when he thought about the garden he remembered it as he'd seen it with Frigga, beautiful and whole.

'Thank you,' he said.

Birla smiled at him. 'It's what I came for.'

'Can you check me, actually?' Jane asked abruptly. 'I'm not sure he bothered and I haven't noticed anything, but last time....'

'Of course.' Birla put her hand against Jane's forehead in turn; Jane squeezed her eyes shut. After a few minutes she pulled back. 'I think you were fine, but I used the counterspell in case.'

'Thank you.' Jane blinked a few times, looking relieved.

Loki sat up a bit and rubbed his eyes. 'When were we going back?' With Thor here it was almost certainly safe to fall asleep, but he'd still rather not do so in the middle of a group of people he'd been at war with once. And maybe he wouldn't really believe he was going back to Asgard until he was there.

Thor's hand moved up to grip his shoulder. 'We will have to fly back -- we are some distance from the Bifrost site.' He paused, looking from Loki to Jane to Birla. 'It might be more comfortable to make multiple trips.'

'I can wait,' said Jane. 'Actually, I could probably get a flight out there myself. We'll figure something out, anyway.'

'I can wait as well,' Birla told them. 'I think you two getting back as soon as possible might be a good idea, the King and Queen are worried and still have no idea what is happening.'

Loki nodded and levered himself to his feet.

'You might undo the spell that conceals you from Heimdall now, brother, if you haven't,' Thor suggested, standing with him. 'But aye, let us be off. Jane, will you give my regards to SHIELD?' He bent to kiss her swiftly.

'Sure.' She gave them both a quick hug and stepped back. 'I'll tell them to alert air traffic control.'

'I'm sure that is a good idea.' Thor slung an arm around Loki's shoulders and led him toward the door.

Loki leant against Thor, not really paying much attention to where they were going. Presumably Thor knew, and it was enough at the moment that one of them did. SHIELD personnel gave them strange looks as they went past and Loki ignored them completely. Thor just smiled at them, and Loki wondered if he realised how strange this would seem from their perspective.

They kept going up, and Loki realised part of the way there that they were probably going to the roof, so he wasn't terribly surprised when the door at the top of the last stairway opened on clouded sunlight. Thor shifted his grip to Loki's waist. 'Hold on.' He always said that. It was never actually necessary.

Loki wrapped his arms around Thor and rested his head against Thor's shoulder, positioned so he wasn't jabbing Thor in the neck with his helmet. It occurred to him, rather belatedly, that after spending months avoiding Thor this should feel strange, but he'd done it too often before for it to be anything but a comfortable position to be carried in.

Thor hoisted Mjolnir. There was a little jolt as it took them off the ground, and then Loki shut his eyes against the wind streaming over them. Once they were in the air he had a brief memory of Thor throwing him from the Bifrost, but even before he could tell himself it was fake it was overruled by memories of all the other times he'd done exactly this and been delivered safely to his destination.

It was a long flight; that was the thing about living on whole planets, they were _huge_. Thor's grip on him was warm and solid and utterly secure. It said a few things about Thor, that as soon as he'd had Mjolnir he had started gleefully flying Loki and their friends about, and only one of them was that he liked to show off.

The angle of the sun changed over them, and at last their own angle of approach changed, feet downward, and Thor lowered them to the ground with the wind whipping their capes together and dust scudding over the intricate knot of the Bifrost mark. 'Are you ready?' he asked quietly.

Loki remembered he was still hidden and cleared away the spell obscuring him from Heimdall, before answering. 'Yes.'

Thor let him go briefly and then hugged him -- no utilitarian excuses, and that insistent tendency to pull Loki close by the back of the neck as if his head were an essential participant in the embrace, which he didn't do to anybody else. Thor pressed their foreheads together for a few seconds and then stepped back, smiling, and with water standing in his eyes that hadn't been called there by the wind. 'Heimdall!' he bellowed, tilting his head back. 'Open the Bifrost, my brother and I return home!'

* * *


	34. Chapter 33: Erik

Left alone with Birla, and shaky with adrenaline letdown, Jane decided to make coffee after all. Birla enjoyed it without breaking anything, and they went to look for a SHIELD agent they could ask about getting to New Mexico. And let them know why. The latter got them handed up the tiers of bureaucracy until Hill said they'd take care of their transportation, but could she ask Birla a few questions for their files. 

Birla agreed to this, and Jane wandered back to her laboratory. Erik was standing by the tesseract, apparently in communion with it, and Jane went over and tapped him on the shoulder. 'Hey. ...I made coffee.'

'Sound good,' Erik answered, rather absently, before looking away from the tesseract and smiling at her. 'I take it those two left.'

'Thor's taking Loki home,' she said. 'Birla's still around -- I don't know if you saw Birla.'

'I don't think so. Is she getting a lift back with you, then?'

'Yes.' Jane handed him the cup. Instead of having a second one herself, she thought she might reheat her hot chocolate. 'She's one of Loki's... counselors. Although most of what she specifically does is head up the people keeping an eye on things when he's out in semi-public.'

'Asgardian counselling seems pretty effective given the difference between this and last time,' he said, nodding thanks at her for the coffee.

Jane smiled wryly and tried not to feel nervous. 'That's... a good reminder. Especially considering that was him _panicking_.'

'You helped, I think,' he said, adding evenly, 'you seemed pretty close.'

 _Here we go._ 'I've ended up spending a lot more time with him than I'd have expected.' She pushed her hair back. 'Okay, I wasn't initially expecting to spend any. He's -- a friend. Which remains a fairly disconcerting thought sometimes. Thor told me I might see him around the palace and then I ran into him in the library.'

'Now why am I not surprised you were in the library?' Erik said wryly.

Jane's mouth quirked. 'It was actually the first time and I'd just discovered I couldn't read anything. He told me how to switch the language display in the books.'

'Which naturally endeared him to you.' Erik glanced at the guards. 'Let's go and sit down.'

Jane nodded and followed him back to the break room, where she microwaved her hot chocolate mug and then sat down on the couch. 'That time,' she said quietly, 'he ended up losing his temper with me and Birla used a safeguard they had set up, to put him to sleep. I think I ended up going over to talk to him the next time because... he looked embarrassed about it.' She looked into her mug, biting her lip. 'It's not like I think it was an excuse.' For himself or her, she wondered. 'But he was really messed up and it turns out he's -- actually really young. In the sense of barely a legal adult.'

'I did notice the first part. Not so much the second. I guessed he was quite young, but not that.' Erik shook his head.

'Age of majority is a thousand. I gather he spent his thousand-and-first birthday with the Chitauri.'

Erik winced. 'I feel like a fool pitying him after being brainwashed. But even when I was I could see he was scared out of his mind.'

'I keep feeling like I'm betraying you by _liking_ him,' Jane said, too fast, and then curled her fingers over her mouth. It wasn't as if Erik was likely to have a better solution to that and it didn't seem fair to tell him, but it was too late now. 'And I think he still doesn't quite get what was wrong with that.' Even if he didn't appreciate Malekith throwing around mind magic.

'I'd be less worried about what he did to me than what he did to most of Manhattan.'

Jane winced. ‘Fair point.’ And yet.

'He's not a safe person to be around.' Erik looked at her seriously. 'I don't know what happened today, and it went better than I could have expected, but he still got you involved in something that could have been nasty.'

'Today was definitely weird,' Jane said with a sigh, trying to figure out how much of it to explain. Part of it was genuinely Loki's fault. Part of it was, well, she _really_ wished she hadn't taken him to talk to Malekith. On the other hand, the fact that potentially malevolent elves could stroll into Asgard as they pleased wasn't anything to do with him, and that seemed to be an ongoing hazard. Actually, she supposed they could do it on Earth, too, even if they didn't seem to be making a habit of it. 'Basically, Loki isn't supposed to be able to do magic right now.' She raised a hand before Erik could point out that that didn't seem to be going well. 'Which was working fine except they didn't account for, um, an elf sneaking into his room, undermining that, and convincing him something dire was going to happen to Asgard if he didn't act.'

Erik was momentarily speechless, and then shook his head. 'An elf. Of course.' He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. 'Goes with the Norse god thing. I wouldn't have expected him to be trying to _defend_ Asgard.'

'It surprised me at first, but he's actually pretty attached to it.'

'I guess it's just as well they want him back then.'

Jane finished her hot chocolate and went to rinse out the mug, taking Loki's abandoned one with her to the sink. 'I know what he's done. Well, presumably not all of it, but....' She watched the brown foam swirl down the drain. 'His family, Thor's family and their friends, they're looking at it as the past two years out of a thousand, literally, with somebody they knew and trusted. Not that they aren't taking it seriously -- he's restrained and watched and going through therapy -- but you see what I mean. And when I'm in Asgard it's easy to go along with that.'

'And it's safe enough for them to think like that when they're as strong as he is. Stronger, in Thor's case. But we're weaker than him and he doesn't have the best attitude towards humans.' He came over to rinse his own mug and then put his hand on Jane's shoulder. 'Even the worst breakdowns among humans don't usually level cities.'

‘I know....' She rubbed the wrist Loki had towed her by, a little sore but not visibly bruised. 'He does know there's something wrong with him, and he's honestly trying to get better. He's still volatile -- not nearly as much, though.’ He’d been keeping his temper very well, lately. ‘And there are some worrying ethical problems that I'm not totally sure are _new_ , but he's trying.' A pause. 'And you notice he didn't actually hurt anybody, this time.'

'I noticed. And he could have done easily enough. It's hard to figure out how I feel about him when all my first impressions were formed while I didn't have a choice about liking him.' He put the rinsed out mug down and walked back over to the chair. 'Although that should be reason enough not to like him.'

'Yeah. I know.' Jane came back to trash the eggs and wash that plate, mostly for something to do. 'So would the giant robot attack, honestly.' Although that had been distant enough not to qualify as the same kind of first impression.

'That too.' Erik looked up at the ceiling. 'While it was happening it was almost like he was a postdoc I was mentoring. I felt like I should be looking after him, helping him achieve his goals. Then it wore off and I realised, oh yes, mass murder and world domination are bad things.' He snorted. 'And I thought chasing wormholes was the craziest thing I'd ever help someone do.'

She briefly considered telling him she thought she could build one and then discarded the idea because, no, this was not the time. 'He's impressed that you built the shutoff in spite of everything,' she said. 'Something about it should have been impossible for multiple reasons. I think -- not just the mind control, but the tesseract itself wanting to be active. It was ecstatic about going somewhere today.' She grimaced a little at herself. She hadn't started off meaning to change the subject.

'She does like to be active,' Erik's voice was wistful. 'He was careless. Either he didn't understand how the mind control thing worked or didn't bother with the details. Once we were on his side he left too much to us. Clint was doing most of the planning, I was doing nearly all the building. But it just made us loyal to him, and...shut down our consciences.' He grimaced. 'I was still me. And I've never been that good at taking orders. I really was on his side, but he was trying to bring people through he was scared to death of, and I didn't believe they'd keep their promises as much as he did. As for the tesseract -- she was pretty understanding about it, although I don't know if she really got why having an alien army on my planet would be a problem for me.'

That actually made a lot of sense. Thinking of Malekith taking the altered-loyalty approach instead of what he'd actually done made her stomach clench and she swallowed hard, then rapidly twice more and took a breath and held it and tried to think about anything else until her throat relaxed. The tesseract nudged against her mind, glowing and weirdly sympathetic and offering thoughts of folded space and starlight. Jane wondered if people got lost in it because it was _trying to help_. 'Their promises don't sound like they were very plausible to me, either. He probably didn't realise it made a difference not to have been stuck listening to them for a year. I'm glad the tesseract listened to you.' A small, wry smile. 'Today, too. I keep feeling guilty for bringing him here but it kind of cuts off second-guessing when I still don't have any better ideas.'

'Bruce was here, so even if he had been violent it might still have been the best choice.' Erik looked at her, concerned. 'Are you all right? You look more shaken now than when you were talking down a mad god.'

'You were here and could talk the tesseract into closing down properly,' Jane answered. This wasn't about her and she didn't want to whine about Malekith or try to explain elven politics she didn't understand or-- Erik continued to look concerned and expectant, which was not really surprising, and Jane took a deep breath and admitted to herself that Erik _would_ want to know about Malekith, and she didn't have to understand the politics. She yielded and went to sit down again, instead of leaning on the counter. 'I'm -- one of the elves used a different kind of mind control on me and I was having a what-if moment.'

'Asgard seriously needs anti-elf security.' Erik leant forward to look her in the eyes, as if he might be able to see whether she'd recovered that way. 'Do you want to talk about it?'

A strangled giggle made its way out of her throat. 'They really, really do. They just walk in. Alfheim's supposed to be an ally, but they're not exactly monolithic and after their first visit while I was there, Loki gave me this very sincere, serious, deeply ironic warning that they didn't always see people from our universe as real people.' She rubbed her hands over her face again and sat back. 'I'm not sure whether it was a complicated scheme or started as a whim. They invited, sort of demanded, a diplomatic visit from Thor, and their ambassador asked me along and got politely and firmly shut down. And a few days later I realised -- this is going to sound ridiculous.'

'...it already does. In a worrying way.'

Jane sighed. 'Obviously I had, ah, some legitimate mixed feelings about Loki, even though I did like him by that point. I'd been really grumpy and tactless about them since Thor left, and I knew that was a bad idea on a couple of levels but I couldn't seem to stop. I realised it wasn't _me_ when he was trying to argue that I should move to Asgard and I didn't just get mad at him, I started fantasising about cutting his throat.'

'A lot of people would like him dead for pretty good reasons. But you're not really the type.' Erik looked sympathetic. 'It sounds disturbing, being made to think that way about a friend. Even if I don't think he's a good friend for you.'

'Even if I wanted somebody dead, I think I'd be disturbed if I daydreamed about their blood gushing over my hands.' Jane looked down at them for a moment, remembering the imagined sensation of it running red and icewater cold, and curled her fingers. 'Once I realised he was there, he wouldn't let me tell anybody or act any more suspiciously than I could help. It felt like having spiderwebs in my head. Sticky ones that wouldn't break. But I suddenly thought about if he'd managed to make me think I was loyal to him, instead....'

Erik put his hands over hers. 'Any kind of mind control's going to be disturbing. I'm guessing elves can't do the loyalty type. Or maybe they don't like the loopholes.'

'I don't know.' She took a deep breath, let it out on a sigh. 'As an assassination attempt it was completely impractical. As a way to be creepy and disruptive it worked pretty well and kind of led into today. And yes, Malekith's plotting scares me more than Loki being... freaked out but kind of protective.' Although considering Loki had once tried to destroy a planet under the impression it would protect his world and make Odin proud, possibly it shouldn't. Perhaps it was just as well she hadn't been thinking in those terms before.

'Protective. You realise he thought Earth would be safer under his rule? He has some odd ideas about protection.' Erik leant back. 'On the other hand, Loki is loyal, protective and deeply screwed up about how to apply them. Malekith just sounds like a complete bastard.'

'I think that sums it up.' Maybe Malekith had good points if you got to know him and he liked you, but Jane wasn't really inclined to explore the question.

'If Thor was still here I'd have a word with him about taking you on holiday and letting you get brainwashed.'

Jane snorted. 'I'm sure he'd like to have prevented it.' She paused and then looked up at him. 'It's actually been a really good vacation mostly. I had a whirlwind introduction to Asgardian culture and got to watch them fix the Bifrost.'

'Before befriending a criminal and getting brainwashed by elves.' Erik relented. 'It's good you had some fun. I'm sure you enjoyed the Bifrost part.'

'During,' Jane said, her sense of humour asserting itself a little. 'I spent a lot of extra time at the end of the Bifrost while Malekith was pushing at me, because Loki wouldn't go there.' Until he had. 'It actually took me a while to realise most of Asgard is in awe of Heimdall. He's very nice.'

'He watches the Bifrost then, like in the stories?'

She nodded. 'He stands on the Bifrost and activates the part of it that isn't always on. Mostly he _watches_ other things. He's been keeping an eye on the Chitauri, lately, in case they come up with alternative travel arrangements. When people from Asgard are traveling, he usually looks out for them in case they get in trouble.'

'It's good to know someone is watching the Chitauri. SHIELD would probably like to hear about what he's seeing.'

'So far, it doesn't sound like they're doing much, but I'll ask about sending updates.' She paused. 'Want to hear more about the Bifrost? I think I could build a nonmagical version, but I might have to resort to trading on the SHIELD connection to wave a couple of materials engineering problems in front of Stark.' His last two biggest breakthroughs had been when he was about to die, but she assumed that couldn't be a requirement.

Erik looked decidedly interested at that. 'SHIELD would probably give you the moon if you'd promise them portals,' he said. 'Let's hear about it.'

...She wasn't actually sure what SHIELD would do with them, come to think of it. But she got up and went back to the lab with Erik to run through her ideas, with only the occasional grumble of, 'Of course I managed to get here without any of my notes,' and forgot to worry about it for a while.

They didn't have long enough to really make it through everything. Birla came back in, all too soon, with an agent who told them there were a couple of extra seats available on a flight with several SHIELD personnel being moved to New Mexico. Jane stood up and looked back at Erik. ‘I'll see you in about another week, I guess.’

'Try not to do anything too alarming in the meantime,' Erik said. 'Aside from talking to Loki at all. I can't convince you to stay away from him, can I?'

She shook her head. 'He _is_ a friend, weird situations and all.' Even though he'd controlled Erik, even though he'd attacked Earth, even though the SHIELD agents looking at her had probably lost friends or at least coworkers to him. She swallowed. 'But thanks for worrying. And for putting up with it.'

He squeezed her shoulder. 'Just take care of yourself.'

'I'll try.' She hugged him again, instead, and he patted her back. And she walked off alongside Birla to the plane.

* * *


	35. Chapter 34: Home

They arrived in Heimdall’s observatory and walked out onto the solid light surface outside, the solid part of the Bifrost stretching between them and Asgard. Loki shivered; like this he could feel the magic of it and it no longer seemed an illusion. That should have helped more than it did. Thor moved to stand behind him and he tensed. _Danger_. The Bifrost and Thor and the sense of failure…Thor flinging him down. No, not real.

‘I shall carry you again, brother, if you wish.’ Thor put a hand on his shoulder and Loki turned, sharply, palm tingling as he summoned a knife into it, hidden mostly by his sleeve and the way he was standing. Thor was about to put an arm around him, if Loki slid an arm around his neck he would suspect nothing until metal cut through his spine.

Loki wrenched away and threw the knife, watching it skitter to the edge of the Bifrost and then teeter before tumbling into the void. Thor was gazing at him with wide, hurt eyes. Heimdall had his gaze fixed on Loki, waiting to see what he would do before acting but body shifting into a stance he could move quickly from. It suddenly occurred to Loki how much danger they were in. He’d never thought of himself as strong, alway physically weaker than Thor and less of a warrior. _I might be one of the most powerful people in Asgard_. He gasped, forcing enough breath into his lungs to speak. ‘Sorry. Memories.’

Thor lowered his outstretched arm. Not reaching for Loki anymore, so he wouldn't feel he might be seized and flung -- but it put Thor's hand next to Mjolnir, too. 'I forgot too easily that you do not wholly trust me, I think,' he said. A brief gesture onward, eyes intent and never leaving Loki. 'They've sent horses, if you don't wish to fly.'

'I forgot too.' As if that made sense. If you forgot your feelings towards someone, did you truly have those feelings any longer? But his body thought it was under attack, heart beating too fast. 'The horses would be a good idea, I think.'

Thor nodded and walked around him to the side, just outside of arm's reach, so that Loki could turn without putting his back to him again. It was what he'd have done outside Asgard, with someone offering a wary truce -- Thor _did_ have modes between backslapping camaraderie and smashing everything, although his reputation did not -- and Loki was not entirely sure he liked being on the other end of it even as he appreciated the tactical courtesy. He turned toward the horses not far beyond them on the bridge.

Atorka, Bokki, Blidtfari. It took him a second more to recall the name of Lagsi, a gelding Birla had ridden before. They might not have been sure of his return, but someone had chosen the mounts to send as optimistically as possible.

Atorka didn't move to nuzzle him this time -- she was picking up on his wariness, not inclined to mess about when there might be danger close by. Loki stroked her nose, hoping to communicate that there was nothing truly wrong, before mounting.

Thor swung onto Bokki, who also stood entirely silent and alert. Blidtfari and Lagsi both shifted and stamped, whickering softly, catching the mood and simultaneously more uneasy than the horses trained for adventuring and less sure what to do about it.

Heimdall came far enough to lay a hand in turn on their withers. It seemed an odd gesture from him somehow, but Loki knew Heimdall _had_ a horse even if he'd never seen him ride. 'Go well,' the gatekeeper said -- mildly, but it still sounded like a grave pronouncement. 'You are awaited.'

Atorka stepped out onto the Bifrost as he urged her on, unconcerned either by the strange substance beneath her feet or the endless stars above. Loki envied her for that. His palm was tingling and he wrapped both hands carefully around the reins to stop himself summoning any more knives. He'd never thought it would be so difficult _not_ to do magic.

Bokki came alongside her, hooves as soundless on the solid light as hers. Loki reminded himself that it was really there and the horses were only acting like there might be a threat because he and Thor were. Of course, Bokki and Atorka hadn't grasped that the threat their riders perceived could be each other. That was entirely outside their experience -- so they fell into position side by side, just close and far enough for their riders to protect each other without fouling one another's motions, and Thor didn't think to veer away.

'It was not easy to break even when I was trying,' Thor said at last.

That wasn't terribly comforting, calling to mind as it did the shattering as Thor's hammer came down. Loki reached out mentally, finding the Bifrost a solid entity with no weaknesses left over. 'I know. I know it will not break, just as I know you will not attack me, and I am still --' Still tense and shaking, refusing to look anywhere but ahead.

The silence was shorter this time before Thor said, 'You are still riding onward regardless of what your fears tell you.'

That actually was comforting. Not only could he do this, he was doing it. 'It wouldn't be the first time. Remember that lindworm?' One of his earlier adventures -- and to be fair none of them had known the predator taking Vanir flocks was going to be a lindworm when they'd agreed to go after it. But they'd needed magic to deal with the poison, so he hadn't even been able to wait at a distance. He'd been scared half out of his mind the whole time and utterly determined not to let anyone get hurt when they were relying on him. Afterwards he'd nearly fallen off his horse -- Thor had caught him, and perhaps because he was still young, or because both his fear and exhaustion were extremely evident, they'd made rather a fuss of him at camp.

'Hah -- I do not think I could _forget_ a lindworm. Especially the first one.' Loki had excellent peripheral vision, which he was mostly trying very hard to ignore at the moment, and saw Thor's head turn toward him. 'I remember not knowing whether to think it was a good thing you'd come or that our parents would kill me for it if we survived. You were astonishing. The only magic against poison I'd heard of, then, was runes to break the horn.'

'I didn't think, when learning spells against airborne poisons, that I'd ever be applying them on quite that scale. Or against something that could eat me if the poison failed.' He remembered long black fangs that had seemed far closer than they actually were. Thor had been between him and the lindworm the whole time, but he'd still imagined its mouth arcing over Thor and down upon him. And afterwards he'd laughed with the rest of them, delighted at his own courage and skill, the comforts of food and rest thrown into sharp relief by their adventure. He smiled, both at the memory and at Thor's praise of him now. Even though he was still afraid, it was good to remember that he _was_ an adventurer, that he'd faced down all sorts of fears before.

'Remember when a kraken actually did swallow Volstagg, and we thought we'd have to cut him free until you made it turn itself inside-out instead?'

Loki wrinkled his nose. 'I remember the smell of half-digested fish.'

Thor laughed. 'The fragrance of victory was less than sweet that day.' They had not lingered to take a trophy as proof that time. Other sea life, less squeamish than the adventuring party, had swarmed in a feeding frenzy where sharks and their usual prey tore at the same meal side by side. Apparently kraken was delicious if you were a fish. They had been more concerned with getting somewhere they could wash the digestive slime from Volstagg.

Loki laughed too, and if it came out rather high-pitched and nervous it was still grounding. 'I see you _can_ tell tales of my magic when you try.'

'I thought we said you had done that at the time!' Thor protested, then, before Loki could point out how the story had been perpetuated, 'No one could have believed we were serious about Volstagg merely being too heavy a meal for it.'

'No one really cares what the truth is if something else makes a better story.' And they called _him_ a liar. 'It's good to know you do recall it, though.'

'We can leave the joke out of the tale next time if it troubles you that much. You _did_ start it.' Volstagg had taken a dose of paralytic venom, luckily a small one, but had recovered enough to start thrashing when they ducked him under the water to wash the acid from his face. Loki had just been whacked in the mouth and torn between sympathy and impatience; telling Volstagg he'd been too much for the creature had been the first thing to come to mind. 'Oddly, one of the things I recall most vividly -- aside from the smell,' Thor went on, 'is Hogun shouting "What do you mean, you're going to _tickle it_?" and you telling him to shut up.'

Loki shook his head, smiling again. 'I know my methods are confusing when they start perturbing Hogun. And it's not the joke that troubles me, the most told version of that tale _is_ funny.' Somehow most of the Bifrost was behind them. And, just as much of a relief, Thor's presence beside him had started to feel like a comfort more than a threat.

'Still -- I have never meant to rob you of your true credit.' Thor was silently pensive for a moment before adding, 'Some of the tales where we had to rely on your tricks to escape tend to be embarrassing for the rest of us, which is no excuse. In other cases I am not sure what to tell if you don't, in case it should spoil your stratagem for future use.'

'I have more than one trick, and you're not the _only_ one who falls for the same thing over and over.' The memory of the last time he had accused Thor of always falling for the same trick came suddenly to mind and with it the inappropriateness of this whole conversation. He'd recently been an enemy of Asgard, had even more recently risked it by letting Malekith loose. It was hardly right for him to be squabbling with Thor about whether he was given enough glory. He looked away, stopping himself from looking down.

Thor snorted. 'And yet I'm still not sure you would be happy if my tongue flapped about them too carelessly,' he said, apparently ignoring the memory even though it had to have come to mind for him too. (Didn't it?) 'You will have to tell more of your own parts of the tale, then we'll know.'

'Perhaps I should.' Asgardians didn't just _listen_ to tales. They argued, declared you couldn't possibly have done that, mentioned the time they'd done something ten times more impressive. It was in good humour, always, but, especially as someone whose tales didn't fit the usual mold, Loki was always reluctant to subject himself to it. Everyone else told their own tales, though. Maybe he was expecting too much to want to both stay quiet about himself and have his stories told.

'I should like to hear your versions more often,' Thor said, and the sound of hoofbeats returned as they came off the bridge.

The road to the palace was solid and safe and even where the land dropped off in a cliff beside it, the fall would be a trivial thing next to the void. Odin and Frigga met them, not in the throne room but at the stable, when Loki was not prepared for them.

'Loki,' said Odin. Loki turned and bowed his head, then braced himself and met Odin's eyes. Whereupon Odin took one look at him, full in the face, and said, 'We will speak after you've slept.'

Loki was led to his room by attendants, which was just as well since he was half-asleep already and tried to go the wrong way twice (once to his normal rooms, and once to the ones he'd just been moved out of). He remembered to dismiss his armour before climbing into bed and then nothing, not guilt or anxiety, was enough to stop him falling into a deep and dreamless sleep.

He woke feeling much better, if still rather worried about facing Odin now he was awake and would be having an actual conversation. Lying in bed he replayed the events of -- yesterday? He had no idea how long he'd slept -- and decided most of it was just as bad when he wasn't panicking about it. All of his decisions had been terrible. He owed Jane a great deal of thanks for both getting him somewhere safe and not at the other end of the universe and keeping him calm enough not to cause havoc.

It was Birla who led him to the throne room once he was washed and dressed, assuring him on the way that things with SHIELD had worked out and the tesseract was back in containment in the treasure vault. Loki hadn't actually remembered to worry about what had become of the tesseract, but he now knew he didn't have to start which was something.

Odin was waiting for him. Frigga as well, looking vaguely supervisory, as if she was not so much desperate to see him as entertaining doubts about his and Odin's ability to conduct the conversation. The guards had been dismissed, possibly so they wouldn't notice the Queen looking dubious or possibly in case Loki did something inadvisable.

Odin's fingers tapped the shaft of Gungnir, one at a time, as Loki swallowed and went down on one knee. Then Odin produced the open and discarded bracelets and set them on the arm of the throne. They chimed, silver on gold, dissonant. 'Loki. Can you explain yourself?'

'No?' He probably wasn't going to get away with that, but none of the explanations he had were good ones.

Odin arched an eyebrow. 'Because you don't remember what you were thinking or because you have realised it was foolish?'

'Because I realise it was foolish.' Loki didn't look away, although he wanted to.

'That _is_ preferable,' Odin said with a sigh. 'Give your account of _what_ happened, then, if not why. There are aspects to which you are the only witness, as,' he said, a little dryly, 'we cannot now question Malekith.'

Loki recounted the events as blandly as he could manage, as if they had happened to someone else. He tried to gloss over the implications about Odin that the elf messenger had made, his own evident lack of trust in Odin's abilities or judgement. The story became a little muddled once he reached SHIELD -- at that point it really did become harder to remember what he was thinking other than a primal fear at being surrounded by enemies.

'And then Thor arrived and brought me home,' he finished. His voice was hoarse, more than the length of his speech could account for.

'Much to our relief,' said Odin. 'Loki Odinson--' Loki flinched at that -- at the name, at remembering the beginning of Thor's banishment. 'You accepted interference with the bindings laid on you by your King, allowed Malekith to trick you into destroying his -- which is uncharacteristic -- and you fled rather than facing what you had done or what you believed you had allowed. You also quite literally dragged our guest with you -- having absconded with the tesseract and chosen the most hazardous possible means of travel with it.' His left hand rested on the bracelets. 'Against that, you reacted only defensively when under threat and returned to Asgard voluntarily.'

Loki bowed his head. 'I will accept whatever punishment you deem fitting.' Why was banishment the thing he feared most when he'd tried to run away?

‘You will submit to having your bindings restored,' Odin told him, 'which is not punishment but necessity. You yet lack the stability and judgment to wield your full power.'

'Yes.' And he hadn't even told Odin about nearly attacking Thor on the Bifrost. At this point he'd almost be glad to have his magic bound again, just to be sure of not hurting anyone. 'And my punishment?'

'You will apologise to your attendants and choose for each of them a gift in recompense for putting them at risk. You will be confined to the narrowest of your earlier boundaries for eight days.' Loki's consternation must have shown -- that was shy of even the traditional nine, _why?_ \-- because Odin added, 'I am not dismissing what you've done, but from your account, you are aware of your mistakes.' He rose from the throne and, to Loki's surprise, pocketed the bracelets. 'But first, come with me.'

Loki rose to his feet and followed Odin wordlessly, unsure what to expect. It was probably not a punishment, Odin would not have laid out a mild one only to spring a heavy one on him no matter how much he deserved a worse one than he was being given. But what Odin might want to show him now he couldn't even guess.

Odin did not explain. But the route became rapidly familiar as they descended into the depths of the palace, and at last onto the long stair down to Idunn's Garden.

Loki glanced ahead at Odin and more than once whetted his lips, wanting to ask why he was being brought here. Why he was being _trusted_ here. But he couldn't find the words, and instead just followed. He could feel the garden before he saw it, like a distant orchestra, different elements with their different patterns, but all in perfect harmony with one another.

When they rounded the corner he forgot to wonder why he was there -- almost forgot that Odin was standing next to him. The garden was whole, beautiful. A little copper squirrel stopped to chatter at him from the branch of an oak, a starling gave a two note call from high in one of the birches. And he could feel the life animating them all, separate and yet not. A single will behind all of it, from the whisper of the butterflies' lives to the deep, steady trees. It was a work of art, a spell it would take him years to understand, but he didn't need to understand it to see its beauty.

He walked to the fountain, and he could feel that, too, the water and stone the spell's connection to Asgard itself. Water and bedrock. A frog hopped up onto the edge of the fountain and regarded him with tiny benevolence. Loki lifted it gently with his finger, feeling the chime of its magic as well as its slick gemstone skin. He set it down again, gently, and turned to Odin.

'Thank you.' For letting him see this before binding his magic again. For trusting him not to harm the garden, when he'd wondered whether he'd ever earn the right to be trusted with it again. There were tears in his eyes, but he didn't wipe them away.

'It is one thing to have a lie dispelled and another to see the truth,' said Odin.

Loki nodded, not sure what to say to that. It was true, and seeing the garden safe meant more to him than he could express. He wanted to ask how much Odin understood, whether he loved Idunn's Garden too, or whether he found it beautiful and necessary but not fascinating, the way Thor would no doubt regard it when he was king. But he had never had a way to start these conversations with his father, who was also his king, and who he had never quite separated love and reverence for.

'Your mother told me of your passion for it,' Odin went on, after a moment. He seated himself on the rim of the fountain, curiously just to the side of where Frigga had sat, as if he were beside her even though she wasn't there. 'That you would be one of its guardians, when you can, and that this was what you would believe Malekith had threatened.'

Loki hesitated. It felt wrong to be standing while Odin was seated, at least when it wasn't on a throne. Kneeling in front of him would be wrong too, wrong for the place, perhaps, or the conversation. He sat on the rim of the fountain too, a little distance away. If Frigga had been there she would have been sitting between them, the three of them shoulder to shoulder. 'Is that still...I know my judgement was terrible. Am I still to be one of its watchers?' He couldn't keep the eagerness from his voice.

Odin snorted. 'I begin to wonder why both you and Thor keep concluding I will fail to act and therefore you must. But then I also remember -- barely,' and there might have been a hint of humour in his voice, 'what I was like at your age. You will learn. You will even learn to judge rightly in the heat of the moment. And the Garden needs watchers with your skill and affection.'

'I wish I knew what you were like at my age.' It was an impulsive, and possibly nonsensical, comment, born out of a mixture of relief and not knowing what to say. 'I will do my best for it. Always,' he added. 'And I will do my best to learn.'

'I believe you,' said Odin. 'And I was... fey, I suppose, or believed I was. Raging over the loss of an elder brother and reckless with it. Expecting to die and meaning to make it as wild and glorious a death as any in written tale or song.'

Loki stared at Odin, shocked by his words. If he'd imagined Odin as a young man -- and he never had, really, Odin had always seemed as if he might never have been young -- he wouldn't have imagined rage and grief, or self-destruction. But Odin had been born during a war, and lived most of his life during it. 'Is that why you were so angry with Thor? For nearly starting the war again when you'd lost so much?'

'Much.' The word was ironic and faintly bitter. 'I lost no more than everyone then expected to lose. I loathed the war even while I composed songs for Hoenir's death and flung myself back into it, but at the time I saw no possible end to it. I learnt wisdom and strategy slowly, Loki, and by dint of being very, very foolish.' A breath. 'Losing my _younger_ brothers, and close on our father's heels, that was unexpected. More so was finding that I could see a way to win.'

Loki shivered. He'd risked starting that war again as well -- thinking he could invite a few frost giants in with no lasting consequences. And he _had_ started a war, hadn't he? Or something close, even if it hadn't been Asgardians getting hurt. Mortals also had families. 'I'm sorry. There's a lot I never understood -- never realised I didn't understand.' But Odin had been foolish once, and learnt, and Thor had learnt too in the last year. Maybe Loki was starting to learn as well.

'It would probably help had I told you more about it,' said Odin, rather wryly. 'A recurring problem, clearly.'

Loki looked away. 'I couldn't necessarily expect you to tell me about your past. But I do think I should have known about my own.'

Odin sighed. 'I spent the first years telling myself that you were too young -- to understand, or to keep secrets, or at least to keep secrets from _Thor_ , which came to the same thing. Later that it was not the right time for this or that other reason. And eventually that it didn't matter: that you were my son, by word though not by blood, and it would only complicate things unnecessarily to give you reason to question it.'

'It would have mattered to me.' Which might not be an argument in _favour_ of telling him. 'Did you really think I'd never find out?'

'If you never had reason to go to Jotunheim or to handle the casket? Possibly not. You would have had to know if the peace had broken.' Odin looked over at him. 'Which would, I suppose, in any case have been as poor a time to tell you as... it turned out to be. Frigga always insisted you should know.'

It was good to know that Frigga had wanted to tell him. She had always been the more comprehensible of his parents, and more reliable on a personal level. 'I don't wish I'd never found out. Even if it was possible.' Maybe there hadn't been a good time to tell him, but the idea of spending his whole life wrong about a fundamental part of his own identity was unnerving. It was strange enough that he'd been wrong for the first thousand years. 'I wish it wasn't true, but not that I could have kept believing I was Asgardian and been wrong.'

'You are Asgardian. You merely weren't born here. And I should have told you... earlier, and less clumsily.'

Asgard had always been home. Even when he hadn't known what to call himself, not Odin's son and certainly not Laufey's, he'd called himself "Loki of Asgard" and made the place stand in for a father. Buri's theory and the truth of Idunn's Garden offered more reasons why he was Asgardian, why it was more than a bloodline, however strange his own way of coming by it had been. 'It would have been better.' He wasn't sure he could forgive Odin for that, truly, even though he was no longer angry enough to want to fight over it. 'But I am Asgardian. I can believe that.' Despite everything, he had a place here.

'Good.' Odin rose and went to the apple tree, curling a hand around one of the branches in a way that made Loki think he must have some affection for the Garden, at least. 'And you are my son, whether you acknowledge it yourself or not.' ...Or perhaps he had wanted to grip something that would stand up to it. Without waiting for Loki to answer, Odin took hold of an apple and pulled. It took some effort. The branch bent stiffly before finally releasing it, and he returned to Loki, holding it out. 'One of the beginning lessons of the Garden. Keep it until you work out how to return it.'

Loki had jumped when the apple was pulled away from the tree, but Odin's words soothed the fear (irrational, Odin would not damage the heart of Asgard) that irreparable harm was being done. At least, it had not been done yet. Loki looked at the apple, gold and beautiful in Odin's hand. It had a coiled feel to it, as if something much larger was wrapped around itself contentedly, potential, as of something not yet born. And he remembered holding an apple earlier, watching it turn black and blighted in his hands. _I am Asgardian. The earliest Asgardians might have been no different from me._ He reached out, but still hesitated, pausing to look at Odin's face. His expression was patient, encouraging.

The apple was surprisingly light when Loki's fingers closed on it and he lifted it with great care. It stayed the same as it had been, whole and golden in his hand. This close he could feel its magic as something like a soft humming, somewhere between a bumblebee and a lullaby.

'The Garden is actually made to be very difficult to damage,' said Odin, looking out over the rest of it while Loki studied the apple nestled in his hand. 'Idunn wrought with the chance of peril in her mind, so far as we can tell, and the deftest of the guardians have grafted in additional protections as new methods and new dangers were understood. I do not believe Malekith even knows of it, or could reach it without being brought.'

'That makes sense,' Loki said softly. 'Jane saw him, when he was an illusion, but not the apple. He just made me see what I feared -- he probably didn't even know what I was seeing, or what I thought the heart of Asgard was.'

'It is... an evocative phrase.'

'But not one that necessarily means the garden?' Loki looked up from the apple, cradling it closer to him as if it might need more protection with his eyes no longer on it.

Odin's mouth quirked, so briefly Loki almost missed it. 'Not an unreasonable interpretation, but it would not have been my first guess.'

'What would you have thought?'

'Ah --' A trace of embarrassment, there and gone and leaving Loki wondering if he was imagining things, or if these fleeting expressions normally happened and he simply hadn't been watching closely enough before. 'Frigga. Or perhaps you and Thor, depending on the circumstances. Where you were, any evidence of a specific grudge.'

That was unexpectedly sentimental, from Odin. ‘If Thor and I can be the heart of Asgard then it must be in danger a lot,’ he said, thinking less of the last year than of all the years before that when they’d thrown themselves into battle with dragons, trolls and bandits for allies on other worlds or just anyone who showed signs of welcoming their interference. If you considered either of them as truly integral to Asgard they’d both seem hopelessly reckless.

Odin chuckled, a little ruefully. 'I was glad not to have to fling you both onto the greater battlefields before you even came of age, but it never crossed my mind to expect you to sit safely at home. I suppose if you follow out the metaphor, Asgard has survived having its heart pierced many times.' After a brief and contemplative silence, he added, 'We both have other tasks to pursue,' and took out the bracelets. His voice was surprisingly gentle. 'Give me your hands, Loki.'

Loki set down the golden apple, then held his hands out to Odin and closed his eyes, trying to etch the garden's spells into his memory, throwing himself into the last time in a while he would sense them. The bracelets were snapped shut on his wrists, one after the other, Odin's fingers oddly tender as they brushed his wrists. It was only once both were in place that he could no longer feel the garden, like having a velvet curtain drawn across his sense of it. He opened his eyes, blinking slightly, and looked around at it, still able to trace the most obvious paths of its magic in his memory. When he picked up the golden apple again it was smooth and light, but he no longer felt its contentment or its potential. One day. He'd need magic to return it to its place.

'Come,' Odin said quietly, and Loki walked with him, leaving next the sight of the garden and at last its sounds behind. The long stair in stone seemed more barren than before.

When they reached the top, the apple dewed abruptly in the warmer air. Loki wiped it off and it seemed to shine all the brighter.

* * *


	36. Chapter 35: The End

Jane walked onto the plane to New Mexico keenly aware that the SHIELD agents filling it had to find her relationship with Loki deeply peculiar at best and possibly treasonous, and rather glad to have Birla to sit next to. She was expecting the flight to be quiet and awkward, or perhaps full of talk that didn't involve them; rather to her surprise, Birla decided to be sociable and the agents responded. She gave the absolute basics of her job and made it clear she wasn't discussing details, which they took... probably _un_ surprisingly well. Still, Jane decided to personally stay out of it.

The SHIELD plane stopped in _Roswell_ \-- Jane made no jokes but determined she was going to ask about that later -- and they were driven to Puente Antiguo, where Jane insisted on finding a restroom and impulsively bought both a very late lunch and a tomato. She still habitually carried her wallet, which was usually silly, but on reflection she was relieved to learn that her credit card hadn't been demagnetised by all the high-energy shenanigans. Then on out into the desert to the Bifrost site, a shout to Heimdall, a whirling storm and rainbow light and home.

Jane's thoughts tripped over themselves when she realised what she'd just thought. This wasn't her home. Puente Antiguo was more like it. Still, she'd been living here for weeks and it was easy to slip into thinking of even a hotel room as a provisional home if you travelled enough.

When they reached the palace, they were conducted to see Odin and Frigga -- privately, not an audience. Birla, with some visible chagrin, handed over the silver bracelets. Odin raised an eyebrow and Jane blurted, 'There really wasn't a good time.'

Odin accepted the bracelets. 'Loki has been sleeping essentially since he arrived and I expect him to continue about as long. Birla, you may refresh yourself and resume your duties.' As Birla left, he turned his eye to Jane and her tomato. 'I would like to hear your version of events.'

So she explained. And apologised profusely for taking Loki to see Malekith and screwing everything up, until Frigga stepped in to agree that she shouldn't have but they were glad he hadn't tried going alone, which silenced her for a long moment.

Speaking of their stopped-halfway journey with the tesseract made Frigga go pale and Odin look greyer, and she chewed her tongue to stop herself from babbling speculations or questions about where they might actually have been. And then, finally, they insisted on feeding her again and she gratefully got some sleep as well.

She woke up grabbing for a pen because she had dreamt she was forgetting everything the tesseract had shown her. Thor accepted her absent-minded explanation and coaxed her as far as a robe and desk before leaving. Jane spent the morning galvanised into a fever of writing. Most of the afternoon as well, as she discovered when a knock on her door was followed by Loki's voice saying in exasperation, 'I cannot believe you left her to her own devices after--!'

At this point she interrupted him by opening the door. 'I realise we're comparatively fragile but I'm not going to starve to death in a day.'

Thor chuckled and stepped past Loki, who didn't flinch, to kiss her. 'You _should_ dress and eat, though.'

She shot her notes a longing look, but her stomach growled. 'Okay, okay. I got through the visions and into theorising a couple of hours ago anyway.'

'That can definitely be left for later, then,' Loki told her.

'I'll just get dressed then. Be with you in a minute. Oh! Hang on.' She whirled to scoop up the tomato and handed it to Loki. 'This is the base ingredient of the, ah, red ooze.'

Loki took the tomato and looked at it suspiciously. 'Thank you,' he said dubiously. 'Am I meant to eat it?'

Jane couldn't help giggling at his expression. 'I just thought you might like to see it. They _are_ edible raw but I'd recommend slicing it rather than just biting in, the juice will run. I'll be right back.' She shut the door on Thor suggesting they could share it out for curiosity's sake so she wouldn't feel alone while she ate her late lunch. The mental image of Thor, Loki, and presumably Loki's minders all solemnly trying a slice of tomato to keep her company while she worked her way through Asgard's enormous idea of a picnic lunch nearly incapacitated her for a minute with what she hoped was silent laughter.

Once she got control of herself, she was able to emerge fully dressed in a matter of minutes, only to find several of Loki's minders inspecting the tomato, which nearly set her off again.

'We sent to the kitchen for your meal already,' Thor told her, rescuing her from the incipient fit of laughter. 'The choice was clear, as you missed the mammoth roast at lunch. It was excellent.'

...That didn't _completely_ help. 'Well that should be interesting,' she said, her thoughts abandoning spatial anomalies to wrestle with the idea of eating mammoth. The mammoths weren't extinct here; they were domesticated. And apparently delicious. This wasn't any stranger than wearing one.

'I should have realised you would not send for food,' Thor said ruefully.

Loki gave him an exasperated look that expressed _yes you should_ without actually saying it.

'It's very nice of you both to check on me,' Jane said, managing to get the whole sentence out without giggling at them. Apparently the mix of hunger and tesseract-related euphoria was making her giddy instead of grouchy, although she had a feeling Thor's joy about being companionable with Loki was probably bubbling contagiously just under the surface. Oh dear, that sounded peculiar. 'Maybe we could go outside?' She turned back for her notes.

'I'm, ah, only allowed in a few parts of the garden. At present,' Loki told her, sounding a bit embarrassed about it. 'But we can go outside, as long as we don't go far.'

'Oh.' She paused. Yesterday. Right. That did kind of make sense, after yesterday. 'Okay... you lead the way, then?'

Loki took them to the part of the garden they'd first eaten together in, the time Thor had arrived looking for her. Whether he was thinking of that, though, she couldn't tell. 'I owe you an apology,' he told her as they walked. 'For kidnapping you. I've been told to find appropriate gifts to recompense my attendants. I'd offer you a gift, too, if I knew what you wanted besides knowledge I'd give you already.'

'I, um....' Jane shook her head, briefly unable to call to mind any thoughts other than _my life has gotten so weird_ and _I bet somebody makes a parody greeting card for this situation_. 'I have no idea. Although if it helps any, if you had let go of me, I suspect I'd have chased you.'

'Possibly. I would certainly have been in a great deal of trouble without you.' He smiled guiltily at her.

'Glad I could help. Just please don't _ever_ do that again.' It was exactly the same garden; the green lilies were still blooming, and Thor, who'd flown to it rather than walked before, was at last looking around in recognition. 'And -- thank you for....' _Not killing anybody._ 'Being reasonable. On Earth.'

'I think I can promise never to try that again.' Loki sat down by the lilies and gestured to a space beside him. 'And they were quite reasonable as well. Or perhaps it would have been more reasonable to treat me as more of a threat and have the Hulk attack me.'

Jane sat down. Thor cast himself to the ground on her other side and unfolded her lunch, which did smell delicious, with a flourish. 'You did strike only at their weapons rather than their persons,' he pointed out to Loki. 'They were circumspect in return.'

'Bruce doesn't actually like transforming, either,' Jane said. She swallowed a grape, then attacked the slice of mammoth. 'And it's not the greatest move to prod him into it against his will.'

'I'd imagine not,' said Loki. 'You may be due to receive something from Queen Alflyse, too. Odin made it clear we do not want Malekith back, and she can find some other form of compensation. You were an injured party.'

'I am _so_ glad she's not just sending him here again,' Jane said. 'Although I admit I'm a little worried what she might come up with this time.'

'I think Odin included some fairly strict guidelines. And explicitly requested no live animals.' Loki leant back against the tree they were under. 'I could pick some things out for you which are absolutely safe and unmagical.'

'I'd appreciate that.' She paused. She could imagine there might be a lot of guidelines, but the specific one named left her curious. 'Live animals?'

'Alfheim has several valuable animals that are best avoided. Unicorns for instance. Or firebirds.'

'Unicorns are real?' Jane asked, absurdly delighted to hear this. 'And dangerous, yes, I got that part, what are they actually like?'

'About as tall as a horse, but more like a deer in body although they have horselike heads. With metre long horns and enough strength to ram it through a tree if they miss ramming it through you.'

That actually did sound familiar. Which might not be surprising, given the shadow-overlap included Earth. ‘I can see why having one delivered could be a bit too exciting.’

'Just a bit. Their horns are valuable for purifying water, but it's preferable to not have them arrive still attached to the unicorns. Besides I can do that with runes. Or at least make sure any liquid placed in them becomes pure water.' He grinned. 'Useful for both camping and really annoying everyone at banquets.'

Jane burst out laughing. 'Now that one would be _useful_ for me at banquets, especially once it gets noisy. I've had to ask for water three times before anybody believed they'd heard me correctly.'

Loki smiled happily at her. 'I know what to give you as a present then. I have spares.'

'Well, thank you,' Jane said.

Thor put in cheerfully, 'Just make sure you don't pick one that turns it into serpents instead.'

'I shall be careful,' Loki told him, sounding quite cheerful too. Jane wondered if he really did keep drinking horns on hand to turn wine into serpents. He turned to Jane. 'How are you enjoying the mammoth?'

'Delicious,' she said, after chewing and swallowing, 'and still a little surreal.'

'Maybe I should try the tomato, and then both of us can be puzzled by our food,' Loki offered with a smile.

'I'll slice it, if you like,' Thor offered. Loki surrendered the tomato; Jane consolidated her grapes with her bread to provide a plate, which turned out to be just as well since it _was_ a juicy one. Watching the Asgardians pass around the tomato slices was almost as funny as she'd imagined it.

'...It's still strange,' Loki pronounced, after eating his slice.

'It is interesting,' Thor said reflectively. 'This is the raw form of ketchup? I believe I prefer it this way.'

'Oh, I forgot you'd had that. Yes, it is.'

Loki's minders -- attendants -- received their slices with varying reactions. One whose name Jane hadn't caught laid her seeds out in a short row and asked if they were difficult to grow. Jane told her she didn't think so, but this one was probably a hybrid and there was no telling if the seeds would turn out well.

'I _will_ have to show you some of the farms,' Thor said, amused. Then, a little wistfully, 'In the few days you have left with us....'

Loki looked up sharply. 'When are you going?' he asked, sounding reluctant to put words to it.

'Ah--' Jane stopped to make sure she still had the count right, after yesterday's jumping around. 'Nine days from now.'

'Oh.' Loki sounded relieved, if still a bit sad at the thought of her going. 'I'll be able to see you off.'

She blinked, then smiled at him. The increased restriction of his movement apparently had a scheduled end. 'That will be nice. And--' She was going back by Bifrost. Seeing her off, if the timing mattered at all, meant he was planning to go out to the Bifrost, _with_ Thor at that. She hesitated over saying it, but he had appreciated the assurance that someone else was seeing his progress, before. 'Not something I'd have expected, even a few weeks ago.'

'I made it back over the Bifrost, with Thor, and without my magic restricted,' he told her, sounding proud of himself. 'I think I can manage it again.'

'We will both be glad to have you there,' Thor told him warmly.

Loki looked down and smiled.

They all made the most of the next eight days.

Jane didn't get a lot of time alone to think, which was just as well since during the longest stretch she spent working on her own, she caught herself contemplating whether she could get another chance at the tesseract to answer one of the questions. (She picked up all her work and went to find Loki instead. He didn't know the answer, but they figured it out a couple of hours later, and that was more satisfying anyway.) She talked to Birchta about that, too, and she asked for and received a letter for Earth psychologists about the mental effects of certain types of magic. 

After the Bifrost's official reopening, Thor resumed a whirlwind schedule of events, suggesting one or two per day -- including a mammoth farm, where she witnessed the delightful spectacle of a very happy woolly mammoth having its undercoat removed in enormous sections with a large rake. And trumpeting. (He also informed her in passing that Jotunheim had made off with its own population of them and there had for a period of several millennia been a problem with _recipe smuggling_.)

They also -- individually and with the warriors four -- made a point of still spending time with Loki. Once, as she was walking through the palace to the library with him, Jane saw servants setting up two statues of dogs, facing one another. They didn’t exactly look out of place, being gold and stylised like everything else in the palace, but she wasn’t sure why they were being put in an otherwise unremarkable corridor.

‘Magnetic field,’ Loki told her quietly.

She looked at the statues again. ‘Oh. There’s an elf path there?’

‘Yes. I told Odin where they all were. They are leaving one, though, so the elves can’t accuse us of hostility in keeping them all out.’ He smiled. ‘In front of the throne room. Not a good place for sneaking in.’

‘But perfect for official visits,’ said Jane. ‘I assume you’re going to tactfully not remind them _you_ can still get through.’

He rubbed two fingers over the bracelet on his right wrist, but didn’t pull at it. ‘Eventually.’

They walked on.

Within a week, there were two vehement arguments among the larger group, one about a point of literary interpretation (Jane was left rather stunned by the whole thing) and the second rather more serious; it started with verbal grievances past and ongoing and exploded into shouting about betrayal and broken oaths. After everyone else but her and Thor stalked off, Loki's stiff outrage suddenly melted into pale horror, and even though she'd thought he was in the wrong about half the time Jane rested a hand on his back and felt him shudder.

When they came back the next afternoon, Loki said, 'I wasn't expecting you,' as if he wasn't sure whether to be pleased or not.

'Loki,' said Volstagg patiently, 'sometimes you don't take nearly enough for granted.' Which appeared to give Loki food for thought.

The day arrived, and everyone came to see her off -- even some of the Bifrost repair technicians and engineers she'd pestered. They wished her luck. Odin and Frigga wished her well, and Frigga clasped her hands and told her to return soon. She got hugs from Sif, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg and two of his children, and Loki -- and a kiss goodbye from Thor, which broke up in laughter when Loki remarked that _he_ really thought they should just get married.

Heimdall looked at her with subtly amused golden eyes and said, 'I believe the Midgardian phrase is "Be seeing you."' He fixed his sword into the pedestal, and light and wind took her while she was still grinning delightedly. When the storm subsided she stood under the blazing desert sun, and it felt almost like waking from a dream.

Almost.

She dragged her luggage out of the Bifrost mark and rubbed her fingers over the bound-together heavy paper from her Asgardian notepads. _Now_ she had work to do.

* * *


	37. Epilogue

She had a lot of work to do. The Asgardians had taken a full year to repair their Bifrost; it took Jane nine to adapt and build one for nonmagical, Earth-based use.

Of course she kept visiting Asgard in the meantime. Thor kept visiting Earth, sometimes to fight and sometimes to see her or whisk her off. Jane almost got used to weekend trips to another planet. Loki continued his recovery and asked her to be there when the silver bracelets were taken off and his magic restored.

The Chitauri never came back to Earth. _Thanos_ eventually made his way to Asgard searching for Loki, and Odin demonstrated that the tesseract was not the most dangerous object in his weapons vault. Jane only heard about it after the fact.

She talked to Erik and Bruce about physics and Tony Stark about materials engineering. She talked to Loki about magic and society, to Thor and later his parents about the political implications of the future King of Asgard marrying someone from another planet. To her mother about the prospect of living under an absolute monarchy and with a particularly exhausting royal family for some thousands of years. To Captain America, once, about the decision to have your body rewritten. Even though their reasons were different and she wasn't going through an untested process.

She had screaming fights on two occasions with Thor and Loki over the possibility that every year she delayed might take a century off her potential lifespan in Asgard. One was while she was still deciding and Loki silenced her, though nobody imagined the argument was really over, by asking if she thought _Erik_ would take it, and if she'd want him to. (It was actually a serious question, and with age weighing rather more heavily on him than her first grey hairs did on Jane, Erik did take it -- after Loki formally swore away any chance of being in line for the throne, which he said was true anyway and almost managed not to sound upset about. Clint did not, but the option was left open.) The second time was after she actually got engaged. But she refused to be rushed, and she wanted to finish the bridge while she was still human and still of Earth, not Asgard.

She did it, too, much of it built with her own hands and Stark's robots. There was not a crystalised photon to be seen, but she programmed the coordinates with Idunn's map and they tested it on every realm that humans could survive and that was willing to make the overture to Earth. The trip to Alfheim was _very_ brief.

SHIELD finally released their veil of secrecy and Jane was cheered and feted and awarded a prize that had been newly invented just for her. She had a chance to endow her own.

 _Her bridge_ deposited her on the solid part of the Bifrost not in a roiling storm but in a swirl of multicoloured sparkles, an image that rarely failed to make her giggle when she imagined it happening to formidable SHIELD agents. Thor swept her off her feet almost before her weight was fully on them.

Loki was more circumspect, waiting until Thor let go to offer a briefer and more restrained hug, and a delighted, 'Congratulations. I knew you could do it.'

'Thank you both.' She couldn't stop grinning. That had been happening a lot lately.

Heimdall offered his own congratulations, and Thor set his hands on her waist again, beaming, and lifted her onto Bokki before mounting as well. (Loki had discovered an old tradition of riding double into the city with a prospective spouse from another world, mostly in records of both men and women who did not own horses borrowing them for the purpose. Jane was a far better rider than nine years before, but didn't mind the excuse.) 'We should return. There is a great deal to be done.' The relish with which Thor had taken to wedding planning had startled Jane and bemused the Avengers, but he heartily approved of celebration on general principles. 'And I believe Loki wants to consult with you on a few things before the honeymoon claims all your attention.'

'A few, yes,' Loki said, sounding unexpectedly nervous about it.

Jane looked inquiringly at him. 'I'll be happy to.'

Loki smiled at her but was not forthcoming with an explanation just then.

She relaxed against Thor during most of the ride back and then wound up bolt upright as the cheering started. Bokki and Atorka cantered through the roaring crowd that lined Asgard's streets as if they thought the celebration was for them.

'Wave,' Thor prompted her, and she belatedly waved and hoped she didn't look _too_ stunned. 'I am not the only Asgardian who likes celebrating,' he added into her ear, with an audible grin. And that made her laugh, letting her relax into a much more natural smile as they continued to the stable and from there to the palace, where Odin and Frigga greeted them, welcomed her, and let Thor and Loki take her to her (temporary) room.

Loki left the door open as he came in and sat in one of the chairs, with a glance at Jane to check she didn't mind. Shortly after that a cloisonné cat walked into the room, decorated in lightly swirling abstract designs in green, blue and red enamel, all so dark as to be almost black. The insides of its ears and its nose were left gold. It started purring at the sight of Jane, a metallic but oddly musical sound, and rolled onto its back at her feet, displaying green velvet pads that had been glued onto the bottom of its paws, presumably to muffle them.

‘Wow,’ said Jane, grinning and bending to rub the cat’s tummy, feeling smooth enamel and slightly raised wire beneath her hands. The purring got louder.

‘This is Hjarta,’ Loki said. ‘She’s an experiment, and not one that turned out quite how I was expecting.’

‘What were you expecting?’ Jane asked.

‘She’s meant to be an extension of my will. I can do magic through her, or send her on errands, and I’m aware of what goes on near her. She was also meant to act like a cat in mimicry of the animals in Idunn’s garden. The two combined more than I realised and she tends to display my feelings, only in a distinctly…feline manner.’ He smiled. ‘Which is to say that I’m glad to see you. Demonstrably.’

Jane smiled back. 'Now I'm not entirely sure if I should tell you she's adorable.' Possibly more so for this revelation. 'She is, though. And amazing work.' She had some basis for evaluating that by now, too.

That got her hand a happy nudge from Hjarta. 'Would she be less adorable if I told you there are steel claws hidden in those pads?' Loki asked. 'I'm glad you like her. I've been using her to talk to the tesseract -- I can use her as an anchor, a part of my consciousness outside the bond. She also has a habit of hissing at people I'm annoyed with, which is more useful than it sounds. And rather amusing.'

'By which he means hilarious. And I believe Jane is aware that cats normally come with claws,' Thor said teasingly. 'But I will leave the two of you to your mysteries for now.' He leaned down to kiss Jane breathless one more time, then bent further to pet Hjarta (who placed a paw on his wrist and blinked happily at him, still purring). He straightened up, clapped Loki on the shoulder, and headed out.

Jane rested her elbows on her knees and blinked a few times, feeling very slightly lightheaded from the kiss. 'So,' she said after a moment, 'mysteries?'

'Ah. I...worked out how to return the apple to Idunn's Garden. I think.' Loki was looking uncertain again, and Hjarta had stopped purring although she showed no signs of moving away from Jane. 'I won't get a second chance at it, though.'

'How so?' Did it make sense for something like that to be a one-shot deal? (Did it make sense on Asgard's terms? Nidavellir's?)

'I'm not meant to discuss my conclusions with anyone.' Loki's eyes were downcast. 'I think being willing to go through with it on nothing but my own studies might be part of the test. I was hoping you'd come with me and see for yourself. And, if it does go wrong...'

Surely there had to be some way to deal with people not passing the test, if there was one? There were arguments against the idea -- sometimes you didn't get a second chance at something, sometimes the stakes really were just that high -- but it seemed unlikely that a standard test would be deliberately designed to do irreparable damage to the spellwork if failed. But Loki would be devastated. 'I'll come.'

'Today? It will take me a few hours to prepare, but, as Thor said, it would be best to get it over with before the honeymoon.'

Jane gave him an encouraging smile. 'Today is fine.'

A few hours later they were on their way to the garden. Loki was carrying a bundle of sticks and a shovel, which didn't exactly seem like the accoutrements for serious magic, in one hand and the apple in the other. Hjarta followed them, tail swishing slightly and ears pricked forwards.

The garden was the same as it had been last time Jane saw it, secluded and beautiful, and she gave the stars a fond glance. Loki put the apple down carefully on the edge of the well and reached up to touch another, growing on the tree. 'This is where it was taken from,' he said quietly. 'It grew back the next year.' Hjarta was pacing around the garden, stopping to sniff at apparently random patches of grass.

Jane looked at the apple on the tree, not reaching to touch it. 'So putting it back didn't mean finding a way to reattach it to the tree. That must have been disconcerting.'

'Yes.' Hjarta paced around in a circle and sat down. Loki turned towards her. 'But the garden is living. Plucked fruit can't be reattached.' He walked over to Hjarta and sank to his knees, setting the bundle of sticks aside and using the shovel to loosen a patch of sod enough to lift it, movements careful and reverent. The soil underneath was a rich, shimmering brown, like powdered copper.

Jane turned to watch him, not moving in case it somehow interfered, although that seemed unlikely. 'So you have to plant it?' That didn't seem so very irrevocable. Except... was the garden actually set up to have new trees? 'Sorry, is that too much discussion?'

He glanced over his shoulder and smiled at her, a tight, nervous smile. 'Not quite. And you'll see very soon.' The sticks were set around the bare patch of earth in a circle, and now they weren't in a bundle Jane could see the spiral of runes painted in black on each one. Loki spent a while after they were in place turning one or another slightly, then pausing before doing it again, as if he were tuning an instrument.

Once they were set up to his satisfaction he walked back to the fountain for the apple, and returned to kneel beside the array with it in his hands. Hjarta was pressed to the ground, ears flat. Loki held the apple against his chest protectively, looking reluctant to do whatever came next. 'This is going to look bad,' he said, without turning around. 'That won't mean it's gone wrong.'

It had occurred to Jane by this time that in the natural and nonmagical course of plant life, not only could you not put fruit back on the tree, but there were a limited number of things that could happen to it. None of which seemed terribly plausible for metal, to her, but normally neither did being alive. And one of which might explain Loki’s worries. 'I'll keep that in mind,' she said. 'I _do_ know you're good at this.'

'Thank you.' Loki held the apple cupped in his hands over the circle of bare earth and bowed his head. Black began to spread over the surface of the apple, looking somewhere between rot and tarnished metal. Loki's breath was coming fast and shallow, whether with effort or distress Jane couldn't tell. The apple wrinkled, sagging in on itself, and then disintegrated. For a moment Loki's hands were full of black mulch and then it crumbled further, lightening as it did, until copper earth was sifting from his fingers onto the ground. He let it fall and then brushed his hands off.

For a long moment everything was still. Loki was still kneeling, head bowed, hands now clasped, shoulders tense. Then the tension went out of him and the whole garden filled with Hjarta's purr.

Jane felt like she could safely move again, at that, and she did, closing the distance swiftly to rest her hands on his shoulders. 'You got it. Good job.'

'Yes. I felt it return.' He looked radiantly happy and more than slightly stunned. 'Thank you for being here.'

'I was glad to be.' She smiled warmly at him, then glanced down at a pressure against her calf to find Hjarta winding fluidly around her feet. 'Thank you for asking me.'

Loki reached for the piece of turf he had removed, patting it back into place before removing the sticks. 'We should go back and see how Thor is getting on with the planning. And I should tell Father I succeeded.'

'I'm sure he'll be delighted.' She paused, trying to picture Odin being delighted. 'Um, pleased and proud, anyway. Delighted sounds a little more carried away than I can really picture him.'

Odin _was_ pleased, and perhaps more vocal about it than Jane gathered had been his habit in previous centuries. Frigga was downright effusive. In lieu, as she said, of a public feast celebrating a secret accomplishment, she summoned everyone who currently knew about Idunn’s Garden down to it the next day for a luncheon -- which featured more cider than mead or ale, and apples in practically everything.

While Frigga was teasing Thor about whether he’d turn out to be one of those princes who had to be browbeaten into learning enough magic to perform the king’s functions in relation to the Garden, Loki murmured to Jane, ‘You’ll be able to learn as much about it as you like soon, you know.’

‘I think I’ll need to learn more about magic in general first.’ She grinned at him. ‘Think you’ll have time to teach me any?’

Loki’s eyes lit. ‘I think I can catch you up.’

There wasn’t all that much longer to wait before the wedding; they had planned around Jane’s Earthly schedule and the timing had been pinned down months ago. Family and friends from Midgard came up by whichever bridge was more convenient. Jane periodically escaped from being dressed, introduced to people, and shown things to greet and spend time with them. (She assumed this was not terribly offending anyone, since Frigga usually helped.)

Guests from other realms arrived by Bifrost or in their own ways. By this point there was even an ambassador from Jotunheim, whom Loki avoided as diligently as he did Erik. She didn’t seem discomforted by the heat but did wind up carrying around various oddly-shaped pieces of ice as she froze the water that condensed on her to keep it from soaking her clothes or dripping on the floor. Jane’s favourite was the giant snowflake. It gave her more of a shock when Queen Alflyse turned up, although Jane had known she had to be invited. At least she didn’t bring Malekith, but then, Odin had long since closed any loopholes regarding Malekith’s being lethally unwelcome in Asgard.

It poured rain on their wedding day, and Jane cornered Darcy and made her promise not to tell Thor anybody on Earth thought that was a bad thing. Birla crowned her in flowers and stood up beside her, opposite Loki with Thor. Jane's mother spoke for her family, and by extension to some small degree for Earth; Odin for Thor's, and Frigga stood witness as they gave oath to each other, and called on Asgard itself to take notice --

\-- The first thing Jane noticed was that everything seemed louder, sharper. She could hear Thor's heartbeat. A peculiar hot-cold sensation washed through her next, like fever but with a sense of well-being rather than illness. There was a deep dull ache in muscle and bone, as if she'd done something strenuous and was thoroughly satisfied with the result.

Those sensations faded, leaving only the noise, and the awareness that she was squeezing Thor's hands much, much harder than before. She felt so light on her feet she had to glance down to make sure she wasn't floating.

Thor leaned down to her. It took them two tries before they could both stop smiling too hard to kiss properly.

The reception was a really _massive_ feast; she'd have believed it was only huge to her own limited points of comparison, but in fact this was apparently the biggest party since the one they had never gotten to have after Thor's coronation. It featured an enormous quantity of meat, especially since Asgard was serving a mammoth and several worlds had brought their own contributions to the menu. (The Vanir provided several boars and possibly several farms' worth of vegetables. Nobody but the elves were eating the elves' food. The Jotun ambassador had presented them with a fresh-caught two-metre fish, raw and chilled; the Alltongue now let Jane hear it threefold, the Jotun word and the way an Asgardian born would say it and, unexpectedly, an English rendering as _anchovy_. It was really good.) The huge tiered white cake was the most distinctly Midgardian feature, although from the positive attention it was getting, the inhabitants of several other realms also appeared to like cake.

Jane was just thinking the reception seemed to be going well when there was a commotion from over by one of the refreshment tables. She could hear shouting, and, when she got closer, could see the one doing the shouting was Alflyse. Her arm was bleeding and the sleeve of her dress was torn.

Loki was standing nearby, looking haughty and a little shaken, while Hjarta was pressed against his legs, eyes narrowed and looking pleased with herself. Loki picked her up as Jane approached. ‘I am sorry,’ he said, blandly. ‘You know how pets can be.’

'That is no mere pet.' Alflyse's outrage flared, unexpectedly palpable against Jane's thoughts and bringing up unpleasant reminders of Malekith as the only other time she'd sensed anything like that. Though this was not so much a shove as... a prickly-cold mist, maybe, or an itchy blanket. 'Its life is part of yours and therefore its actions--'

Jane pushed back, sharply and perhaps not wisely, and Alflyse broke off and _looked_ at her. The sense of her indignation folded up and went away as if she'd shut it in a box. Jane swallowed but neither pride nor the buzzing energy of her transformation would let her back down. 'Queen Alflyse, are you suggesting Prince Loki wanted to scratch you?'

'Your new brother,' Alflyse said, as if she had decided to blame Jane for it too, 'assaulted me over a joke.'

'Your old one tried to make me a pawn over a declined invitation,' Jane replied, while part of her mind asked in disbelief if she actually thought a catfight... er, verbal battle with the elf queen was a good idea. 'What in the world did you say?'

'She reminded me that it is traditional not to wear green to weddings, lest elves take it as an invitation and carry you off,' Loki answered. Hjarta's claws were still unsheathed, steel gleaming against his sleeve as she flexed them.

'A compliment,' said Alflyse.

'I'd prefer not to be a stolen treasure,' Loki answered, eyes fixed on her. 'And I would advise you not to make jokes about things you've tried in the past, if you don't wish them to be taken seriously.'

'If I meant to abduct you,' Alflyse said, her voice very low, 'not all your guard dogs could stop me.' She changed, suddenly, metallic gold skin turning blue and sapphire hair to black. Her gown remained green, and the blood on her arm didn't soak into it. 'But I would rather have you come to me.'

'I have no interest in doing so.' There was a cold, dry feeling to the air around Loki suddenly and he dropped his voice. 'Even when your ploys made me believe I had nowhere else to run, I never _considered_ going to you. How much less likely is it when I have a place I am certain of, then?'

'Always a secondary place,' Alflyse said. Gas-blue flames wisped off her eyes, a seriously disturbing effect. 'I would make you a king. You have _talent_ , boy, and skill dearly earned in a world that does not appreciate it.'

'He _said_ no,' Jane told her, taking a step closer. 'And we do appreciate him.'

'You are new to Asgard,' Alflyse said dismissively.

'She has been my friend for years,' Loki replied. 'And you understand neither my talents nor what they mean to Asgard. I am neither a child nor a madman, now, Alflyse, to have my feelings bent with a few words.'

Alflyse's lips thinned for a moment. But then the flames died from her eyes, and she glanced down and passed a finger over the cut on her arm, leaving the skin unmarked behind it. The rent in her sleeve closed as well. She licked the sparkling blood from her fingertip and then smiled at Loki. 'You are certainly not a child,' she said, in a sultry tone that Fandral would have had a field day with. 'But perhaps I will find other means of persuasion in time.'

Loki's gaze flicked over her from head to toe, assessing. 'No.' There was a world of contempt in his tone, and then he turned and strode off.

Alflyse watched him go with no further loss of composure and a remarkably fond smile, then turned to Jane, gold sweeping over her skin again but this time in complex moving swirls, while the underlying blue deepened to navy. The contrast and shifting colours made it hard to read her expression, but her voice was cheerful and surprisingly warm as she said, 'Congratulations on your bridge-building, Dr Foster, as I had not had the opportunity to say so before, and congratulations on your marriage. Perhaps I should ask you for advice on winning a prince of Asgard.'

Jane gazed up at her, nonplussed by the sudden friendliness, and remembered Alflyse had apparently been interested in Thor, too. 'They're very different,' she said after a moment. 'And for all I know you've been going by Alfheim's usual romantic customs, but I'm just going to tell you, so far by ours you're coming across as creepy as hell.' She kept her tone level and as polite as she could manage, as if this were a confrontation for Alflyse's own good.

Alflyse's expression, as far as Jane could tell, didn't change. Alflyse nodded slowly and said, 'I shall think on that,' then picked up a complicated fruit structure built in a pomegranate rind and walked away. Fortunately not in the same direction as Loki.

Jane shut her eyes for a few seconds and then wove through the crowd, greeting and smiling at people. She lost track of Loki -- a hazard of being several inches shorter than everyone around her, but usually she'd expect foot-long _horns_ to stand out enough that even she could find them. She was just starting to be frustrated when Hjarta brushed against her ankles. Following the cat led her to Loki leaning against the wall, the air still chill around him; she lifted the horn she was still carrying in a slightly ironic salute and joined him. 'Thank you for sending a guide.'

'You were looking for me then.' He sighed and added ruefully, 'That was not politic. How did Alflyse take it?'

'Of course I was looking for you. And, ah, with a bizarre level of apparent good cheer.'

'That bodes well for diplomatic relations with Alfheim. Less well for her having got the message at all.'

'She asked me for advice. I told her she was being creepy. That was... probably also impolitic, but seriously....'

Loki laughed, and when he stopped he was still smiling and there was no longer a cold, tense feeling in the air. 'Not that I expect her to listen, but I'm glad she's heard it from someone. You shouldn't have to deal with this on your wedding day. I'd apologise, but I'm not terribly sorry for my part in it.'

Jane shook her head. She couldn't exactly say life was too short to worry about things anymore, but -- she'd be upset if Alflyse decided to make something of it, and otherwise she wasn't _going_ to worry. 'That was tasteless of her at best and a threat at worst.' And she'd normally think actually cutting someone over it was a serious overreaction, but in context she wasn't so sure.

'It scared me,' Loki admitted. 'More than it should have done. I was certainly close enough to all the allies I could desire, but it came out of nowhere. And I really don't have full control over Hjarta, although she usually does no more than hiss.'

'I don't blame you,' said Jane. 'Really.' The problem was, Alflyse might have been telling the exact truth when she said they couldn't stop her. In that case Jane sincerely hoped she'd also been telling the truth about not actually planning a kidnapping, but even so, her definition of _willingly_ seemed to need some work.

Loki relaxed a bit. 'Maybe she'll let me avoid her now. Or maybe I should ask Fandral to run interference.'

Jane snorted. 'Avoiding sounds good.' Fandral would almost certainly have turned the carrying-off comment into innuendo -- and he _was_ also wearing green -- but Loki had worried about his dalliances with Alflyse even before her interest had taken its more alarming turn.

'Very good,' Loki replied. 'Think I can manage to get a drink without her seeing me?'

Jane grinned. 'With or without turning invisible?'

Loki grinned back and the air shimmered for a moment, then he was gone. Surprisingly quickly he was back, appearing on the same spot but holding a horn of mead which he raised to her in a salute. 'Congratulations,' he said. 'Which reminds me. How did it feel to become Asgardian?'

'Weird,' Jane said, and laughed at the _well, that was completely unhelpful_ look he gave her. 'Kind of like the opposite of having the flu.'

Loki considered. 'The alltongue didn't quite get that one, I think. An illness with fever?'

Jane nodded. 'I felt -- hot and cold, I guess not really like fever but more like that chill when you step into a really hot bath and your nerves get mixed up for a second... and, I have no idea if you get that or if it's a strictly human quirk. And achy. But good.' She considered. 'The first thing I noticed was actually hearing a lot more. I think I'm starting to tune some of it out already, though. I still feel very light on my feet, though -- I guess that's from the increased proportional strength.'

'Thor will have to take you to a concert again now you can hear all of it.' Loki was looking decidedly interested. 'I'm guessing some of it is just adjusting to how you have changed rather than the feel of the change itself.'

'Probably,' Jane began.

'Here they are!' Sif's arrival was followed swiftly by that of Fandral, Hogun, and -- of course -- Thor in particular resplendence. Jane caught her breath at the sight of him. 'Thor,' Sif continued, straight-faced, 'your brother is making suggestions on how you should entertain your wife.'

'Just recommending she should take advantage of her new enhancements,' Loki answered.

'We were planning on it,' Thor said, looking mystified.

'Good to know. She was just telling me about the transformation.' Loki sounded humorously resigned to not having that conversation right now after all.

'This is just typical,' said Fandral. 'You lure her off during her own wedding feast to discuss the technicalities of magic.' He grinned. 'Our next plan was to check the library, of course.'

'Thor knew I was a geek before our first kiss,' Jane said cheerfully. 'Anyway, it's probably better to get the details down while the memory is still fresh.'

Thor laughed and took her hand to kiss it, blue eyes lightning-bright over their interlaced fingers. 'Indeed I did,' he said. 'By all means, continue "geeking out", my love. We are not to leave the feast until sunset.' He slipped into actual English for the idiom. Then he drew her close enough to breathe hotly on her ear and add, almost too softly for even her newly enhanced hearing to pick up, 'Queen Alflyse asked me if she was "creepy". I am not sure if this is self-reflection or a new plan, but we thought it best to watch after one another. Volstagg is bringing his family.'

'God you're wonderful,' Jane muttered, not quite as softly but it was a reasonable response to both what he'd actually said out loud and what he was doing to her ear and neck with just his breath. She managed to push away from him and turned back to smile brightly at the rest of them, feeling a little flushed. 'So,' she began, looking at Loki, then shook her head. 'We _had_ better have this conversation before the honeymoon. I think I forgot the question.'

That got a general laugh. Loki resumed quizzing her. His eyebrows rose just a little and he glanced at Thor when not only Volstagg but Gudrun and their children arrived, and she was sure he'd twigged after various companions' momentary forays away from the wall gradually collected Birla, the entire complement of mortal guests, and one other ex-mortal. But Erik hugged Jane and kissed her cheek as he repeated his congratulations, and if he and Loki were not exactly comfortable with each other they were capable of ignoring each other civilly at close range.

Even if the gathering was partly out of wariness and not wholly at ease, she appreciated being surrounded by family and dear friends. Jane leaned against the bronze-gold wall and sipped mead flavoured by spices that didn't exist on Earth, discussing the joins between science and magic with Loki while Thor watched them both fondly, and felt irrevocably at home.


End file.
